Chapter 16:
Booze And Boys

 

Dylan was the last person Tiernan wanted to see when he stepped inside the lounge to grab a drink before training, but there he was, blocking the vending machine with his bulky frame. It was bad enough that they shared training facilities, that he had to see Dylan every day and be reminded that he didn’t swim the best butterfly in the country, but Dylan had to go out of his way to try to turn Nik against him.

 

“It’s not rocket science,” he said finally while Dylan stared at the choices in the machine.

 

Dylan turned slowly, still blocking the machine, as if deliberately trying to be as annoying as possible. On reflection, he probably was. Dylan had always been a little standoffish around him, threatened, Coach would have said, by Tiernan’s talent. Tiernan never thought of himself as threatening — he disliked the term in general. Competitive was a better way of putting it, but that wasn’t how Dylan acted.

 

“Jealous you’re not the only one getting press treatment?” Dylan asked instead of responding to his barb. “Your little photographer friend couldn’t stop staring at me the other day.”

 

“What’d you tell him?” Tiernan asked, though he knew perfectly well. Nik had haltingly brought it up, the question of his past, if Nik was just another fuck to keep himself distracted.

 

“The truth,” Dylan replied with a sneer, punching in a number on the machine finally. “If he’s going to let you near him, he should know what he really is. Just another fuck.”

 

“What the fuck do you care what he is?” Tiernan asked, crossing his arms and frowning at Dylan. “Unless you want me to fuck you too.”

 

Dylan glowered, grabbing his drink as it clunked into the chute. “I wouldn’t let you touch me with a ten foot pole. We all know where your ass has been.”

 

“For all your talk, you don’t come off very straight,” Tiernan pointed out. “Maybe all this anger is just repressed homosexuality.”

 

“Fuck you,” Dylan spat. “You’re so full of yourself, Pace, and that’s why you screwed up last time. You’re not God’s gift to swimming and not everyone has to like you.”

 

“I never said they did,” Tiernan replied coolly. “But Nik’s none of your business, and what we do is between us.”

 

“Just trying to warn the kid.” Dylan shrugged as though he really did have Nik’s best interests at heart, but Tiernan knew he was full of shit. Dylan couldn’t care less about Nik. He just wanted to fuck with Tiernan.

 

“There’s nothing to warn him about.” Tiernan knew, he knew he shouldn’t rise to Dylan’s bait. He shouldn’t have even started this conversation, but here he was. He never learned.

 

“It’s a good strategy,” Dylan said, bypassing Tiernan for the door. “When you don’t even medal, at least you’ll have someone to blame.”

 

Dylan left before Tiernan could muster up the response he wanted, glaring after him. Nik was not an excuse. Tiernan knew what excuses were — they were going out to clubs until three in the morning the night before competitions, letting guys suck him off, nameless, faceless guys in alleyways, in the back of his car, in bathrooms. Excuses were blowing off practice to sleep off a hangover. Nik wasn’t any of that.

 

Nik was something he looked forward to after practice. He wasn’t a nameless fuck in a club bathroom.

 

Turning from the door, Tiernan pushed a hand through his hair and sighed. He shouldn’t let Dylan get to him. Dylan wanted him distracted so he could steal a gold medal out from under him. Tiernan may have messed up last time, but he wasn’t going to do it again. He’d already passed trials. Now he just needed to place at the Olympics and he sure as hell wasn’t going to let Dylan get in his way.

 



“Where’s your head, Pace?” Coach stared down at him, one hand on his whistle, thick eyebrows contracted, looking like one big caterpillar crawling across his face.

 

Tiernan wiped water out of his eyes and shook his head. “Here?”

 

Coach knocked painfully on his head. “Apparently not. That was the worst butterfly I’ve seen you do. Keep swimming like that and you’ll give the medal away.

 

Tiernan hauled himself out of the pool, dripping all over the concrete as he stood up. “Sorry, Coach. Got a lot on my mind.”

