Martin glanced up from the mechanics manual he was attempting to study as Sam walked into the kitchen in his uniform trousers and shirt, carrying his tunic. ‘I didn’t know you were on duty.’
‘A week of nights, starting tonight,’ Sam complained. ‘The downside of getting yesterday off for the wedding and there’s a stain on this damn sleeve the sergeant’s bound to spot at inspection.’
‘Spot remover in the dresser drawer, tea in the pot.’ Martin closed the manual. Before he had spent an hour staring at diagrams he had been fairly confident that he knew all he needed to know about Ford engines. Now all he was sure of was there was a great deal he hadn’t covered – or had it been that he was too concerned about the strained silence between himself and Lily to concentrate?
Sam glanced at his watch as he rummaged among the mess of elastic bands, pencils, rules and tubes of spent glue in the drawer. ‘Fortunately, I’m ahead of myself. I don’t need to be at the station for another hour, so it’s yes to that tea.’
‘You expect me to pour it for you?’ Martin asked indignantly.
‘You do it so well.’
‘Liar.’ Martin picked up a tea towel from the table and flung it at Sam, catching him on the side of the face.
‘That stung.’ Sam tossed it back on to the table. ‘Do you think Brian will be all right?’
‘Difficult to say.’ Martin took a clean mug from the dresser and set it next to his on the table. ‘He was pretty fond of Judy.’
‘Stupid bugger.’
‘Him or Judy?’
‘Both of them for quarrelling.’ Sam found the bottle of stain remover and placed it and the sleeve in the sink. ‘How’s the swotting going?’
‘It’s not.’ Martin poured out two mugs of tea.
‘That’s because you’re whacked. If I were you I’d get some fresh air before an early night.’ He winked suggestively. ‘Take the gorgeous Lily for a long walk down a dark alley.’
‘You’ve been talking to her,’ Martin broke in suspiciously.
‘Not since lunch in Mrs Hunt’s and you were there.’
‘You said something to her after I left.’
‘“Where do you want me to put the leftover mashed potato?” And forgive me for forgetting her reply,’ Sam answered carelessly. ‘I told you, Joe and I washed up.’
‘You didn’t say anything to her about me?’
‘Not that I can remember.’ He eyed Martin. ‘Why the Spanish Inquisition.’
Martin sugared his tea and pulled his cigarettes from his shirt pocket.
‘Don’t tell me you two haven’t made it up since last night.’ Sam poured a little of the stain remover on to a corner of a tea towel and dabbed at the sleeve.
‘There’s nothing to make up,’ Martin said dismissively.
‘No?’ Sam questioned sceptically. ‘It was obvious you two had had a spat from the mournful silence on the way home.’
‘That stuff stinks.’ Taking the stain remover, Martin screwed the top back on the bottle.
‘Stinks maybe, but it’s done the trick.’ Sam held up his tunic and shook it out, before hanging it on the back of a chair.
‘I’d hate to be a criminal in Swansea tonight. You’ll gas them before you arrest them.’
‘And I hate to see two mates in trouble on the same day.’ Sam picked up his mug.
‘I am not in trouble.’
‘If Lily got the wrong end of the stick about what happened with Adam I could explain,’ Sam offered generously.
‘What’s to explain?’ Martin laid a cigarette next to Sam’s mug. ‘I lost my temper.’
‘Lucky for Brian that you did.’
‘He would have managed.’
‘I doubt it.’ Sam poured milk into his tea and heaped in three spoonfuls of sugar. ‘That kick you took on your shin was aimed at his stomach. I’ve seen what that can do. It’s not a pretty sight and the mopping up can take hours. Which reminds me, how’s your leg?’
‘Bruised.’
‘You should get it checked by a doctor.’
‘It’s fine,’ Martin snapped irritably.
‘You’re not feeling guilty about clocking Adam, are you?’ Sam flicked his lighter and lit Martin’s cigarette before his own.
‘I was so mad I didn’t know what I was doing. If you and Brian hadn’t been there to stop me I could have killed him.’
‘Adam’s not that much of a wimp. Once he’d got his wind back he would have given as good as he got.’ Sam settled comfortably in one of the easy chairs with his tea.
‘That’s not the point. Suppose I lose my rag with someone else, you – Lily …’
‘You only lost your temper with Adam because Brian was threatened. And you weren’t the only one who saw red. If I could have got between them before you, Adam wouldn’t have stood a chance.’
‘That’s because you’re a trained police officer.’
