They took everything away when I arrived here. I have nothing of the things I had packed in the small suitcase Grandma gave me. I had stones from home and some feathers that Grandma gave me. They took my diary too, the one Grandma gave me for my birthday. It was blue and it even had a shiny gold lock on it, and tiny little keys. I had a lot of stuff written in there that I thought would give me some comfort over the year. But, now it’s gone.
I was given this notebook and pencils for school, so I am going to start another diary in this notebook. I am going to hide it with me all the time. I’m writing in very small letters, with the lines close together, because I realize that I can’t just write like I normally do if I am going to always hide it.
This is all I remember about what I’d written in my diary yesterday.
We left on the noon train. There were two of us, just me and Emma. Grandma walked with me to the train station. I cried when I hugged her goodbye. She told me to be a good girl and to be strong. She put a hand on my head and over my chest.
At every stop, there were many mothers standing at the station, crying, as more kids got on the train. There were two boys across from me who were laughing and teasing each other, clearly enjoying the trip. When the sun began to set, I was ready to turn around and go back home. That’s when I noticed that I had written in my diary that I think this train should be called The Train of Tears. As the afternoon wore on, I wanted to go home already! There were eight of us sitting together now, all going to the same place.
I am getting very hungry. There’s a small water fountain by the toilet door. Beside it is a metal thing on the wall that holds small pointy-bottomed paper cups. I pulled one out and poured some water in it, but it tasted funny.
It was getting dark when we got off the train and went to a hotel. We were given two rooms. One was for the boys and one for the girls. We were very hungry but we had no money to go into the dining room. There was a lot of noise from the barroom downstairs. During the night, we could hear fighting downstairs and in the parking lot below. We were very scared. Sometime after midnight, we scrambled up and looked out the window and we saw two men throw a man into the back of a truck and they drove off. There was so much noise and we were too scared to sleep.
Early this morning, we went to the train station and waited for another train that goes south to the city where we are going. We got a brown paper sandwich bag each from the hotel. We were very hungry, and tired from not getting any sleep.
After we settled into our seats on the train, we opened the bags and found a sandwich and an apple in each one.
It was close to lunchtime when we managed to open a window on the coach and stuck our heads out. After several hours, we realized that we had gathered a lot of dirt and soot from the engine onto our hair and faces! We smelled like engine smoke! I got a piece of paper towel from the toilet and wet it in the little sink and wiped my face, and the paper came off black. When you flushed the toilet, it opened a round flap and you could see the train tracks and ties going by below.
We are here at the Residential School now. It is afternoon and I am very tired.
Emma and four of the boys were taken away by a man in a car when we got off the train. Emma said that they’ll be living in other people’s homes and go to a high school. She said she would come and visit me as often as she could.
There was a man with another car to pick the three of us up at the train station. We drove for a long time before he left the road and turned up a very long drive with tall trees on either side. Then I saw the building. It’s a very tall and very, very big brick building and has wide steps going up. It is the biggest building I have ever seen. I got very scared then. I felt so very small. The building loomed above us as we went up the steps and through the door and were told to wait and that we would be called into the office one by one.
When it was my turn, there was a man behind the desk in front of the window and I could not see him clearly with the window behind him. He told me his name and he wrote my name down. Then he told me a list of rules and other stuff that I can’t remember. I do remember that I’m never to speak in my own language and that I’ll be punished if I do. I am to speak in English only.
When I came out, the boy who arrived with us was gone. The girl was still there, sitting on one of the four chairs beside the door.
Then a woman in a grey skirt and white blouse came and got us and took us down a flight of stairs and into the communal showers, where we were stripped and scrubbed. She rubbed awful-smelling stuff on our heads — to kill lice, she said. I did not have lice!
Then we were given clothes to put on, along with an apron. We were given a number that was written on all our clothing. When they lined us up, I noticed now that there were four other girls in front of us who must’ve arrived by another way. Then we went across to a small building, where a man was standing with scissors in his hand. Again we lined up and he cut our hair, the same as the rest of the girls that I had seen — straight across below the ears, and bangs. Then we went back inside and through a long hallway and up a flight of stairs.
We entered the girls’ dorm. It was empty. There were three rows of beds. Light green curved metal head frames with three metal bars in between, and the same-coloured curved foot frames. There were metal night tables between the beds, of the same colour. The floor had smeared green tiles going one way, and the next row another way. Like a checkerboard.
