As the mellow, romantic strains of ‘Autumn Leaves’ filled the ballroom, Joe walked purposefully to the table where Lily and Martin had been joined by Brian and Katie. ‘Would you like to dance, now?’ He gave Lily a tight-lipped smile.
To his irritation she turned to Martin for approval. ‘Do you mind?’
Martin shook his head, wishing he had the courage to tell her – and Joe – that he did mind … very much.
As Joe took her hand and swept her into his arms, Lily tried to hold back, keeping as much distance between them as possible.
‘Now you’ve made me jump through hoops …’
‘I haven’t made you do anything, Joe,’ she murmured, acutely conscious of Martin watching them.
‘No?’ He stared intently into her eyes, dazzlingly beautiful with tawny gold lights and the reflection of the mirror ball that hung above them. Just as he had seen them every night in his dreams since he had first danced with her in this same ballroom.
‘No,’ she reiterated decisively.
‘I would have liked to have spoken to you this afternoon. I hoped we could have sat next to one another at the reception.’
‘It made more sense for the bridesmaid and best man to sit next to one another.’
‘It made no sense to me.’ He guided her into the centre of the room. The lights were dim – too dim to see the expressions on the faces of the people sitting at the tables around the perimeter of the room, he noted gratefully, but not too dim to note every curve and line of her face and commit them to memory.
‘Helen had a lovely day.’ Lily made an attempt to move the conversation away from the personal.
‘I wanted to make it our day too.’
‘There is no more “our”, Joe,’ she said resolutely.
‘I behaved badly at our engagement party. I should never have walked out on you when that woman …’
‘My mother,’ she corrected.
‘You haven’t seen her since?’ He was alarmed at the thought that Lily might want to keep in contact and actually acknowledge her if she saw her again. From what Robin had said, he knew Lily’s reputation was damaged; it would never survive further gossip.
‘No.’
‘I’m glad to hear it.’
‘But neither can I ignore the fact that she gave birth to me.’
‘It would be more sensible if you did,’ he lectured.
‘Possibly.’ Steeling herself for what she might see, she glanced over his shoulder to her table. Brian and Katie were talking but Martin was still staring in their direction.
‘Rumour has it she ill-treated you before she abandoned you. You don’t owe her anything.’
‘If you don’t mind, I’d rather not talk about her, Joe,’ she interrupted impatiently. ‘That is, unless you’ve heard something I should know.’
‘I haven’t heard anything.’
‘Then why ask me to dance?’
‘I need a reason?’
Lily swallowed her rising irritation. ‘No, but at the risk of sounding bad-mannered, I don’t like discussing our engagement party – or my mother.’
‘You did say when you broke off our engagement that we could remain friends.’ Suddenly realising that she was looking in Martin’s direction, he whirled her round, turning her back to her table so she couldn’t see him any longer.
‘And I meant it, Joe.’ She finally gave her full attention to Joe.
‘But we’re not friends, are we.’
‘Of course we are. We wouldn’t be dancing together now if we weren’t.’
‘I disagree.’ He gazed into her eyes, willing her to sense the depth of his love for her. ‘We’re not, at least not in the sense of casual acquaintances, and I don’t think we can ever be that to one another again. Not after what happened between us.’
‘Joe …’
‘Hear me out, Lily. What I have to say is very simple. I love you. I never stopped loving you – not for an instant. When I walked away from you that day I knew I was making the biggest mistake of my life and all I can say in my defence is that I wasn’t thinking straight.’ Keeping her back to Martin, he guided her into the thick of the crowd, where he sensed she’d be reluctant to make a scene. ‘I have the ring I bought for you in my pocket. I planned to drive you down to Gower today after the wedding reception so I could propose to you again.’
She lifted her face to his. There was a peculiar expression in her eyes that he failed to decipher. ‘At sunset, on the cliffs overlooking Pobbles.’
‘You remembered.’
‘That the cliffs were where you intended to propose to me the first time, yes.’ She smiled.
‘It would have been perfect.’
‘It was just as perfect, if not more so, in the afternoon in the churchyard at Oxwich.’
