‘Are we there yet?’ Michael flung his head back against the seat with a loud sigh. ‘We’ve been in this stagecoach for ever! It must be time to stop soon.’
‘I told you the journey would take a few days.’ Henrietta gritted her teeth, trying to sound sympathetic, although if he asked the question one more time, she thought she might open the door and jump out from sheer exasperation. It wasn’t as if she was any more comfortable than he was! In fact, she was undoubtedly a lot less comfortable. Oliver and Peter had both fallen asleep, one on her knee, the other leaning against her shoulder, making it impossible for her to move for the last hour. Belles in biscuit tins were treated better than this, she thought, ironically. At least they came individually wrapped in tissue paper, something she might have used to make the headrest more comfortable. Every part of her ached or was numb with fatigue, but at least Michael was right about one thing. Surely it had to be time to stop soon... ‘Are you warm enough?’
‘Yes.’ Michael scowled at the blanket tucked over his lap. ‘But I’d rather ride up top like Sebastian.’
‘It’s far too cold for that.’
‘It’s not too cold for him!’
‘Yes, well...he’s a grown man.’ Henrietta pursed her lips. She wasn’t particularly happy about Sebastian riding on the roof of a violently swaying stagecoach in the middle of winter either, but unlike her three charges, she had no right to tell him what to do—besides, there hadn’t been any alternative. Between her and the boys squeezed on to one side and a middle-aged couple and their teenage daughter on the other, the carriage was already bursting at the seams.
‘Sebastian said a good sailor doesn’t complain.’ Peter mumbled sleepily across her. ‘I bet he was talking to you.’
‘He was not!’
‘No arguing!’ Henrietta felt as though her temper were hanging by a single, extremely frayed thread. ‘Or we’ll get off at the next inn and go straight back to Bath.’
‘But...’
‘Not one more word until we stop again!’
Incredibly, the threat worked, allowing her twenty minutes of rare, comparative peace, listening to the sound of Oliver’s snoring and looking out at the darkness encroaching over the landscape outside. From what she could see through the carriage windows, Derbyshire had a wild, untamed kind of beauty, filled with wild-looking moors and jagged rock formations. Unfortunately for them, however, it wasn’t Yorkshire, which meant that they still had another day of cramped conditions and moaning ahead before they reached Feversham. Which also meant another day of gradually building trepidation and dread.
It had seemed like a good idea at the time, leaving Nancy and Belinda in peace and giving herself and the boys a holiday, but now she was starting to wonder if she’d taken leave of her senses by agreeing to come. It wasn’t just that she was going to stay in a manor—a manor! She knew Sebastian’s mother well enough to know that she wouldn’t be turned away, no matter what his uncle and grandmother might think of her. It wasn’t even that she was afraid of being in the same company as a dowager duchess. Anna was a countess, after all, and one of her best friends.
It was that she’d kissed Sebastian! Right after she’d told him that she wouldn’t be used or possessed by any man ever again! She’d kissed him and now she had no idea what it meant. In all the commotion of packing and organising, there hadn’t been any chance to discuss it and it wasn’t as if they could talk in front of her nephews. Which had left her with three days, trapped inside a carriage, with little to do except think.
What did it mean? More to the point, what did his invitation to come north mean? She knew that he wasn’t the kind of man who would act dishonourably, but that didn’t mean he’d thought their situation through. In fact, he definitely hadn’t, considering that he’d both kissed and invited her on impulse. And even if he had felt serious about her at the time—serious enough to invite her to meet his family—surely he’d change his mind once he had time to reflect?
For a start, and no matter what he said, they were too far apart socially. For another thing, there were the boys. It was one thing to help her look after them, but to take responsibility and become a surrogate father if David didn’t come back, which she was starting to accept as a real possibility, was a different matter entirely. In which case, it was foolish to even contemplate a future together and better to remain as just friends...wasn’t it?
The situation wasn’t helped by the fact that they were sharing a chamber at night. It had actually been her idea to pretend they were a man and wife travelling with their sons. In her defence, she’d had a sneaking suspicion that Sebastian had charged her only a fraction of the real price of stagecoach tickets, despite her own insistence on paying, and she hadn’t wanted him to spend any more money on her and her nephews than necessary. Besides which, as she’d explained with increasingly red cheeks, it was safer for them all to be in one room and it would save the bother of explaining the situation to every innkeeper they met.
She must have had children at a very young age, Sebastian had teased her, but he’d agreed readily enough, telling the boys that it was all part of a game. Consequently, every evening after dinner, he left the chamber to allow them to wash and change into their nightclothes before coming back and settling himself into either a spare truckle bed or an armchair by the fire. It was an eminently practical arrangement, but one that had left no opportunity to talk privately, something she really wanted to do before they reached Feversham, if only to work out how they ought to behave.
And all this thinking was giving her a headache...
She was just attempting to adjust her position when the carriage swung sideways abruptly, lurching to a halt in front of a small coaching inn and jolting Peter and Oliver awake at the same moment.
‘Here we are.’ Henrietta gave them both a squeeze, letting the middle-aged couple and their daughter descend first before climbing out of the carriage and stretching her arms above her head with relief.
‘I’m hungry,’ Michael grumbled beside her.
‘We’re all hungry.’