I was directed to the first row and to a bed that was the third from the end. There was a pile of stuff on the bed and there were lockers right across from the beds and that one was to be mine. I put the things that were on the bed into the locker. All the clothes had the number 75 written in black marker at the back of the neck, or on the tags at the back of the skirts. I was now #75. I wondered how many other girls had worn the #75 clothes.
As I closed the locker door, I turned and saw a girl in the tall mirror at the end of the room. She moved when I did and that was when I felt a shock go through me. That was me! I had never seen myself look like that before, and I began to shake and panic until I saw my eyes. There were my mother’s eyes looking back at me. I was still me. They could do anything they wanted to me, but I would still be me!
All my own things are gone. Now I have to wear strange clothes and aprons with the number 75 on them. I am now just a number.
The Supervisor came in and directed us to follow her. We went down the stairs and stopped at a door and she led us in a prayer that we had to repeat after her. I never heard that prayer before. Then we entered the dining room, where all the girls were already eating. We were directed to empty chairs, and plates of food were put before us. I was very hungry. I just put my head down and began to eat. I can’t even remember what we had for supper. The other new girl and I had to eat fast because the others couldn’t leave until we were done. Then we had to say a thank-you prayer all together before we could leave the dining room. I didn’t know this prayer either, so I had to just repeat what they were saying. The only prayers I ever heard were from the Bible when Grandma took me to the church sometimes at Flint Lake when the minister was there, which wasn’t very often.
I have never watched television before. There was a cowboy show on in the evening. Then we were given some peanut-butter sandwiches and a glass of milk. Our Supervisor’s name is Miss Tanner. She’s an Anishinabe woman from down south somewhere. She is very cold though. She does not smile at all. She reminded me of a moving block of wood. She always seems to be looking around. I wonder what she’s looking for.
Before the lights went off, we had to kneel before our beds and say another prayer all together for bedtime. Again, we just have to say the same thing at the same time.
After the wake-up bell rang, we all had to kneel by our beds for the morning prayer, and then we quickly had to make our beds before going into the washroom to wash and comb our hair and brush our teeth.
Miss Tanner showed me how to make my bed this morning. Tuck in the bottom sheet at the bottom and the top; lift the corners and tuck in and then tuck in the middle. She ripped off my first try and then I got it right the second time. It’s like making a letter envelope.
The top is much the same. It has just a top sheet and a bed cover with the top folded over the pillow. We have to make our beds like that every morning so that all our beds look the same.
The bathroom sink is a thick round green stone circle thing. You step on the bottom metal circle ring and water sprays from the top mushroom-like thing. We each have a toothbrush and there’s a container with minty powder in it that you stick your toothbrush into and it becomes toothpaste. There are four toilet stalls by the wall. The doors and sides are about a foot from the floor so you can see the girls’ feet when they go in. You can also look over the top if you stand on the toilet seat. I saw one of the girls do that. She must’ve been looking for someone.
I have an apron that I really like. I’ve never had one before. It has a white background with tiny yellow flowers and it has a gold-coloured trim around the collar and pockets, with ruffles around the sleeve straps and around the bottom. It’s real pretty.
We have to wear white blouses and skirts and thick beige stockings.
I forgot to mention that the boys all come into the dining room from another door and they all sit on one side of the room and we are not allowed to talk to them.
It’s just now occurred to me how much trouble I’ll be in if someone finds this diary. If someone sees me, they will certainly take it away from me. I have to be very careful. I’m thinking that it would be something I could read to Grandma when I get home to let her know what this place is like. Reading to her would be better than just giving it to her to read. I feel like we are kind of on this adventure together. I don’t think I’d want my mother to see what I am writing, though, just in case my half-brother and half-sister end up in a place like this too. It would also remind her of the years that she spent in another Residential School when she was growing up. I’m thinking too much, I think.
I’m learning very quickly just to follow what the other girls are doing. If someone’s not quite moving in the same direction at the same time, everyone stops and they glare at her. That was what they did to the other new girl beside me. So far, I’ve managed to keep up with what was happening. It reminds me of soldiers that I once saw in a book — all looking the same and all doing the same things at the same time. Even our dorm looks like an army’s barracks. Before the lights go off, we have to say the night prayer all together for bedtime again. The prayer before meals is different from the after-meals prayer, and the bedtime prayer is also different, but we say them over and over again every day. I kept getting them mixed up yesterday.