‘Then, although it’s past sunset and this isn’t a cliff top, you will take the ring back?’
‘No, Joe.’
‘In God’s name why?’ he questioned heatedly, attracting the attention of the couples dancing around them. ‘I have everything. Money to give us a good start in life, good prospects …’
‘I don’t love you.’
‘I don’t believe you.’
‘It’s the truth.’
‘You can’t switch your feelings on and off any more than I can. You love me, Lily, perhaps not as much as I love you but you do love me,’ he repeated fervently, in the hope of forcing her to accept what was so blatantly obvious to him.
‘Maybe it was the thrill of having my first boyfriend, maybe it was because you were kind to me when Auntie Norah died, or maybe I wanted to be in love because I’d heard so much about it and desperately wanted it to be my turn. Whatever it was, if I ever loved you, Joe, I don’t now.’
‘You’re just saying that to hurt me as I hurt you.’
‘The last thing I want to do is hurt you,’ she protested.
He either didn’t hear or chose to ignore her. ‘What do you want me to do? Go down on my knees and shout I love you here and now? Because if you want me to, I will.’
‘Please don’t,’ she cried, alarmed at the thought.
‘If you think I haven’t suffered enough, then you don’t know what I’ve been through since you returned my ring. I’m offering you everything I have, Lily. We could have a wonderful life together. I’ll graduate in a few months. I’ve checked with my solicitor, I’ll be able to draw on my trust fund to buy that cottage we talked about …’
‘You talked about.’ She recalled how his vivid imagination could take hold once he drifted into one of his fantasies and how much she’d loved listening to him sketch out the perfect future he would build for both of them. Almost as much as she’d loved listening to the romantic stories he’d woven about her mysterious past as an abandoned evacuee. But both fantasies had been shattered by the arrival of her mother. That event had forced her to re-evaluate her identity and her life, along with her relationship with Joe, bringing the realisation that daydreams were all very well – in their place – and that place wasn’t her everyday existence.
‘You wanted that cottage too. The green and gold drawing room, the blue, cream and silver bedroom …’
‘I thought I did at the time, Joe, but I was wrong.’
‘You haven’t changed any more than I have. I only have to look into your eyes to see you still want the same things as I do. You love me.’
‘No.’ She stopped dancing as the band struck the final chord. ‘I’m sorry, Joe, I never meant to mislead you.’ She slipped from his arms and held out her hand. ‘I hope we can still be friends.’
Instead of shaking her hand as she’d intended, he held it for a moment, then pressed it to his lips. ‘One day we’ll be a whole lot more than friends, Lily Sullivan. And that’s one promise I will keep.’
She hesitated, then realised there was little point in trying to reason with him. He’d obviously been drinking. If he remembered anything of their conversation when he sobered up, he’d understand that she had meant every word she’d said and would hopefully be too embarrassed to refer to the subject again.
Drink, Lily?’ Sam offered, as she returned to their table.
‘Have we time?’ She laid her hand on Martin’s shoulder as she sat next to him. He didn’t shrug it off but neither did he return her smile.
Sam checked his watch. ‘We don’t have to leave for half an hour.’
‘In that case, thank you.’
‘Give me a hand, Katie.’
Katie helped Sam gather the boys’ empty glasses and followed him to the bar.
‘Dance?’ Brian asked Judy, sensing emotional frost in the atmosphere.
As they made for the dance floor, Lily removed her hand from Martin’s shoulder. ‘You didn’t mind me dancing with Joe.’
‘You can dance with whoever you like.’
The silence at the table closed in around them until Lily felt she had to say something to break the tension between them. ‘You know Joe and I were finished before I went out with you.’
‘But he won’t accept it.’ It was a statement not a question.
‘What makes you say that?’
‘The way he looks at you. And he’s here on a Saturday night when he could be with his posh university friends.’
She sat forward until her head almost touched his. ‘I won’t be going out with him again, Martin.’
He moved away from her as if he wanted to emphasise the emotional distance that had grown between them since the outset of the evening. ‘You’re free to go out with anyone you like.’
