Whenever I sign autographs for kids, I almost always sign them, “Dream Big!” But kids don’t usually have trouble dreaming big. It’s their parents who don’t dare to dream big enough.

Kids always gravitate to the unlikely or the impossible. But as we get older, we begin to convince ourselves that circumstances, responsibilities, and our own personal shortcomings are too much to overcome. We bury our dreams under the excuses we tell ourselves in order to feel better about giving up.

Let’s try to uncover those dreams once again.

Don’t Be Afraid to Be Afraid

“If your dreams don’t scare you, they’re not big enough.” That’s a quote I think of often, from politician and writer Ellen Johnson Sirleaf.

The question I often ask myself and others is: “If you could do anything in your life, what would it be?” So many adults don’t have an answer. (Kids almost always do!)

Do you have an answer? If not, why? Have you given up creating and chasing dreams? Are you just comfortable where you are today? Or have you just stopped believing big dreams are possible?

If you’re working in your comfort zone—physically, emotionally, intellectually—then you’re not going to grow, and your biggest dreams are going to stay far out of reach. You need to always be challenged by the tasks ahead of you and frightened by the possibility of actually reaching your goals. Look for a peak that’s dizzyingly high. That’s where you want to be headed.

“I don’t have a stomach pooch anymore. I’m even thinking I might wear a bikini this summer!”

JULIE GRUNWALD, 42

Charlotte, North Carolina

“I thought I was working out, and I thought I was in pretty decent shape,” says Julie. “I’d try spinning classes at the gym or group fitness classes. But then I took Danica’s Fit Test and it really kicked my ass.”

Discovering that she had so much room for improvement got Julie excited for the challenge. “I started gaining weight after my daughter was born, when I was thirty-five,” she says. “I thought I was eating healthy, but every year I gained a couple of pounds.” She even tried the Whole30 program, but flunked out twice: “It was so restrictive. I ran out of food to eat because it seemed like everything wasn’t allowed.”

But Pretty Intense kept her engaged with new workouts and new foods to try. “My husband bought me a spiralizer and I became obsessed with it. I started spiraling everything—zucchini, squash, sweet potatoes—and I absolutely love cauliflower rice. My family doesn’t even notice the switch. It’s great to have what looks like starch on your plate but in fact it’s actually a vegetable and good for you. I keep it simple because I have a six-year-old to please, too.”

But what Julie is most pleased with is her results. “The biggest change for me, and the one everyone comments on, is that my waist is very clearly defined now. I lost four and a half inches off my waist, almost two sizes in pants. I don’t have a stomach pooch in front anymore. I’m even thinking I might get away with a bikini this summer.

“After about week seven or eight, the weight just started to fall off my body. And my butt looks really nice, too! Once you start to see those changes, you don’t ever want to go back!”

Keep Taking the Next Step

If you had told me ten years ago that I’d be body-confident enough to be posing for photos like the one on the cover of this book, I’d have said you were nuts. I made that level of fitness my goal—that’s why I’ve spent the past several years documenting my personal journey on Instagram and other social media outlets.

You and I are no different. I grew up in a very small town in Illinois and have insecurities just like the next person. Based on extensive trial and error and personal evolution, my dream (one of them) is to help people create lifestyle goals and learn how to follow through with them.

I knew it would take time to get good at any challenge I put on myself, and I knew it would involve both successes and setbacks. (My earliest attempts at yoga poses look more like plane crash photos than yogi contentment.) But while I had a long-term goal, I also knew the path to that end result was a series of goals that I could set for myself and, yes, really achieve. Setting, and reaching, a goal gives me an ongoing sense of accomplishment.

That’s how I set up the exercise portion of this book. You’ll set a new goal each week. Many of them may become lifetime healthy habits. Others might not fit in with your overall lifestyle. But each time you succeed at reaching a new goal, you’ll have taken another step up the ladder to your dream body and mind.

“Don’t let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.”