This morning we had to pin little round lacy things to the tops of our heads and then walk in a single file through a bush path. We walked through the bush slowly and it was so nice. Suddenly, one of the older girls tugged at my sweater. She had two new girls with her. She gestured for me to follow them. We ducked behind some bushes and she led us to a place where there were boulders jutting up from the ground. She said that we were not to forget this place because each new girl is told of this place. There are Residential School children buried there, she said. Then she told us it was now our duty to tell new girls of this place. I didn’t see anything anywhere. Then, she turned and ran to catch up with the other girls. We looked at each other and we ran to catch up too.
The branches were still hanging on to a wide variety of leaves in bright colours of orange and yellow. It reminded me of home and I wished I could stay in the bush for a while, but I just took deep breaths and walked one foot in front of the other. It didn’t smell the same though. There were many different trees and bushes that I didn’t recognize.
We finally came to a clearing and there was a small Church. We went in line and sat in the rows at the back of the Church. We had to get up and sit down several times. It looked funny with all those people bobbing up and down together. I put my head down quick when I realized that I was smiling. I can’t even remember what the white-gowned man with the ribbon stripe over his chest up front was saying. I was busy watching the white people, who largely ignored us, and I was admiring the different colours of glass on the pictures in the windows.
That was a boring long time in there. I kept thinking about the burial spot the girl showed us. I didn’t see anything at all. Most graves I have seen had a mound or a cross or something. Maybe she was just pulling a joke on us.
This Church is very fancy. Not like the one at Flint Lake. I remember that I went in once when the bell rang as I was walking by on the way home to Grandma’s, and it had a picture of Jesus beside the door and there were benches on each side of the aisle, and at the front was a table with a fancy cover that reached the floor and it had a cross on it. There was a little bench on the side, where the Minister knelt. I don’t remember much about what the Minister said. He couldn’t sing, either, and the women sang from the Cree hymn books they were using, since there were no Anishinabe books. That was funny. Mom and my stepfather, Izzy (I like that a lot better than his real name, Ezekiel) never went to the church on the Reserve. I never thought to ask why.
We each have jobs to do. I had to use the wax-buffing machine. It’s a heavy green metal thing with a wide spinning brush at the end. It polishes the wax on the floor. I was told to plug it in, turn the switch up and go over the whole floor with it. Huh! It nearly knocked me off my feet when I first turned it on. It would have spun me around with it if I hadn’t had the sense to keep my feet planted on the floor! Some of the girls were laughing at me struggling with the thing! I had to waltz around with it a couple of times before I figured out how to counter the right-hand pull of the spinning brush.
We watched Walt Disney after supper. Then Bonanza came on, with Little Joe in it. All the girls say that he’s cute! The Ed Sullivan Show came on after that. I never saw any of those shows before. There was a television on the counter in a restaurant that I remember seeing on one of the trips into town with Mother. We’d get on the airplane and land in a small town to pick up some supplies or for one of us to see a doctor.
Tonight we had butter-and-jam sandwiches with our milk and then had to say the nighttime prayer before the lights went out.
Today was the first day of school. I didn’t know where the school was, so I followed three girls, but then they turned into the park that is along the route. They began running, so I ran to catch up. They stopped at the foot of a huge tree and they asked me to come into its hollowed-out base with them. I was scared, but I joined them. I knew we were supposed to be at school, but how was I supposed to get there? I was very scared about going to a white city school for the first time in my life!
We sat there for a long time and they kept glancing around the tree. They said the caretaker would chase us out of the park if he saw us. We wriggled around to fit in that big gaping hole and we sat there huddled and they whispered once in a while. It was very damp and a cold mist was still on the ground. I was getting very cold. Then I think I must have dozed off, because one girl poked me and they were glancing up the street, saying that the kids were coming back. I was wearing a blue sweater, but it was still cold outside and I was shivering.
