How to Go On

Begin with forgetting, extinguish desire,

practice not wanting for half an hour

every morning, practice forgetting

the hand cradled under the nape

of your neck, mouth to your mouth’s kiss,

but remember, no matter what you do, one

desire will remain. Hunger is the first and

last word. When all words in California

slide into the sea, hunger will be the last

to fall. Should they all plunge out of the sky

in flames, hunger burns the brightest.

This is what you must do: go buy some

yellow stick, don’t bother with butter

or margarine, yellow stick will do, nothing

comes cheaper by the pound and it melts.

That’s the point. Buy a yam. This will cost

thirty-seven cents which you can find at

the bottom of your purse or under your couch.

Pay attention to the name of the yam—

red jewel or ruby or red garnet. Sometimes

the ad names the land of its origin. If you

don’t know, imagine this place, say, Livingston,

California, on a floodplain. Imagine the soil,

sandy or clay, porous or heavy, and the yams

underneath reaching for each other, the erotic

longing of tuber for tuber. This feeds you also.

Heat the oven. Warmth is a kind of food.

While it’s cooking, stroke your chest along

the bony ridge of the breastplate down to the

wishbone. Stand by the heat. When the yam

is ready, it splits open on its own. Wait until

the sugar begins to burn on the oven wall.

Then it’s perfect. Let the yellow stick slide

into a pool. This waiting can nourish you.

Now eat it in small bites, vermilion on a cold

night. In between bites, say it’s enough.

Imagine the yam is hungry for the inside

of you. Close your eyes. Picture yourself

clothed in red silk. You can eat the winter

night, dissolve it into the yam to a perfect

temperature. Imagine a volcano throws

out a vein of hot water at one-hundred-

eighty degrees from the side of a mountain.

These springs belong to you. Imagine the wind

is blowing and you are not cold because the wind

belongs to you. Imagine you are standing in a mine

full of rubies and each gem licking along the length

of the dark vein warms you. Imagine all this

dissolved into the yam which is yours. It will be

enough. But be careful, if you do it too often, any

one who sets out food will be able to tame you.