—JOHN WOODEN

Thing is, this is the same approach you should take toward any enormously lofty goal, from owning your own business to getting a degree to resetting a relationship. Set your goals, then, every so often, take a moment to reflect on how you’re doing. You’ll be surprised at how many successes you’ve had, and you’ll be able to more clearly see where you might have failed and how you can do better next time. Giant, seemingly impossible dreams become possible slowly, with little steps. But what we need is constant feedback and assurance that we’re progressing toward them. That’s what goals will give you.

Ask for What You Want

Most of us forget this simple step. If you’re a believer, as I am, don’t be afraid to ask God for what you want.

That doesn’t mean praying for a million dollars to fall from the sky. It means stating out loud, to yourself and to God (although some would prefer to say “the universe”), what you want to achieve, and then asking for the personal strength, courage, and determination to go out and get it. You’ll find that when you dare to pray out loud for your ambitions, you’ll be more daring in your pursuit of them.

Asking for what I want—and asking for help in achieving it—helps me stay humble. Humility is a trait that, for most of us, takes work and practice. Admitting you don’t have the power to achieve your goals alone, and asking God for help, takes a lot of the burden off your shoulders. You don’t have to have a big ego to have big dreams. Ordinary people achieve extraordinary things every single day.

Remember that life changes fast. Situations—good ones and bad ones—don’t last, and you’re always going to be reevaluating what you want your life to look like. Maybe your biggest goal is a new job, or a new relationship, or changing the way you look and feel. Whatever it is, remember that your goals are, ultimately, between you and your higher power; those are the only two entities you need to impress. It’s easier to achieve greatness when we don’t feel like we have to prove ourselves to anybody else. Also, don’t forget, we can do everything possible to plan our life, but we need to be ready for setbacks, changes, and challenges. Everything happens for a reason.

“I’m full of energy—and I feel like I have a lot less stress!”

RICK NEUBERT, 65

Port St. Lucie, Florida

A semi-retired patient coordinator, Rick still fast-walks his dogs six to seven miles a day. But all that cardio exercise wasn’t making much of an impact. Then after just six weeks on Pretty Intense, he dropped twenty pounds and four inches from his waist.

“My clothes fit a lot better, and I just feel better overall,” Rick reports. “I don’t have to worry about what I’m wearing—‘oh gosh, my stomach’s sticking out!’ In fact, I got rid of a whole bunch of clothes that I couldn’t wear anymore—they were too big! I gave them to Goodwill.”

Rick’s goal was to slim down enough to fit into a favorite suit in time for his daughter’s graduation. But in losing the pounds, he was surprised at all that he gained. “I was feeling lazy, even though I walked a lot. I’d get home from work and feel drained.” But after starting Pretty Intense, his whole life turned around. “I’m full of energy. I don’t sit around and watch TV much anymore. I go out a lot more, and I feel like I have less stress.”

“To make the right choices in life, you have to get in touch with your soul. To do this, you need to experience solitude, which most people are afraid of, because in the silence you hear the truth and know the solutions.”

—DEEPAK CHOPRA

Forgive Yourself

I’m always telling myself that my primary goal is to be the best I can be at this time, and if I keep that as my focus, I’ll always be okay with myself and where I am right now.

We all start out with our own unique liabilities. As I said earlier, keep in mind that we’re all trying our best, pretty much all the time. If you fail—whether it’s falling off your diet and workout plan, or something much more grave at work or in your personal relationships—don’t fall into the common trap of thinking, “That’s who I am; I’m always screwing up.” Don’t tell yourself that story; that’s your mind river carving a path in the wrong direction.

You need to be willing to forgive yourself. But that’s not always easy: we often find it easier to forgive others’ mistakes than to forgive our own. So try this: Think back to a mistake you made that still haunts you. Now imagine that the person who screwed up is someone else, someone who was essentially doing the best they could at the time. Can you forgive that person? Of course you can. Forgive that person; that person is you. Hold on to the lessons you might have learned from your mistakes, but let go of everything else. Now!

You today are someone totally new.