‘I thought I was going out with you.’
‘I haven’t asked you to make any promises,’ he said flatly.
‘I don’t feel anything for Joe …’
‘Look, Lily,’ he interrupted sternly, ‘I’m an apprentice mechanic, with a temper I can’t control, on wages that will barely keep me in a rented room in a basement. I don’t have enough savings to put down a deposit on a second-hand car. Even when I qualify, the money won’t be much better. Joe has a trust fund that everyone talks about and when he finishes university he’ll start earning a salary – not wages – and ten times more than me.’ Not trusting himself to look at her again, he fumbled for his cigarettes and flicked open the packet.
‘Are you saying you want me to go out with Joe?’
‘No!’ He continued alternately to flick open and close the packet he was holding without attempting to remove a cigarette.
‘It sounds like it to me.’
‘I’m trying to make sure that you know I’ll never be able to offer you as much as Joe Griffiths.’
‘What kind of a girl do you think I am? A gold-digger …’
‘A gold-digger would never have gone out with me in the first place.’
‘Drinks, everyone.’ Sam set a pint of beer in front of Martin.
‘Thank you,’ Martin snapped.
‘Dance, Katie?’ Sam asked, as she placed three Babycham bottles besides Lily’s, Judy’s and her own glasses.
Realising his ‘thank you’ had sounded like an insult, Martin muttered, ‘Don’t go on our account.’
‘I do a mean cha-cha, as Katie is about to find out.’ Sam dumped the tray holding the second and third pints of beer on the table and cha-chaed Katie away.
‘Great night this is turning out to be.’
‘Are you talking about you thumping Adam, or me dancing with Joe?’ Lily queried icily.
‘Both,’ he answered honestly.
‘If you want to give me the brush-off, Martin, say the word and I won’t bother you again.’ Terrified of what his answer might be, she crossed her fingers under cover of the table.
‘I’m only telling you it’ll be years before I can think of marriage and even when I do, I won’t be able to give you a quarter of what Joe can – and that’s without bringing my temper into it.’
‘Stop going on about your temper. Everyone has one …’
‘Face it, Lily. Boys like me don’t go out with girls like you. Just look at us, you dress up to work in an office, I put on greasy overalls over old clothes to graft in a garage. You meet people – important people – every day in the bank, while I spend my days crawling under refuse lorries and buses, up to my neck in filth and oil. You make polite conversation. I hit people …’
‘Mention that once more tonight and I’ll hit you.’ She rose to her feet and for a second he thought she really was going to thump him.
Taking her hand, he pulled her back down on to her chair. ‘Whichever way you look at it, I don’t deserve a girl like you.’
‘That’s a load of nonsense. And just to set the record straight I’m not looking to get married to you – or anyone.’
‘Jack terrified me today. Eighteen years of age, taking on a wife and soon a baby. I couldn’t cope …’
‘No one is asking you to.’ She gripped the table until her fingers hurt. ‘Do you want to go out with me tomorrow or not?’
‘A man would have to be insane not to want to go out with you. And I’m not mad. But you only have to look at my family. My father …’
‘Why do I have the feeling that you’re looking for an excuse to get rid of me?’
The band broke into a rousing rendering of ‘Razzle Dazzle’. For once, Lily was glad she couldn’t hear herself think. Taking the bottle of Babycham Sam had bought her; she tipped it into her glass. When she looked at Martin again, he was staring at the dance floor. She loved him, she was certain of it, but she felt more confused about his feelings for her than ever.
‘I’m sitting on top of the world …’
‘You’ll wake the street,’ Brian hissed at Sam who’d broken into song as they turned from Verandah Street into Carlton Terrace.
‘I’ve a good voice so why shouldn’t I entertain the neighbours.’
‘Because it’s half past eleven and most of them are in bed.’
‘Sad, sad people.’
‘And you’re supposed to be a responsible member of the local constabulary,’ Judy reminded him.
‘Spoilsport.’ Sam giggled, putting his arm round Katie who shrank from his touch. ‘Who’s coming into our lair for coffee?’
