RULES AND REGULATIONS

The Crew of the Toxic Spew must abide by the following Intergalactic Travel and Transport Pact rules and regulations. And yes, that does mean you, Scrummage.

If aliens get on the ship:

DON’T PANIC! Call the Intergalactic Traffic Police, try to keep away from the alien, throw pizzas in their face, take photos of the alien to identify it [by Derpy dog Teenyweeny LMJ]

If deadly dangerous aliens get on to the ship:

DON’T make eye contact. Keep calm. Make a trail of cheesy moon balls into the panic room and lock the alien in there until you reach land and leave them on a planet where they can do no harm [by Fancyfootball]

If the vacuum pump explodes:

DON’T lick your lips. Make sure that none of the crew are injured or stuck under any dust or rubbish. If there is any very smelly rubbish that living creatures can’t live in until it has had chance to go away get to a safe place until it is all right to go back [by Fancyfootball]

Replacing your captain:

DO find another captain. They can be quite useful.

Dumping dangerous rubbish:

DON’T – and if you do, then DON’T get caught.

Keeping critical controls clean:

DO. Like captains, they can be quite useful. NB: You DON’T have to keep your captain clean.

Brawling on the bridge:

DON’T – it’s rude and distracts the pilot.

Doing repairs outside a spaceship:

DO the repairs but DON’T unclip your lifeline!

Rescuing cargo ships:

DO rescue the ship and then bagsy the cargo – in that order.

Space pirates:

DON’T PANIC! Space pirates are ruthless. You are all going to die. PANIC!