LANA’S REQUEST HAD caught him off guard, but he wasn’t displeased by it. Not at all. It was just that he couldn’t. He’d just never expected it from her. She was always was so careful, guarded, but the more time he was spending with her, the more he realized a hot fiery passion burned beneath the surface.
And that was something he wanted to explore, but he had a sneaking suspicion that if he tasted this once, he was going to want more and more. So, even though it killed him, he left the room. Walked the beach, far away from the wedding, to calm his senses, but it didn’t work because all he could think about was Lana’s lips pressed against his.
The feeling of her in his arms.
And her begging him to make love to her.
You can’t.
Although he wanted to.
After what seemed like an eternity he returned to the room. Hoping that everything had blown over, that she might be already asleep even, but instead he saw her sitting on the couch, a flute of champagne in her hand. She turned to look at him when he shut the door and he could see the tearstains on her cheeks.
Pain hit him hard.
He’d hurt her.
“Oh, I didn’t expect you to come back,” she said quietly and she wiped the tears from her face.
“I just needed a moment to myself.”
“I see,” she said quietly. Then she sighed. “Well, I think I’m going to turn in.”
“Lana, I think we need to talk,” he said.
“What is there to talk about?” She frowned. “You didn’t want me and you have nothing to apologize about. I’m the one that wanted to step out of the boundaries we set. Not you.”
“No, that’s not it.”
“What do you mean?” she asked, confused.
“I want you too, Lana. It’s not for lack of desiring you. I want you. More than anything.” And, though he knew that he shouldn’t, he closed the distance between them and kissed her, fully expecting her to pull back from him the way that he had pulled from her, but she didn’t. Instead she melted into his arms and he knew that he was a lost man.
There would be no walking away from her again tonight.
He was so weak.
Without asking any more questions, he scooped her up in his arms and carried her back into the room. He laid her down on the bed and kissed her again, pressing his weight against her, but he hated the fact there were so many layers of clothes that were separating them.
He wanted nothing between them.
All he wanted was just skin on skin. No words, just raw need driving their passion. Lana seemed to be feeling the same thing as he was because her fingers began to undo the buttons of his vest and then his shirt, but he didn’t want to be the only one completely naked—he wanted to undress her.
And he didn’t want to get her dress ruined.
“Let’s get that dress off you and then we can work on my tuxedo.”
She grinned at him and stood up. He spun her around, but let his hands linger on her bare back, just reveling in the silky softness of it. Lana sighed and where he touched there was a trail of goose pimples. He loved the way her body responded to his.
It made him want her even more.
He undid the clasp and unzipped the dress. It was similar to the dress she’d worn last night, only this one was ivory and of a heavier material.
Lana shrugged her shoulders out and the dress fell to the floor, pooling at her feet. Andrew was not prepared for the visual onslaught of her standing there in bridal lingerie. The slip, the garter belt and stockings, the bustier.
She turned around to face him, those dark eyes sparkling with that fire he knew was buried underneath. He could see the blush that he so adored creep up from her slender neck and blossom in her cheeks.
“Now it’s your turn.” And she undid the rest of the buttons on his shirt. She pulled it down off his arms and then ran her fingers over his chest. The mere light touch of her fingers on him sent a jolt of heat from where she touched straight to his groin.
He was so aroused by her.
And he couldn’t remember ever having wanted a woman so much that a groan slipped past his lips. Her hands slid in the waistband of his trousers and she undid the button and then the fly. He shimmied out of his pants and then pushed her back on the bed before removing his socks. All that was left between them now was their undergarments, but those would soon be gone.
He kissed her again. Hungrily.
“I hate to break this up, but do you have protection?” she asked.
Crap.
Usually he carried one in his wallet and he couldn’t remember if he’d put it in his pocket or not. Even though sex was the last thing he had been expecting with Lana, because he didn’t want to push something he knew could be so dangerous for both of them.
As luck would have it, he did have his wallet and there was one.
He pulled it out. “Yep.”
“Thank goodness.”
“No one is more thankful than me.” He joined her back on the bed. “Now, where were we?”
She cupped his face. “I think we were here.”
The kiss fired his blood, but he sensed that there was no nervousness that was there before. The uncertainty that seemed to sometimes plague Lana when dealing with things that were beyond the scope of medicine and only dealt with emotion.
There was no uncertainty now. She seemed to know exactly what she wanted and that made him burn for her.
This was the confident Lana that he knew in the hospital.
The one who knew exactly what she wanted. Although he liked the one that was vulnerable, he liked this version of her as well. As they were kissing she ran his hands over his back and her hands paused on the scar, touching it gently as if she was trying to figure out what it was, but she didn’t linger long.