We knew it must be lunchtime when we saw the others coming back down the street, and we sort of walked along on the other side of the street and joined the last straggling kids back to the Residential School. We then lined up with the others at the dining-room door. When we were all there, Miss Tanner kept order and we all said the grace and then we were allowed to take our seats at the tables and silently ate our meal. After the meal, we had to say the thank-you prayer. There’s no talking allowed at mealtimes, and we have to eat everything on the plate. I really don’t care what I eat. I just eat what’s put in front of me.
After lunch, our names were called through the intercom to come to the office. That is, me and the other three girls. We were asked to wait outside the office and we were called in one by one. When it was my turn, the Principal glared at me and gave me a big loud lecture about playing hooky. I didn’t even know what “hooky” meant! Then, he asked if I knew where the school was. I shook my head. Then he said that I must go to school every day and I was never to spend the day in the park again!
I hate this place!
I just remembered Tall Mike. He had told me that he failed on purpose because his dad needs him at home. So, he’ll have to keep failing Grade 5 so that he can stay home until he’s old enough to leave school. I wonder how old he’d have to be? I think I should have done that too. Then I could have stayed with Grandma forever.
The city school that we go to is called King George and I was kind of scared. I’ve never been in a school with white kids before. They were all right though. They just stared at me at first, and the teachers were very nice. I am the only Anishinabe girl out of about 25 students in my first morning class. I saw some girls from the Residential School in some of the classes, but they don’t talk to anyone, not even me.
It’s almost time for supper. I wonder what we’ll have this evening. Yesterday it was chili with mashed potatoes and carrots. I think I’ll write down what we eat so that I’ll know what it’s called when I tell Grandma about the different food we eat.
We move to different classes for different subjects at school. It’s not so boring because you don’t sit in one spot all day long. I just stand by the door at recess. The white girls stand together talking, and the boys spend the time wrestling and punching each other, or chasing each other around the yard. No one talks to me and no one bothers me. I don’t mind. I don’t feel like talking to anyone, and I’m just feeling very lonely and wish I was home with Grandma! I wonder how Mother felt, to be able to go to school in the Residential School where she lived and not have to go to a town school with white kids.
I decided to go to the park after supper and a girl came running after me from the Residential School. She must have just arrived. She had bright red fingernails. She flashed a smile and started talking. She kept talking the whole time it took to get to the candy shop at the park, and she talked all the way back too. She talked about everything, and finally, just before we went back inside the Residential School, she made me promise that I would meet her in Paris on her honeymoon. I wasn’t quite sure where Paris was!
After class, I was walking down the hallway at school on my way out and I met the English teacher. He asked me what it looks like where I come from. I didn’t know if I should tell him about the Reserve or Flint Lake. I thought I’d tell him about Flint Lake and Grandma. It was a lot easier telling him about the railroad and trains, the store and the school. He was surprised when I told him that there were no roads and no cars. He asked if I liked coming to a city like this. I shook my head and told him I’d rather be at home. He laughed. Maybe he thought I was joking.
We were given ski jackets this morning. They were all hanging on a rack by the side entrance that we use. It is just outside the dining-room door. Someone said that it was once a playroom, but it’s quite empty now except for the coat rack and the boot trays that line the wall beside the door. The one that fit me is light green and Miss Tanner put #75 on the back collar with a marker. The winter boots that fit me looked like old-white-lady boots with the lace-up fronts. I didn’t care as long as my feet were warm. It was all second-hand clothing anyway. I noticed the girl — Paris, as I call her in my head. Her red nail polish was gone and she had a sad look. She smiled at a few girls but didn’t say very much to anyone.
I wrote a letter to Grandma. I don’t know if they will mail it. We have to hand in our letters at the office and they read them before they send them, if they send them. When there’s a letter for us, it’s opened and read, and if it is okay, they give it to us. We are not allowed to say anything about the Residential School when we write home.
Anyway, there wasn’t much I had to say.
In case they don’t mail my letter, I’ll write it here too, so Grandma can see it when I get home.
September 16, 1966
Insy Pimash
Flint Lake, Ontario
Hello, Grandma.
I know you are probably setting your fishnet for trout. I wish I could be there with you. We got four of the trout that time in the pouring rain when we checked the fishnet. Remember that your kerchief was so soaked you decided to wring it out and wipe your face with it? That was funny. We made a lot of use of your old canoe last fall. I hope Mother and Izzy figure out how to get you a new one next summer. I remember you saying that your old canoe is so full of patches that it’s only the patches that are holding it together. I hope someone is helping you put in a store of wood enough for the winter.
