“Did you miss me?”
He’s standing in my doorway.
He’s tanner than before. It suits him.
He’s back! I hope looking shocked suits me.
My getaway can wait. Underneath my new and different exterior, in this rapidly transforming vessel of moral decay, I’m still me. It’s got to be okay to like guys. Why can’t I have whatever extremely low level of fun is possible under the circumstances?
I pull him inside, bolt the door, and kiss him.
Kiss him some more.
He says, “You’re depraved. I should beat on drunks and leave town more often.”
He hesitates for a second, looking at me. Hands me a bottle of rum. Then he kisses me back. And then some.
“You smell like a campfire.”
J crosses his arms behind my back, pulls me in closer. “It was South Dakota. You’re lucky I don’t smell like a cow patty. I was going to shower when I got back to my apartment, but there was this cop car outside when I was unpacking. So I ducked out the kitchen window.”
“A cop car?” Does he even get how bad this is?
“Calm down. They drive up and down my street every ten minutes looking for jaywalkers. What else is there for them to do around here?”
“Look for us?” Then I might make too big a show of sniffing the air. His face. I say, “No, you’re fine. Really. Was it nice?”
“Was what nice?”
“Uh, the wedding. Groomsman. Bachelor party.”
He sits down on the edge of the bed, looking embarrassed. Does the thing where he grabs on to the back of his neck and massages it. It must have been one amazing bachelor party. “It was home on the range. No strippers—just a lot of cows.”
“Did you meet any cowgirls?”
“You’re depraved and jealous.”
Now he’s massaging my neck. Much better.
“I’m so not jealous. We’d have to be together for me to be jealous and we’re so not together.”
“Not us.” He stretches out on the bed, closes his eyes.
I nudge him slightly. Nothing.
“Did you drive all night?”
He doesn’t answer. He’s asleep.
I roll the desk chair next to the bed and sit there reading, my feet draped over him on the bed. His hand closes on my ankle.
After dark, I wedge myself between him and the wall.
Fully clothed, on top of the blanket.
Not totally depraved yet, but slipping fast.