ANDREW GAVE UP on tossing and turning for the night. He got dressed and then checked on Lana, who was sleeping soundly. It was four o’clock in the morning and, even though his shift didn’t start for another four hours, he just couldn’t sit here stewing about it.
He grabbed his wallet and keys and headed out to his car.
At first he didn’t know where he was going to go, but after driving around aimlessly for about fifteen minutes he made his way to the hospital. He changed into his scrubs and lab coat, but the hospital was quiet for now and he wasn’t on call.
Not many people knew that he was here.
Which was fine, because he didn’t really want people to see him standing in front of the skills lab, staring at it with contempt and a bit of fear.
He glanced down at his arm and his shoulder pained him. He flexed his arm and it trembled. It had been four years since the accident, since the botched surgery. Since Meghan died, he’d been alone after that. His parents blamed him and had left him to recuperate alone.
You’re not alone now.
Except that he was. He wasn’t in a real marriage.
Still, he couldn’t face this fear. The couple of times he’d been in the operating room with Lana had been terrifying, but he missed being there. He missed surgery. He might not be able to compete on an international scale with surfing again, but he could reclaim surgery. He could help Lana by being a surgeon again. It would take some of the burden off her.
You don’t deserve this. Your arm was penance for your sister’s death.
He swiped his identification and entered the skills lab. It was dark and quiet. Later it would be filled with interns and residents as they tried to hone their art, just like he’d done when he’d been in their shoes.
Andrew took a seat and pulled out a surgical tray. He stared at the instruments and pulled on his rubber gloves. His hands shook as he picked up the scalpel. He took a deep calming breath and held it over the prosthetic abdomen.
You got this.
And then it came flooding back to him. Even though it had been four years, he knew exactly what to do. What kind of pressure to apply and the incision came so easily. Then pins and needles shot down his arm and he cursed, slamming the scalpel down.
What am I doing? I can’t do this.
“Who did your surgery?”
Andrew’s head jerked up and he saw his father-in-law standing in the doorway, his arms crossed.
“Sir, what’re you doing here so early?”
Keaka shut the skills lab door and took a seat across from Andrew. “I couldn’t sleep. I was thinking about Lana’s news. About how I’m going to be a grandfather to twins no less. And you couldn’t sleep either, I see.”
Andrew sighed. “Yeah, I thought...I don’t know what I thought.”
“When I first hired you on here I knew that in time you would try and return to surgery, but I didn’t want to rush you. You’re a brilliant sports medicine doctor and you’ve helped many of our patients. You’re a valuable asset, Andrew, but you were an impressive surgeon.”
“My arm is useless. It’s like a dead weight. There’s nerve damage.”
Keaka nodded. “Who did your surgery?” he repeated.
“Dr. Wilbert Guzman in a small backwater hospital up in Canada.”
“I don’t know of him, or that hospital. I don’t know the severity, but a simple laparoscopic arthroscopy might release the scar tissues, ease the inflammation of the nerves and help with that shaking. I could do the procedure later today if an arthroscopy is called for.”
One voice inside him said, Do it. The other said it would never work. He was too damaged.
“And what about my rounds, my patients?”
“I can handle that for you and I’m sure Lana could pick up some slack. If a simple procedure is needed you’ll only be off for a week at tops.”
Andrew looked down at his shaking arm. He was tired of being afraid. Tired of living in the periphery of his life. If he could regain control of his arm and practice surgery again he would have something.
Maybe then his kids would look on him with a sense of pride, because he wasn’t giving up any longer. He’d run for so long, hiding his shoulder damage like a shameful secret. He might not know how to be a father, but at least his kids wouldn’t be ashamed of him the way he’d always been ashamed of his father.
“Okay. Let’s do it,” Andrew said.
Keaka grinned. “Good. Now, let’s get you down for a CT scan and we’ll get some imaging done of that shoulder. I would do an MRI but I assume there’s hardware in that shoulder?”
Andrew nodded. “You’re correct.”
“Well, let’s go then. Let’s see what we have to work with, shall we?”
Keaka opened the door but Andrew stopped him. “I just want to say...whatever happens, thank you. I will take care of Lana and the babies. Whatever happens, they’re my first priority.”
Keaka smiled and clapped Andrew on the shoulder. “I know, son. If they weren’t your first priority then I wouldn’t have found you sitting here in the skills lab. You would still be hiding from the damage that was done.”
