By the end of the fourth day, it was easy to distinguish the laggards from the self-starters. While most first-termers were slowly getting used to the routine and punishments, some found it impossible to keep the pace. They cried, complained and grumbled more than the others. Of them, some tried hard to catch up, but some gave up. The first one to give up was a girl called Ruby, who left the academy on the second day.
Next was Natasha Sharma, aka Sasha, from Delhi. The LC could not keep up with the demands of the training. It was difficult enough for her to get up early and follow the routine, but the front rolls and haunches were simply unbearable.
A malingerer, she invented fresh excuses to avoid exercises. It had been severe stomach cramps the first day, toothache the next. However, it was not easy to fool the CSM, who was conversant with every excuse that could be offered by a fresher. As a result, Sasha found herself singled out for extra punishments every day. By now, everyone was aware of the girl’s disinterest.
The LCs were fed up of her whining. ‘I am going home,’ she declared a dozen times every day. ‘I don’t want this shitty training.’
That fateful morning, the alarm went off at 3.30 a.m. as usual. They had half an hour to get ready and run down for the fall-in. Her roommate, Brinda, emerged from the bathroom and found Sasha sleeping with her head burrowed under her pillow to escape disturbance. It was Brinda’s responsibility to wake her up every morning.
‘Get up you lazy bum, or we’ll be late for the fall-in, and you know what happens if one is late for anything,’ Brinda shook her friend.
‘Stop shaking me up,’ protested Sasha. ‘I am not getting up at this unearthly hour.’
‘Enough of your nonsense,’ retorted Brinda. ‘It’s become a daily affair. Firstly, it’s not my responsibility to wake you up every morning. Secondly, I have no intention of starting my day listening to your grumbling. Thirdly, you opted to join the academy, so you have no one else to blame. Grow up and take charge of your life.’
Her rebuke made Sasha sit up on the bed and begin ranting. ‘This place is shit. I am sure it is going to be a repeat of yesterday. The CSM will rant and rave and punish us. I am fed up.’ Saying this, she entered the bathroom to get ready for the day.
‘If it is a repeat of yesterday, I am quitting,’ Sasha said as they doubled down in their white PT dress for the fall-in. She had mulled over her miseries for a long time, the previous night.
‘Cheer up! Once you stop grumbling and start looking at the positive side, you will realize it’s all for our good,’ Brinda tried to pump some gyan into her.
The morning began, as usual, with a lecture by the CSM, after which the JUO handed them a few forms to complete their documentation. Once the forms were filled and handed over to the JUO, the CSM took over from her.
‘LC Mehra, why are you yawning?’ she shouted. The LC, who had opened her mouth to yawn, shut it immediately.
‘Why are you dancing, LC Rawat? For the last three minutes, you have been switching your weight from one leg to the other. Has your bottom grown too heavy due to inactivity?’ The CSM continued to pick on the jungoos.
‘Lazy bums, get down on your hands and give me 20,’ the CSM shouted.
Groans suppressed, the LCs got down on their hands and began executing front rolls.
Sasha continued standing.
‘LC Sharma, are you hard of hearing?’
‘No, I am not.’ The CSM noted that she did not add the customary ‘ma’am’ to the statement. Gleefully, the others noted it too.
Taken aback, the CSM was too outraged to speak for a moment and then she went into full throttle mode. ‘Is it another of your excuses or are you trying to take panga with me?’
No one had ever dared to misbehave or disobey a CSM in the academy. Sasha’s defiance in the presence of the freshers added insult to injury.
‘How dare you defy my orders? I will fix you. You are unfit to be here,’ the CSM fumed.
‘Yes, you are absolutely right. I have realized that I am unfit to be in this academy. So, I have decided to quit training and go home.’ Saying this, Sasha turned and began climbing the stairs with as much dignity as she could muster, while the first-termers gaped in silence.
There was a stunned silence as the LCs wondered at their course-mate’s fate. What would the CSM do, now that one of them had declared war? At a loss, the CSM directed Brinda to run up to her room and din some sense into her roommate’s head.
‘Look, Sasha…’ the girl began earnestly, only to be cut off by her adamant roommate.
