Diana
Diana pressed her lips into a long, thin line. What could she say? Of course, Ben wanted to know about his father. It was only logical. But the truth wasn’t something she was ready to spill. Her thoughts raced over the dominoes of revelation balanced in a line—if this one toppled how many others would it take down with it?
“I…uh…well, it makes sense you’d want to know about that.”
She took another bite of the grilled fish, along with a forkful of Greek salad and chewed slowly. He watched her all the while. Waiting, patient.
Diana glanced up and saw Cindy walk into the Emerald Cafe. In the same moment, her friend looked her way and caught her eye. Cindy’s lips broadened into a smile, and she strode in their direction.
“Oh wonderful, Cindy is here—the cafe owner.” Diana’s heart thundered against her ribcage. Her thoughts whirled. Overwhelmed, she pushed a smile to her face and relied on her well-honed manners to get her through this moment.
“Di, I didn’t know you were coming here for lunch.” Cindy kissed her cheek and slumped into a chair beside her. “Oh wow, I went for a walk around the point this morning and my feet are aching beyond belief.”
Cindy faced Ben. “Oh, I’m so sorry, you have a guest for lunch…”
Diana inhaled a sharp breath. “No, it’s fine…this is Ben. Ben, this is Cindy Flannigan, she owns the Emerald Cafe and is a dear friend of mine.”
“Your best friend,” corrected Cindy as she reached for Ben’s hand. “At least that’s what we used to tell people when we were teenagers, and we’ve never really given it up.”
Ben shook Cindy’s hand. “It’s a pleasure to meet you Cindy. You knew Diana when she was a teenager?”
Interest sparked in his eyes. Diana could see Cindy’s curiosity as well. It wouldn’t be long before the truth surfaced, she felt as though she couldn’t stop it. Her breath caught in her throat.
“Yes, I certainly did and let me tell you, she was very different back then to what she is now. She was wild. I know, it’s hard to imagine, she’s so prim and proper these days, but Di wasn’t always like this.”
Cindy chuckled, her gaze flitting back and forth between Diana and Ben, trying to put together who he was and why Diana was having lunch alone with him.
“So, are you one of the suppliers for the Seaside Manor…?” asked Cindy.
Ben shook his head. “No, actually I’m—”
Diana grabbed Cindy by the arm and pulled as she leapt to her feet. “Cindy, honey come with me. There’s something I need to show you in the kitchen. Ben, we’ll only be a minute. Keep eating, I’ll be right back.”
Diana dragged Cindy by the arm in the direction of the kitchen.
“Ouch! What on earth? Diana Jones, let go of my arm.”
They reached the kitchen and Diana pushed through the two-way door, then released Cindy’s arm. Cindy massaged the place where Diana’s fingers had gripped her flesh. She scowled. “What has gotten into you? Was it because I called you a wild teenager in front of your friend? Come on, what’s the big deal? You were wild, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. For heaven’s sakes, Di, you’re sixty years old, it’s time to give up on shame—shame isn’t your friend.”
Diana shook her head. “No, it isn’t that. I’m sorry if I hurt your arm.”
“Never mind, I’ll recover. Tell me what’s going on.” Cindy folded her arms across her chest.
“Can we sit?”
“Yes, of course.”
Cindy lead Diana to her small, cramped office behind the kitchen. She sat at her desk, and Diana sat across from her. She noted the certificates on the walls, the family portraits hanging beside them.
She swallowed. “I have to tell you something about Ben.”
“Okay.” Cindy eyed her warily.
“He’s my son.”
“What?” Cindy gaped. “I thought maybe you were having an affair…”
Diana sniffed. “No! Oh for heaven’s sakes, he’s my son. I had him when I was sixteen years old. You remember the spring and summer I spent with my aunt and uncle? You knew I was pregnant, but no one else did.”
“I remember the time you went away to your aunt and uncle’s and had a miscarriage…” Cindy’s voice hardened. “You mean to tell me you didn’t have a miscarriage at all?”
