Colin spotted Juliana as soon as she entered Lord Fansworth’s ballroom. He watched her follow Lady Roxburrow to the edge of the dance floor. A prime position to allow any passing gentleman to behold Juliana and ask her to dance.
Her golden yellow gown accentuated her smooth, copper complexion, giving it an ethereal glow in the dim candlelight. His amusement soared at seeing the fichu wrapped securely around her shoulders and tucked into the bodice of her dress. He might have to repeat his lesson on confidence tonight.
Like the genuine artist she was, her focus immediately strayed to the elaborate floral chalk design drawn onto the wooden floor. He could almost feel the restraint she called upon to keep herself from bending over to get a closer look. He made his way around the room, wanting to be closer to her.
To his absolute relief and delight, Juliana smiled at him as he approached. He hadn’t been sure what her reaction to him would be after the moment they had shared in the garden.
All he’d been able to think about since was how close he’d come once more to the bliss of her soft lips on his. There was an unsure hopefulness reflected in her big brown eyes, hinting that despite what happened, a part of her might still want him as much as he wanted her.
He hadn’t allowed himself the indulgence of expecting that she could forgive him. But now, the door of possibility was cracked, and he wanted to ease it open further to see where it would lead.
“Lady Roxburrow.” He lifted her hand and bowed over it. “You look mesmerizing this evening,” he said, employing every ounce of charm he possessed. If something more could develop between himself and Juliana, he’d do things properly this time. Starting with gaining the approval of her guardian.
“Thank you, Your Grace. You flatter me.”
“With your permission, may I accompany Juliana for the next dance?”
“You most certainly may,” she beamed. “She’s delighted to dance with you, my lord. Wouldn’t you, Juliana?”
“I would.” Juliana gifted him with a smile.
As far as Colin could tell, her acceptance of his invitation seemed genuine. Because she wanted his lessons to attract another man, he reminded himself before his elation could get the better of him.
Lady Roxburrow placed a hand on the small of Juliana’s back and all but shoved her into Colin’s arms. He took Juliana’s hand in his and ushered her away. They assumed their place among the other couples, and then he drew her close for the next waltz. Considered scandalous when it first reached Britain’s shores, Colin adored the dance. Its primary draw being that he could hold Juliana so closely against him.
“Can you hear me?” he asked close to her ear since she could not see his lips in their intimate position. The hair at her temple brushed across her cheek, swaying in the gust of his warm breath across her skin.
Juliana shivered in his arms. “Yes, I can hear you well enough.”
His pride swelled at the effect he had on her. “Good. Are you ready for lesson three?”
“Yes, oh, wise tutor. I am ready to absorb all the knowledge you have to impart to me.” They both laughed.
A joke. She was becoming comfortable with him again. Good.
“Lesson three,” he said, his voice imperious like a high-handed schoolmaster. “Men want what they cannot have, which is why mothers keep their daughters so heavily guarded. The temptation of the forbidden is hard for any man to ignore. This dance will increase your allure tenfold.”
“What does the jealousy of men have to do with our dance?”
“It is an offshoot of the principle ‘men want what another has.’ Dancing with me makes other men curious to know what about you has captivated me. Look around. People are already watching us, wondering what it is I am whispering into your ear.”
Juliana peered at the men and women huddled about the room, their attention riveted on them. Several groups of young men had gathered at the edge of the dance floor, nodding and whispering to each other while their eyes tracked Juliana’s movements.
“It seems your assertion has merit.”
“It helps that I have a reputation as a bit of a scandal’s rogue. They are all saying to themselves, ‘good heavens. Herstshire has shown an inordinate amount of interest in Miss Drake recently. He hadn’t been able to keep his eyes off her since she arrived. She must have the power of the heavens hidden beneath her skirts to get that scoundrel to behave’. ”
Juliana barked a peel of laughter so hard she choked. A short coughing fit followed.
“Now the other eligible young women are wondering if they too should employ such an unladylike laugh to garner my favor.”
“It’s your fault for making me laugh so. And they are saying no such thing.”
“Mark my words. They are.”
They shared another quieter laugh. An experience Colin hadn’t realized he missed so much. Seeing her smile and laugh so freely made him want to do all in his power to make sure her joy never faded.
He loved her. He always had and always would. If he could figure a way out of this ruse of wanting to help her find another to marry, he would. But just because she laughed with him didn’t mean she would consider him again for the role of husband.
Colin held back a flinch when she stepped on his toes yet again. “You are rather graceful, you know.”
“No, I’m not. I’ve stepped on your feet at least twice already.”
“True,” he agreed. The throb in the bridge of his foot attested to that. “However, my words were an example of lesson four. Flattery.”
“You mean lying to a person to make them feel better about their inadequacies?”
“No. I mean, occasionally slipping a compliment into a conversation to make your partner feel more at ease. Despite putting on chauvinistic airs, most men have had the same meager sense of self-worth since they were wobbly kneed whelps cowering behind their mother’s skirts.”
She raised an eyebrow, her eyes alight with a twinkle of mischief. “Does your proclamation of the male population include yourself?”
He gave her a lopsided grin. “Most assuredly. One snub from you and my world will fall to pieces. I’m one disparaging comment away from crawling into a corner and sucking my thumb. ”
Juliana laughed again, loud and unrestrained. More. He needed more of that effervescent sound.
“You give my opinion of you too much importance if that is the case,” she said between her tittering.
He placed their joined hands over his heart. “Never.”
“More flattery?”
