10.

 

Ayae managed to be alone for but a moment: at the edge of the tower wall, her hand pressed against the door that led into the dimly lit hallway that flowed on to stone stairs deep in the Keep, and she took a breath to center herself. She was more frustrated than angry, but there was no denying that it was the second emotion that urged her to act irresponsibly, to lash out. As her breath expelled, she tried to put both emotions from her mind as she pushed open the door, her low escaping breath blowing into Reila on the other side.

“The Lady Wagan,” the small woman said without pause, “would like to meet you.”

Ayae nodded.

As they walked, Reila asked about Ayae’s health—physically first, then mentally, focusing on the latter she thought. Ayae attempted to keep the frustration she felt from being with Fo and Bau out of her voice, but noticed the more she talked, the more a small frown creased Reila’s aging face. She did not speak again until after Reila opened the door to Lady Wagan’s office.

What struck Ayae immediately was the confidence and intelligence of the large woman sitting before her. She had seen her before, of course: before the Lord Wagan returned blind and mad from Leera, the Lady had been seen in the markets, meeting merchants, holding conversations with those who had made her city the power it was. Limited as Ayae’s sight of the Lady of the Spine had been, she had not been shocked Lady Wagan placed a mercenary in a gibbet for his crimes before dismissing his entire company. She had seen that in the Lady’s eyes.

“You have met our Keepers,” Lady Wagan said, indicating to a chair in front of her. “A delightful pair, are they not?”

“I was charmed,” she replied evenly.

A short laugh escaped Lady Wagan. “Did they murder small animals in front of you?” She pointed to another chair. “Sit, Reila.”

The other nodded, easing into the chair as the Lady turned her attention back to Ayae. “I want you to know that if I’d had it my way, I would not have you keep company with those two men. But while I may run the Spine, I do not have it my way with those two. The ties that run between Mireea and Yeflam are deep and sordid and I have to remain civil to them, especially now. Do you understand that?”

“Yes.”

“You don’t like it, do you?”

Ayae hesitated, then said, “No.”

“I don’t like it either.” Lady Wagan’s gaze did not leave her. “Captain Heast tells me that the attacks on our outlying villages have stopped, that the last village they found was attacked over two weeks ago. In part, he says, the attacks have stopped because of our evacuations, but it is also his belief that with the wet season ending, a lull is being allowed to develop before the main attack begins. He suggests a month before we hear again of raids, but I think it will be half that—and I find myself in the curious position of deciding what to do with those two men in the tower.”

“You want me to spy on them?” she said.

“We already spy on them.” The light flickered across the wall behind Lady Wagan, shadows spiking sharply. “What I want to know is how to stop them, if I need to do so.”

“They won’t trust just anybody,” Reila added quietly. “They do not see themselves as being human any more.”

“I have heard that before.”

“You’re Mireean, Ayae, no matter what anyone says,” Lady Wagan said, simply. “You may not like it some days. I certainly do not like it some days. I long to be somewhere else. Somewhere without war, without responsibility, but I am not. Neither are you. We are both Mireean. I have no doubt someone has said cruel words to you, but it will not be long until a kindness is said.”

She sighed. “I don’t know how to stop them.”

“But you may. The more you learn about yourself, the more you will learn about them.”

Silence threaded between the three women, a long, difficult silence as the implications of what Muriel Wagan asked became clearer to Ayae. She wanted the cartographer’s apprentice not just to spend time with the two Keepers, but to put aside the regaining of her life. She would not be able to return to help with the rebuilding of the new shop, would not be able to continue with her studies. She was being asked to take part in politics, to put herself in danger, when all she wanted was to step back from what had—in her mind—already pulled her too far into that world.

“You’re asking a lot,” she said, finally.

“I know.” Lady Wagan’s gaze never left Ayae. “But there are vital things at stake, young lady. It is not just your home, but all our homes that will be lost if we don’t work to save them from the Leerans and the Keepers. That last is to be kept between us, but it is important that you understand clearly that we are caught between two forces here. As Leera draws closer and closer, internal politics in Yeflam will force the Enclave to set aside its neutrality. People will die. Mireean people will die, just as Leeran people will. This is a very real problem that we have and while I do not wish to make you spend time with these two men, it is only you that they have allowed into their world, only to you that this opportunity has been presented. Don’t you agree?”

For a moment Ayae felt alone, more alone that she had felt since awakening in the hospital. She did not want this. She did not want to be drawn into conflicts, into political and physical fights. She had been content, happy with her life, and she wanted to restore that feeling, that sense of safety she had had since she had arrived in Mireea, that sense of having a purpose as her career as a cartographer’s apprentice and illustrator grew. These things were important to her. She had lost too much in the fire of Orlan’s shop. She had lost her sense of security, of safety. She had lost Illaan. Their relationship had not been the best, but even at its worst she had been … if not in love, then loved and cared for. She had seen too early in her life how the loss of all the things that defined an individual stripped them of their humanity, how it made them emotionally rough, and she did not want to become that. She wanted to restore her life. She wanted to fix what had been broken in the hours after the charm-laced man had pulled her out of the fire.

Even though she agreed with what Lady Wagan said, knew intellectually that she was in a rare position to help fight for her home, she resisted saying so. She had to think about herself. She had to get her life reorganized first, and, with the copper taste of resentment for what she began to believe was a mistake—even as the words emerged from her mouth—Ayae told the Lady Wagan that she did not agree.