 

Coach didn’t look sympathetic, crossing his arms over his chest. His mouth twisted to the side, and Tiernan sometimes wished he didn’t have an ex-Marine coach who didn’t take shit excuses. Tiernan wasn’t sure what was wrong with him. This was his big chance and he couldn’t even swim a decent time.

 

“Olympics are a big deal,” Coach said, scribbling Tiernan’s time down on his chart. “Anxiety, excitement, nerves. It’s all normal.”

 

“So what do I do?” Tiernan asked. He hadn’t made it this far last time. He didn’t know what he was supposed to be doing aside from training. Jennifer’s interview sessions had become shorter, more clipped, like she was waiting for him to actually do something impressive she could put on the blog. There was only so much someone could write about the anticipation of competition.

 

“Focus,” Coach said simply. “Push everything else out. This competition is about you and you alone. It’s not about your family, your friends, your fans. Let yourself get caught up in that shit, and you get lost.”

 

It was easy for him to say, Tiernan thought with a frown. He didn’t have a nagging Bridezilla sister to deal with or Nik and his adorable scowl to greet him.

 

“So I give everything up until after the Olympics?” He didn’t think that was possible. His sister would murder him, and Nik — he didn’t want to give Nik up.

 

“I didn’t say that,” Coach replied shortly. Coach wasn’t usually one to give Tiernan advice outside of swimming and this was probably why, Tiernan figured. He wasn’t very good at it. Tiernan preferred him giving gruff critiques about competition rather than commenting on his life. “Life is all about balance, Pace. You work hard in here, you can do what you want out there.” He gestured toward the doors.

 

Coach was right. Tiernan was letting the pressure get to him, and he knew what happened when he did that. This wasn’t going to be a repeat of last time. Things were different. He was different.

 

He nodded finally. “Sorry, Coach. I’ll work harder.”

 

Coach nodded as well. “Get up on that block. We’re running it again.”

 

Tiernan climbed onto the block and got into position. When he was in here, he was focused on swimming his best. When he was out those doors, though, he could focus on whatever he wanted, and he wanted to focus on Nik.

 



A locker door slammed as Tiernan entered the locker room. Praying it wasn’t Dylan, he stuck his head around the corner.

 

“Sam,” he said, and Sam looked up from where he stood at the lockers, his stuffed full duffle bag at his feet. “I didn’t see you out there. What are you doing?”

 

“Packing up,” Sam replied with a sad smile.

 

Tiernan frowned, confused. “Where are you going?”

 

“Home.” Sam grabbed his bag, and it occurred to Tiernan that he hadn’t heard anything about Sam’s times at trials. Guilt gnawed at his stomach. “Get out of this infernal heat.”

 

Tiernan stared, stomach sinking as he watched Sam shut the locker. “Shit, man, you’re leaving me?”

 

Sam shook his head. “You don’t need me around. You’re gonna kill those Olympics.”

 

Tiernan’s stomach curled in on itself as Sam hooked his bag over his shoulder. He hadn’t even bothered to text Sam after trials, to see how he’d done. Some friend he was. He’d been so wrapped up in making it to the Olympics, too focused on himself. That was what you were supposed to do, Coach would have said, but Sam was his best friend at the Center. He should have asked.

 

“Hey, wait,” he said as Sam passed him for the door. “You can’t leave without a send-off drink. Let me change real quick and we’ll go out.” Sam hesitated and Tiernan put on his best serious expression. “Come on. I owe you that much.”

 

“One drink,” Sam allowed with a small smile. “Not like it matters now.”

 

Tiernan rinsed off quickly and threw on a shirt and shorts, meeting Sam out front. His shirt stuck to his damp skin as they headed for the parking lot.

 

“I’m sorry, man,” Tiernan said as they wandered down the concrete path, past the gym. “I didn’t even ask how it went.”

 

Sam shrugged. “Don’t sweat it. You were too busy qualifying, which is what you should have been doing. What I should have been doing.”

