When the Liberals said no to American missile defence, there were more than a few Canadians who were seriously pissed off. But I can't imagine there was anyone more devastated than Jack Layton.
Now, if you don't know who Jack Layton is, that's okay, it's not your fault, you're in the majority. Jack is the leader of the NDP. And really, he only had one thing going for him. He was against missile defence when everyone else seemed to be for it. Then in one fell swoop, the Liberals put the kibosh on missile defence and took Jack out right at the knees. In fact, I would say missile defence was Jack's entire raison d'être, which is French for “He's now screwed.”
And the NDP, they're not just screwed, it's worse than that. They're invisible. In fact, the only press Jack got in the last three months was when his appendix burst. In politics, it is a very bad sign if you're the leader of a national party and the only way you can get your name in the paper is to go in for emergency surgery and get your parts shaved. Next thing you know you're standing up in the House of Commons and all anyone is thinking is, boy, he must be itchy.
I'm assuming of course that Jack does stand up in the House of Commons. You'd never know from watching the news. Who knows, maybe there's a media conspiracy designed to keep Jack down. Somehow I doubt it, though. I think it's a case of dull is dull and dull does not lead. The man hasn't even been thrown out of the House of Commons for calling the prime minister a liar yet. That was standard operating procedure for the NDP. If I was leader of the NDP I'd do that three times a week. That's what Canadians want. A strong, lippy NDP. Even people on the right want a strong NDP.
But by strong, Jack, we mean from the left, not the centre. Shag the centre. The centre's full and so is the right. Canadians want one thing and one thing only from the NDP: a pit bull for a leader who is not afraid to go out there and make an arse out of himself in the name of social justice. The job's yours, Jack, time to start doing it.
I see that Jack Layton has distinguished himself on the inter national front by coming up with a solution for the Afghanistan situation. Jack is calling for peace talks with the Taliban. It was about time the NDP got back to their more loony roots. For a while there they were coming off all semi-sensible.
Rest assured. If there are peace talks between the Taliban and Jack Layton, Rick Mercer Report will be there. I've attended a lot of political events over the years, and as a location for the Layton-Taliban talks I would suggest one of the ballrooms at the casino in Hull. I think you might be able to smoke there, and I'm guessing the Taliban would appreciate that. All the Taliban really needs for a good time is an ashtray and a few de-peopled women making sure there's a steady supply of unsafe drinking water.
Agenda for historic peace talks between Jack Layton and Taliban leader—Room 202, Casino Du Lac Leamy, Quebec
8:00 a.m.—Jack Layton: opening comments and welcome to assembled media and Taliban representative. 8:05 a.m.—Taliban representative walks to podium, poses for photographs with Mr. Layton.
8:06 a.m.—Taliban representative cleaves Mr. Layton in the forehead with giant axe.
8:08 a.m.—Peace talks end.
8:10 a.m.—Olivia Chow says she is “encouraged by talks”—announces plan to run for leadership of NDP.