ELI COULDN’T BREATHE. Hell, he didn’t want to breathe, didn’t need air. He only needed this woman. He’d fought so hard to forget the exhilaration of holding her in his arms as she came alive, as she whipped up his emotions like wind to a wildfire, incinerating his common sense. He’d been with other women, had the reputation of a serial dater among his crowd in Austin, but only because no one he’d ever met did this to him. No one else made him burn so damn hot. The best he’d been able to come up with were mediocre conversationalists who translated to disappointing bed partners. The cold memories only made the woman in his arms that much hotter.
Easing them down to the ground, he propped himself on an elbow, his arm beneath her head, his free hand roaming the dips and curves of her body. She’d always been so firm but feminine. Full breasts strained against her T-shirt. The hem had worked its way loose, and his fingertips dipped below the soft, well-worn cotton to find the bare skin of her belly.
She sucked in a sharp breath and, when he flattened his palm on her skin and let his pinky finger slip underneath the waistband of her jeans, her hips came off the ground to meet his touch.
He’d missed her organic responses, the way he could make her mind cloud over and coax her body into uninhibited acquiescence. For so long he’d thought of her, wondered how she’d been and, only now could admit, had missed her.
She whimpered and shifted her hips toward him, a silent demand he love her body. He unbuttoned the top button of her jeans and eased the zipper down. The skin above her practical cotton bikinis was so soft it drew a groan from his chest. Still, he slowed down, gentling his kiss as he nibbled at her lips before dropping his chin and nipping at the soft spot between her neck and shoulder. She tasted of salt and sunshine. Nothing had ever tasted so good.
Twisting her face away, she choked out, “Don’t, Elijah. Don’t let me think.” She wound her hands through his hair and pulled his face back to hers, her kiss hungry and demanding and so damn heartbreaking he was powerless to do anything but give her whatever she wanted. And what she seemed to want, against all odds, was him.
Shifting over her, he settled his hips between the juncture of her thighs. She lifted to meet the hard ridge of his erection and he ground against her, rocking his body into hers as his balls drew tighter and the slow burn began at the base of his spine.
Somewhere nearby, a cow sneezed.
Reagan froze as the voices of the cowboys they’d ridden with carried across the wind. They weren’t terribly close, but if Eli and Reagan could hear them, chances were fair the men would be able to hear them—soon.
Shoving and pushing, Reagan scrambled out from under him, pulling at her shirt and attempting to button her jeans, but her hands shook so badly she couldn’t manage.
Eli stood and moved her hands aside gently but firmly. When her hands fell away, he deftly did her pants up, straightened her shirt and retrieved her hat from where it had fallen near the stream’s edge.
She took it without a word, refusing to meet his gaze.
Reaching for his shirt, he shook it out and scrubbed the bloodstain in the water until it was nearly gone. When he stood and faced her, she still wouldn’t look at him. “You okay?”
“I don’t want anyone to know about this,” she whispered.
Her declaration stung. “We didn’t do anything wrong, Reagan.”
Her eyes snapped to his. The depth of despair he saw in her gaze stole his breath and rendered him speechless.
Then she spoke, her every word tearing at his heart. “You’ll leave, Eli. It’s not a secret, not to you and definitely not to me. Whatever happens between us is something I’ll be left to bear, the proverbial scarlet-letter-wearing woman who couldn’t be true to the memory of her late husband.”
“It’s been three years—” he started, but she waved him off.
“Luke is a saint in this county and probably in heaven itself. I’m cheating on him whether he’s waiting at home—” she swallowed hard “—or not. What I want, what I’ve always wanted with you, isn’t possible, Eli.”
“That’s not true,” he ground out. “I have no doubt you were a faithful wife. It’s not in you to be otherwise, so this damn town and its gossipy residents can go to hell as far as I’m concerned. You’re entitled to live your life however you want to.”
“And where do you fit in that anymore?” She sighed. “You’re going to leave and I’m going to stay and it will be just like it was before, except you know about Luke now and I’m tired of hating you for never coming back.”
For me wasn’t said, but he heard it loud and clear.
“I wanted you to come with me.”
“And that wasn’t possible. No more now than it was then.” She wound her hair up and settled her hat on her head. “Anyway, it’s history now and not worth reliving. We both made our choices. I’m asking you to respect mine. I...”
