22

Wednesday morning, as we drive towards my school, I’m feeling kind of hopeful. Even though that shit was posted about Tegan on the Patience High Goss page, I am going to have a movie night with Harley. It’ll be just us. And it was his idea.

‘Dad,’ I say.

‘Yeah?’

‘How do you tell someone you like them?’

‘How do you what?’

‘How do you … how do you tell someone you like them? How do you say it right?’

Dad clears his throat. We’ve never talked about these kinds of things before. He’s never asked me if I like anyone, or if I’m seeing anyone. I think he’s never asked me because he tries not to think about me being with another boy, about me being intimate with a boy. I know he’s not homophobic, because when I told him I was gay, he was grieving for my mother, unemployed, drinking cask wine most nights, sleeping on his sister’s couch, but he put all of that misery aside and hugged me. He hugged me so tight, I couldn’t breathe. He told me he loved me, that he was proud of me. He knew what to say to make it all okay.

‘Umm,’ he begins. ‘Well … I don’t … is there a boy you like?’

He turns to me as we stop at the traffic light, and it feels like it’s the first time we’ve looked each other in the eyes for years.

‘Yes,’ I say.

‘Does he know you like him?’

‘Maybe. Possibly.’

‘Does he like you back?’

‘I don’t know. I mean, I think he might. He could.’

‘Well, the right way to say it is to just say it. Tell him that you like him. Tell the truth.’

‘And … that’s it?’

‘That’s it. That’s how I told your mother. We were at a dance and I grabbed her arm. I said, I think I’m falling in love with you. And that was that.’

‘Really?’

‘Yep.’

‘Okay. Thanks.’

It’s decided then – I’m going to tell Harley I like him when we have our movie night on Friday. As we arrive at the front of school, Dad’s phone rings. He pulls it from his pocket as we come to a stop.

‘It’s Doug,’ Dad says to me. He answers and puts Doug on speakerphone. ‘Hey, mate.’

‘Fred, how are ya? I was just callin’ to check in on Jonah’s fitness,’ Doug says through the phone.

‘Oh, yep, I’ve got Jonah here with me,’ Dad says.

‘Hey, Doug,’ I say.

‘How’s the leg, mate?’

‘Still sore, to be honest,’ I say.

‘He won’t be right to play this weekend,’ Dad adds.

‘No worries,’ Doug says. ‘Give training a miss tomorrow and rest up, mate. If we make it through, we’ll need ya next week.’

‘Okay,’ I say.

‘Thanks, mate,’ Dad says. ‘Sorry, Dougy, I’m gonna have to let you go.’

‘Okay, guys, have a good …’

Dad hangs up the phone, looking in his rearview mirror. ‘Quick, out ya get,’ he says. ‘Highway patrol just turned into the street.’

I climb out, then Dad quickly pulls out of the bus zone.

At school, everyone’s whispering about Tegan and Jack through double Maths in the first two periods. I hear one girl say Jack hooked up with her during summer, and that she heard he hooked up with a different girl at a party a few months before that.

I feel bad for Tegan. She likes Jack. She was showing up for him time after time but I don’t think she was ever special to him. I don’t get how Tegan could hold on to hope this whole time if all these other hook-ups Jack has apparently been having are true.

At recess, I make my way through the seniors’ area. Tegan’s at our table with her hoodie over her head, sitting with Zoey and Gordon.

I pass by Harley, Jack and their mates sitting under the shelter. Jack’s laughing with them about something and all I want to do is punch him in the face. He’s bigger and stronger than me, though. He’d beat me in a fight easily. I share a glance with Harley and keep walking by.

I get to the hangout. Tegan’s hood is covering her whole head, blanketing her face from the sunlight like a wide-brimmed hat. She’s trying to hide. Her container of tuna salad sits untouched on the table in front of her.

‘I got in some shit in Maths this morning,’ I say. ‘I forgot all about our homework from last Friday and now I have to do it at lunch in Miss Granger’s room.’

‘She’s ruthless like that,’ Zoey says. ‘You should know that by now. Always. Do. Her. Homework.’

‘I hate homework. Who has time for that, honestly?’

‘School is all bullshit,’ Gordon adds. ‘They hype up the senior years like we have to start taking it seriously now. Next year, they’ll put all this pressure on us to get good marks in Year Twelve, like our lives depend on it.’

‘Well, if you want to do uni, then you have to get a good ATAR,’ Zoey says.

‘Yeah, but even if you don’t, you can just go a couple of years later as a mature-aged student. I’d rather be making money, honestly.’

‘Not all of us have Mummy’s business to work in after school,’ Zoey says to Gordon.

‘Ouch,’ Gordon replies.

Along the pathway, I spot the bitches – Ashley, Laura, Molly and Francis. They’re walking in a diamond formation with Ashley at the front, and it’s like watching one of those reality TV shows. They’re each carrying a chicken burger from the canteen and the only reason I’m actually noticing them is because they’re all staring at our hangout.

‘Slut,’ Ashley mumbles as she walks past us.

‘What the fuck did you say, bitch?’ Tegan says. Her voice breaches her lips like an explosion. She swings around on the seat and rises to her feet at a speed The Flash would be jealous of. Her hood falls from her head as she rushes towards Ashley. She gets in her face and their chests are almost touching.

‘Yuck. Go away,’ Ashley says.

‘What the fuck did you just call me?’ Tegan shouts, and I can see her lips spraying Ashley with spit. ‘Say it again.’

‘Sluuuut.’

Ashley pushes Tegan. Tegan shoves Ashley back and Laura and Molly catch her.

‘Go away, psycho,’ Laura shouts.

Tegan launches her fist at Ashley’s face and it lands with a smack. Ashley jolts back and Tegan flies at her with more punches. Zoey and Gordon jump from the table with me and suddenly, there’s a circle surrounding Tegan and Ashley. Molly, Francis and Laura try to pull Tegan off, but Tegan grabs Ashley’s hair and swings her like a rag doll onto the grass, then Tegan falls on top of her.

It’s a real fight and I’ve never seen one in real life. My heart is pounding and I’m sweating and this feels like a bad dream.

Two teachers come rushing into the circle and both of them wrap their arms around Tegan. They pull her away, but Tegan is fighting them off, still grasping Ashley’s hair. Ashely is screaming and crying and Jack and the footy boys are cheering.

‘Fight back, Ash … punch her … kick her!’

Ashley finally tugs her hair from Tegan’s grasp and the teachers come between them, one still with his arms around Tegan’s struggling body.

‘Try me again, bitch!’ Tegan shouts. ‘Try me again! I’ll fucking kill you!’

‘Let ’em go, sir!’ someone shouts from the crowd. Ashley is bawling her eyes out with Molly and Laura holding on to her. Everyone else is standing around, like they’re waiting for something else to happen. The teachers march Tegan over the grass and around the onlookers. Her face is red and her eyes are wet as they walk her away.