‘Switching back and forth between academic and literary publishing will be as easy as dancing on the hood of a car,’ or so it says in the latest Quarterly Review of White Snake Videos.

I am not afraid of coast-to-coast flights.

The app that converts Pacific Time

for west coast residents automatically converts

Kafka quotes to lyrics by the Eagles.

You can be justly proud of your thoughts on Pound,

but a working scholar learns to respect

TLC for not recording ‘These Days,

Gotta Say, I’d Totally Settle for a Scrub.’

Bruce Springsteen’s hit song ‘Millionaire Onion’

may not be Bruce Springsteen’s greatest song

but it’s definitely his best song about

an onion who is also a millionaire.

‘The millionaire onion came into town /

The millionaire onion closed the factories down.’

If you saw your professors’ clothes and said,

‘This is my life!,’ then, yeah, zero sympathy.