‘Forget training. I lost my cool just like you. But, unlike you, I’m not frightened of losing it.’ He hesitated, then asked, ‘Is it because of your father?’
‘What do you know about my father?’ Martin bristled defensively.
‘I’ve heard stories.’ Sam swung his legs on to the seat of one of the kitchen chairs.
‘The people in this town never let up. He’s dead and buried.’
‘People love gossip.’ Sam inhaled on his cigarette. ‘And from what I’ve heard he gave them plenty to talk about.’
‘He was a vicious bastard, end of story,’ Martin said shortly, with the intention of putting an end to the conversation.
‘Are you afraid of losing your temper because he was always losing his?’ Sam questioned with uncharacteristic insight.
Martin drew heavily on his cigarette. ‘Probably,’ he conceded grudgingly.
‘One, I’ve lived with you for over a month now and you can take it from me, you’re a good guy. Two, people who are aware that they are likely to lose their temper take care to keep it under control except under extreme provocation. And if what Adam tried to do to Brian last night doesn’t come into that category I don’t know what does. And three, I’ve seen you with your sister and Lily. You’d slit your own throat before you’d touch a woman in anger.’
‘I wish I had your confidence.’
‘Find it, Martin. Because the way you are now, you’re too scared to take what life is offering you on a plate and that’s sad.’ Sam looked him directly in the eye. ‘As much for the gorgeous Lily as you.’
‘The gorgeous Lily has Joe.’
‘I watched Joe and Lily today and she doesn’t look at him the way she looks at you.’
A glimmer of a smile appeared on Martin’s face. ‘You think so?’
‘I know so,’ Sam pronounced decisively, ‘so why don’t you go upstairs and ask her if she feels like a walk. And while you’re there, put in a good word for me with your sister.’
‘You want to go out with Katie?’ Martin looked at him in surprise.
‘I’d like to, but she doesn’t seem to know I exist.’
‘She’s shy, particularly with men.’ Martin hadn’t spoken to Katie about her relationship with John Griffiths since the night she and John had told him they would marry as soon as his divorce was finalised. He wanted his sister to be happy but he couldn’t help feeling that Sam would make a more suitable husband for her than a man more than twice her age.
Misunderstanding Martin’s silence, Sam sought to reassure him. ‘If you’re worried about my intentions, they are strictly honourable. They’d hardly be anything else when we all live in the same house. And if that’s not good enough for you …’ He grinned wickedly. ‘Remember, I saw what you did to Adam.’
Lily sat back and watched Katie flick through the Sunday People. She stared at various pictures and articles but from the blank expression on her face Lily doubted whether a single image or word was registering. Setting aside the stocking she’d repaired with one of her own hairs, she reached for the kettle. ‘Do you fancy a cup of tea?’
‘I suppose we ought to think about laying the table,’ Katie answered, in a tone that suggested she wanted to do anything but.
‘If we do, it’ll only be for us. Mrs Hunt had a list of jobs a mile long for Uncle Roy, so he’ll be eating tea over there.’
‘Perhaps we should invite Judy over.’
‘She made it clear she wanted to be alone for a while. I think we should respect that, at least for today.’
Katie thought about what Lily said and knew she was right. One look at Judy’s face when she had returned, soaked and dejected, from the station had been enough for her to realise that there was nothing she or anyone aside from Brian and he was on his way to London could do for Judy. When something as devastating as losing the man you love happened, there was no comfort. Since John had told her he no longer wanted to see her privately, a sick, desolate feeling had set in, draining all pleasure from life. It made no difference where she was or whom she was with, she couldn’t shake it.
‘But there are the two of us and we should eat.’ Wishing Katie would talk about whatever it was that had upset her, Lily turned on the tap and filled the kettle.
‘Has your uncle said anything to you about what’s going to happen to the house and us when he marries Mrs Hunt?’ Katie asked, wondering if she should start looking for other lodgings.
‘Only that they won’t be marrying before the summer at the earliest.’
‘Anyone in?’
‘In the kitchen, Marty,’ Katie called, as he knocked on the connecting door between the basement and the house. ‘Did you see Brian?’ she asked, as soon as he walked into the room.
‘Sam and I caught up with him at the station. He didn’t say much but he seemed upset.’
‘So was Judy.’ Katie leaped to her friend’s defence.
‘She was the one who wanted to stay here,’ Martin reminded her.
‘It’s Judy’s and Brian’s problem and I think we should leave them to sort it out without interfering or gossiping about them. Tea?’ Lily reached for the cups.