‘Not me.’ Katie removed his hand from her shoulders and walked up to the front door.
‘Lily?’ Sam glanced from her to Martin.
‘Not tonight, Sam, thank you.’ Lily waited until Katie unlocked the door and followed her into the house without even so much as a ‘goodnight’ for Martin.
‘So much for their ladyships.’ Sam gave an unsteady bow as the door closed behind them. ‘Brian?’
‘I may call in after I’ve taken Judy home.’
‘Be careful’ – Sam lowered his voice as Martin ran down the steps to their basement – ‘or you too will fall prey to the wrath of a woman.’
‘It’s been a disaster,’ Brian declared as he walked Judy to her door.
‘What?’ she asked carefully, wondering if he was referring to the words they’d had about her returning to Swansea.
‘Tonight. Martin told me earlier that he and Lily have never had an argument, and after the last couple of hours I can believe it. Their idea of arguing is evidently not to say a word to one another. You could bottle the atmosphere between them and sell it as fog. What was it all about, anyway?’
‘Don’t you know?’ She turned in at her gate.
‘I wouldn’t be asking if I did.’
‘It’s Joe. Didn’t you see Lily’s face when she was dancing with him, or Martin’s as he watched them?’
‘Martin’s jealous of Joe?’ he murmured incredulously.
‘I’d say so.’
‘Does he have reason to be?’
‘Lily’s adamant it’s over between her and Joe, and I believe her. Martin’s a fool if he thinks otherwise.’ She stopped outside her front door. Her mother had left the lamp burning in the hall and the stained-glass panel reflected vivid blue, red and green jewels of light on to Brian’s suit and face. ‘You coming in for coffee?’
‘It’s nearly midnight.’
‘I know the time, I asked if you wanted coffee.’ There was an edge to her voice he found difficult to ignore.
‘What about your mother?’
‘She said I could ask you, but if you don’t want to …’
‘Oh, I want to, but where is your mother?’ he asked warily.
‘At a guess I’d say listening to the wireless or reading in bed.’ Judy turned the key and stepped inside. ‘Mam?’
‘In the kitchen, Judy.’ Her mother appeared in the doorway in a pale-pink quilted-nylon housecoat. ‘I’ve just made some cocoa. Do you want some?’
‘Brian and I would prefer coffee, Mam.’
‘It’ll keep you awake.’
‘Not after the day we’ve had, Mrs Hunt.’ Brian waited until Judy pulled off her gloves before helping her off with her coat.
‘From what I remember weddings can be tiring affairs but not as tiring as a full Saturday in the salon, so if you’ll excuse me I’ll say goodnight, Brian.’ Joy nodded to him and kissed Judy as she carried her cocoa to the stairs.
‘Goodnight, Mrs Hunt.’ Brian gave Judy’s mother a cautious smile and, feeling the need to say more, added, ‘I won’t keep Judy up long.’
‘That’s good to know.’ She returned his smile and he even thought he saw a little warmth in it.
Since Katie had moved in with Lily to share her bedroom they had fallen into the habit of talking over their day last thing at night. But to Lily’s relief, for once Katie crawled into bed after leaving the bathroom, turned her face to the wall and closed her eyes. If she didn’t fall asleep shortly afterwards, she certainly gave a good impression of it. Lily crept in beside her, switched off the bedside light, curled into a self-contained ball and contemplated the evening – and Martin.
Given his father’s reputation for violence and Katie’s stories of the beatings Ernie Clay had inflicted on every member of his family, she could understand Martin’s concern over losing his temper and hitting Adam but not his reaction. Martin was totally unlike his father who had been feared and avoided by everyone in Carlton Terrace. She was one hundred per cent certain that he would never lash out at any man without provocation and it was unthinkable even to consider that he’d ever hit a woman or a child. When they had been children she had seen Martin ignore taunts and bullying about his ragged clothes and his family that had driven Jack to blind rage.
