Chapter Two

Flickering spew! There’s a blockage!

Harvey watched fascinated, and then horrified, as the giant vacuum hose bulged like a boa constrictor swallowing an outsize rhinoceros, and started juddering violently.

Orange warning lights flashed around the bridge, making it look even more ghastly than usual.

‘Flickering spew!’ cried Scrummage, swinging his legs off the desk and jumping to his feet. ‘There’s a blockage!’

He hitched up his overalls over his outsized belly and raced off the bridge.

Harvey leapt out of the tatty black captain’s chair and followed him, rushing past Officer Yargal who’d just arrived on the bridge.

‘I need to speak with you, Captain!’ she cried, flailing her six blue tentacles anxiously. Her green slug-like body trembled in alarm and her three yellow googly eyes waggled wildly.

Since Yargal is both the ship’s Medical Officer and Ship’s Cook, you would think the captain would at least stop and listen to her, especially when she announced, ‘It’s a matter of life and death!’

(But then she’s a Yargillian, and they’re well known for being hyper hysterical, mega melodramatic and super sensational.

They are also, officially, the ugliest aliens in the Entire Known Universe, and Beyond. But it’s tactless to mention it. So please don’t.)

‘Back in a minute!’ yelled Harvey, who was used to Officer Yargal being over excited, over emotional and over the top.

(Funnily enough he’s not used to her being revoltingly ugly and repulsively slimy. He’ll probably never get used to that.)

‘Assuming command!’ cried Senior Engineering Officer Gizmo pompously, striding to the captain’s chair. He never missed a chance to take control of the ship.

‘Yeah, yeah! Whatever!’ said Maxie, at the flight desk, rolling her eyes. ‘Just don’t expect me to do anything you say.’

‘Pilot Officer Maxie,’ snipped Gizmo irritably, ‘may I remind you of the Intergalactic Travel and Transport Pact rules and regulations regarding senior officers taking command in the absence of a captain?’

‘Again, yeah, yeah, whatever, and don’t expect me to do anything you say,’ she replied, pushing up her sleeves and glaring at him challengingly, her bright turquoise eyes glittering dangerously. Gizmo flinched.

Although Maxie wasn’t much older than Harvey, she was a brilliant pilot and the only one who could actually fly the Toxic Spew and she didn’t like being bossed about by a snotty Senior Engineering Officer like Gizmo. Actually, she didn’t like being bossed about by anyone.

Gizmo sniffed pompously, settled himself into the captain’s chair, and chose to ignore her.

Yargal was lumbering off after Harvey, her single snail-like foot leaving a glistening slime trail across the deck as she went. Several seconds later she’d still only just reached the doors.

Everything under control - or not!

Scrummage ran remarkably quickly for a man who claimed everything was under control. He also ran remarkably quickly for a man of his stature and size (which is a polite way of saying he was short and fat) not to mention remarkably quickly for someone running along the treacherously slippery and slimy floors of the Toxic Spew.

Moments later, he and Harvey pelted into the Vacuum Control Centre, down in the hold of the spaceship. Red lights flashed furiously on the pump machine next to three warning symbols:

• an exclamation mark,

• a skull,

• and what looked horribly like a picture of an explosion.

‘What do those mean?’ Harvey hardly dared to ask.

‘No idea!’ said Scrummage.

‘Seriously?!’ gasped Harvey, staggered at how little Scrummage knew about the garbage collection kit. Staggered, but not surprised.

‘There must be a user manual somewhere!’ exclaimed Harvey, rapidly looking around for one.

There wasn’t.

Scrummage strode up to the machine, then fearlessly ignoring the flashing warning sign on the top that read:

IN EVENT OF BLOCKAGE DO NOT REMOVE COVER

he removed the cover. Did I say ‘fearlessly’? I think I should have said ‘foolishly’, because …

KA-BOOM!