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Matt
Looking across the table at Madison sitting there in one of his t-shirts, Matt realized she was everything his house had been missing. It was a great house, and everything was top of the line, but money couldn’t buy him what he was missing in his life: love and family. Maddy brought all that and so much more to his life.
The early morning sunlight poured into the room and added a twinkle to her eye. The breakfast he’d made them was almost gone, and the aroma of coffee still hung in the air.
“Madison, yesterday was one of the best days I’ve had in a long time. I would give up everything to have every day be like that. All I want is to be with you.” His heart had never felt so full, and his body so satisfied. Even his aches and pains were relaxed.
It wasn’t the erotic cardio, or the therapeutic massages that soothed his pains. His mind was finally at ease, and he was completely happy in his world. But he couldn’t take another fall. He needed to be sure that Madison was as satisfied with the situation as he was. He refused to go through what he had with Lindsay.
Madison lazily smiled, and he reached across the table to take her hand.
“Sugar, I want to be with you more than anything, and I will give you the world, if this old man is what you want.”
She tilted her head and wrinkled her brow. He had just literally sung his heart out to her, hoping for her forgiveness. She had showed up at his doorstep, and he’d done everything he could to show her how much he needed her. But despite all that, he needed her to be sure that this was what she wanted.
“I’m no spring chicken, and I don’t see a fabulous lasting future for me in hockey anymore. They have me on long-term IR, and anyone my age with a contract that’s up in July knows that’s not a good sign. Especially when they have a habit of sitting players, even when they’re healthy. Reality is, I’m old and washed-up. Even Lindsay thought so.”
Her face dropped. “Is that what your ex said?”
Matt nodded. Lindsay had to drive in that last nail before she left. Calling him old and washed up. As much as he had tried to put her in his past, those hateful words had stuck with him. “Madison, if I don’t have hockey, I don’t know what I’ll do. The fear of losing my career already sent me running back to my old demons once. The only difference is that now I have a reason to stay sober.”
“Matt, if the last twenty-four hours haven’t convinced you, then I’ll say the words you seem to need to hear. I’m not going anywhere. I already told you that, and I wish you’d just believe me. Call yourself whatever you want, but I don’t see an old guy sitting across the table from me. I see a sweet, tough guy, an athlete who is having a bad run with sports injuries. I love what I see, and I love having you in my life.”
Matt, still unsure that he was worthy, slowly shook his head.
Maddy knotted her eyebrows together, now looking slightly annoyed. “I wish you’d cut out the ‘old’ stuff. The age difference isn’t that great. Yeah, I know the sport takes a toll on the body, so maybe you feel like you’re so much older than me, but it’s barely ten years. That’s nothing. Why do you keep putting yourself down? Did Coach Walker already talk to you about retiring? You’re not—”
“Old?” Matt finished for her, his voice full of snark. It was unintentional, but the word stung when he was staring retirement in the face. But in reality, he had never considered himself all that old until this season and his injuries sidelining him, despite Lindsay’s parting shot at him. After they’d split up, his indiscretions, the bunnies and the strippers played a big part in making sure he never felt that way, either. To be fair, when he was with Maddy, he rarely felt old. His head told him that he was making too much out of this, and if she didn’t want to be here, she wouldn’t be. And now her words reinforced that.
Tightening her grip on his hand, rays of sunshine lit up her face. “No. I was thinking more like ‘ready to retire.’ Matt, you’re only thirty-two. I’d hardly call that old. And as amazing as the sex is, sex isn’t what defines a relationship. Nor does the uniform you wear or don’t wear. We’ve been friends since your marriage fell apart. I saw you upset, I saw you mad, and I saw you vulnerable. I watched you cover up that hurt with immoral activities and alcohol. A lot of alcohol. As your friend, I was always there for you, no matter what, and I always cared about you. And if I had wanted to walk away, I would’ve done it.”
“Madison, you were always a good friend, and you’re more than I deserve. I’m on long-term IR, and my future is uncertain. I have a feeling in my gut that the Renegades aren’t going to keep me. There’s been no talk about trying to extend my contract, and my contract is up next month. After that I’m a free agent. No one is going to want to pick up a guy of my age and my injury history. I’m not a prolific goal scorer; I’m just a goon. You have your whole life ahead of you, and I just don’t want you to regret being with me.”
“Regret? Hardly.” Maddy moved to his side of the table and sat on his lap, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. “What I was trying to say is that you’re sweet and kind. It may have taken me a while to realize it, but I’ve always felt this way about you. When Cathy at the front desk was all googly-eyed over you and asking if you were seeing anyone, I felt pangs of jealousy. I didn’t understand it at the time, but I wanted to tell her to back off.”