“That’s right.” Diana gave a curt nod. “I had a baby boy and gave him up for adoption. Ben found me a few months ago, he wrote some letters and I responded. Then, he showed up at my door wanting to get to know me.”
“Wow.”
“Yes, it’s been a little overwhelming…but in a good way. I’m…well, I don’t know what I’m feeling entirely, but happy is one word I could use. I guess. And scared, of course. I haven’t told Rupert yet, you’re the first person I’ve said anything to.”
Cindy walked around the desk, sat on it, and embraced Diana. “It’s wonderful news, love. I’m so happy for you. You always wanted a child of your own, and you’ve got one. I only wish you’d told me. I wouldn’t have said anything, you know that.”
Diana’s eyes pricked with tears and a lump built in her throat. “I know. I know. Only, my parents said I shouldn’t tell anyone. They were adamant about it. I wish I hadn’t listened…sometimes I wish I’d kept him. But he tells me he had a happy childhood, so I suppose I couldn’t ask for more than that. My parents wouldn’t let me keep him at the time, they refused, and I was only sixteen…”
“Of course, it sounds to me like you did the best thing you could do at that time. Don’t beat yourself up over it, what’s done is done. But now you have a second chance to get to know your son—I think it’s marvellous.”
Diana reached for friend’s hands and held them in her own. “Thank you, Cindy. That means a lot to me. You’ve been the best friend I could’ve asked for over the years. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you, to be honest.”
Cindy smiled. “Right back at you.” She frowned. “But what about the father…you hadn’t started dating Rupert yet, if I remember rightly. And you wouldn’t tell me who it was at the time. We even had a big fight about it. Couldn’t he have helped you with the baby?”
Diana drew a deep breath. “No, he was only two years older than me and finishing his last year of high school.”
“So, I knew him?”
Diana nodded. “Yes.”
It was the same thing Ben wanted to know. Exactly what Rupert would ask when he discovered the truth about Ben. She couldn’t escape it; the truth would have to come out. She couldn’t keep dodging the question. And it was so long ago. She’d held onto her secret, hidden it in a hurting heart for so many years. It would be a relief to have it out in the open. Cindy eyed her, waiting for more.
“It was Andy.”
“My Andrew?” Cindy’s eyes widened.
“Yes. I’m so sorry.”
“But Andy and I were dating then. We were in love…”
“I know. I’m sorry. It was a weak moment. He told me…well he told me things I wanted to hear. And you remember how cute and charming he was. It happened that time you had tonsillitis, and a group of us went to a party on the beach without you—do you remember? There was a bonfire. It was very romantic.”
“My Andy is the father of your baby? You and Andy…?”
Diana bit down on her lip. It was always going to be bad news. She hated having to hurt Cindy. But Andrew and Cindy were separated now, and Cindy had been charmed by Andrew into believing his lies, into accepting his selfishness, so many times. Surely, she understood the way he was, that Diana hadn’t been able to resist him.
“Yes, I know how it sounds…it’s terrible. I felt horrible about it at the time, and I still do. Of course, after it happened, I told him it could never happen again. That you were my friend, and I wouldn’t do that to you. He was fine with that…said he understood. I was in love with him for a while, until I met Rupert really. I never told him about the pregnancy, and he doesn’t know about Ben.”
Cindy’s nostrils flared. “You and Andy cheated on me, together. You had a baby with him, and in all our years of friendship you never thought to tell me about it?”
“I wanted to tell you, of course, so many times. But it was over…in my mind…it was over. Ben was gone, you and Andy got married, I married Rupert…life went on. And the secrets my parents made me keep became normal to me. But I never really got over it, any of it.”
“I can’t believe it—no matter what Andy did, he never deserved for you to keep something like that from him. He deserved to know he had a son. And I deserved to have a friend who…” She sobbed. “That’s a level of cruel…well, I didn’t think you were capable of it, Di. Truly I didn’t.” With a flash of anger in her eyes, Cindy stood, strode to the door, and flung it open. “I’m flabbergasted you could do that to me, to Rupert, and to Andy; to all of us really. You’re not the friend I thought you were. Stay away from me!” She sobbed again, pressing both hands to her face, and ran.