Was he really afraid of hurting her as he had said, or was he simply fed up with her and looking for a way to end their relationship? And what was their relationship anyway? A few dates, some good times when she had assumed he had enjoyed her company as much as she enjoyed his, but he had never told her so. What if he had been bored the whole time?
And he’d talked about not wanting to take on the responsibility of a family as Jack had done. She tried to recall everything she had said to him, not only that night but on their dates. Had she frightened him off by giving him the impression that she was only going out with him because she wanted marriage and a family? The few times she could recall discussing anything remotely related to the topic, the conversations had been concerned with Jack and Helen. Had Martin assumed that because she’d been happy to help Helen set up her home she wanted to do the same herself?
Just before sleep obliterated thought, she came to the conclusion that the one thing she could be absolutely certain of was that Martin meant more to her than she did to him, otherwise he wouldn’t be so determined to push her out of his life – and towards Joe.
As Lily relaxed into sleep, Katie allowed the tears she had kept in check since she had left the warehouse to fall. Stifling her sobs in her pillows, she cried until dawn broke. She’d lost the only man she would ever love and her heart was broken.
‘Your mother’s mellowed,’ Brian commented as Judy carried a tray of coffee and sandwiches into the living room.
‘Absence and all that.’ Judy set the tray on the coffee table in front of him. ‘She actually admitted this afternoon that she misses me.’
‘I get the impression she almost likes me.’
‘Don’t get a swollen head over it, she “almost likes” a lot of people.’ Sitting beside him, she handed him a plate.
He opened one of the sandwiches. ‘Great, pickle and cheese. Can we switch off the main light?’ He turned on a sofa lamp in anticipation.
‘Not until I’ve eaten. I like to see what’s in my sandwiches.’ She heaped two on to her plate.
‘Didn’t you make them?’
‘Who else?’
‘Then you should know what’s in them.’
‘I’m tired, I could have scraped up a spider with the pickle.’
He paused mid-bite and opened his sandwich again.
‘That was a joke.’
‘You think that’s funny.’ Realising that the banter was Judy’s way of trying to cope with the underlying tension that had set in between them since he had discovered she was considering returning to Swansea, he gave her a hard look.
‘It got you going, didn’t it?’
He left the sofa, turned off the light and closed the door to the hall.
‘Why do boys always want the light out?’ she asked, as he took her plate from her hand and set it together with his own on the table.
‘Possibly for the same reason girls always close their eyes when they kiss.’ He sat on the sofa and pulled her towards him.
To prove him wrong she left her eyes open as he wrapped his arms round her and lowered his lips to hers.
‘Always have to prove a point, don’t you,’ he remonstrated, as he released her.
‘I wondered what it would be like to leave my eyes open for once. Do you realise this is the first time we’ve been alone together in anything resembling privacy since we left Swansea a month ago?’
‘Yes.’ He kissed her again and this time she closed her eyes, shivering as he pulled down the elasticised sleeves of her dress and exposed her bra. Slipping his hand behind her back, he unfastened the hooks. She clung to him as he laid the strapless bra on the cushion behind him and gently caressed her exposed breasts. ‘You really are very beautiful. Much more than …’
‘Who?’ she snapped, instantly on the alert.
‘Not who, what,’ he muttered, shamefaced. ‘The boys have magazines in the hostel …’
‘Of naked girls.’
‘You’ve seen them?’ He was stunned at the thought.
‘Helen used to pinch Joe’s and show them to us.’ Her mouth turned down in disapproval. ‘They were disgusting. I can’t believe you’d want to look at pictures like that, or that any decent girl would pose for them.’
‘The girls are well-paid.’
‘No amount of money would make me strip off for a photographer.’ She frowned. ‘And how do you know the girls are well-paid?’
‘Because one of the boys in the hostel went out with a model. She told him she earns ten times her regular fee every time she works in the nude.’
‘And I suppose she gave you and “the boys” a private show.’
‘I never even met the girl,’ he protested. ‘And before you say another word, I can’t avoid seeing the magazines when they’re always lying around, now can I.’
‘You could if you tried.’
‘Isn’t it enough that I don’t buy them or go out of my way to find them?’