His heart warmed. She was jealous. “Why do you think I never referred the other guys to you? Last thing I wanted was your hands all over those young guys. The non-married ones, of course.”
“It wouldn’t have mattered; I already told you that young, pretty boys aren’t my thing.” She smirked. “I like my men mature and a little rougher around the edges.”
He pulled her closer, and she stared into his eyes. This was what he’d been missing in his life.
“Matt, I’m in this for the long haul.” She must’ve noticed the worry in his eyes, because she added, “No matter what the future holds for you, I want to be your one constant.”
The doorbell interrupted their heart-to-heart. Checking out the window, Matt saw a UPS driver. Well, this can’t be good, considering I didn’t order anything. That bad feeling in his gut grew a thousand times worse. When he saw the black bag the courier pulled out of the truck, his heart dropped into his stomach.
“Are you expecting something?” Maddy leaned against the couch as Matt stared at the door.
“Nope.” That feeling of worry sat like a boulder in his stomach.
“You okay?” she questioned, with a scrunched up, worried look on her face.
Things were far from okay. After his talk with Coach Walker and then Dr. Murray recommending he not play, Matt was on edge about this. “Sorry, sugar. I didn’t mean to worry you. No, I didn’t order anything. And with my shoulder not getting better, and my hip being a nagging pain, I have a bad feeling about this.”
Maddy looked up at him, her brow creased, and her head tilted. “What do you mean, a bad feeling? What could it be that’s so bad?”
Matt had heard the stories; he knew how teams did things. His heart dropped into his stomach, and all his aches returned with a vengeance. With every step towards the door, his shoulder burned. He clenched his jaw telling himself that if this was what he suspected it was, he would still be okay.
When he opened the door, the young delivery driver dropped Matt’s large hockey equipment bag at his feet, accompanied by a bundle of his sticks wrapped in plastic. “Matt Jasper? Sign here.” The driver handed him the electronic log. After Matt signed it and handed it back, the driver turned away and left without another word. But what did Matt expect him to say? He was just the delivery boy.
“Matt? What is this?” Maddy questioned, staring at the large black duffle bag sitting in the entranceway. When her eyes reached the bundle of sticks, he swore he heard her gasp.
She leaned on his shoulder as he read the note attached to the equipment bag. “Matt, thanks for everything. It’s been a great ride. Best of luck.”
Frozen in place, trying to take it all in, Matt watched the delivery truck drive away. Once it was out of sight, he finally shut the door. A chill ran through his body, as he stared at all of his sticks. Matt paused for a moment before stepping over the equipment, leaving it where it was.
Without a word, he wandered into the living room and sat down on the couch. Maddy followed behind him, that same wrinkled look of confusion still on her face. She cuddled up beside him. He was on edge, and at first, her touch sent shockwaves through him. But as she held him, her warm body was more of a comfort than he could’ve imagined. Leaning into her, he inhaled deeply, the fresh air calming him before he spoke.
This was the moment that he had dreaded, and he needed her now more than ever. Wishing he hadn’t given her his thirty-day coin, the deep breath would have to do for now. “That’s all my equipment, delivered right to my door.”
She laced her fingers through his and patiently waited for him to continue. Her touch calmed his anxiety, and he was able to explain.
“When the team decides they don’t have use for you anymore, whatever the reason, they release you. If you are not currently with the team, as I have been on long-term IR and haven’t worked out with the team in a while, or the if season is over, they ship your equipment to you. Usually with a short and sweet little note like that.”
“That’s it? Wait. So no face-to-face meeting? No phone call? Not even a text message? Nothing?” The hurt and disbelief in her eyes was clear.
Matt shook his head. He knew she wasn’t well versed in this world. “Nope. Just a ‘Thanks for everything.’ It happens.” He’d been afraid of this happening for a while now. The healthy-scratch games, then the long-term IR, with no return in sight. “Maddy, I saw this coming, I just hoped that I was wrong. I’ll be an unrestricted free agent next month, and they won’t resign me. Unrestricted means they have no obligation to keep me. I can talk to other teams, but I’m old and banged up, and like I said, no team is going to sign me.” He wasn’t sure what lay ahead, but one part of his future was now clear to him. He was no longer one of the Renegades. Oddly enough, he was more numb than upset.
“Does that mean—” She looked up at him with her sad puppy-dog eyes. Her forehead was still ruffled in disbelief. “You’re being forced into retirement? No. That’s not fair. They can’t do that. Can they do that?”
