A matter of life and death
Covering his nose and mouth with one hand, Harvey grabbed the door to the Vacuum Control Centre with the other and gave it a shove – but it was locked! He tried rattling it, kicking it and then taking a running jump at it (literally). Which was very dramatic but only ended up with him smashing his shoulder and bruising his knee. It wouldn’t budge. And worse, he suddenly realised he couldn’t contact the bridge, because the intercom was in the pump room!
Harvey raced back up to the bridge, his heart thumping and his legs pounding. Luckily for Scrummage, Harvey was match fit.
Panting heavily, Harvey burst onto the bridge.
‘Would you like that cup of coffee now, Captain?’ croaked Nerdie hopefully.
‘Not now, Nerdie!’ gasped Harvey and, taking a deep breath, garbled: ‘Scrummage-is-trapped- inside-the-Vacuum-Control-Centre-and-it’s-full-of-yellow-smoke-and-I-think-it’s-probably-poisonous-but-I-can’t-open-the-doors!’
‘Ah, yes, that’ll be the automatic computerised safety lock,’ nodded Gizmo, casually from the engineering desk.
‘Well, turn it off and unlock the doors!’ cried Harvey.
‘I am sorry, Captain, but I’m afraid you’re going to have to ask the computer if it will be so kind as to do that,’ said Gizmo, carelessly.
Maxie rolled her eyes. ‘Seriously Gizmo, is this the right moment for you to be hopeless as well as useless?’ she said.
‘Care for a coffee, Maxie?’ asked Nerdie.
‘Not now, Nerdie!’ she snapped.
‘Computer! Unlock the doors to the Vacuum Control Room!’ ordered Harvey.
‘Did I hear a please?’ replied the computer snippily, it’s lights blinking on and off crossly.
‘No, you didn’t! It’s a matter of life and death!’ yelled Harvey.
‘It may very well be, but that’s no reason to forget our manners, is it? And anyhow, I’m not sure it’s such a good idea because
a) there might be something noxious in there that would poison the crew, or
b) there might be something toxic in there that would melt the ship, or
c) both.’
‘I don’t care!’ bellowed Harvey. ‘Now unlock those doors or Scrummage could die!’
‘Hmmm, is that really a problem?’ asked the computer with a gobsmacking lack of concern.
‘No,’ said Gizmo.
‘YES!’ yelled Harvey.
‘Captain,’ said Gizmo pompously. ‘May I remind you of the Intergalactic Travel and Transport Pact rules and regulations regarding …’
‘No!’ barked Harvey, ‘you may not!’
EVERYBODY PANIC!
‘Gizmo can turn off the lock,’ said Maxie suddenly.
‘Can I?’ asked Gizmo, spinning round to look at her. He was genuinely surprised.
‘Yes. You can override the computer’s locking system. Just hit the EVERYBODY PANIC! button.’
Gizmo scanned his engineering desk. ‘Seriously! Who knew? Which one is that?’
‘I’m taking a wild guess here, but maybe it’s the big red button that says EVERYBODY PANIC! on it,’ said Maxie, drily.
Gizmo punched it. ‘How did you even know that?’ he asked Maxie, very impressed.
Harvey didn’t wait to hear the answer. He charged back off the bridge.
‘I’m coming with you,’ yelled Maxie, jumping up from the flight desk.
‘No,’ shouted Harvey. ‘Stay here.’
‘Why, because I’m a girl and you don’t think I can cope with a little bit of poisonous gas that might melt my fingers to the bone, boil my eyeballs, rot my guts and slowly but surely choke me to death?’ she snapped, pushing her sleeves up angrily and striding up to him.
No, ditzoid, because you’re the only one who can fly the ship! But tell Yargal to get down there. Urgently.’
Maxie stopped in her tracks. ‘Fair point. OK, fine. But don’t call me ditzoid!’ she hollered after him, as Harvey raced down to rescue Scrummage.
‘Can I interest you in a cup of coffee, Gizmo?’ creaked Nerdie brightly, as meanwhile the vast front vision screen was filled with a message that flashed on and off and read:
EVERYBODY PANIC!
EVERYBODY PANIC!
EVERYBODY PANIC!
It wasn’t having much effect on anyone on the bridge of the Toxic Spew. Maxie ignored it, Nerdie was making coffee, Gizmo was too busy deciding how many sugars he wanted and, as usual, the computer couldn’t be bothered.
Down in the ship’s hold, Harvey raced along the filthy corridor to the Vacuum Control Centre and flung himself at the doors. They flew open. Which, on the one hand, was good for Scrummage, but on the other hand, was going to be very bad for Harvey and on the other, other hand (sorry, I’ve lost count of the hands, I think it’s three so far), would be almost completely and utterly and totally disastrous for the Toxic Spew and the entire crew!
(Again, if you’re one of those impatient readers who want skip forward to find out why, you’ll have to flick to page …
Actually, no, I’m not telling you. It’s only 7 pages. No sneaky peeking. You’ll have to hang on, like everyone else.)