‘No, thanks. As I’ve been in all afternoon I wondered if the two of you fancied a walk.’
‘I’m so tired I’d curl up and drop off on the pavement,’ Katie said flatly.
‘Lily?’
‘I’d like to. You sure you don’t mind being left alone, Katie?’ Lily was already untying her apron.
‘No, I want to wash my hair anyway.’
Lily looked at the kettle she’d just put on to boil. ‘I’ll make us all tea when I come back.’
‘Not for me, I’ll grab a sandwich after you’ve gone. I promise,’ Katie added in response to Lily’s concerned look.
Lily turned to Martin. ‘I’ll brush my hair and get my coat.’ As Lily left, Katie lifted the kettle from the stove and closed the hob.
‘You all right, sis?’ Martin asked.
‘Just tired.’
He debated whether or not to try to push her, but before he had made a decision, Lily returned and he thanked his lucky stars that he’d picked a girlfriend who didn’t take hours to doll up. A touch of lipstick, a brush through her hair and a coat, and she was ready. ‘We won’t be long, sis.’
‘Please don’t hurry on my account. As soon as my hair is dry I’m going to bed. I really am tired.’
He kissed Katie’s cheek before following Lily to the door.
Joy knocked before opening her daughter’s bedroom door. ‘Do you feel like talking?’ she asked, tactfully remaining in the doorway.
‘There’s nothing to say.’ Judy screwed the damp handkerchief she was holding into a ball as she looked up from the bed.
‘You will have to telephone the BBC and the hostel.’
Judy choked back her tears. ‘I’ll do it first thing in the morning.’
Joy thought for a moment, choosing her words carefully. ‘It’s not too late to change your mind. You could catch an early train and be in London before your afternoon shift starts at the BBC.’
Judy shook her head.
‘Judy, I know you, how impetuous you can be. It seems to me that you’ve rushed thoughtlessly into this …’
‘I’ve made the right decision, Mam. I’m sure of it. I was desperately unhappy in London.’
‘You never said,’ Joy reproved. ‘If you had, we might have been able to do something about it.’
‘Like what?’ Judy challenged.
‘Perhaps found you another hostel to live in.’
‘It would have made no difference.’
‘Well,’ Joy conceded, ‘if you’re absolutely sure you’ve made the right decision there’s nothing I can say.’
‘I am absolutely certain that I want to stay in Swansea,’ Judy reiterated tearfully.
‘And Brian?’ Joy probed gently. ‘He must have thought a great deal of you to give up his job and follow you to London.’
‘Whatever he thought of me then, he doesn’t think the same of me now.’
‘Then it’s over between you two?’
Judy remembered his harsh words as he had rejected her suggestion that they make love. You’re so mixed up you don’t know what you want, London or Swansea, me or any man who’ll show you what sex is like. I don’t want to have to get married like Jack, forced into it because there’s a baby on the way. I want to get married because I love the girl, she loves me and we’ve made a decision to spend the rest of our lives together. Not because the girl sees marriage and a family as a way out of a job she can’t get to grips with. ‘Yes, Mam, it’s over.’
‘I’m sorry, Judy, if there’s anything I can do …’
Sitting up, Judy scrubbed her tears with the damp handkerchief. ‘Start looking for that second salon tomorrow.’
Stepping into the room, Joy hugged her. ‘If you’ll take over the Monday half-price pensioner clients tomorrow I’ll see if I can sign a lease by teatime. But I warn you, they all want to look the way they did when they were sixteen, even down to the crimped knife-edge waves, so don’t go trying any Doris Day soft curls on them.’
‘Where are we going?’ Lily asked Martin as they turned out of Carlton Terrace into Craddock Street.
‘The beach,’ Martin answered decisively. ‘After clouding my brain with mechanics all afternoon I want to breathe fresh sea air.’
A blast of freezing wind hit them as they rounded the corner into Mansel Street. Lily put her head down and pulled up her collar. ‘By fresh I take it you mean Arctic.’
‘Spring doesn’t seem as close as it did yesterday. Want to put your hand in my pocket?’ he ventured, unsure of the reception his suggestion would receive after their argument in the Pier.
‘That depends what’s in your pocket.’
‘A half-eaten tripe and onion sandwich. My pet mouse …’
‘You’ve been spending too much time with Brian.’ Relenting, she slipped her gloved hand into his, relishing the intimacy – and the warmth as he closed his fingers round it and pushed both their hands into the deep pocket of his overcoat.
