Chapter Thirteen

Spookily quiet on the I.S.S.

Harvey and the crew could hear their space boots clunking on the metal deck and echoing all around them as they made their way to the shop. Spookily, Harvey had a horrible feeling they were being watched. Warning bells went off in his head.

(No, not literally. Don’t be stupid! He’s not a robot, for goodness’ sake.)

The store was deserted – and trashed.

Some of the checkout tills had been left open, and a digital voice kept repeating: ‘Please take your bags … please take your bags … please take your bags …’ It was incredibly irritating.

The freezer door was wide open and a large pool of water and melted ice cream had dribbled out and pooled onto the deck (possibly mint chocolate chip and raspberry cookie crumble, judging by the colour and texture. Unless it was vomit, of course.)

A shelf of Spaceghetti in Baked Stars Sauce had been tipped over and the cartons had burst all over the floor. Harvey noticed some weird-looking footprints in the puddle of sauce.

(Excuse me, but can I just remind you that Captain Harvey Drew is from a tiny little planet called Earth which no one in Galaxy 43b has even heard of? And that up until a few weeks ago, he’d never even left that tiny little planet in its remote corner of the universe?

So who’s he to decide whether the footprints in the sauce look ‘weird’ or not?

I don’t mean to be rude or anything. I’m just saying … )

In the café area, orange and lemon Spaceade drinks were spilled across the deck, tables lay knocked over and a half-eaten Cosmic Cream Cheese Custard and Crackling Cake sat abandoned on a plate. Scrummage scooped it up hungrily and shoved it in his mouth.

‘Yummy!’ he spluttered excitedly, spitting custard and cake crumbs everywhere.

Maxie grabbed a half-empty pack of Space Radar Crisps, poured them into her mouth and munched furiously. Gizmo, finding that some coins had been left in the Any Food in the Universe vending machine, used it all up to buy a Super Delux Starspresso drink, a Comet Curry and Cabbage Soufflé with Red Custard.

Harvey headed off to the grocery section. It’s not that he’s fussy. Just that he has more self control.

Spookily quiet on the Toxic Spew

Meanwhile, back on the bridge of the Toxic Spew, it was spookily quiet too. Eventually, even the computer noticed.

‘Hello?’ it said, suspiciously. ‘Is there anyone there?’

There was no reply.

WHIRR, SZCHHHH, WHIRR

went the computer’s CCTV camera as it scanned the entire ship.

It searched the command bridge,

the galley and sickbay,

the crew’s quarters,

all the corridors,

the garbage hold and finally, as a last resort,

the toilets.

(And believe me, looking into the toilets on the Toxic Spew was absolutely a last resort.)

‘Hello? Coo-eeee! HELLOO-OOO!’ it called.

But the Toxic Spew was deserted.

‘Huh! Typical!’ it snorted huffily. ‘Don’t bother to tell me you’re going out will you? I mean you could have left a note! Just feel free to abandon me here, all alone and deserted, with no one except a stupid Hazard Hunting Hound and a dumb baby Gordonzola on the bridge for company!’

At that point the computer noticed what the dumb baby Gordonzola was happily doing on the bridge.

‘No, Gordon. NO!’ cried the computer in a shocked tone. ‘Don’t do that on the bridge! Bad Gordon. Bad baby Gordonzola!’

But Gordon ignored it and carried on doing whatever it was he was doing, until he’d finished. Snuffles put his paws over his eyes in embarrassment.

‘Oh good grief,’ exclaimed the computer in disgust, and bleeped off in despair.