“But this is our opportunity to make a different choice, to get a kind of—” he threw his hands up in desperation “—a do-over, if you will. We can make the choice to be together now, for as long as it lasts.”
“And how long will that be, Eli?” she asked quietly. “How long will it be before you return to Austin, to be the partner in your firm, fighting the good fight in court...and never looking back.”
He turned a tight circle and then stepped into her space, pulling her hat off her head and tossing it aside as he gripped her shoulders. “You’re asking me to pull out a crystal ball I don’t have. I can’t predict what will happen with one hundred percent accuracy. The only thing I can tell you with absolute certainty is that this is our chance to see what’s left between us, to see if we can salvage what might have been and make it into something that could be.” At her startled expression, he rushed on. “I’m not asking you to make any commitments or promises. What I am asking you to do is to willingly explore this...this...thing between us while I’m here. We’ll take it day by day, you have the option to call stop at any point, and if you do I’ll respect that.” He moved in closer. “Your body doesn’t lie. You still respond to my touch as much as I respond to yours. It’s something we, as two consenting adults, want.” He brushed his lips over hers. “I want you, Reagan. Tell me you want me, too.”
“I can’t deny that whatever this thing is between us clearly hasn’t burned out.” A deep flush spread up her neck and across her cheeks. “If I agree to see you while you’re here, anything we do has to be done privately. No dates, no public affection, no behavior that gives anything away.” When he started to speak, she glanced up, eyes blazing. “That’s nonnegotiable. I’m the one who’ll be left to suffer any consequences once you’re gone again. I lived through it once. I don’t have any desire to do it again.”
Shame combined with regret to make his response sharper than he intended. “Are you embarrassed to be caught with me?”
“Not embarrassed, exactly. I just don’t want the judgment and speculation about my private life that will inevitably come along with the action.”
Not embarrassed...exactly. Well, wasn’t that a rousing endorsement. He’d never been the secret lover his partner didn’t want exposed. It hurt like hell, and the truth surprised him. “And if someone finds out?”
She took a deep breath and squared her shoulders. “Then I fully expect you to deny it. We’re working together to get the Bar C out from under quarantine. You’re probating your dad’s estate. I don’t care what you tell people so long as it isn’t the truth. If you can live with that, we can explore our mutual physical attraction while you’re in town. No strings attached, no expectations.” She paused, looking over his shoulder. Her next words were almost lost to the fast-darkening night. “No regrets.”
He took a step closer to her, his voice low and hard when he spoke. “So you’d what, use me to satisfy some latent sexual urges and then cast me aside?”
She didn’t retreat even one step but went toe-to-toe with him, lifting her face to meet his. “Define it however you want, but you either take it on these terms or pass on the opportunity. Your choice.” Laying a hand on his arm, she gave a fraction of a smile. “No hard feelings if you don’t want to take it.”
Oh, he wanted it, all right. But not with those rules. He didn’t want to skulk around as if he was something she was ashamed of or what they might find in each other now was something to regret. It never had been. It shouldn’t be now.
But he’d take Reagan any way he could get her. If it meant compromising his pride to keep her reputation intact, so be it. If the terms she’d outlined were the only ones she’d consider, if she truly meant he could take it or leave it, he had no doubt which side of the fence he’d be coming down on.
Illicit affair, it was.
* * *
THE RIDE TO the main house passed in general quiet. Eli asked a few questions but cast her a hundred curious looks. It was enough to make Reagan want to take back every word she’d said. They had been uttered in a moment of madness. It was the only explanation. Why else in the name of all that was holy would she offer Elijah Covington a short-term affair?
Intimate images of Luke floated to the surface, and it occurred to Reagan that Eli might think it would be acceptable to come to her house so he could...oh, hell. She couldn’t even say it. “To screw your brains out, Matthews,” she forced herself to whisper. “To take you every way you can imagine so you burn him out of your system and lay this particular ghost to rest.”
Eli looked over. “I missed that.”
“It’s not worth repeating.”
“I’m curious.”
“And that should make me a parrot?” she bit out, then sighed. “Sorry. I’m tired. I don’t want to have to euthanize tonight, yet it’s unavoidable. I’ll have to get medical provisions air shipped and start treating in the field. It’s going to be hell.”
“I figured.” He moved his horse in closer. “What do you think the loss ratio is going to be? Realistically, I mean.”
