Chapter Nineteen

Junk Skunks!

A dozen or so weird little aliens suddenly shot past Harvey and darted off down the corridor like lightning, their feet skittering on the metal deck.

Fat and rubbery, green and purple with lurid pink spots, Harvey thought they looked a bit like a cross between a speckled skunk, a toy frog and … a balloon. Some were much fatter than others, but they all looked like they’d been pumped full of air.

The stink was indescribable. It was so strong Harvey could literally feel it clawing up his nose, clogging his throat and crawling into his lungs. It was so strong he could almost smell it with his ears.

Snuffles went berserk, snapping at the little aliens with his ferocious teeth, trying to catch them, but they were far too quick.

GRRR, SNAP! SNAP!

(I was tempted to interrupt the story here to give you some interesting facts about these little aliens. But then I decided to put them on a later page instead.

And, no, I’m not giving you the page number.

I know what you’re like.)

Medical Officer Yargal had picked up her first aid kit and was hurriedly making her way down to the Vacuum Control Centre from the ship’s sickbay as fast as her single, slimy foot would let her.

‘Don’t panic, Captain. I’m on my way!’ she cried, frankly pointlessly because

a) there was no way he could hear her from where he was, and

b) in a life or death situation, the thought of a medical emergency being in the hands of a Yargillian is enough to make anybody panic.

SLITHER, SLITHER, SLIME … SLIDE.

She was going faster than a slug on a wet slope – going uphill.

It was quite impressive.

But not as impressive as the steaming cup of galaxy-class intergalactic coffee with two sugars, a whirl of cream and a snazzy zigzag of caramel cream sauce on the top which Nerdie was handing Gizmo on the command bridge.

In all his intergalactic missions Gizmo had never seen one quite like it. And neither had Maxie who instantly demanded one like it but with chocolate sprinkles on top.

It’s too late for me, Captain, but save yourself!

Meanwhile, back outside the Vacuum Control Centre, the strange little alien creatures bumped and bounced from one thing to another, and ducking and weaving they shot along the corridor. Now and then they’d stop, suck in their sides like a shrinking balloon, lift their tails and squirt out a bright green goo. Then, and this is the best bit, they’d turn and sniff the air – proudly.

Frankly, it was eye-wateringly ghastly.

Not that Harvey had time to hang about and watch them, or to notice the wafts of yellow smog drifting up from the dollops of goo on the deck and walls. He was too busy trying to rescue his Chief Rubbish Officer.

‘Hold on, Scrummage,’ he cried, grabbing the outsized officer under the arms.

Coughing and choking, Scrummage clutched at Harvey’s arm and managed to gasp: ‘Junk Skunks! It’s too late for me, Captain, but save yourself!’ before he passed out completely.

Desperately, Harvey tried to haul Scrummage out of the fog-filled room. But it was hopeless. Obviously.

(Look, it’s not going to take a genius with a calculator and a ‘Power to Weight Ratio’ App to know there was no way Harvey was going to be able to drag Scrummage even a nano-smidge across the floor.

I mean, you do the sums:

If Harvey (Life Form 1) weighs (x) and Scrummage (Life Form 2) weighs 3 × (x)

Then the chance of (Life Form 1) pulling (Life Form 2) = Fat Chance.)

But in any case, within seconds the appalling reek had overpowered Harvey too! He blacked out and

THUD!

slumped onto the deck.

Whimpering anxiously, Snuffles darted over to Harvey and licked his face. Harvey didn’t move. So Snuffles dribbled on him, nudged him with his huge meatball of a nose and scrabbled at him with his great hairy front paws – but he couldn’t wake him up.

WHINE … WHIMPER, WHIMPER!

went Snuffles worriedly.

(Believe me, if being mauled and slobbered on by a fully grown Hazard Hunting Hound from Canine Major doesn’t wake you up, you are seriously out cold.)

Giving up, Snuffles plonked his huge hairy hindquarters on the deck and howled like a heartbroken wolf.

AROOOO, AROUOUOU, AROOO!