WHEN LANA WOKE up it was because the sun was streaming hot on her face and the sheets were tangled around her legs. She rubbed her eyes as they adjusted to the sunlight and she reached out for Andrew, but his side of the bed was empty.
She sat up. “Andrew?”
There was no answer.
She got up and put on the nightgown that had been eventually discarded during their night of lovemaking. When she went out into the living room there was a note on the coffee table which was addressed to her.
Gone to the hospital. Making rounds. Didn’t want to wake you up.
Lana smiled as she folded the letter back up and got ready for the day. She had a shower and mulled over everything that had happened last night between them. When he’d first suggested they return to normal she’d agreed with him, though it stung.
Then she’d tossed and turned in her bed, missing his company.
She hated that she needed him to sleep. It was something she’d never needed before. She’d sworn when she moved out of her father’s house and started to build a life for herself that she wouldn’t rely on anyone else.
And then David had accused Andrew of using her, just like he’d used her.
As she was toweling herself off after her shower she could see perfect waves over the ocean. And as she stepped outside on the balcony the wind was blowing offshore and there were so many people out on boards, enjoying the pipelines.
Instead of putting on her clothes, she pulled on her board suit and braided her damp hair. She picked up her board and headed down to the beach. Her pulse was racing with anticipation. Lana rarely surfed, but when she did it always helped her see things clearly.
Her father hated that she loved it just as much as Jack did, but she did love it.
As she stood there Jack scrambled out of the water, shaking his head from the surf. He saw her standing there and jogged over.
“How is it?” she asked.
“Choice,” Jack said, panting.
“You ready for the championships in two weeks?”
He nodded. “Oh, yeah—you’ll be there, right?”
“I’ll be there.”
“Good. I don’t expect Dad will be there, huh?” Jack asked hopefully, but their dad never came to the surfing events, which were important to Jack.
“Doubtful.”
“Have you talked to Sheila yet?”
“Who?” she asked, confused.
“Our mother.” Jack’s brow furrowed. “You should really talk to her.”
Lana ignored him. She didn’t want to discuss the person who’d abandoned them. “Are you too tired or are you going to come and surf with your sister for a bit?”
Jack rolled his eyes. “You’re going surfing in your condition?”
“I’m not that far along. I’m fine. If I don’t get it in now I won’t be able to.”
“Okay, you have a point. Yeah, let’s go. I don’t want you to pearl yourself out there. Andrew would kick my butt if anything happened to you.”
Lana snorted. “Yeah.”
Jack stopped and smiled at her tenderly. “Yeah, he would, Lana. I don’t know why you doubt yourself so much. You are worth it, but you don’t see it and I don’t get it.”
Lana’s heart swelled at her younger brother’s tenderness and her emotions got the better of her. “Come on, before the wind changes direction and we lose the waves.”
She waded out into the surf. The water was cold but it felt so good. She climbed onto her board and paddled out beside Jack. Her arms were noodling faster than they usually did, and the current was stronger than she was used to, but she swallowed her fear. She was going to conquer the pipeline today. Something she’d never been able to do.
As they continued to paddle she caught sight of the wave brewing. The wave that she’d tame today. She worked her arms hard and just as it began to crest she climbed on her board, catching the wave and popping up. She rode it, cycling herself in the pipeline, following the flow and motion of the water. She kept her balance and rode it, her soul screaming with joy, releasing every bit of tension and fear that she’d been carrying for so long. As she rode the pipeline, the turquoise water roaring in her ears and sparkling in the sunlight, she felt free for the first time in a long time.
As if nothing was going to stop her.
In that moment, while she conquered her fear of the big wave, she knew that she could conquer anything.
Even the thing she was scared of the most.
The pipeline shrank and she maneuvered her way out of it, crouching down and riding it until she was safe, out of harm’s way. She dropped into the water, going under and breaking through the surface. A baptism of spirit and soul. Lana clung to her board and watched Jack riding another large pipeline. Only he didn’t ride it so cautiously as she had done.
He was doing new school maneuvers that he would need to do in order to impress the judges at the International Surfing Championship in two weeks.
Jack was so free.
He didn’t have any hang-ups and she envied him that. She was envious of the life he led. He could go anywhere or do anything.
She had to stay here. Even more so now that she was expecting twins.
Here she had stability, a job and a home. She couldn’t give that up to see the world. To practice medicine far away from Oahu.
With the twins, that dream had sailed.
Staying in Oahu was her only choice.
It’s not. You’re just afraid to try.
“What do you think, sis?” Jack asked, paddling up to her.
“It’s great. You’ve got this, Jack.”
Jack grinned proudly. “Do you want to catch another one?”
“No. I do have a job to do.” She climbed on her board and paddled back to the shore. After climbing out of the buoyancy of the water, it felt as if she weighed a thousand pounds. Her body was completely exhausted.
She needed another shower before she headed to the hospital to make her rounds. When she tried to grab her board Jack took it from her.
“I got this, sis. You look tired. Go get ready for work. I’ll take care of your board for you.”
“Thank you, Keaka,” she gently teased him. He rolled his eyes but she kissed his cheek and headed back into the house, putting the ocean out of her mind.