“Sugar, at the end of the day, it’s a business. And it doesn’t necessarily mean retirement. I can try to see if any other team wants me, but like I said, no one will. And...” A heavy sigh was followed by the dark realization of his life. “It means that Lindsay was right. I am old and washed up.”
“No, she wasn’t right. Stop beating yourself up. It means that you have an injury that they don’t think you can bounce back from. We’ll get through this. If this team doesn’t want someone with your experience, then we’ll find someone else. Or there’re other opportunities we can look into. Maybe you could get a front office job? Or if you don’t want a desk job...”
He was not the sitting-behind-a-desk type, but her optimism was contagious. And she kept saying “we.” He’d never had that kind of support before. It warmed his heart and made this all a little more bearable. “Maddy, you make me believe that I still have a purpose. Without you in my life, I’m not sure where I’m going or what I’m doing.” Surely, I’d be going right to the bottom of a bottle. He thought about his sobriety and his promise to work on being better.
“Without me? Nonsense.” She wrapped her arms around his middle and laid her chin on his chest. “I told you, I’m not going anywhere. We’ll deal with this new phase of your life together.”
“You mean you’d stay with this retired old man? With my bad shoulder and hip?” He knew retirement was best. It was no use trying to find someone to sign him. He’d seen many guys try and end up sitting as an unrestricted free agent for years before they finally resigned themselves to retirement. He didn’t want to be stuck in that limbo. If he was going to move on with his life, he needed to just do it.
“I’ve been your cheering section for over a year. I don’t plan on going anywhere anytime soon. Now I just get more perks.” She smirked. “And you’re not old. I’ll be at your side to remind you of that each and every day.”
The numbness subsided, and his heart ached, as the reality of what each and every day would now entail crashed down on him like a load of bricks.
“Maddy, this is a whole new level. I’m done. No more hockey. Just me, sitting around, while you go to your job. I don’t—” He knew better than anyone where this was headed. Too much time alone had never boded well for him. “You know, idle hands and all that shit.”
“First of all, you pledged to be a better person, and the red coin I carry with me is proof of that. I have no doubt you will keep your word. And I didn’t tell you yet, but...” Maddy paused and bit nervously at her lip. “Remember how I was offered that therapist job back in Wilkes-Barre?”
“Yeah, and I was with you when you turned Nick down.”
“Yes, and Nicholas also told me that I’d have a position there if I wanted it. The team has been messaging me about it lately. Apparently, one of their full-time therapists will be going on maternity leave, and she’s been talking about coming back only part-time. So, they have a full-time position opening. They’ve really been courting me to take the job. They’re offering to pay for my relocation and even take care of the sale of my current house.” She smiled up at him. “I always felt like it sounded too good to be true, too easy. But now, I think it might be a perfect solution.”
“Solution? For you or me?”
“Both. Matt, come with me. Let’s move out east and start over together. It will be an adventure, and everything we do will be new for us as a couple. Maybe we’ll find you the perfect job, if that’s what you want, or at least we can get you a hobby. It’ll be a fresh start, with endless possibilities. Plus, you’ll get all the free massages you can handle. What do you say? Please, say yes.”
“Move to Wilkes-Barre?” That idea had never crossed his mind. He’d been so worried about himself and his now non-existent career. Matt hadn’t ever considered what he would do once his playing career was over. He had plenty of money put away, and his investments alone would provide a more than comfortable income, so he’d always assumed his future would sort itself out.
“Yes. Move.” Maddy chuckled, then cleared her throat, probably unsure of his state of mind. “I turned the job down before, because I wouldn’t move away while you were still here. I wasn’t going to leave you. But, given what’s just happened, I think that this might be the perfect time. You and I could move to Wilkes-Barre, start fresh, with new opportunities. Together.”
Looking at the amazing girl he had before him, his heart warmed. The anxiety and worry faded from his chest and was replaced with love. He pushed a piece of hair out of her face. She was like a beautiful angel, and she was here with him, just when he needed one.
“Wow.” Matt stared at her big blue eyes. They were filled with hope. He didn’t know what the future had in store for him, but as long as he was with her, he’d welcome it. “How did I get so lucky?”
“Matt, I’m the lucky one.”
Grabbing her around the waist, he flopped her onto her back and pinned her to the couch. “You’re what I’ve been missing in my life. And moving to start a new phase of my life with you sounds like the best decision I’ve made in a long time.”
“So that’s a yes? I’ll take the job, and you’ll come with me?” Her voice was high pitched and optimistic. Maddy’s eyes glimmered with excitement.
“Yes. Anywhere you are is the only place that I want to be. I love you, Maddy.”
“I love you too, Matt.”