‘Don’t preach, Bee. Nothing you say will change my mind. I am sick and tired of this place.’
‘But…’
‘This place is worse than hell. I gave up a nice job to join the army. It was a foolish decision. I am not made for the army.’
‘None of us is made for the army,’ Brinda tried once again. ‘We are here to train for it.’
‘You won’t understand.’
‘Try me.’
‘I really don’t have the patience to make anyone understand my problem. Please leave me alone, Bee.’
Meanwhile, the CSM and the JUO had also arrived.
‘What will your parents, relatives and friends say? They have already given you a warm send-off and expect to see you return as an officer. You will be letting all of them down. They will have no face to show to anyone,’ the JUO tried to persuade the LC.
Sasha remained seated on the bed, refusing to be baited into an argument.
‘Things will settle down, this will not go on forever,’ Brinda consoled. ‘The training is intended to toughen you, both physically and mentally.’
‘I am quite strong, both physically and mentally,’ countered Sasha.
‘In that case, you should have no difficulties coping with the demands of the training,’ argued Brinda.
The entry of Major Sherawat at that moment put an end to the discussions and arguments. Having heard of the incident, Major Sherawat had decided to try her persuasive powers on the girl.
The first thing she did was send the others out of the room. After that, she sat down near the recalcitrant LC and placed a hand on the girl’s shoulders.
‘I can understand what is going on in your mind,’ she began her pitch in a motherly tone.
‘No, you don’t,’ retorted Sasha. She was fed up of hearing the lectures. Everyone was trying to convince her against leaving. ‘No one can understand what I am feeling.’
‘That’s what you think,’ continued Sherawat patiently. ‘Nine years ago, I felt the same way. I can still recall the day I made up my mind to leave the academy. Like you, I had declared war on my CSM.’
Sasha looked at the woman in disbelief. It’s just a story. She has fabricated the yarn to make me change my mind.
‘It’s not a fabricated story,’ the paltu smiled. She had read the girl’s mind. ‘The decision to join the army was not mine. It was forced upon me by my father, who was an army officer. From the very first day, I hated everything about the academy and wanted to run away. The tough regimen, ragda, everything irked me. Back home, girls were enjoying an unfettered life, I knew, while I was pushing myself to the very edge of a physical and mental precipice.’
Sasha leaned forward and cupped her chin in her hands, listening carefully. The earnest tone in Major Sherawat’s voice had convinced her about the veracity of the story.
‘I clearly remember that fateful evening when I declared that I had had enough of the academy and wanted to leave. At that moment, all I wanted was to run away.’
‘Did you run away?’
‘I didn’t. Our CSM was like a coconut, with a hard exterior and a soft heart. She sat with me for a long while, listening to my vitriolic outpour. Not a word did she utter as I cursed her. At last, having exhausted myself, I turned to her and demanded – “Won’t you say something?” She smiled and said, “No.” That night, I couldn’t sleep a wink. I thought of the friends I had made, the camaraderie between us and the sense of achievement I felt when completing a task. I couldn’t abandon it all on a whim. I stayed. Not just that, I also won a silver medal.’
Major Sherawat’s narration was interrupted by the company commander’s arrival. He had hurried to Zojila the moment the news reached him. This was the second instance of a first-termer wanting to quit the academy. Every year, a few cadets, both GCs and LCs, invariably left the academy. This didn’t reflect very well on the company commanders. Major Rathore was due for promotion and had no wish to allow such instances to mar his chances.
The LC had to be stopped from leaving. A mature man, he knew the dangers of trying to play the good cop, bad cop game. It simply didn’t work on distraught cadets.
After knocking on the door, he entered the room. Major Sherawat hurriedly got on her feet and greeted him.
‘What’s going on?’ he demanded.
‘LC Sharma wants to go home,’ she replied.
‘Is that so? It’s a pity we will be losing an intelligent cadet like her.’
Sasha, who had been feeling quite important with everyone trying to persuade her to stay, was taken aback. Isn’t he going to try his persuasive powers on me?
‘I don’t believe in holding anyone against their wish. If you want to leave, you should leave.’
The LC’s surprise knew no end. She had been looking forward to a session of coaxing with the handsome and charming CoCo.
