Rebecca crossed her arms and stared at the crowded foyer. Her heart raced in her chest. So many people. How did that many people all decide to go to the same church? She looked at Sara. How was she so calm? “Remind me why we’re doing this.”

Sara laughed and slid her arm through Rebecca’s. “Because none of us are happy where we usually go. So it’s time to look around and see if there’s a better fit.”

“When did choosing a church become about being happy?” Rebecca let her arms fall to her side. “And where’s Jen? For all we know she’s here, just hidden somewhere in the enormous throng. Honestly, she could be getting trampled to death and no one would ever know until half-way through the service when this crowd finally thins.”

Sara snorted. “I’m sure the crowd thins before the service actually starts, and Jen is right there, worming her way through the clumps toward us.”

Rebecca followed Sara’s pointing finger and spotted Jen talking to...her stomach plummeted. “He goes here. Let’s go. There’s another church just down the street we can try.”

“What? We agreed to try here. What is your...” Sara’s eyebrows shot up. “Aha. Well, I’d say this church just got a little more interesting. Try to smile. They’ve spotted us.”

Right. Smile. She forced her lips to curve. Yesterday had been a mistake. Spending time with Ben only made her realize how much she wanted a future with him. She’d almost blurted out the truth ten different times during the afternoon. And each time their hands had brushed, the electricity sparking through her had made her want to twine her fingers through his and hold on forever. But how did she trust him when her own father hadn’t given a second thought to destroying her reputation? If Dad—the first man who was supposed to love her unconditionally and always keep her best interest in mind—could do that, what would keep someone else from doing the same? Or worse?

“Hey.” Ben grinned, his eyes sparkling. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming here today? I would’ve given you directions to the best meeting places—you know, the ones that don’t get quite so crowded.”

Rebecca glanced around the area. “Is that possible here? What’s the typical attendance on a Sunday?”

“I don’t really pay attention to that. It’s probably on the website somewhere though if you really want to know.” Ben shrugged. “I don’t love how busy it gets, but I don’t blame people for wanting to come. Pastor Brown is amazing. And there are some good people who come here, too.”

Probably some not-as-good people as well. Though that was the case at any church, really. The problem with churches, overall, is that they were filled with sinners. Sinners saved by grace, sure, but still sinners. Herself included. Rebecca fought the urge to roll her eyes. Here she stood, judging everyone in the building simply because she was uncomfortable. “Should we go stake a claim on a seat? Pew? Chair? Whatever they use here?”

Ben laughed. “Pews, if you can believe it. They haven’t migrated to the pew chair yet, though every so often it gets brought up as a possibility. So far, we’ve managed to vote it down. I don’t imagine we’ll succeed forever, but for now, you get the pleasure of a padded pew. Come on, I told Jackson and Zach to save extra room so the three of you could join us.”

Rebecca started off after Ben, but Sara grabbed her arm. “Seriously. He is the cutest thing in the world. What is wrong with you?”

“Haven’t we been over this?” Rebecca swallowed the lump in her throat. Sara was right, but rubbing it in didn’t help. A relationship wasn’t possible. No matter how much she wanted it.

Jen drilled her elbow into Rebecca’s side. “Listen to Sara. And to me. You’re making a huge mistake. He’s the epitome of a keeper. And, aside from that, it’s time for you to stop living a lie.”

Living a lie? She wasn’t doing that. She followed numbly after her friends. Is that really what they thought? They didn’t see how necessary her choices had been? Rebecca hauled in a deep breath and let it out slowly, widening her eyes and willing back the tears. How could you be in such a huge crowd and still feel abandoned?

“Come on, let’s go to lunch.” Sara leaned against the driver’s side door of Rebecca’s car, blocking her.

Rebecca shook her head. “I just want to go home. I don’t feel well.”

“Baloney.” Sara crossed her arms, frowning. “You’re trying to pull away because Jen and I think you need to be honest with Ben. What are you going to do? Change your name and move again?”

She ducked her head. The thought had occurred to her, but it probably wasn’t a good idea to mention it. Besides, now that she owned a house, moving was a more challenging prospect. You couldn’t just give notice to your landlord and move on. “No. Of course not.”

Sara scoffed. “You think I didn’t see your wheels turning just now? You’re a piece of work.”

“Awesome. Between Jen thinking I’m a big, fat liar and you saying I’m a piece of work, exactly why am I supposed to want to go to lunch with you? Seriously, if I’m such a horrible person, why would you bother hanging out with me? Just go away and leave me alone.” Rebecca reached for the handle of the car door.

“Cut it out, Bec. We’re your best friends and whether you want to believe it or not, we really do have your best interest at heart. Ben is amazing. And the two of you deserve a chance.” Sara tossed her hands in the air and stepped away from the car. “Whatever. If acting like a petulant child makes you feel better, I can’t stop you. But if you change your mind, we’re hitting the Afghan place on Little River Turnpike.”

Sara strode across the parking lot to her car. Rebecca sagged against the door. This is what she wanted, right? They were leaving her alone, no pressure. Except the pressure was still there and now it was mixed with the vague sense of, yet again, being a disappointment to the people who mattered most in her life. Why couldn’t she simply put on a happy face and go eat a gyro with her friends? But if she did, they’d want to know what she was going to do about Ben. And she didn’t have an answer.

