As the editor of the Fiddlehead once asked me, ‘Have you even tried writing poems that make no mention of arena football star Jared Lorenzen or that time you brought a Shamrock Shake to a job interview?’

It was the most profound educational

experience I could ever imagine.

I’m speaking, of course, of the ‘How to Stop

Wanting Love’ entry on WikiHow.

So what, polynut? I had time for nachos.

From ballpark nachos and up the ladder

to 7-Eleven nachos and, then,

the kind of nachos Gandhi would make.

Men like me were not meant to write poems

and threaten to jump off a city bridge.

Men like me were meant to change your oil

and quietly jump off a city bridge.

Too destroyed to know sexy underwear,

I still fit in most places. Perhaps not

Shakira concerts (Shakira hates that),

but I recognized the world as normal.