‘He does have a weird sense of humour,’ he conceded, as they headed down Christina Street towards the Kingsway.
Knowing she was on dangerous ground didn’t prevent her from risking a reference to the fight. ‘Which is presumably why Adam hit him.’
‘It wasn’t just Brian’s fault, we were all to blame,’ he admitted, shouldering his share of the responsibility. ‘Brian just happened to be closest when we told Adam what we’d done.’
‘And what was that exactly?’
‘Played a silly joke on him on Jack’s stag night.’
‘With scent and lipstick.’
‘How do you know?’ He wondered if Jack had told Helen what he’d done and she’d had time to mention it to the girls before leaving the Mackworth.
‘I was there when Jack came upstairs and asked Katie for them. I told him then that the bridegroom was supposed to be the target on stag nights, not his guests.’
‘The bridegroom didn’t like having his beer spiked with vodka,’ Martin said in an attempt to justify what Jack had done.
‘So Jack played the joke, and you and Brian took the punishment.’ She quickened her pace so as to keep up with him as they left the Kingsway for St Helen’s Road.
‘Neither of us took much punishment. Sam held Adam back when he tried to have a second go. And you are not to say a word to Adam as to who the real culprit was. It will only make him boiling mad again, possibly enough to confront Jack when he comes back.’
‘Sometimes I wonder if you boys ever grow out of the fighting in the playground stage,’ she said crossly, hating the thought of Martin and Brian fighting anyone, especially Adam, who was one of their crowd.
‘If I was ever into it, I’m not now. I’ll never hit anyone again,’ he pledged grimly.
‘Not even if they are trying to hit you?’
‘Especially if they are trying to hit me,’ he reiterated. ‘Lily, about last night …’
‘Forget last night. I have.’ Afraid he’d try to pick an argument with her again, she tried to move the conversation on. By inviting her to take a walk with him he’d proved that he didn’t want to finish with her – unless he intended to give her the unpleasant news now. She shivered at the thought.
‘You’re cold.’ Taking off his scarf, he wrapped it round her neck, drew the ends towards him and pulled her close enough to kiss the tip of her freezing nose before walking on. ‘Unfortunately I can’t forget last night and I doubt Adam will either.’
‘I hope you’re wrong. I hate quarrels and you’ve always got on well together.’
‘And us?’ He looked keenly at her as they stopped to cross the Mumbles Road. ‘Do we get on well together?’
She looked into his eyes. They were dark, serious in the cold late-afternoon light. ‘What do you think?’
‘Before last night I would have said yes.’
‘I asked you to forget last night.’
He removed her hand from his pocket as they crossed the Mumbles Road. ‘The evenings are getting lighter.’
Dismayed that he’d moved the conversation on to the impersonal, she murmured, ‘I’ve noticed.’
‘It was dark at half past five a month ago. In a few weeks it will be warm enough to swim.’
‘Auntie Norah used to say “Never cast a clout until May’s out”’.
‘My mother wouldn’t let us in the sea before June either, but Jack and I used to sneak off and swim in our underpants and dry them in the coalhouse afterwards. Mam could never understand why they were always black and sandy.’ He smiled at one of the more bearable memories from his childhood.
‘We used to borrow costumes from Helen. She always had half a dozen spares, and her mother didn’t watch her the way Aunt Norah used to watch me, or your mother and Mrs Hunt watched Katie and Judy. On Saturday afternoons we’d pretend to go to the pictures and catch a bus to Limeslade. Given the freezing Mays we’ve had over the years, and the fact that we were too scared to go home until our hair dried, it’s a wonder we didn’t catch pneumonia.’
‘So’ – he grabbed her hand again as they stood at the top of the steps that led down to the beach – ‘now we’ve established we both misbehaved when we were children, will you come swimming with me?’
‘Not next week.’ Was the casual question meant as an invitation to carry on going out with him until the weather was warm enough for swimming?
‘But you’ll be able to make that outing we talked about, next weekend?’
Confused by his present warmth after his offhand manner of that morning and the night before, she wondered if he was doing the one thing dreaded by all girls and written about at length by agony aunts in women’s magazines: ‘taking her for granted’. Deciding caution was the best option open to her she said, ‘If you want me to.’