She swallowed hard. “If the entire ranch has been affected, if the cows brought in have intermingled, if they’ve run the same fence line or shared a stock tank? You’re looking at a loss ratio of no less than three to ten. It could be worse if the disease has progressed further in different pastures.”
“Shit. We can’t afford that kind of loss. If Dad didn’t keep up the insurance policies, it’ll bankrupt the ranch and we’ll be forced to sell it either as a whole or to parcel it off in sections.” His face paled. “There could be lawsuits.”
“There’d be nothing left to claim.”
He shrugged, his shoulders seemingly burdened with possibilities. “Depends on how Dad set up the will. I’ve got to go over it tonight. If the limited liability corporation is in place, we’ve got some culpability. If it’s an S corp, we’re better off.” He glanced over at her. “How’s your place set up?”
“I don’t know.” She’d been struggling just to make the mortgage payments and keep up with her own obligations around the place. She’d never checked how the papers had been drawn up. No, that wasn’t true. She’d avoided checking it after Luke was killed. It was one more thing to remind her he was gone, one more thing she had to handle on her own. “I suppose I should find out.”
“Get the deed and I’ll look it over for you while I’m here,” he said absently, his mind seemingly a million miles away.
While I’m here, he’d said. Even now, Reagan had to mentally kick her own rear for laying out the terms of their affair the way she had. She knew he’d leave, but found she was already dreading the idea of it. She’d fight to keep this a sensory experience—nonemotional and nonconfrontational. It was the opportunity she had to have in order to get him out of her system. She’d love him and be loved by him one last time. Then she could—probably—move on and—maybe—reclaim her life. She would sell to the neighboring ranch and pick up a—God forbid—small place in town. But she’d make it work. As always.
They crested the hill to find the main house and three bunkhouses ablaze with lights pouring out from multiple windows. Blue lights flickered in several of the windows indicating the men had their TVs going. Laughter rang across the smooth night air, and all Reagan could think was, That’s about to change.
Cade stepped out on the front porch, some sixth sense drawing his gaze their way. Full night had set in but, backlit as he was in the open doorway, it was easy to see his entire body stiffen at the sight of them riding in together. He skipped down the stairs, his shirt unbuttoned and the top button of his jeans undone. Reagan had a brief moment to thank God for the Covington genes before Cade was striding toward them, as pissed off as a horny bull pulled off a receptive cow.
“What the hell are you still doing here?” he demanded, reaching out to grab the reins of Eli’s mount. The horse shied, nearly unseating Eli. Cade kept coming and the horse began backing up rapidly.
“Enough!” Reagan shouted, the command harsh.
Cade spun on her. “No offense, Reagan, but this is Covington business.”
“Not anymore it isn’t. You’ve got BRD spreading through your herds.”
The middle Covington brother froze and considered her, his voice softer when he finally spoke. “I figured Everett had somehow misunderstood.”
“He didn’t. Eli and I intended to radio you ahead of our arrival, but I had a small accident—” she held up her bloodied hand “—and I dropped the radio in the water. Regardless, we’re here now and we’ve got to get a handle on the outbreak. A large part of that is going to be you two working out whatever it is between you, so the bullshit stops and the collective priority becomes saving the Bar C. Eli might’ve just shown up today, but he gets that. He’s helped me all evening to sort and gather, and Ty and a handful of cowboys are going to be here soon with the first herd. I’ll have to have quarantine corrals set up, chutes to work in, lights for night work and food and drink for the men. The horses will have to be moved, preferably to a pasture nearby or to the barn where the doors are kept closed. I’ll treat them with a full-spectrum antibiotic as a precaution for anything else the cows might be carrying, but I still don’t want them exposed to any more than they have to be.”
Cade’s eyes widened. “Did you just dare to insinuate he cares more about the Bar C than I do?” There was a dangerous undertone to his words.
But Reagan was beyond the point she was willing to play Family Feud—Covington Style—with these two. “Out of everything I just laid at your feet, that’s what you focused on? Grow up, Cade. I mean it. If I can work with him, so can you. So stop being so self-righteously pissed off over a history that can’t be changed and grow a big-boy pair that’ll see you through this.” She swung down off her horse. “After this is done? You two can kill each other for all I care.”
He stared after her as she stormed toward the barn, but she still heard him say to Eli, “Some days I wonder why you ever left that woman.”
And Eli’s response: “So do I, Cade. Trust me. So do I.”