‘I don’t know about you, but I could eat a cow.’ Sebastian jumped down from the roof, landing with a heavy thud beside them. ‘Only let’s start with something smaller, shall we? Some stew, perhaps?’
‘I like stew.’ Oliver grinned.
‘Excellent!’ He reached down, scooping her youngest nephew up under one arm before grabbing hold of their travelling bag with the other. ‘Now let’s go and find a room, shall we? You boys can carry that chest between you, I hope?’
‘Yes, sir.’
Henrietta watched with amazement as Michael and Peter transformed into young cadets before her eyes, trotting behind Sebastian as he led them first into the taproom and then up a creaking staircase into a cosy, wood-panelled bedchamber.
‘I’ll order some dinner before it gets too busy.’ Sebastian dropped a giggling Oliver on to the bed and the bag on to the floor alongside.
‘Let me do it.’ Henrietta showed the boys where to put the chest. ‘You should warm yourself by the fire. You must have been frozen on that roof.’
‘I’ve felt worse, believe me, although I have to admit the wind was bracing. I have no cobwebs left, but at least we’re done with stagecoaches now. Feversham’s only a few miles from here. If it wasn’t so late, I’d hire a cart to take us there tonight.’
‘Just a few miles?’ Henrietta’s voice emerged as a croak. Suddenly she wished they had a week of cramped carriages ahead of them. ‘But I thought we were still in Derbyshire?’
‘Only just. Yorkshire’s over the next hill.’
‘So we’ll arrive tomorrow?’
‘Before lunch, I should think.’ His smile faltered briefly. ‘Now, I’ll be back in a few minutes. Stew all round!’
‘Wait...!’ Henrietta hastened into the corridor after him, pulling the door half closed behind her to block out the chorus of cheers from within.
‘What’s the matter?’ Sebastian turned around at once. ‘Would you prefer something else?’
‘No, it’s not the food, it’s about tomorrow. I’ve been thinking—perhaps it isn’t such a good idea our coming with you to Feversham, after all. Maybe we could just stay here for a few days? Or somewhere close by? I don’t want us to be in the way.’
Sebastian’s brow furrowed. ‘If you think I’m just going to abandon you here, then you’re very mistaken. We’ve come this far together and that means we stay together.’
‘But it’s not your house. It’s your uncle’s. He might think that you’ve taken a liberty by inviting us.’
‘He might. In which case, our visit will be a short one.’
‘Sebastian.’ She adopted the stern voice she used occasionally with the boys, exasperated by his refusal to see any problems. ‘What I’m trying to say is that if you’re having any second thoughts about any of this then I would understand. I don’t want you to feel any obligation.’
‘Obligation?’ He mused over the word. ‘No, I can’t say that I do.’
‘Especially considering what your family might think of us travelling together. I wouldn’t want them to get the wrong impression.’ She was starting to think that she might need to hit him over the head with a stick to make him understand. ‘They might think there’s more between us than friendship.’
‘Probably.’
‘Probably?’ She blinked.
‘It’s the likely conclusion.’ He looked remarkably unbothered by the idea. ‘And it’s the truth, isn’t it?’
‘I...’ She hesitated. ‘I don’t know. We haven’t talked about what happened. We’ve been so busy...’
‘Ah.’ He looked faintly relieved, reaching for her hands and twining their fingers together in a way that made goose pimples rise on her skin. ‘The truth is, I was afraid you might change your mind if we talked too much. And I suppose I’ve been preoccupied, too. I’m not thrilled about the idea of meeting my family. Seeing my mother, yes, but her mother and my uncle?’ His brows contracted. ‘I can’t help but feel as though I’m betraying my father.’
‘Oh, Sebastian.’ She slid her thumbs around so that they were on top of his hands. ‘Surely if your mother can forgive them...?’
‘Then I should, too, I know. Even Anna seems to have made peace with it all, but if it wasn’t for them...’ A muscle tightened in his jaw. ‘My father spent his whole life trying to make up for what my mother lost by marrying him. He never wanted her to regret their elopement. She didn’t and she told him so often enough, but the worry was always there underneath. I think it’s part of the reason he worked so hard. I’m not saying that her family were responsible for his death, but it’s hard not to resent them. And now it’s as though my mother’s gone backwards, as if my father never even existed. I know that’s not fair, but all of this has happened so quickly.’ He shook his head as if to clear it of unpleasant thoughts. ‘But I’m glad that you’re with me. I can’t think of anyone I’d rather be with. Truly, Henrietta.’
‘Then I’m glad to be here, too.’ She caught her breath, her chest feeling too tight all of a sudden.
‘But I don’t want you to feel any obligation either.’ He looked serious again. ‘If you’re not happy or you want to leave for any reason, just say the word and I’ll take you back to Bath. You have my word on it.’
‘Thank you.’ She jumped at the sound of a loud thud from the chamber behind her. ‘In that case, while we’re staying with your family, I think that we ought to remain as just friends. I might not care what the shopkeepers of Bath think of me any more, but I do care about your mother.’
‘Just while we’re staying there?’ He quirked an eyebrow.
‘Until we can talk about things...properly.’
‘Ah.’ He glanced at the partially open door behind them, his expression inscrutable. ‘As you wish. Now I’d better let you go. It sounds like a herd of cattle in there.’