The Northumberland Nemesis is husband hunting in London. Such news, gentle reader, has thrilled scientists around the world since it renders an entirely new biological classification
to the mate-eating black widow spider.
Just the truth as usual,
The Midnight Cryer
Hours later, Thea entered the library with a confident smile on her face. Will looked up from the books spread before him.
Will stood, and a grin tugged at his lips. “Lady Eanruig. How delightful to see you.”
Before Thea could pull out her own chair, Will did the honors for her and helped her get comfortable. He leaned close—close enough Thea could smell the fresh scent of his soap.
“How was your lesson? Perhaps after we’re finished here, you could give me some pointers,” he murmured. Without waiting for her to answer, Will straightened and closed the books in front of him.
“Of course.” Heat pummeled her cheeks, but a smile tugged at her lips. The Cavensham family’s lessons were everything spectacular. She’d never felt so welcome in true friendship. But what thrilled her was that he’d been thinking about her the same as she’d been thinking about him.
“How did you find Pembrooke, Somerton, and McCalpin as teachers?” he asked.
She picked up a writing quill and twirled it in her fingers as she struggled for the right words. They were lovely, but they weren’t you.
“Charmant messieurs?”
A tinge of apprehension coursed through her. She’d never had a French lesson in her life. “What did you say?”
He leaned toward her. “I asked if you thought the men in my family charming.” He lowered his voice. “Would you include me in such illustrious company?”
Another wave of heat hit her. His teasing could only be called affectionate.
Heaven help her.
“We’ll save that discussion for later.” He lowered his voice, then reached over and squeezed one of her hands. “Is my family overwhelming you?”
“On the contrary. I feel quite comfortable with them.” The duke and duchess’s kindness toward her was another example of the Cavensham family’s charity. Stella’s and Claire’s friendships were treasures she’d never dreamed she’d find.
But her recalcitrant heart yearned and demanded for more. To have Will care for her would be a gift she would cherish forever. But there were more important matters she needed—the charter for one.
“You need to see the latest.” Will pulled a copy of The Midnight Cryer from his papers and gave it to her.
Immediately, she straightened in her seat in preparation for the blow. A sudden bout of nausea made her dizzy, but she forced herself to read the headline.
HOW EXACTLY WILL THE DUKE AND DUCHESS OF LANGHAM INTRODUCE THE
COUNTESS OF EANRUIG AT THEIR SOIRÉE LATER THIS WEEK?
MY LADY MURDERESS OR THE NORTHUMBERLAND VILLAINESS?
Thea closed her eyes in hope that the vile words would disappear. The sharp pain in her chest was a reminder that she had a long battle in front of her. “Everyone thinks I’m evil.”
“I don’t, and neither does my family. But perhaps this would be a good time to discuss the hearing.” He studied her thoughtfully for a moment. “I don’t want you to be surprised by anything they might ask you. I thought if I asked you questions, you’d feel more comfortable.”
“You mean coming from a friend instead of a group of men I don’t know?” She tried to relax.
“Yes. Think of it as a way of preparing for the hearing. I think we should discuss your grandfather and you.” Without a hint of censure, Will asked, “Why did your grandfather allow you to take on such responsibility for the duchy? You were how old?”
“I was barely eighteen, and he was barely in his right mind then.” How to explain the situation without belaboring her grandfather’s ineptitude to carry out the simplest tasks. “One day, I read a directive he wanted me to post to his solicitors. In it, he instructed them to sell the duchy’s ancestral estate, an entailed property that belonged to the dukedom. Such a demand would have been a warning that things weren’t quite right in my grandfather’s thinking.” She pursed her lips. “From that day forward, I took over.” In an effort to eliminate her unease, she cleared her throat. “And … you see, it was just easier … because we lived together. He needed me. I didn’t trust anyone else to protect him.”
His smile was genuine, but empathetic. “Your grandfather’s estates are almost as complicated as the Langham duchy’s holdings. Why you? I’m not asking these questions to pry into your relationship with your grandfather. But I don’t want you to be caught unaware by the committee if they ask such questions.”
She swallowed in a bid for time, as she wondered how much to share. This was Will and he was trying to help her. “Ferr-Colby wants Ladykyrk because there’s a fortune in minerals under the land, specifically coal. He’d evict my tenants just in the name of money. Before my grandfather became ill, he’d expressed that concern. I couldn’t let it happen under my care.”
“That’s a sound reason to keep it quiet. But you missed out on so much that life has to offer a young woman such as yourself. Are you sorry you never had a Season?”
“No, because I didn’t know what it was.” She’d never really thought much about not participating in a Season. But now being in London, she had some idea what she missed. She would have found friends and perhaps a husband along the way. But would she have ever met Will? Probably. However, she was certain they wouldn’t be close like they were now.
Will turned to her and placed his arm on the back of her chair, the movement so protective that she wanted to lean closer until he held her in his arms.
Will’s fingers gently caressed the back of her neck. “You are a brave woman, Thea.”
She leaned into his touch. It was so hard to share her grandfather’s misery. But if she wanted to be successful in front of the committee, she needed all the help she could muster. With each stroke of his fingers against the nape of her neck, she gathered an extra speck of courage.
Without a word, he placed his other hand over hers. “You did a marvelous job of protecting your grandfather and his wealth. You make my own estate management skills pale in comparison.” He lowered his voice. “You’re remarkable, and the duke was very lucky to have you as his champion.”
Thea gulped a tremulous breath as her eyes blurred from unshed tears. A tiny sob escaped, and she sniffed to hold it in. “He was an incredible man, and I was very fortunate that he was my grandfather.”