She didn’t stop and question him. Which was a relief. He didn’t want to talk about that right now. All he wanted to do was focus on this moment. He wanted to feel with her. He wanted to forget everything.
He wanted to bury himself inside her.
Not soon enough all that remained between them was gone. And it was just the two of them, heart to heart. She was completely bared to him.
When he ran his hands over her body, she responded, arching her back. He wanted to take her now, but he wanted her to give him a sign, he wanted her to be ready. He wanted her to want him as much as burned for her.
Lana didn’t need to say a word to let him know that she was ready, with a slight arch of her hips and her legs wrapped around him. He didn’t kiss her in that moment, instead he gazed deep into her eyes, his fingers entwined with hers as he entered her.
It was almost too much for him to hold back. And he couldn’t recall any time before this moment. It had never been like this with anyone else.
It scared him, but thrilled him. He hadn’t had such a rush, such a thrill since he was surfing. That had been when he was truly free.
Lana made him feel truly free.
She came around him and it wasn’t long until he was joining her. He rolled over on his back, trying to catch his breath, and she snuggled in beside him. Her hand on his chest. The way that Lana had made him feel things terrified him.
Things that he never wanted to feel with anyone.
He liked living his life alone. And he wondered why he’d even agreed to this marriage. Right now, holding her in his arms in their bridal suite, he was scared about how he was feeling. How in one moment Lana had got to him when no one else had been able to.
Except his sister, but when she’d died and his family shut him out, he’d felt that he didn’t deserve this. He felt guilty.
“Are you okay?” Lana asked, propping herself up on one elbow, her black hair cascading over her shoulders, making it impossible to shut her out.
“I’m fine.” He grinned at her.
“That was great. Thank you.”
He grinned. “I’ve never been thanked before.”
“Well, I was taught to have manners,” she teased.
Andrew laughed and then kissed her. “You’re welcome then.”
“So, the scar?”
Andrew stiffened under her. “What about it?”
“Now you’re definitely not okay,” she said.
“I don’t like to talk about it.”
“What happened?”
“An accident.”
“Is that why you won’t operate?”
Andrew sighed and pushed her away. He got up out of bed and pulled on his pants. He didn’t look back at Lana because he didn’t want to be tempted to be drawn back into bed.
She was so tempting, but she was delving into a conversation that he wasn’t comfortable having. His accident happened, it ended his surfing career and it ended his surgical career. It was done. There was no need to discuss.
He was all too aware of the consequences of accidents. And the last time he’d tried to talk about it, about his sister’s death, he’d been shot down by his parents. Not that they’d always had the best relationship, but they blamed him for her death.
They said he’d killed her.
His best friend. The only person who had been there for him, his beloved baby sister. He’d lost his family back then and learned a valuable lesson—hide your emotions. Don’t talk about painful things.
It was better this way.
Yet Lana was prying into something that he wasn’t willing to talk about.
“Andrew, I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“You didn’t upset me.” He was lying through his teeth.
“I just know that it pains you and it’s a significant scar. I just want to help.”
“There’s nothing you can do.”
“But...”
“I don’t want to talk about it, Lana,” he snapped. “It’s done. There’s no use in talking about something you can’t change.”
She frowned and then hugged her knees. “You’re right. Talking never really solves anything, does it?”
It was sarcasm.
And, just like that, the magic of their moment was shattered.
There was a wall between them again, but the wall needed to be there. It would keep them both safe.
You mean it will keep you safe.
He shook that thought from his mind as he slipped on his shoes and buttoned up his shirt.
“Where are you going?” she asked.
“For another walk.”
Lana nodded, but she wasn’t looking at him. “Okay. I think I’ll have a rest. I’m still tired from that surgery yesterday.”
“Sounds good.” Andrew sighed inwardly and left the room. “I’ll see you later.”
He hated himself right now. He hated hurting her, but she was treading on dangerous ground.
You mean you are.
* * *
Lana knew that she had been treading on dangerous ground. Any time she’d mentioned his shoulder pain in the past he’d thrown up a wall. Why had she thought that this time would be different? She was beating herself up that she’d asked him about his scar.
He’d mentioned an accident, but she couldn’t help but wonder what had happened. The first thing that came to mind as she thought about the way the scar was that his shoulder had been shattered and the repair hadn’t gone well.
Or at least he didn’t think so.
And maybe it hadn’t, given the pain he was in, but really, unless she examined it, she was just speculating. Lana seriously doubted that Andrew would let her look at it.
She needed to just let it go.