Her cell rang. Rebecca fished it out of her purse, frowning at the number. She could let it go to voicemail and...what? Be forced into a decision about what to do for lunch. Better to answer and hope for a reprieve.

“Hello?”

“Rebecca? It’s Jerry from the mission.”

She straightened. She’d never heard Jerry this upset. “Yeah, of course. Hi Jerry.”

“I’m sorry to bother you on Sunday. Is there any way you could go downtown and keep an eye on things? I can’t reach any of the other staff and I don’t want to leave the hospital. Kira,” Jerry paused, his breath hitching, “she probably won’t make it much longer. I need to be here with her parents.”

Tears pricked Rebecca’s eyes. She hadn’t known the girl very well, or for very long, but she was a solid, gentle presence at the mission who would be missed. “Of course. I’ll head down right now.”

“You’re a life saver. Melissa said she’d stay until I found someone or made it in myself, but she was supposed to be off at eight this morning. Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. And Jerry...if you get a chance, tell Kira I consider it a privilege to know her.”

Jerry sniffed. “I’ll let her know.”

Rebecca dropped her purse and keys on the kitchen counter and shook the bag of cat treats. Mr. Tumnus and Lucy came running, bringing the tiniest smile to her face. At least someone was having a good day. A good life. She sank to the floor and pried open the zip seal—did they really need to make these things that hard to open? It wasn’t as if cats had thumbs—as the cats swarmed into her lap, meowing.

“Mmm, sounds like a pretty good day.” Rebecca stroked the soft tabby as she held out a treat for the more restrained, tuxedo-coated Lucy. “And one for you, Mr. Tumnus.”

Why couldn’t her life be as simple as theirs? The mission had been overloaded today. The chillier temperatures at night were sending more people to the shelter side of things. Before too much longer, they’d be at capacity. Jerry tried to avoid turning people away, but there were only so many beds. And fire codes had to be observed. Since it was Sunday, the overnighters hadn’t cleared out as quickly as they did on the weekdays, or so Melissa had said. Rebecca didn’t really know what the weekend days at the mission was like. She tended to be there after work, during the week. Should she be spending more weekends there? Jerry said they usually had plenty of weekend volunteers though, and there had been a number of people around doing various jobs. So why had he called her? Was it because she was a donor? Or because he knew who she was? She groaned. That was ridiculous. He wasn’t going to betray her secret. He had no reason to. A tiny voice in the back of her head asked what made Jerry different than Ben. She pushed it away. People kept telling her she needed to trust, so why not start with Jerry?

She gave each cat another treat and a light scratch under their chins before pushing to her feet and punching in a number on her phone.

“Hi, Sweetheart. Your father and I were just talking about you.”

Rebecca smiled. “Oh? Anything interesting?”

“Just wondering how you were doing and if you’d been out with your young man again. All the usual things parents wonder about when their children grow up, leave the nest, and move across the country.”

Her young man? “Mom. I told you there can’t be a future with Ben. Or anyone.”

“I know you say that. But you don’t see how you look at him. I did. There’s love there, Becca. Don’t be afraid to grab it.”

Oh please. Even her mother was jumping on the bandwagon? This wasn’t why she’d called. Not that she’d had a certain motive for calling, but a lecture about her life choices and Ben were definitely not what she’d been going for. Time to change the subject. “Did you get the pictures of Mr. Tumnus and Lucy I sent you?”

Eleanor sighed. “I did. They’re precious. Though Mr. Tumnus is a mouthful. Are you really sticking with that name as opposed to something like Mr. T for short?”

She snickered before she could stop herself. “I pity da fool who calls my cat Mr. T.”

“What?”

Rebecca’s snicker turned into a full belly laugh. “Don’t you remember those horrible reruns Dad used to put on all the time? Some group of mercenaries in a van and the one burly guy with a Mohawk and too many necklaces?”

“Not really. I was usually reading when your father was in charge of the television. Hang on.”

Rebecca listened as her mom asked her dad about the show. Her dad’s laughter warmed her heart. It was a good memory. One from before he had book contracts and speaking engagements and a need to offer solutions for all manner of parenting issues. Did he always have to pretend to walk in their shoes instead of just giving advice from an observer’s position? Her smile faded. Her heart ached for that time, when she could curl up on the couch with her dad, and his arm around her shoulders made it seem like there was nothing in the world that could hurt her.

“He says the show was the A-Team and that they made a pretty decent, if somewhat silly, movie remake that you might enjoy renting.”

“I’ll put it on my list.” Rebecca sighed. “I miss you guys.”

“Why don’t you come visit? I know it’s not a holiday, but if you can arrange a long weekend, we can get you a ticket.”

It was tempting. She had the time. Even having taken a week when they were visiting, another two days wouldn’t be too hard to swing. But the open house at the mission and the cats made disappearing more complicated. “I can’t right now. But I’ll see what I can swing down the road. Soon.”

“All right. You know the offer stands for whenever you need it, right?”

“Yeah. I love you, Mom.”

“Love you too, Becca. So does your dad.”

“I’ll call you later this week.” Rebecca ended the call and plugged in her phone. If he loved her so much, why didn’t he make a move to bridge the gap between them? He’d caused it, shouldn’t he be the one to heal it? And was that even possible? She didn’t have an answer.