THE INTERNET HAS A LOT of interesting questions about beer. I know this because while researching for this book I’ve entered many searches beginning with ‘Is beer’, ‘Can beer’ and ‘Does beer’ into Google. Before I finish typing my question (for example, ‘Can beer bring peace to the Middle East?’) a list of predictions based on other people’s searches appears. On an anthropological level, this feature is fascinating. It paints a troubling picture of the average beer-drinking internet user: obsessed with dieting, allergic to gluten, and woefully ignorant of correct fire safety procedures.
Or maybe Google just tailored those predictions for me. I don’t know how the algorithms work, or even what an algorithm is. What I do know is that out there somewhere, at least one person wanted the answer to each of the questions below. In case you do too, I’m going to answer them.
Is beer bad for dogs?
This question, worded various ways, popped up alarmingly often. Why are dogs drinking beer? Do people want to give their dogs beer? Can people not find other humans to drink beer with? Regardless, the answer is yes, of course beer is bad for dogs. If they consume too much it can cause liver damage, dehydration, loss of coordination, vomiting… basically all the harmful side effects that alcohol causes in humans, except bad dancing.
Is beer paleo?
Admittedly I don’t really understand the paleo diet – why would you go back to eating like a caveperson when we now have curly fries, doughnuts and cookie dough ice cream? It’s called progress, people – but the answer is no. Grains are forbidden in a paleo diet, so that rules out all forms of beer. It also rules out any possibility of my ever trying the diet.
Is beer gluten-free?
Not completely, and again it’s those evil grains. Barley contains gluten proteins, and although only trace amounts make it into the beer, it can be enough to cause a reaction in some (but not all) people with gluten intolerances. Wheat beers have relatively high gluten content, while some light lagers like Corona have so little they are legally ‘gluten-free’.
Is beer good for your hair?
This was news to me, but apparently you can get softer, silkier locks by conditioning or ‘spritzing’ your hair with beer. I thought this sounded like bullshit until I read that Catherine Zeta-Jones does it, at which point all reservations went out the window. Would I put up with smelling like a brewery in order to have the glossy, wavy mane of a goddess like CZJ? Look out for my next blog: Beer Hair for a Year.
Is beer vegan?
Unless animal matter is explicitly mentioned on the bottle – for example, ‘bacon ale’ – most beers are vegan. That said, some breweries use as a clarifying agent a gelatin-like substance called isinglass, obtained from the dried swim bladders of fish. (Makes you thirsty, huh?) At the time of writing, the most well-known beer containing this ingredient is Guinness, but the company recently announced plans to bow to the vegan overlords and stop using it by the end of 2016.
Is beer illegal in Iceland?
Not any more, but beer was illegal in Iceland for sixty-four long dark years from 1915. The country’s full alcohol prohibition lasted only a decade before wine, and later spirits, were legalised, but beer stronger than 2.25 percent alcohol remained curiously off-limits. How did the Icelanders cope with this hardship? Some poor bastards drank ‘bjorliki’ (literally ‘like beer’) – a combination of low-strength lager mixed with vodka to simulate the real thing. On March 1, 1989 the ban was eventually lifted following televised debates and a midnight vote. The date has been celebrated as Beer Day ever since.
Is beer pong an Olympic sport?
I love to think that whoever Googled this thought that maybe, just maybe, they could win gold for their country by playing a drinking game. For the uninitiated, beer pong is an American college classic where two teams try to shoot ping-pong balls into beer-filled cups on their opponents’ side of the table. It’s fun, but sadly not yet on the official Olympic programme. If you are really keen to go pro there is a world series in Las Vegas every year. The only catch is you will have to spend four days in the same room as 1,000 frat boys.
Can beer prevent kidney stones?
Apparently it can. A study published in the American Journal of Epidemiology found that if you consume a bottle of beer per day you could reduce the risk of getting kidney stones by forty percent. I’m no mathematician but I think that pretty much puts me in the clear.
Is beer drinking a sin?
Theology is not my strong suit so for this one I turned to Raptureready.com, the ‘Rapture resource for the End Times’. This website says it’s up to interpretation whether or not beer drinking is a sin since the Bible doesn’t explicitly state that alcohol is bad, only drunkenness. ‘Do you feel sinful when you drink alcohol? If so, then God is telling you to stop.’ Oh, whatever.
Can beer put out a fire?
Before I answer, I have a question of my own for all the people who entered this search: If there is a fire, why are you Googling? Is this the first thing you do when faced with an emergency? Would you Google ‘How can I talk a serial killer out of murdering me?’ or ‘Help, there’s a bear eating my leg’? If so, I am seriously worried about your internet dependency and/or lack of problem-solving skills.
But to answer the question, beer is mostly water, so yes, it can put out a fire. There’s only one exception I can think of: if the beer is over fifty percent ABV it would make the fire worse. Needless to say, the chances of someone being forced to fight a fire with nothing but a case of Brewdog’s The End Of History (one of the world’s strongest beers at 55.5 percent ABV) is so low I’m not sure why I’m even talking about it.