“No. That’s the truth.” He sobered. He’d employed flatter many times over the years to win the affections of various bedmates, but he would never use such strategies on Juliana. With her he had only and would continue to only speak the truth about what he thought of her and the emotions she invoked in him. “What you think of me truly matters more than anyone else’s opinion ever could.”
Juliana looked away from him. “Then we must break you of that predilection. Your future wife’s opinion should matter more to you than mine. Speaking of which, are my lessons distracting you from your own matrimonial mission?”
She was withdrawing from him. From the tether that still bound them all these years later. He didn’t blame her. The power of it and not truly knowing if she returned his feelings scared him as well.
He lifted her chin, bringing her gaze back to his to make sure she didn’t miss what he said next. “There is nothing else I should or want to be doing. Our time together has made me the happiest I’ve felt in years. It has been a rejuvenating oasis to a dying man in a sea of people without meaningful connections.”
“Then, why?” She searched his face for the truth.
Colin didn’t ask her to clarify. In some ways, he’d hoped for and simultaneously dreaded the moment she’d ask him this.
“Why didn’t you show up?”
“Because—”
“Pardon me, Your Grace,” Lord Emsbury’s scratchy voice called from behind him.
Juliana jumped in Colin’s arms. So engrossed in their conversation, she hadn’t heard Lord Emsbury approach. Neither had he. He also hadn’t noticed the music had stopped.
He cut his hard scowl to the other man. He should have knocked the young lad unconscious when he had the chance, so he’d be too scared to speak to him, let alone interrupt him.
“Do you mind if I steal Miss Drake away for the next dance?” Lord Emsbury asked, either not understanding or not caring about the dangerous glare Colin directed at him.
He begrudgingly released Juliana and took a wide step back. “It would be rude of me to say so, even if I did.”
The idiot had the nerve to smirk. “You have quite a sense of humor, my lord.”
The next time they ran into each other at the club, Colin would finish what they’d started.
“So I’m told.” He quickly bowed to Juliana, then strode away, leaving her to practice the lessons he’d imparted on her.
“Stare any harder, and you might risk affixing that scowl to your face permanently,” Hamon said, sauntering up beside Colin.
He flicked his gaze to his old friend briefly, then resumed brooding in the shadows, watching Juliana dance with another partner.
“Thank you for that rather witty observation, but since we both know I am in a foul mood, maybe we can skip to the part where you tell me what you’re doing here?”
“This is the social season. Can’t I enjoy a lovely evening of dancing and good company?”
Colin scoffed. “You don’t dance. You think the marriage mart is a blood sport for ambitious mothers and their conniving daughters. And you’re generally a recluse, so no, that cannot be your intention. My grandmother sent you to spy on me, didn’t she?”
Hamon gave Colin a hearty pat on the back, an annoying grin on his irritatingly pleased face. “More or less. She’s tasked me with gathering and reporting news on your search for a wife. I thought I’d have to return without a promising update, but it appears I was wrong. Are you officially pursuing Miss Drake again?”
“No.”
Hamon regarded Colin as if he’d been knocked upside the head and lost his good sense. “Why the hell not? You look ready to tear Bixby’s arms from their sockets for touching her. Similarly to when she danced with Emsbury and Shefield. Your feelings for her haven’t waned.”
Colin crossed his arms over his chest. He turned away from Hamon, grumbling to himself. “I don’t believe in pursuing the impossible. Gaining her forgiveness is the closest thing to it. She told me so in no uncertain words.”
“That was her hurt and anger talking. I saw the two of you laughing together on the dance floor. Go grovel. Plead your case, and I’m sure she will forgive you.”
“I have no case to plead. My father asked me to choose between her and my inheritance, and I chose the latter. Little did I know I’d end up with the whole damn coffer anyway, making my choice moot.”
“You were young and a little obtuse. We’ve all made mistakes. You didn’t do it completely out of selfishness. Without that money, you wouldn’t have been able to take care of her. You did what you thought was best for the both of you.”
“It doesn’t matter why I did it. I let her go, and now I can never have her back.”
Hamon placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. “Never is a fallacy, my friend. Every problem has a solution. The question is, are you intelligent enough to find it?”
Colin considered Hamon’s counsel. The hope it inspired was so tangible and so tempting that he could almost reach out and touch it. The weighty chains of insecurity kept him from giving in.
“What if I tell her how I feel, and she spurns my affections and ends our acquaintance for good? At least this way I won’t lose her twice.”
“Then, I will be here to help you solider on. The result is guaranteed without action. Nothing will change.”
He could not deny the truth in what Hamon said. If only it weren’t so hard to follow through on.
“Where are you going?” Colin asked Hamon as he turned to depart.
Leave it to his friend to toss out a monumental challenge, then merely stroll away.
“To request a dance with Miss Drake. You may refuse to pursue her, but that doesn’t mean I have to.”
“Make one inappropriate advance toward her, and all the years of our friendship won’t be enough to keep me from flogging you to death.”
“Noted. Now, if you will excuse me. I have an enchanting young beauty to woo.”
Colin didn’t move to stop him. Of all the men in attendance, he trusted Hamon the most with Juliana’s honor and knew his friend wouldn’t attempt to seduce her. His loyalty ran so deep that he might spend the time dancing with Juliana to advocate Colin’s more shining attributes.
Colin focused on Juliana once again. Would a groveling apology work as Hamon claimed it might?
Watching her smile up at her dance partner, he knew that if he was going to try, it had to be soon. His window of opportunity was steadily closing.