He didn’t want to talk about it so she wasn’t going to push. To keep the peace, she would keep quiet about it, although she didn’t want to.
Lana got up and had a shower. She found her overnight suitcase in the luxurious dressing room and changed into some comfortable clothes. Instead of heading back to the bed, which she was trying to ignore, she went to the sitting area of the suite and settled down on the couch to watch some television.
She didn’t want to think about what had happened in that bed.
She was glad that it had happened, but now it was going to be awkward between the two of them. Which she didn’t want, so she was going to make sure that there wouldn’t be too much awkwardness between them as they had to live together and work together.
To the rest of the world they had to appear the loving and happy couple.
The door opened and he walked in, his hands in his pockets, and he looked as if he’d calmed down.
“Lana, I want to apologize,” he said. “I didn’t mean to storm out again. I just had to get my head together. I’m not used to people being a part of my life. I’m used to being alone.”
“It’s fine.” Even though her father and Jack were always around, Lana understood where he was coming from. She spent a lot of her life alone. She didn’t share much with anyone. She liked to keep parts of her life private. “There’s no need to apologize. We’re both adults.”
As long as it was just her then she wouldn’t get hurt or disappointed. She could just live her life.
No, you can’t. When have you ever done that?
“Right.” He sounded shocked.
“Yes. Some things are just better kept to ourselves and I’m sorry for prying.”
He nodded and then took a seat on the chair in the sitting room. “I’m not sorry for what happened between us. I hope you don’t regret it.”
“No, I don’t. And I stand by what I said. There doesn’t have to be anything else between us. We’ll just go on as originally planned until you get your green card. That’s it.”
Only she wanted to ask him why he was keeping her out, but then if she started prying again then he would start prying into her hang-ups. And she didn’t want that.
All she wanted to do was keep the peace for the next year.
“Thanks, that’s what I was hoping for.” He looked as if he was going to say something more; instead he just said, “Thank you for being so understanding.”
“Well, I want the same thing. I just want this year to be as peaceful as possible. We’ll figure out a routine to work and live together. One that will let outsiders think we’re having a happy marriage.”
“We never really did talk about the end, did we?”
The question caught her off guard. “Other than divorce, I suppose we didn’t.”
“What’re we going to say? And when, like right after I get the green card?”
“I don’t think it should be right after you get the green card. That would be suspicious.”
He nodded. “Good point.”
“I’m not sure of timings but we’ll have to come up with a plausible reason for us to end the marriage. My father stayed with my mother despite their unhappiness and I think if my mother hadn’t have left he would still be with her now.”
Andrew frowned. “That sounds miserable.”
“Marriage is for life,” Lana mimicked her father, making them both laugh and breaking the tension of the subject. “So, what do you think it should be?”
“Well, I want your father to still respect me. I do like my job, but then again he may not if we divorce.”
The word if caught her off guard. “You mean when, right?”
“What?”
“You said if we divorce, but you meant when, right?”
A funny expression crossed his face. “Right. When.”
“How about if you don’t want kids and I do? If I tried to flip that he would try to convince me to have children.”
“You don’t want kids?” Andrew asked.
“Not really.”
It was a lie, but it was a lie she’d always told herself because after David she’d never thought that she’d ever get married and have a chance to have them. She was also sure that she wouldn’t make a good mother. She loved her career too much, just like her own mother had, and there was no way that she could ever walk away from a child, so she didn’t want to risk it.
She didn’t want to have a child, to protect both her heart and the child she’d never have. It was just easier to say it out loud that she didn’t want them.
“I’m fine if you want to tell him that I don’t want kids, because I don’t. I’ve never been the paternal type.”
Lana nodded. “Okay, so it all comes down to when you get the green card; the timing of our divorce will be determined by that. Until that moment we’ll just live in the same house, work at the same hospital and just try to live a civilized life.”
Andrew nodded. “It sounds like a plan.”
“Good.” Only Lana didn’t feel too good about that plan. Something gnawed at the back of her mind. Something unsettling. And she was exhausted. “I think I’ll get some sleep.”
“You take the bed and I’ll just hang out here in the sitting room.”
“Are you sure?”
“Positive. I’m not the one that did an extra-long surgery the night before our wedding. Go and have a good night.”
“‘Night.” Lana left the sitting room and headed off to bed alone. Even though she’d been planning to go to bed alone since he’d walked away and even before they’d decided to sleep together, she really didn’t want to be alone in the bed tonight.
She wanted to be with him, but after the talk they’d just had she knew that was next to impossible.
It would never happen. This marriage was just one of convenience.
There was an expiration date.
She’d spent her whole life alone and nothing was going to change now.