Distant Lover

For two days Brent called, leaving messages on Tandi’s voice mail. He begged, he pleaded, he apologized. He swore on his soul he’d given up drugs—“I want you more than I want to get high.” Tandi doubted Brent had or could give up drugs that quickly, but she wanted to believe he was trying. She could only hope he was telling the truth, but his secret drug use only made her wonder what else there was about him she didn’t know about and probably couldn’t handle. She stayed away from him for two days and then because she was feeling unusually tense with Sporty due home, she went back to him. She needed some release. True to his word Brent didn’t bring his drugs out in front of her, but the stale, sickening smell of smoke rose above the floral room freshener he tried to mask it with. Despite that, his glistening eyes told on him, not to mention that he was overly eager to make love to her. All this time she thought he was naturally hot for her. Boy, was her ego bruised. Still, she needed to feel him inside her, filling the void that her life was so full of. She cleaved to Brent like her life depended on it. Maybe she was making a big deal out of nothing. Plenty of people used marijuana and cocaine socially and carried on productive lives, just as Brent was obviously doing.

Truth to tell, if either one of them was a junkie, it was probably her. She needed him to satisfy her emotional needs as much as her sexual ones. At times, she felt like she had to get a fix, and like a junkie, hours after she had been with Brent, that fix would wear off and her body would quiver with a yearning so powerful it would awaken her out of a deep sleep and she’d have to go back for more. Like a junkie fighting her demons, she was beginning to not feel good about what she was doing. In her weakness, she was addicted to the sex Brent temptingly held out to her. The only time the shame she felt for her weakness dissipated was when she erupted into a gloriously orgasmic release of the pent-up frustration she was feeling about having to stay in Sporty’s house. Too bad that release was short-lived. Afterward, the tension returned.

What Tandi had become aware of, was that when she wasn’t being made love to by Brent, thoughts of him no longer occupied her mind like they once did. In fact, the odd thing was, of late, disturbing thoughts of being made love to by Jared crept in and confused her. Where was that coming from? Such thoughts were supposed to be forever scrubbed from her mind, but they weren’t. Each and every day since she discovered Brent’s secret, thoughts of Jared making love to her took over where thoughts of Brent used to be. And that was weird since it had been a long, long time since they had even made love, not to mention that she didn’t want Jared after what he’d done and said to Evonne.

But, Jared wasn’t letting Tandi’s mind rest. She was reminded that a good part of what she had known her true happiness to be had been with Jared. She could remember, oh so long ago, that their lovemaking never left her feeling empty. She would be full of him for days afterward. Just brushing up against him was enough to ignite her senses, and he used to know that. He’d touch her intimately and smile, apparently enjoying the feeling himself. That’s why it hurt all the more that he had stopped making love to her and had his affairs, including the one with Evonne. The fact that he had been lusting for Evonne was hard to take and all the harder to forgive.

Evonne, on the other hand, after some soul searching, she partially forgave. A part of her would never forgive her for sleeping with Jared, while a part of her forgave her because she had been Jared’s victim. Since their talk, Evonne had become annoyingly contrite. She called every day to see how she was doing, and to see if there was anything she could do to help her prepare for Sporty’s homecoming. The answer was always no because she didn’t want to give Evonne an excuse to come over. She wasn’t ready yet to hang out with her like nothing had ever happened.

On the telephone, she did tell Evonne about Brent. Later when she thought about it, she figured she told her because she wanted Evonne to know she had gone on with her life with a man who wanted her. About Brent’s drug use, she was mum. Evonne didn’t need to know everything.