Diana watched her go, tears spilling from her eyes. She reached for a tissue from the box on Cindy’s desk and dabbed at her face. It wouldn’t do for Ben to see she’d been crying. Then he’d want to know why, and she’d have to tell him everything. It didn’t make sense to tell him the entire truth yet, not before Rupert. Now that Cindy knew about Ben, she’d have to hurry home and tell Rupert. The last thing she wanted was for him to hear about it all from someone else—not that Cindy was a gossip, mind, but she wouldn’t put it past her friend to give Rupert a call herself when she was this angry. Diana tossed the wadded-up tissue into a wastepaper basket, and walked from the office, her head high.
The house was quiet when Diana parked the car and tiptoed in through the garage door. Rupert could be sleeping, or perhaps watching the television in the den with his headphones on. He couldn’t turn it up loud enough to hear without bothering the neighbours, so she’d bought him some wireless headphones and he loved them. Said it was like watching a movie in a cinema with surround sound.
She left her purse on the kitchen bench and went looking for him. He was seated in the den, headphones on, head back, a light snore emitting from his open mouth. She watched him for a few moments, her heart warm. Why did the truth have to come back now and hurt so many of the people she loved? And yet Ben…she’d do it all again for him. He was the one good thing to come from all of it, and he was certainly worth every moment of pain she’d endured.
She sat beside Rupert and rested a hand on his arm. He woke with a start, then smiled at her as he removed his headphones.
“There you are,” he said. “I was wondering when you’d get home. I ate a sandwich without you, I hope you don’t mind.”
“That’s fine, I ate in town. I should’ve called to let you know.”
He waved her off. “No worries. Were you with Cindy?” He stood, stretching both arms over his head with a yawn. “I’m going to get a cup of tea to wake up me. Do you want one?”
She followed him to the kitchen and sat at the kitchen table. She felt suddenly exhausted, too tired to stand.
“I’d love a cuppa, thank you.”
He busied himself, filling the kettle and putting it on to boil. She watched him with her heart full of love.
“I wasn’t with Cindy,” she said.
“Huh? Oh, right…what were you doing then?” He set some biscuits on a plate.
“I met with Ben.”
“Ben?”
“Do you remember the young man who came to our door? I told you he asked for directions to the highway?”
Rupert stopped what he was doing, fixed his attention on her. “Yes.”
“That was Ben.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” His eyes narrowed. “That’s not like you, Di. What’s going on?”
She sighed. “He’s my son.”
Rupert came to the table and sat across from her, eyebrows arched high. “What do you mean, he’s your son?”
She smiled, exhaustion tinging her words with sadness. “I had him when I was very young. Before you and I started dating. I gave him up for adoption, but he found me. That day, he came to the house—I didn’t know he was coming. It was a surprise…a shock really. I didn’t know what to do, what to say. It was all very surreal for me. I’m sorry, I should’ve told you everything right then, but I didn’t have the strength.”
He shook his head. “I can’t believe this. You’re telling me you had a baby as a teenager, and never said a word to me about it?”
She nodded. “Yes, that’s right. I wish I’d told you, but the years passed by and it seemed as though it was almost a dream at times. Did it really happen? When we couldn’t have children, I grieved for so many years over the child I gave up. I thought it would be too cruel to tell you I had a son, but I didn’t know where he was, and I’d given him to strangers to raise. It was almost more than I could bear…” Her throat closed over and she tried to swallow around it, but it continued to grow until the pain was overwhelming.
Rupert shook his head. “A son…you had a son…we wanted…I wanted a son so badly. And he was out there…”
Another nod.
Tears blurred her vision. Rupert’s eyes filled too. When his cheeks were wet, she thought she couldn’t take anymore.
“Oh honey, I’m so sorry.” She reached a hand to his cheek to cup it, but he stood and brushed her hand away.