‘I will neither hold you back, nor waste my time trying to convince you. All I am going to do is to tell you a few things that may help you in life. Take it as a sermon or discard it, if you think it is useless,’ he said.
‘The Indian Army is one of the best in the world, and the honour has not come easy,’ he began. ‘It has been earned by the exemplary conduct of the men and women in the army. I am proud of my profession, let me confess. Officers have to lead by example. Why will your troops follow you, if you don’t have any leadership qualities? Will they follow the orders of a slovenly officer who doesn’t have the right posture, discipline or OLQ (Officer Like Qualities)? Don’t forget, here in the academy, we are grooming leaders, not shirkers. You have to lead from the front. By virtue of being selected for entry, you have proved yourself to be better than the thousands of hopefuls who appeared for the test. You have the requisite qualities in you.’
The CoCo paused for a minute to study the reactions on Sasha’s face. Finding none, he continued, ‘Do you know what we are taught at the IMA (Indian Military Academy)? The first few sentences you see on entering the Chetwode Hall of the IMA are the motto for every army officer. Eventually, the motto gets engraved in the minds of every cadet who passes through the academy.’
Sasha raised her eyebrows. Without waiting for an answer, the CoCo recited, ‘The safety, honour and welfare of your country come first, always and every time. Second, the honour, welfare and comfort of the men you command come next. Third, your own ease, comfort and safety come last, always and every time.’
The LC lowered her head.
‘You are quitting because of the punishments and the tough routine you are being made to follow. These are meant to make you give up old habits and to toughen you for the role you have to undertake. They are meant to break the sense of self, the ego. Eleven months later, when you are commissioned and have to leave the academy, you will not want to leave. You will want to live this life forever. Why 11 months, six months later, when you are senior-termers, you will be ordering the first-termers around. Not because you want to bully them, but because you have learnt the value of training. You will be sharing your experience with them and advising them to toughen up. I will not promise you a punishment-free training, or an easy time. It will be tough; as tough as can be. I have put forth my arguments, now it is for you to decide whether you want to continue or quit.’
With that, Major Rathore marched out of the room. There was silence for a while. The CSM and JUO, moved by his words, looked at the LC for a response.
‘So?’ Major Sherawat asked. ‘I hope you have changed your mind.’
‘No, ma’am, I haven’t,’ Sasha’s voice wavered uncertainly. ‘I will leave tomorrow.’
This time, it was the paltu’s turn to look puzzled.
That night, as Sasha packed her belongings dispiritedly, the gang of four visited the girl. The power of psychological persuasion had been amply proved after Billi’s dogged father had changed his mind. The four girls were determined to try it on Sasha.
‘Let me help you,’ offered Billi.
The story of her father’s visit to the academy had already spread through the company, with embellishments.
‘Was it your decision to join the academy?’ Lucky asked sweetly.
‘Yes,’ Sasha looked suspiciously at her. ‘If you guys are here to make me change my mind, please leave the room. I can manage my own packing.’
‘Heaven forbid! Why should we want to change your mind?’ Shiny pretended to be shocked with the suggestion. ‘You have every right to withdraw from the academy.’
The four LCs continued handing the clothes and folding them in silence.
‘You are quite a lucky girl, Sasha,’ Nutty began. ‘Speaking of myself, the people in my village have reposed such faith in my ability that I can’t think of going back without completing the training. No matter how tough the training, I will just have to stick around and complete it.’
‘Same with me,’ said Lucky. ‘My parents were not in favour of my decision to join the academy. I can’t go back. Also, the thought of the humiliation my parents would have to face keeps me from quitting. Failing is not viewed with favour in our country.’
‘Shut up!’ Sasha shouted. The next moment she dissolved into tears. ‘Please leave me alone.’
It was the longest night Sasha had spent in a long time. Every word spoken by Paltu, CoCo and the gang of four resonated through her brain, amplifying the shame of quitting.
The next morning, all the first-termers were surprised to see her at the early morning fall-in. Dressed smartly in her PT uniform, Sasha grinned sheepishly at them.
‘Don’t look so surprised,’ she said. ‘A girl is allowed to change her mind. Isn’t she?’