Conquering that pipeline gave her a sense of accomplishment she hadn’t felt in some time, but that would be something she would have to keep to herself.
Just a secret memory she could cling to when she needed to remind herself that she was doing the right thing, the safe thing, by staying in Oahu and eventually taking over her father’s position.
She had more than herself to think of now.
* * *
“Dr. Tremblay speaking,” Andrew said, answering the phone in his office.
No one spoke on the other end, but he could hear breathing and some background noise.
“Hello?” he asked, confused.
“Why did you call?”
The voice sent a shot of dread through him. He hadn’t heard that voice in so long, except in his nightmares.
“Dad?” Andrew asked. “How did you get this number?”
“Why the hell did you call?” his father demanded once more; he was slurring.
Well, some things hadn’t changed.
“I didn’t call. You called me.”
“Don’t give me that crap. I know that you called her.”
“Who?” Andrew asked with dread, hoping that his father wouldn’t bring up his late sister. He didn’t want to talk about Meghan, or the guilt he felt about that situation.
“Your mother. You called her. Why?”
“I never called Mom. Go drink another one.” He slammed down the phone and it rang again. He ignored it, but it continued to ring over and over again.
“Hello,” he said in a cautious tone, knowing full well who would be on the other end. His father began to cuss a blue streak at him.
“How dare you? Who do you think you are, hanging up on me? You killed your sister! How dare you call your mother?”
“I didn’t call Mom.” And then in the background he heard crying, his mother begging her husband to stop, and Andrew’s heart broke. “Mom?”
“Don’t you be talking to her!” his father screamed. “I saw you called from your fancy new home in Oahu. Told your mother you got married, eh, and that you’re having a baby with your wife. I hope you don’t ki—”
Andrew lost his cool. “Don’t you even dare, old man. Don’t you even dare imply that. I didn’t kill Meghan. Our car hit a moose. She wasn’t wearing a seat belt. It wasn’t my fault. Being from the north, you, above all people, should know that! I couldn’t save her. She was my sister, and it kills me to know that I couldn’t help. That I had to leave her life in another surgeon’s hands. Even if I could, by law, have operated on her she still would’ve died. I don’t know why you care so much, though, when you were just as much of an asshole to her as you were to me. The only difference is she took it. She tried to keep the peace, to make you happy, to protect Mom, and you didn’t care one bit because you were and are just a monster.”
Andrew slammed down the phone again.
His hands were shaking—he was livid. He hadn’t called his mother. She’d been weak and stuck by his father’s side when he’d been disowned. She’d cut ties with him too, so why would he call her?
When they’d disowned him, he’d sworn that he would have nothing to do with them again. So the question remained—who’d called them? Was it the senior Dr. Haole? Was it the hospital?
The hospital wouldn’t tell your mother that you got married and were expecting twins.
“Hey,” Lana said as she entered the office and shut the door. She stopped in her tracks when their eyes met. “Whoa, what happened?”
“Did you call my parents, by any chance?”
She bit her lip. “I know you told me not to, but you’d had surgery and...they had a right to know.”
“God dammit, Iolana.” He slammed his fist against the desk. “They had no right to know. They disowned me. I told you that. I didn’t want them knowing anything about my life. They don’t deserve to know.”
“They’re your parents,” she snapped. “They should know.”
“Oh? And have you told your mother what’s happening? No, that’s right, you dismissed her without hearing what she had to say.”
Her eyes narrowed and her face was like thunder. “That’s different.”
“How?” Andrew demanded hotly. “How is it different?”
“My mother left when I was a child.”
“And my parents left me when I was an adult. It’s the same damn thing.”
“Stop yelling at me. I was trying to help.”
Andrew scrubbed a hand over his face. “Well, you screwed things up royally.”
“And you’re so perfect? So blameless?”
He leaned over the desk. “Are you insinuating that I’m at fault for my sister’s death?”
“No, but you might as well be because of the way you carry it. You blame yourself. You believe them.”
Andrew saw red, because she was right. She’d hit close to home.
Even though he wasn’t responsible, he bore the burden. Every time he enjoyed an aspect of his life. Anytime he was close to being happy, he reminded himself of all that Meghan didn’t ever get to experience. He’d been such a doofus most of his life and Meghan had always been so good. She didn’t deserve to die.
He did. And he didn’t deserve happiness.
“You need to leave, Lana,” he said quietly. “You just have to go.”
“I’m not going until we work this out.”
“What is there to work out, Lana? This is a fake marriage. It’ll be over in a year. I applied to a position in California before we were married and once my green card comes in I’m leaving Oahu. You’ll never leave Oahu because who will take care of you then? Sorry I knocked you up, but you’ll manage with your dad’s help. If you can’t take care of yourself, he can take care of you, which is what you let him do. You let him control you. You may strut around here like some kind of queen, but inside you’re just a lost, lonely girl.”
The slap stung his face.
And she didn’t say another word to him. Just turned on her heel and walked out of his office. He held his hand up to where she’d struck him.
It burned. It hurt him right down to his core. The moment he’d said the words he regretted them, but it was for the best.
The words needed to be said.
There was no future for them because he didn’t deserve one. At least his kids would be well taken care of.
They would be better off without him. He wasn’t going to ruin Lana’s life like he did Meghan’s.