“We shared everything…or at least, I thought we did. I don’t know what to say. That you’d keep something like this from me… Are there are more secrets? Things you haven’t told me?”
He whirled to face her, his eyes wide.
She shook her head. “Only this.”
“Only this. As if it’s not big enough.” He pressed his hands to his face and wiped his cheeks as sobs wracked his body. “It’s not right, not fair. We couldn’t have children…”
He strode from the room in his awkward, lop-sided gate. He had a bad hip, they’d talked about getting it replaced soon, but his doctor had said he wasn’t strong enough for the surgery. Not yet. Maybe next year if they could get his blood sugar to stabilise.
The front door slammed, the echo reverberating throughout the house. Diana hurried to the window to watch Rupert shuffle down the front path, then across the street. He stopped beneath a poinciana tree, pressed both hands to his face again, shook his head. Diana cupped her hands to her mouth, eyes wide as tears streamed down her cheeks.
He was right. She’d betrayed him by keeping this secret. They’d shared everything, it’d always been that way between them. But not this. This had been hers, and hers alone. It’d kept a small part of her heart out of his reach for all this time. He’d often asked her why he felt as though a part of her would never be his. She’d brushed off his concerns, knowing all the while that it was this part of her—the piece of her heart that Ben had taken with him when he was carried out of the hospital by strangers.
While she watched, Rupert drew a deep breath, let his hands fall to his sides. Then he walked back across the street and up the path. The front door closed behind him, quieter this time.
When he found her in the kitchen, he held out both hands. “Come on, Di. Let’s have a hug, love.”
She ran into his arms, nestled against his chest as the tears fell. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered, her voice muffled by his woollen jumper.
He stroked her hair. “There, there. I understand. It was so long ago, and you were only a child yourself. It’s not your fault. Not entirely, anyway. I’m only disappointed you didn’t think you could share something so important with me.”
She sniffled against his jumper, her hands creeping around his neck. “I wanted to, but honestly I pushed it out of my mind most of the time and then when I thought about it, I couldn’t say the words. I couldn’t talk about it because it was the hardest thing I’d ever been through.” He was so kind and gentle. She didn’t deserve it, but that’s how he’d treated her since their first kiss. It’s who he was, and she was more grateful for him than she’d ever been before.
“And the father? Who is he? I would’ve known him, I assume…”
She squeezed her eyes shut. “Andrew Flannigan.”
There was silence as Rupert processed her words. His grip on her loosened, and his breathing slowed. “I find that hard to believe…you’ve always despised the man.”
“I know, but I was very young at the time, and he was handsome, charismatic—you know how he is.” She’d had a crush, harmless at first, but it’d developed into something more. If she’d known then what she knew now… but only hindsight had such disturbing clarity.
“I suppose it makes sense now. I’ve always been curious about why you hated him so much; he could never do anything right in your eyes. I thought it was only because of how he treated your friend.”
“It was both—he didn’t know about the baby though. So, at least I can’t lay the blame for what happened entirely at his door.”
Rupert didn’t respond, just held her. Her tears slowed, and she quietened in his embrace. He’d always had that effect on her. He was the one to quiet her tears, the calm in her storm. Relief coursed through her veins, exhausting her in a moment—he knew. Finally, he knew her secret. All those years of keeping it inside had been like a wall between them, now there was nothing there—only love.
“Have you thought about him much? Ben, I mean.”
Diana sighed. “All of the time. I couldn’t help wondering, of course…where was he? What was he doing? Was he happy?”
He released her from their embrace, wiped her cheeks with his sleeve. “And did you get answers to any of those questions, my love?”
She nodded, sniffled again. “Yes, he says his parents were very kind, loving and that he had a happy childhood.”
“There you go, that’s wonderful. Isn’t it?”
She nodded, her throat tightening again. “Yes, it is wonderful. But still…”
“I know,” he agreed, pulling her close again. “If only we’d been able to raise him ourselves.”