As they reached the bottom step that led down to the deserted sands he pulled her into the shelter of one of the shops built into the arches under Victoria Bridge. Closing his hands round her back, he pressed the full length of his body against hers. Her head began to spin and not only from the breathtakingly bitter wind. His lips were warm, he smelled of scents she was becoming familiar with, Coal Tar soap, Vosene shampoo and Old Spice aftershave. His body was hard, unyielding even through layers of clothes, arousing new – and in view of what had happened to Helen – frightening sensations. But as he undid the buttons on her coat she didn’t want him to stop. Not even when his hands closed over the front of her sweater and he caressed her breasts through layers of cloth.
‘I’m sorry.’ A faraway look stole into his eyes as he removed his hands and released her.
‘For what?’ She hoped he was about to apologise for some of the things he’d said the night before, not the most passionate embrace they’d shared.
‘Dragging you out in weather like this. Your face is blue.’
Taking care not to show her disappointment at the prosaic pronouncement after his passion of a moment before, she turned her back to him. ‘Once we start walking, I’ll soon warm up.’
‘Where do you want to walk to?’
‘Mumbles.’ She looked at the lights nestling in the wooded curve of the bay.
‘Nothing will be open when we get there.’
‘We don’t always have to go somewhere.’
‘No, we don’t.’ He followed her as she left the shelter of the shops and struck out towards the tide line. It lapped high, leaving only a narrow stretch of sand to walk on. As they scrunched along a crust of blackened seaweed, pebbles and debris, the wind scudded into them, damp and gritty with a salt spray that stung their faces and knotted Lily’s hair, bringing tears to her eyes and numbing her body, even through her coat.
‘Look, Lily, you know I’m fond of you,’ he confessed suddenly.
‘After last night and this morning I wasn’t too sure.’ Tired of fighting the wind, she turned her back to it and looked out to sea. The sun was no more than a smudge of light on the horizon. Dusk was falling rapidly around them. As navy and purple shadows crept upwards from the beach shrouding familiar landmarks, they took on new and peculiar shapes. Only the sea remained constant, a vast, gleaming, blue-black pool crested by short-lived bursts of white foam.
‘But I’m not like Jack. The thought of marriage scares me to death …’
‘I told you last night I’m not looking to get married, Marty.’ She smiled in relief. He was finally talking to her about the reasons behind his strange moodiness.
‘But you will want to – one day, I mean?’
‘At the moment I have a good job, a great boyfriend …’
‘Great?’ He returned her smile.
‘Fantastic.’
He pulled her towards him. ‘I look at Jack and Helen all starry-eyed and happy, then I look around at the couples in the street who’ve been married for years and I can’t help wondering if they started out that way too and, if they did, what went wrong. There’s Helen’s mam and dad …’
‘Their divorce is hardly a surprise,’ Lily interposed. ‘According to Uncle Roy they’ve led separate lives ever since they married, him in the warehouse, her in the Little Theatre. And they are such different people. Mrs Griffiths, well, she’s Mrs Griffiths,’ she said guardedly, trying to conceal her dislike. ‘Even Helen says she’s always been more interested in her friends and fashion than her own family. And Mr Griffiths is more of a one for the quiet life. He seems to enjoy his work and helping people …’
‘Point taken,’ he interrupted, not wanting to think of all the reasons that lay behind John Griffiths’ kindness to his sister. Despite Katie’s insistence that nothing had happened between them until she had been working in the warehouse for some time, he remained deeply suspicious.
‘Why don’t you try looking at the happy people in our street instead of the unhappy ones,’ Lily suggested. ‘From what I can see there’s not much difference between the way Helen and Jack feel about one another and my Uncle Roy and Mrs Hunt.’
‘No, but your Uncle Roy and Judy’s mother haven’t been married for years.’
‘But they will be, and happily,’ she countered stubbornly.
He linked his hands round her neck and pulled her even closer. ‘If good wishes were wings I believe you’d have the whole world flying.’
She clung to him for a few minutes, resting her head on his shoulder. ‘I know you don’t like talking about your father,’ she began cautiously, ‘but Uncle Roy told me that he was different before the war. He thinks something must have happened to change him.’
‘My mother used to try to tell me the same thing,’ Martin released her and looked towards Mumbles. ‘I didn’t believe her then and I don’t now.’
‘Don’t you remember what he was like before he was called up?’
‘I was seven when he went away and if there were any good times they’ve been overshadowed by what came later. Whenever I think of him, I wish I’d done something to stop him from beating Mam.’
‘Like what, Marty?’ she asked, sensing and wanting to alleviate his pain. ‘You just said you’ll never hit anyone again, even if they hit you.’