‘No.’
‘It’s not like I have another woman,’ he said defensively as she pulled up her dress.
‘What would you say if I told you that Lily, Katie and I look at magazines of naked men?’
‘I’d say, do whatever makes you happy.’ He grinned as an image of the three of them poring over a photograph of a naked man came to mind.
‘Happy – we’d die laughing. Naked men are ridiculous,’ she railed scornfully.
‘Oh, yes, and how many have you seen?’
Caught in her own trap, she sensed her cheeks burning. ‘None.’
‘Then how do you know we look ridiculous?’
‘I’ve seen Greek statues.’
‘And you think classical statues of men look ridiculous.’
‘This is a stupid conversation.’ She picked up her plate and took another bite of sandwich.
‘You always say that when I’m winning.’
‘I don’t.’
‘I think you need to study a naked man in depth.’ Setting her plate aside again, he nuzzled her neck.
‘You volunteering?’ Her cheeks burned again at her audacity.
‘If you reciprocate.’ Sliding her dress down again, he cupped her breasts with his hands and gently caressed her nipples with his thumbs.
‘Do you ever feel like going further than this?’ she ventured, as his touch sent shock waves coursing through her body.
‘Every time we’re alone.’
An image came to her mind of Helen’s and Jack’s flat. Would they be able to find one like it in London? If they did, she could give up work and keep house for Brian. It wouldn’t be like living in Swansea but then she wouldn’t have to get up every day to face a job she hated either. ‘You haven’t tried recently.’
‘Only because we haven’t had the chance to be alone and if my memory serves me correctly, you always fight me off.’
Her green eyes glowed seductively in the muted glow of the lamp as she lifted her legs on to the sofa and moved against the cushions to make room for him to lie beside her. ‘But you want to.’
He slid his body along the length of hers and kissed her again. ‘It would have to be for the right reasons,’ he whispered huskily. Pushing her dress down over her arms, he stripped her to the waist, pulled off his tie and dropped it to the floor.
‘How many girls have you made love to?’
‘Millions.’ He slid his hand up her leg and rested it on her stocking top.
‘I’m serious, Brian.’
His hand froze as he opened his eyes. ‘What kind of a question is that?’
‘You did your National Service, you were a soldier, you’ve been abroad. There are always girls around army camps who’ll do anything for a few shillings …’
‘Who told you that?’
‘I read the Sunday papers.’
‘The People or the News of the World?’
Putting the odd tone of his voice down to frustration, she continued, ‘I’m only asking because I think it’s time I stopped fighting you off.’
‘You want me to make love to you, right here and now?’
‘I’ve never done it and I’m curious as to what it’s like. Helen …’
‘Helen talked about her and Jack!’ He removed his hand from her leg.
‘All she would say was it was private between her and Jack.’
‘Good for Helen.’ Sitting up, he moved away from her.
‘We’ve been going out together for months now. Don’t you think it’s time we made love?’ Kneeling beside him, she pulled the skirt of her dress from beneath her and tugged it over her head.
The breath caught in his throat. She was very beautiful and temptingly desirable, dressed in only a lace waist petticoat, suspender belt, panties and stockings. But something in her eyes made his blood run cold. It was almost as if one of the models from the magazines was with him, not his girlfriend of the past few months. ‘If I did, would you insist on marrying me afterwards, or move on to the next thrill?’ he asked coldly.
She stared blankly at him. ‘I can’t believe you just said that.’
‘Do you realise you asked me to make love to you without once mentioning that you love me.’
‘You know I love you. I told you this afternoon.’
‘That was this afternoon, when you also told me you were thinking about leaving London to come back here. I don’t know where I am with you, Judy. And, frankly, the last thing I need at the moment is to satisfy your curiosity by indulging in a bout of meaningless sex.’
‘That’s a horrible thing to say.’
‘But true. And it’s made me realise that this isn’t the time or place for what we’ve just been doing, not with your mother upstairs.’ Leaving the sofa, he retrieved his tie from the floor and pulled out the knot.
