Mama goes into the Boulder hospital on Sunday night and by Tuesday morning Papa arrives with his cello and all his bags. I’ve never seen him so pale. He is as white as computer paper. He has dark circles and little wrinkles around his eyes. We are in the hospital waiting room. It’s 11am and Aunt Sarah is behind us checking in. We spent most of Monday at the hospital and Mama has been silent each time we visit her room. But Aunt Sarah just talks to her as if she’s talking back. And I hold Mama’s hand. Eve mostly stands in the corner. I think she might really hate Mama.
But now Papa is here too. “My girls—” He starts to say but before Papa can finish his greeting we are both in his arms. He smells like airplane food and sweat but we don’t care. We hug him tight and he doesn’t let go until Aunt Sarah’s voice breaks in.
“Daniel. I’m sorry. The front desk needs some information from you.”
“Of course.” Papa says giving Aunt Sarah a quick hug. “Thank you.”
Aunt Sarah and Eve sit back down but I follow Papa to the front desk. I stand next to him as he confirms insurance information and signs a bunch of documents. His bushy eyebrows furrow in concentration and in between documents he bites the end of the pen cap between his teeth. When he’s finished he looks down at me and smiles.
“I think you’ve gotten taller since I left little scoop!”
“Yeah right. It hasn’t been that long.”
“Still. You look taller. And wiser.”
“Well. I’m eleven and a half now.”
Papa laughs and pulls me in for another hug. “That you are my love.” He says. “I’m so sorry these months have been so rough. Thank you for being a big girl.”
“Is Mama getting out today? Now that you’re here?”
“I don’t know yet. I have to speak with the psychiatrist. We’ll see. The most important thing is that she is safe. And that you and your sister are safe.”
“Ok.” I say. “But she’s going to be ok right? She’s going to come home?”
“Let’s just take it one day at a time. Today I’m here. So I can get all the information and we’ll see. I know this is hard.”
Papa and I join Eve and Aunt Sarah on the stiff blue couches. We wait for another twenty minutes and finally it’s time.
“Girls.” Aunt Sarah starts. “Let’s let your dad go in first. So he can get a little time with your mom.”
“She’s not going to speak to you you know.” Eve blurts. “She’s basically mute now. She doesn’t even want to be alive. I think she made that very clear.”
“Eve.” Aunt Sarah whispers. “Stop. We’re all worried.”
“I’m not worried! I’m glad she’s stopped talking. It’s always all about her. Finally. We can hear ourselves think.”
“SHUT UP!” I yell. “Just shut up Eve.”
“Eve.” Papa begins. “I’m so sorry this happened. It must have been so scary.”
“Well. You’re not the one that should be apologizing. I’m fine. She’s the mental case.”
Papa sighs and gives Aunt Sarah a pained look.
“Ok. Let’s go get some fresh air. Then we can join your dad in your mom’s room.”
I watch Papa head through a pair of swinging doors. I want to run after him. I want to jump on his back like I used to when I was little. I want to run into that room with him and see Mama smiling. Mama holding her arms out to all of us. Like she’s been waiting for this. A reunion. But instead I follow Eve and Aunt Sarah outside where it spits rain and the clouds are gray and heavy.