“I suppose you’re right.”
“I know that I am. And I know there are rumors that you only married Lana for a green card, but now, with the babies and your agreeing to surgery, I know those rumors are unfounded. Now, let’s get down to the CT scan before it’s flooded with patients from the emergency room and residents.”
Andrew nodded but his stomach was knotted, guilt eating at him as he shut the lab skills door.
Keaka was reaching out to him, willing to help him like a father, and Andrew was lying to him. And he was terrified about the outcome, but he had to try. There were thoughts replaying in his mind that this surgery wouldn’t work. That his arm would be worse off, but if he didn’t take this risk then he couldn’t take the biggest risk of all—trying to prove to Lana that he was a worthy man.
That he would be a good father.
Though he seriously doubted he would be. He didn’t deserve happiness. He was responsible for Meghan’s death. Still, he wanted to try with her, even if it didn’t work out in the end. He wanted to try.
* * *
When Lana woke up at six in the morning she was surprised to see that Andrew had left already. So she got ready and headed over to the hospital. When she walked into her office her secretary informed her that her father and Andrew were down at CT. Andrew was waiting for his CT and her father had booked an OR for Andrew for three in the afternoon; her father wanted her to bring in an overnight bag for her husband.
“What?” Lana asked in confusion.
“Just what I said. Dr. Haole wants you to bring an overnight bag for Andrew because he’s scheduled to have an arthroscopy late this afternoon.”
“They’re in CT right now?” Lana asked.
Kelley, her administrative assistant, nodded. “Right now.”
“Thanks, Kelley.”
Lana made her way down to CT and found what room they were in. She could see her father and the technician discussing images that were coming on the screen and when she glanced into the room she saw Andrew with an IV attached, his damaged arm raised above his head and lying on a bed as he passed through the CT.
“Dad, what is going on?” Lana asked.
Her father and the technician turned around at the same time.
“Iolana, come see for yourself.” Her father stepped aside so that Lana could get a good look at the screen.
And there she saw the details of Andrew’s shoulder injury. What should’ve been a simple dislocation and repair to remove whatever had impaled him had been cut away instead, causing adhesions which pinched the nerves and were probably responsible for all his symptoms.
“I was worried that it might be a bit more complex and I would have to completely open up the shoulder, but I think a simple arthroscopy will take care of all his issues.” Her father was grinning and Lana was dumbfounded.
“Did Andrew agree to this or did you coerce him?” she asked. Although she seriously doubted her father could coerce Andrew.
“Iolana, I don’t coerce anyone.”
Yeah, right.
She rolled her eyes, but her father didn’t see that. “So, he’s actually going to go through with it?”
“If it is minimally invasive, yes. Come on, let’s go tell him.” Her father headed into the room where Andrew was now out of the CT machine and sitting upright again, rolling his shoulder and a pained expression on his face.
When he saw her he didn’t really make eye contact with her. And it stung. He was still mad at her.
“Well?” Andrew asked her father instead. “What’s the verdict?”
“Adhesions,” her father said. “A simple arthroscopy will take care of it.”
Andrew nodded and then looked at her. “Will you be okay if I do this?”
“Why would it affect me?” Lana asked, trying to be nonchalant instead of telling him I told you so.
“Iolana!” her father said in shock.
Andrew grinned. “No, she’s right. It’s my decision.”
“Exactly,” Lana said. “It’s your decision, but I think you should let my father do the surgery. The adhesions are impinging on a nerve and the surgery will allow a release and improvement of the arm.”
“After extensive physiotherapy to build up my strength again,” Andrew added, not breaking the connection with her.
“Not so extensive, as an arthroscopy is minimally invasive,” her father interjected. “Well, if you’re giving approval, Andrew, I will get the operating room ready for this afternoon. We’ll get you into a room to wait until your procedure.”
When her father left she turned back to Andrew. “Are you sure?”
“Yes...no. Actually, I’m not sure this will work.” Andrew then shrugged. “What do I have to lose?”
“I will help you any way that I can,” she said.
“You don’t have to. You have enough to worry about; I don’t want to add any more stress to your plate. You don’t need that.”
“What would’ve been more stressful is you not telling me that you were having surgery and I found out after the fact.” She sighed. “I’m sorry for pushing you.”
Andrew chuckled and she knew she was forgiven. “You know that you can’t be in the operating room, right?”