 

Tiernan didn’t want to ask it, but he had to. They always had to ask. “What happened?”

 

Sam shook his head inconsequentially. “Nothing really. I’m just not as good as everyone else.”

 

“Bullshit,” Tiernan corrected him. “You’re one of the better swimmers here.”

 

“But not in Florida.” Sam didn’t seem outwardly angry or upset, just disappointed, which made Tiernan more annoyed than anything.

 

“You’re not giving up, though,” he said. “You’re just taking a break, right?”

 

Sam glanced at him and shouldered his bag. “I don’t know. I just need to not be here for a while.”

 

Tiernan fell silent, watching across the way as a couple people emerged from the gym. Gymnasts, he guessed, by their build. He recognized one, the blond guy. He’d seen him before, watching training sometimes. They’d never spoken but Coach had mentioned some of the gymnasts here had made the Olympic team. Tiernan wondered if that guy had.

 

Glancing at Sam, Tiernan just hoped he wouldn’t give up swimming completely. After last trials, that was all Tiernan had wanted to do — crawl into a hole and forget that he’d ever tried to be anything. He’d thought briefly about getting a job, a real job. He had gone to college after all. It had only been because of the swim scholarship and free training, but still.

 

“Fuck, I can’t believe you’re leaving me here with Dylan,” he said as they reached the parking lot and headed towards his car.

 

“You’ll be fine,” Sam assured him with a small smile. “Just keep reminding him he’s second best.”

 

Tiernan laughed, tossing his bag in the backseat and Sam did the same. “I’m sure that’ll help,” he said, sliding inside. Sam merely laughed and shut the door.

 



“So what happened with the reporter?” Sam asked over the noise of conversation, glasses clinking, the sound system pumping out some old rock music from before Tiernan was born.

 

“Nothing new coming out,” he said, taking a sip of his soda. So far, he’d kept his resolution to give up alcohol. “She’s been doing some spotlights on other people.”

 

“Dylan?”

 

Tiernan sighed. He wasn’t jealous of Dylan’s turn in the spotlight — he would gladly have given some of his to Sam. Sam deserved it. Dylan, on the other hand… It just went to his head and made him more of an asshole than usual.

 

Sam didn’t push it, and Tiernan appreciated that. Dylan was the last person he wanted to think about.

 

“What about the photographer?”

 

“What about him?” What about him indeed. Tiernan smiled at just the thought of Nik, the camera permanently glued to his hand, the appraising way he seemed to look at Tiernan, as though he wasn’t always sure what Tiernan was doing. He wanted to wrap Nik up in a big, fluffy blanket and never let go. He didn’t even grimace at how fucking cheesy that was.

 

Sam shot him a knowing look. “I don’t even say his name and you light up like a Christmas tree.”

 

“Fuck off,” Tiernan said good-naturedly. It was true.

 

Sam didn’t smile. “I just don’t want this to be like last time.”

 

“This is completely different than last time.” Last time, Tiernan hadn’t even known their names. Last time, he’d been way more interested in partying than training. Last time, he’d rejected his parents’ rejection of him the only way he knew how — booze and boys.

 

Sam paused, eyeing his drink then glanced at Tiernan. “You like him.”

 

Tiernan shoved a hand through his hair and smiled at Sam. “Yeah.” He hadn’t spent a lot of time thinking about his feelings for Nik — feelings got in the way of training — but he wasn’t the type to ignore how he felt. Balance, Coach had said. It was all about balance. He liked the balance he felt with Nik.

 

Sam lifted his glass. “To you, then,” he said, “winning a medal and finding someone who can tolerate you.”

 

Tiernan shook his head. “And to you for not giving up. I expect to see you back here next season.”

 

Sam didn’t disagree as they clinked the glasses together. Tiernan emptied his glass and set it on the table with a clink. Sam was right, Tiernan had found someone who could tolerate him, and he intended to keep that someone as best he knew how.