5

At three-thirty, I climb the hill towards the primary school. I force my legs to power me forward until I reach the top, where buses are picking up students. I cross the road and find the gates. A group of kids are waiting with a teacher – Zeke and Luke are among them. They stand and point when they see me.

‘Hi,’ I say, puffing. ‘I’m Jonah, here to pick up Zeke and Luke.’

‘Nice to meet you, Jonah. I’m Miss Tate, Zeke and Luke’s teacher,’ she says. She’s a short woman with a brimmed hat, and she’s smiling, with blushed cheeks.

‘Nice to meet you too.’

I leave with Zeke and Luke and we start along the footpath next to the main road. I open Maps on my phone, put in our address and the path is shown in blue. There’s already a thick streak of sweat along my spine as we begin our journey.

‘How was your first day?’ I ask the boys.

‘We’re in the same class,’ Zeke says. ‘Luke’s already got a girlfriend.’

‘No, I don’t,’ Luke says.

‘Yeah, you were sitting next to her all day. The girl with the red hair. I forget her name.’

‘Tilly.’ Luke sighs. ‘She’s not my girlfriend.’

‘Just because he was sitting next to her doesn’t mean she’s his girlfriend,’ I interrupt.

‘Anyway, we painted the rainbow fish today,’ Zeke says. ‘Luke only used three colours but I used all of them.’

‘I used all the colours,’ Luke says, shoving Zeke towards the road. I swap places with Luke and walk on the road side of the footpath.

‘No, you didn’t. You only used black, red and yellow.’

‘Yeah, I was using Aboriginal colours,’ Luke says triumphantly. ‘But then I added the other colours.’

‘Well, that’s not what I saw,’ Zeke says.

We pass a takeaway shop and that’s when I begin to smell my body odour. It’s May and it’s hot – I swear it wasn’t meant to be this way. Through the window, I see a fridge filled with soft drinks and waters. I would love to go in there, open the fridge and stick my chest in, even just for ten seconds.

After a while we turn down a big hill. There’s no footpath, so we walk along the gutter of the road. A few cars zoom past us. Our house is right at the bottom where the road becomes flat. I tell myself it’s just a few more minutes, a few hundred metres. To distract myself, I send a text to Ben.

Me: Guess who’s going to play rugby league.

Ben: Are you actually?

Me: Yep. Can you imagine it? Haha I’m probably gonna die.

Ben: Nah you’ll be right.

Ben’s texts are so short. He’s not giving me anything to reply to, really. I shove my phone back in my pocket.

By the time we get home, it feels like we’ve been walking for an hour, but it’s only been twenty minutes. Zeke and Luke are straight in front of the TV in the living room, turning on the ABC’s afternoon cartoons. I close the front door and head to my room.

I drop my backpack and rip my school shirt off, then surrender to my bed. The window is open, curtains at the sides and the blinds are up. A cool afternoon breeze passes through the screen and licks my sweat-covered skin. I kick off my shoes and close my eyes.

When I wake, there is still light outside, peeking in through my window. I hear the front door close, followed by a bang from the screen door. Voices outside my room tell me Dad is home.

I sit up and quickly pull on my shirt. Zeke and Luke are telling Dad about their day and about how the walk home was really long. When I get to the kitchen, Dad’s dishing out some takeaway Chinese food.

‘How was your day?’ he asks. ‘Did Cherry’s son look after you?’

‘Yep,’ I say. ‘It was okay.’

Dad puts some honey chicken and fried rice onto two plates and slides them across the bench to Zeke and Luke. They rush back to the couch with their forks and Dad begins dishing rice onto the two remaining plates.

‘Can I sign up for footy?’ I ask.

‘Footy? League?’ Dad asks, wide-eyed. He hands me the container and fork and I serve myself some honey chicken and Mongolian beef.

‘Yeah. Training is on tomorrow. I can go sign up then.’

Dad begins digging into his own plate, resting back on the bench. He’s got dirt all over his clothes.

‘But … you’re gay.’

‘Gay people can play sports too, Dad.’

Dad chuckles. ‘Sorry. I just thought … No, you’re right. You are right.’

‘I just need the money for the rego, if that’s okay.’

‘Yeah, of course. It’s great you want to play again after all these years. So, you made some new mates today then?’

‘Yeah,’ I say. It’s better than, Nah, literally no one went out of their way to talk to me today. It was like I wasn’t even there. Harley was playing nice but apart from him, the only human interaction I had before I picked up Zeke and Luke was when every single teacher welcomed me to Patience High.

‘Good. I’m glad,’ Dad says. ‘I played seniors for the Patience Dolphins. Listen. You’re older now. Playing footy … footy teams … they are very manly places.’

‘Don’t worry. I’m not going to strut into training wearing a rainbow flag like a cape.’

‘I’m not saying you have to go back into the closet or anything …’

‘I know, Dad,’ I say. ‘I know what straight guys are like. I have met a few.’

Dad clears his throat. He’s always so awkward about this stuff.

‘I’ll head to the ATM in the morning and grab you the rego money. I’ll see if Aunty Tracey can pick up the boys.’

He falls onto the couch, joining Zeke and Luke. I look down at my plate. I’ve got a lot of rice on there, and a lot of beef. Using my fork, I scoop some back into the containers. If I’m gonna play footy, I’m gonna need to lose some weight.