“Seriously, you’re letting me know this? Am I not a surgeon here? I know the protocols.”
“Yeah, you are, but sometimes surgeons and doctors can overstep their bounds when it comes to...” He trailed off and Lana couldn’t help but wonder if he was going to say loved one or imply that they were family. Instead he rubbed the back of his neck. “They sometimes need a reminder.”
“I understand,” she said quietly. They might be having babies together, but there was no love; they weren’t family. They were in a business arrangement.
The orderlies came in with a gurney. “Dr. Tremblay, we’re here to take you to your room now.”
“I can walk,” Andrew said.
“Uh, what was that about doctors needing a reminder, Dr. Tremblay?” Lana teased. “Hospital policy. Get on that gurney and I’ll come by and see you before your surgery.”
“Yes, Doctor.” Andrew winked and climbed onto the gurney while the orderlies got his IV bag. He waved as they wheeled him from the room.
Lana couldn’t believe he was doing this. She was happy that he was doing it, but also a sense of terror hit her hard. The thought of Andrew in surgery, where something could happen to him, made her worry all of a sudden.
Don’t think about it. He’s in good hands with Dad.
Her father had done multiple arthroscopies for the same issue and they had all been successful. Next to her father, she was highly adept at them, but she couldn’t perform the surgery on Andrew since they were married.
What she had to do today was bury herself in her work and not think about Andrew going under the knife. If she kept busy, the time would just fly by.
After she left the CT floor she headed straight for her rounds, making sure that all her surgical patients on her floor were comfortable and were healing well. And when that was finished she grabbed a quick bite to eat and then did a skills lab on arthroscopy with the residents with her father, who was looking for a keen resident who was interested in orthopedics to assist him in Andrew’s surgery later today.
It didn’t take long to pick the resident. Once that was decided she went back to her office to grab a few things before she headed up to the surgical floor. She might not be able to be in the operating room while Andrew was undergoing his surgery, but she was going to be in the gallery watching and she would be there when he woke up.
And she told herself over and over she was doing this because people would expect this from her as his wife, but she wasn’t convinced, because it felt right to do that.
When did she go from pretending to be a wife to feeling like a wife?
You’re not a real wife. Don’t think like that.
“Ah, well, if it isn’t the beautiful bride.”
Lana groaned and turned around to see David standing behind her, smirking.
“Dr. Preston,” she said through gritted teeth.
“Oh, come now, you’re the blushing bride who is head over heels in love.” He snorted in derision. “You couldn’t marry me for a business arrangement, but you marry Dr. Tremblay for a green card.”
“What’re you talking about?” she snapped, though inside the butterflies in her stomach were having a field day.
“Oh, come on. You honestly expect me to believe it was love when I saw him chasing skirt around this hospital from day one.”
Heat bloomed in her cheeks, but from rage. Not embarrassment. “No, you have the wrong person. That was you, David.”
“He’s using you, Lana.”
“What does it matter to you?” she asked.
“I’m at least a surgeon still.”
“I’m in love with Andrew, Dr. Preston.”
He snorted and rolled his eyes. “Right.”
“Andrew has never once cheated on me. Andrew is in love with me and if you’re not up to date on hospital gossip, then I’ll let you in on a little secret—Andrew and I are expecting twins.”
David’s mouth dropped open. It was apparent he hadn’t heard and she was pleased for making his head spin. She had nothing left to say to him, so she turned on her heel and left him standing there, gawking.
Even though the only thing true in that statement was the fact she was carrying Andrew’s babies, it felt good to give David a bit of a comeuppance. To stand up to him finally.
She headed back to her office and as she rounded the corner she saw Kelley was not at her desk, because she’d put her sign up that she’d be back in ten minutes, but there was a woman standing there waiting. She had her back to Lana. She was well dressed in a business suit and heels, her grey hair tied back in a neat bun, and the first thing that popped into Lana’s mind was that she must be a drug rep and that she probably had a meeting she’d forgotten about.
Yet there was something about this woman which tugged at the corners of her mind. A nagging sensation which was telling her that she should know this woman.
“Can I help you?” Lana asked cautiously.
The woman’s spine stiffened and she turned round slowly.
The world began to spin for Lana as she stared into the familiar blue eyes of the woman she’d thought she would never see again.
“Hello, Iolana.”
“Hello, Mother.”