Sixty-Four
On Thursday morning, I wake up to find the apartment eerily quiet. Ji-hyun has left early for a special tutoring session at her school, but for some odd reason my mother’s room is silent. She should be doing her hair and getting ready, since she promised Mr. Lee she would come back to work today. I creep over and listen before knocking.
“Umma? Are you here?”
No answer. I open the door, suddenly afraid, only to find her lying on the bed, motionless. Her skin is pale, and she’s sweating. She’s staring blankly at the ceiling. When I call out to her again, she turns to me slowly. She’s been crying.
“Umma?”
“What’s wrong with me?” she croaks.
“What do you mean?’ I sit at the edge of her mattress, careful to keep my distance from her.
“Is there something wrong with me? Why does this keep happening? Am I a monster?”
“Don’t be ridiculous.”
If there’s a monster in this apartment, it’s me.
“Then why did George run away? Why did your father run away? Why did my parents?” she sobs.
I close my mouth and open it again.
“I . . . I followed George the other day, to his apartment.” She squeezes her eyes shut as she talks. “I saw a woman there with him.” I inch my fingers over to her. “She was so young and so beautiful. No wonder. No wonder.” She murmurs to herself softly, her words fleeting. “You know the stories I used to tell about your father? They weren’t true.”
“What stories, Umma?”
“I told you that your father fell in love with me at first sight. It’s not true. It was never true.” She gives me a pained smile. “When I met him, I convinced him to marry me. I didn’t have any prospects, and I was desperate to move on with my life. He was reluctant, but after a while he gave in. It helped that I already had my citizenship, and he didn’t.”
I fall silent at this revelation. I know what my mother is feeling right now, at least a little bit. To be the person who is always alone, always rejected. I have never been anybody’s first choice. Not my mother’s, who loves Ji-hyun more than me; not my father’s, who chose another woman over me. Over all of us.
I take a deep breath. “Umma, you have to get up. Didn’t you say Mrs. Shin was going to come and pick you up today? It’s already eight. She’ll be here in fifteen minutes.”
I hoist her out of bed and lead her to the bathroom, where I help her brush her teeth and tie her hair back into a sleek ponytail. I’m reminded of my childhood, when she used to get me ready for school. It seems like it should be funny that our roles are reversed, but it makes me go numb.
I watch my mother leave in Mrs. Shin’s car, waving to her as they drive away. After they’re gone, I rush upstairs to get ready for my last final. There’s an energy thrumming in my veins. An anger. Fury. The desire to punish, to exact justice. Tonight, George will finally get what he deserves.