‘If my mother is all you’re worried about, she won’t disturb us.’
‘I’m more worried about you than your mother.’ He looked back at her as he fastened the buttons that had worked loose on his shirt. ‘Hasn’t anyone told you lovemaking is just that, making love, an expression of your feelings for one particular, very special person?’
‘But I do love you, Brian, you know that.’
‘That was an afterthought if ever there was one.’ He reached for the door handle.
She couldn’t understand why he was angry or what she had done wrong. He had more or less admitted he liked looking at naked girls, she had taken most of her clothes off and yet he was walking away from her. ‘I’m prepared to give you everything and you’re turning me down because you won’t make love to me until we’re married, is that it?’ she asked in confusion.
He looked at her as if she were a stranger. ‘You really don’t understand, do you?’
‘No. You asked me to marry you …’
‘Months ago and you said no.’
Her eyes rounded in alarm as he opened the door. ‘Don’t go …’
‘I told your mother I wouldn’t keep you up late.’
‘But what about us? We haven’t decided anything …’ Her voice tailed off as a cold shiver ran down her spine.
‘We have hours to talk about us on the train tomorrow, Judy; that is, if you are going back to London. And if you’re not, I rather think any decisions will have been made.’
‘But we won’t be alone on the train like we are now.’ Making no attempt to cover herself she went to him and tried to kiss him.
‘No.’ He pushed her gently down on to the sofa. ‘Not now, and certainly not with you in this mood.’
‘What mood? I love you …’
‘You’re so mixed up you don’t know what you want, London or Swansea, me or any man who’ll show you what sex is like. I don’t want to have to get married like Jack, forced into it because there’s a baby on the way. I want to get married because I love the girl, she loves me and we’ve made a decision to spend the rest of our lives together. Not because the girl sees marriage and a family as a way out of a job she can’t get to grips with.’
‘It wouldn’t be like that …’
‘Do you think I’m so stupid I can’t work out that the only reason you’re mentioning marriage now is so you can give up work?’
‘I love you,’ she protested in a small voice.
‘I’m sorry, much as I want to, I don’t believe you.’
‘So what happens now?’ Forced to accept that he wasn’t going to touch her again, she reached for her dress.
‘That is entirely up to you.’
‘You want us to carry on as we have been, with both of us working all the hours of the day and night, hardly ever seeing one another …’
‘And we’d see so much more of one another if you came back here.’ He stepped into the doorway. ‘If you can’t see a future for us together, I’d rather you told me now, Judy, before I waste any more time making plans that aren’t going anywhere.’
Her heart missed a beat. ‘You want us to stop seeing one another?’
‘It might be an idea until you decide what you really want out of life.’
‘And if I decide I want you?’
He looked carefully at her. ‘You’d continue to put up with a city and a job you hate just for me.’
She hesitated. ‘I just need time …’
‘I won’t wait for ever, neither will I let myself be used by you or anyone else, Judy. Just one last piece of advice. Whatever happens between us, don’t go asking any more men to make love to you when you’re not sure whether you love them or not. In my experience that’s how girls get reputations they’d rather not have.’ He gave her one final piercing look before he walked away.
‘The kettle’s not long boiled, there’s instant coffee and bread and cheese in the cupboard,’ Sam greeted Brian as he walked into the basement kitchen.
‘Where’s Martin?’ Brian asked, as he made himself coffee.
‘He went straight to bed when we came in.’
‘Happy days,’ Brian mused sardonically.
‘Not for him and Lily, or you and Judy by the look on your face,’ Sam diagnosed as Brian sat in the only other easy chair.
‘You know girls.’
‘Unfortunately not as well as I’d like to.’
‘If you take my advice you’ll stay away from them.’
Sam handed Brian the sugar bowl. ‘From where I’m sitting, it doesn’t look like you’re taking your own advice.’
‘I may soon be forced to.’
Sensing a depressing conversation about to start, Sam left his chair. ‘I’m for bed. See you in the morning.’
‘I’ll be here,’ Brian answered absently, as he swung his feet on to one of the kitchen chairs.