We woke the next morning to a new day of sun and hard work, and hard work can take your mind off anything – well, pretty much anything. I still thought about prison and my mam’s disappointment all the time, but my stomach felt better and the fresh air helped me cope, and seeing as there was an old rubber tyre shoved into the caravan loo, doing my business outside encouraged me to be quick and efficient. There was no time to sit on a toilet and feel sorry for myself.
Charlie and Walker nominated themselves to clean out the caravan. Betty Bloomers came up the road in a truck with some cleaning products and a bundle of clean sheets and blankets. Johnny J and I spent the morning fixing the fence and Sumo took on all the chicken and cow duties. Jimbo was never far away. The fridge was stacked with lemonade, milk and cheese, and the larder was jam-packed full of brown bread and scones. We could snack when we wanted, which meant that Sumo spent a lot of time in the kitchen.
‘I think these scones are even better than Spam sandwiches,’ he said.
‘Dirt on the ground is better than Spam sandwiches,’ I said.
It was Saturday 23 June 1990, and it was glorious. Normally on a Saturday I’d spend my morning helping my mam with the shopping or reading a book in bed or cycling around the place looking to see if the lads were up and around. Some Saturdays I spent alone in Sumo’s den, playing on the computer or reading his stacks of comics, but on this Saturday I was on a farm in Wexford, fixing a fence with my very best friend in the world. Aside from being wanted criminals, it felt good.
‘Who’s cooler – Indiana Jones or James Bond?’fn1
‘Indiana,’ Johnny J said.
‘Are you sure? Bond’s pretty cool.’
‘Yeah, but he has to wear suits. Indy wears what he likes,’ he said.
It was a very good point. Technically, suits were not cool, even on James Bond. ‘Yeah, I think you’re right, although Indy is a teacher and Bond is a spy so …’
‘Yeah, but Indy finds treasure and Bond just kills people.’
Excellent point. ‘OK, Indy it is then. How about who would win in a fight?’
‘Bond,’ he said.
‘Yeah, definitely Bond – he’s vicious,’ I said. ‘Although Indy is brilliant at distraction and escape techniques.’
‘True, but no one escapes Bond.’
‘Yeah, but if Indy escapes and stays alive, I think in those circumstances it’s a kind of win.’
He thought about that. ‘Yeah you’re right. They’re even.’
We talked a lot about stuff like that and zombies. ‘Who in our group would be the first to be eaten by zombies?’ I asked.
‘Sumo,’ he said without even thinking. He hammered a nail into wood as he spoke. ‘He’s slow and there’s a lot of eating on him. Also he’d probably refuse to fight back. He’d probably worry that the brain-eating zombies might have feelings.’
I laughed. ‘Yeah.’
‘What about Charlie?’ I asked, and he stopped hammering.
‘I think she’d do fine. She’d probably live in the trees, and she’s fast. And I think if she had to, she’d kill as many as she could.’
‘You like her,’ I said.
‘I don’t know. She’s different. I just like hanging out with her. You know.’
A week earlier I wouldn’t have known, but having spent time with her, I was starting to understand.
‘But do you like her?’ I said, and he just gave me a look.
‘Why?’
‘No reason, just asking,’ I said.
‘Well, don’t.’
‘So you do.’
‘Shut up and hammer,’ he said.
We both shut up for a while, and I was steaming because I knew deep down he liked her and she definitely liked him and I wondered why it bothered me so much. Who cares? I thought to myself. Who really cares?
I did.
After a while he asked who would win in a fight between a vampire and the Terminator. Now that was a really good question. A vampire against a machine! We talked about that for a really long time and didn’t come up with a definitive answer.
By lunchtime the fence was fixed. When we got back to the caravan, the smell of petrol, burnt toast, a little bit of poo, a lot of wee and lavender had been replaced by a mix of bleach and lemon. In the sheds and fields, the cows were milked, the chickens cleaned out and fed and the eggs collected. Jimbo was so happy he treated us to a large lunch of cold meats, brown bread and chips that he fried in a pan with oil on his huge stove. I thought blind men shouldn’t mess with fire, but he told me he was only ninety per cent blind, and anyway he’d been making chips that way since he was a boy. The radio was on and the commentators were talking about the Cameroon v Colombia and Czechoslovakia v Costa Rica matches later that evening.
‘I played football myself back in the day, boys,’ Jimbo said.
‘No way, Jimbo! Were you deadly at it?’ Sumo said. I’d gotten used to seeing him wear the Wookie mask and it didn’t even seem to bother him in the sun.
‘God, no, I was terrible. My Denise was a better player than I was.’
‘Oh. Sorry to hear that, Jimbo,’ Sumo said.
‘Don’t be sorry – I was brilliant at everything else,’ he said, and he laughed to himself and we all laughed because his laugh was very funny to listen to. Charlie described it as a mix between a sneeze and a dirty chuckle.
When we were all stuffed, Jimbo went to the loo. ‘Excuse me, boys,’ he said. ‘The throne awaits.’
‘The throne,’ I said.
‘Yeah, he means the loo. That’s what my dad calls it too,’ Walker said. ‘My mam always calls him a thick when he says it.’
We were finishing cleaning the dishes when the news came on. We weren’t listening, not really. I was busy washing, Johnny J was drying, Charlie was cleaning the floor, Sumo was wiping down the table, Walker was pretending his allergies were at him and sitting by the fire. We were all making lots of noise, but in the background I heard them mention a manhunt for the ‘Fearless Five’, but as soon as it was mentioned, Jimbo came in and turned off the radio.
‘Now, boys, you’ve done a fine morning’s work, so follow me.’
We followed him outside, and he pointed his stick due south.
‘The beach is that way, boys,’ he said. ‘Follow the smell of the sea and enjoy yourselves. Be back at five for the cows and chickens and don’t drown.’ We were so excited at the prospect of swimming at the beach that it never occurred to me that Johnny J, Sumo, Walker, Charlie and I were the Fearless Five!