“I’m sorry, Thea,” Will murmured.
“I’m just sorry I wasn’t a better granddaughter.” A watershed of grief hit her, and she fought not to lose herself in the sadness. She straightened her shoulders, but Will kept right on stroking her neck.
“Why would you say that?” He withdrew a handkerchief and gave it to her. “You protected him.”
“Sometimes it was so hard.” She let out a tremulous breath. Outside of Mr. and Mrs. Miles, no one knew the vile secret that ate at her soul. “I didn’t honor him as he deserved,” she whispered. Another tear fell, and she brushed it away. “At the end, I thought he hated me. He’d become angry at me over nothing. He’d rail at me repeatedly and call me horrible names.”
His mouth curved with tenderness. “If this is too painful, we can stop.”
“No, I want you to know everything.” She bit her lip to keep from sobbing. The black memories still scalded her. “He’d dismiss me from service as if I were a servant. I’d stay outside his room for five minutes, then return. He’d never remember firing me.”
“How often would this happen?” Will stroked her neck again.
“Sometimes three or four times a day.” Her body stilled as her heart broke into a million pieces. The cavern inside her chest stood empty except for a crippling pain that gripped her. Desperate to gain control of her grief, she clenched her fists so hard that her nails gouged her palms. “I don’t think he loved me at the end. It was excruciating to listen to the venom that spewed from his mouth.” She turned to Will and searched his face. “Perhaps The Midnight Cryer is telling the truth.”
He studied her face, feature by feature, until his gaze rested on hers. His deep blue eyes reminded her of a serene pond, one that offered peace. “Tell me.”
“I—I was with him for two days straight before he passed. He’d fallen asleep and didn’t wake up.” She forced herself not to turn away. Once she told the tale, he’d see how despicable she really was. If he called her pure evil, it would be no less than she deserved. “I tried to wake him, but he wouldn’t respond.” She took a deep breath for fortitude. “So I let him sleep. He was dying, and I didn’t even try to save him.”
Will didn’t flinch at her words. His eyes softened as if he could tell how much her confession was costing her. “How could you have saved him?”
He continued to caress her neck, and if she really wanted to atone for her sins, then she would push his hand away. She didn’t deserve such comfort. But selfishly, she didn’t want him to stop. Her grandfather hadn’t hugged her in years since he had no idea who she was. No one had touched her in so long. She craved this physical connection with another, and because it was Will, it was all the more poignant.
Once he discovered the depths of her depravity, he’d draw away in horror. As selfish as it was, if she didn’t tell him anymore, then hopefully, he’d continue to touch her. But that was cowardly, and she needed his help. “I tried to make my grandfather as comfortable as I could. I stroked his lips with a wet cloth, and I tried to feed him. He wouldn’t eat. He just slept.” She shook her head as if daring him to confront her. She deserved no less. “I should have called for a doctor.”
“What do you think a doctor could have done that you didn’t do?” he asked. There was no judgment in his voice, only true concern.
“I don’t honestly know.” His quiet attention encouraged her to tell him everything about that night. “But I didn’t want anyone to see how frail and weak he’d become. If the doctor would have somehow managed to wake him, I didn’t want anyone to witness how he truly was.” She released a deep breath, but it didn’t lessen the pain. “The last time he was awake, he kept asking me who I was. Then he’d turn and have a conversation with his dead sister.” She gasped but forced herself to continue. “I couldn’t … I just couldn’t let anyone see him like that, and I couldn’t risk anyone seeing how much he hated me.”
With those last words, a sob escaped, and she pulled away from Will. “He didn’t love me, and perhaps I deserved his loathing.”
“No, you were fearless and kind.” The certainty in his eyes comforted her. “He didn’t mean it, sweetheart. His mind was gone.” Will gently tugged her into his embrace. “It’s all right. The amount of responsibility you bore for his welfare and the estate was amazing. You did everything you could for him. You have nothing to be ashamed for.”
She didn’t respond for a long while. She just allowed him to hold her and comfort her. His tenderness fed a part of her—the longing to belong to another that she didn’t realize was starving.
“I wish I could have been there with you. No one should have to grieve alone.” He rested his head on top of hers and pulled her tight.
“No. You misunderstand.” She drew back until she faced him.
He cupped her cheeks with his hands. The warmth and strength in his fingers encouraged her to continue. Gently, he brushed his thumbs across her cheeks and wiped away a tear she hadn’t realized had escaped.
“I didn’t grieve. All I felt was relief that it was over.” She clenched her eyes tight in hopes that Will couldn’t see how despicable she really was. “That’s why I can’t lose. It’s not just about the tenants and my livelihood, but also the only way I can make up for my failings to him.”
“Thea, look at me,” he commanded softly. His words laced with infinite compassion. “You didn’t fail him. He was lucky he had such a strong, supportive, dedicated caregiver.” He pressed his lips to her forehead. “Not many in your position would have lasted a year, let alone seven years.”
She released a breath.
“You’re stunning, Thea.” He smiled, and for a moment she thought she saw a deep emotion in his eyes for her. He brushed his lips gently against hers. “You’ll get everything you want. Everything will be fine.”
She forced a nod, but she didn’t have the heart to tell him he didn’t speak the truth. She wasn’t going to get everything she wanted.
Because she realized in that moment all she wanted was him. The real truth couldn’t—no—wouldn’t be denied. She didn’t deserve a kind, loving man.
Which meant she didn’t deserve him.