‘I would have made an exception in his case. You have no idea what it was like to live with him day in day out. Terrified of what he’d do next – and which one of us he’d pick on. Dreading him having a go at me and hating myself whenever he had a go at one of the others because it wasn’t me.’
‘Katie told me you stopped him from hitting your mother after you came home from National Service. Before then you were a child who would have been badly beaten if you’d tried.’
‘Better me than my mother.’
‘There wasn’t a choice, Marty,’ she said firmly. ‘It would have been you and your mother.’
‘You have an answer for everything, don’t you,’ he said softly as he reached for her hand.
‘No, but since my mother gatecrashed my engagement party I do know there’s no use fretting over the past. It can’t be altered no matter how much you wish some things had never happened. All you can do is get on with life.’
‘Is your mother the reason you broke off your engagement to Joe?’
She glanced down, only just able to make out the veins of blackened coal dust in the gloom that covered the waterlogged sand. Another few minutes and it would be too dark to see them, or their footprints that held for the barest fraction of a second before being obliterated by the welling sea water.
‘Sorry, I had no business asking that.’ He dropped her hand, furious with himself for allowing his jealousy to surface. And it wasn’t simply jealousy. Lily had been engaged to Joe. Everyone accepted that engaged couples could ‘go further’ than couples who were simply ‘going out’ or ‘courting’ and he wasn’t even sure he and Lily had breached the barrier between going out and courting. Every time he thought of Joe and Lily or saw them together, he tortured himself by imagining the things she had allowed Joe to do her. There were bound to have been kisses – and touches. How far had her petting gone with Joe? Had she taken off her clothes -
‘Yes, you do have a right to ask that.’ Her declaration broke in on his thoughts. ‘And I don’t mind talking about it.’ She was elated that Martin had finally made an admission that he was resentful of her ‘almost’ engagement to Joe. ‘But as it’s freezing, do you mind if we carry on walking?’ She took his arm as she stepped close to him. ‘You were there, you saw how shocked Joe was.’
‘And you.’
‘I was horrified,’ she agreed.
‘Why?’ He slipped his arm round her shoulders. ‘You’re not responsible for your mother. She didn’t bring you up. You didn’t even know she existed until that day.’
Drawing even closer to him, she wrapped her arm round his waist. ‘At the time I honestly thought that because she’d given birth to me I wasn’t good enough not just for Joe, but any decent company. Then Uncle Roy explained that everyone of us is worth exactly the same as the next person, no matter where we come from, or what airs and graces we try to adopt. It’s the life we make for ourselves and what we give to others that’s important, not our past, or how much or how little money we may have.’
‘You really believe that.’
Once again she realised just how insecure and vulnerable he was. ‘Anyone who’s thought about it for more than five minutes has to, Marty. Otherwise what we have is more important than who we are and that kind of thinking would turn the world upside down – not to mention put the criminals who make their money dishonestly on top. Sorry,’ she apologised, ‘I sound exactly like Uncle Roy on one of his rants.’
‘That still doesn’t explain why you broke off your engagement to Joe.’ He set the conversation firmly back on course.
‘That’s so simple I thought you would have realised by now. I didn’t love him.’
‘Then why did you agree to marry him?’
‘Because he proposed to me on the day Auntie Norah was buried. Uncle Roy was wonderful but I felt very alone – and frightened of the future. I had no idea what was going to happen to me. Joe offered me security and a ready-made life as his wife. I didn’t have to do anything except say yes and I’m ashamed to say I was too much of a coward to turn him down. Later, after the party, I realised I’d accepted him for all the wrong reasons.’
‘You never loved him?’ Halting, he stood in front of her and linked his arms round her waist.
She wanted to say ‘not in the way I love you’, but unsure how he’d respond after his declaration about marriage, she settled for, ‘I only thought I did at the time. There’s nothing between us now, nor will there be again.’
He kissed her once more, then, leaving one hand round her waist, led her on. As they neared the village, he spotted lights burning in the Italian café. ‘Buy you a coffee?’
‘The cafés open?’ she asked.
‘The lights are on.’
‘It will be warm in there.’
‘And then we take the train back.’
‘Lazybones.’
Once again silence fell between them, but it was devoid of strain and tension. He wondered why he couldn’t always be like this, simply take what life offered and be grateful for it, like Lily. Instead, he seemed doomed always to question any happiness it brought, too terrified to enjoy it, in case it would be snatched away.