I am fine and everything is okay. I do very much miss you. I miss your morning list of things to do while you put the wood in the stove. There was always the things that had to be done before the sun set. I have not heard from Mother yet. I hope she will write soon. Write back to me real soon too. I love you very much.
Love,
Violet (Pynut)
Miss Lewis is our Supervisor on the weekends when Miss Tanner takes a break. I like her. She is a lot more friendly than the other one. She has brown hair and blue eyes and is very short. She’s the same height as me! I really like her.
Some of the girls wash dishes after meals. The older ones are in the laundry room, ironing all our stuff. There are some that are in charge of mending our clothes. So far, I have been just sweeping the dining-room floor and buffing the dorm floor. I haven’t actually shampooed or polished the floor yet. The older girls do that. I saw Paris and asked her if she would like to go to the park afterward, but she just shook her head.
There was a bit of a blowout with the boys that we heard about. Apparently, one of the boys swiped one of the pies that the cook had cooling on the windowsills outside the kitchen. All the girls were laughing about that. We don’t know if they figured out which one did it. One of the girls said that if the boys refuse to tell, they all get punished.
Oh, when I was going over the floor with the wax-buffing machine this morning, I noticed a cigarette lying on the floor against the night table between two beds. I didn’t know which girl it belonged to, but I quickly picked it up and shoved it under the corner of the sheet on the bed to the right and continued with the machine. I don’t know if anyone saw me. There were two girls at the other end, dusting around the windows. There were also girls coming and going in the washroom, cleaning the place.
At bedtime, I glanced over to the two beds just in time to see the girl on the right pull up the sheet, and the cigarette flew out, landed on the floor and rolled toward the Supervisor’s feet! Everyone stopped dead. Some craned their necks to see what had happened, and soon every eye was on that cigarette. Miss Lewis stood there for a while before she pointed at it and asked whose cigarette that was. The two girls looked at each other and both said, “not mine.” Miss Lewis picked it up and put it in her pocket and everyone continued what they were doing.
Just before the breakfast bell rang, the two girls were called to the office. I don’t know what happened to them, but I didn’t see them at breakfast. I don’t feel bad about putting the cigarette inside the girl’s sheet because it must have belonged to one of them. I was just trying to keep the girl from getting into trouble. If Miss Lewis hadn’t been standing there at the time, it would have been all right.
We actually did get a slice of apple pie after supper, but we were wondering if the boys got any. I couldn’t see if they did. The plates were cleared away so fast, we didn’t get a chance to whisper to any of the boys who were clearing their dishes, before they were ushered out. I recognized the boys’ Supervisor as the one who picked us up from the train station the day we arrived. I hadn’t noticed him before. He has a loud, booming voice, so I have certainly heard him many times.
We didn’t have to pin the lacy things to the tops of our heads this morning. We just marched in line to the Chapel at the end of the field in front of the Residential School. We had to listen to the Principal talk about one thing or another. Sing songs, stand up and sit down, and then march our way back to the Residential School and wait for the lunch bell.
I really have to get my homework done this afternoon though. It has to do with a moose, for the Science class. I don’t know much about moose. Izzy killed moose, but he was always hunting with the other guys on the Reserve and brought back the meat. Grandma never hunted moose, but some of the men at Flint Lake would give her a piece of meat whenever they killed one. There are no books here, so I had to bring back some books from the King George School library that teach things about moose.
I got a letter from Mother. And, it had a five-dollar bill inside! I am going to save it and only buy some candy or a chocolate on Saturdays.
I don’t know if we get to keep our letters. Maybe they take them away after, so I am going to write down what the letter says so that I can read it over again.
September 10th
Hello daughter,
I have managed to get a job as the Secretary at the Band Office! Thank goodness for the course I took over the summer! Now we have a bit more money coming in for the house. Your brother and sister are doing fine. They like their new teacher at school. The Band also got funding for a construction project that your father is signed up to work at. There is also a new Chief now and your father also campaigned to be one of the Councillors and he actually won one of the seats! So, things are looking up. He is now one of the Councillors! Please write as soon as you can and let me know you are all right. I do worry about you and hope you are all right. I write and call your grandma whenever I can, so you will know that we know that you are okay.
Your mother,
Emily
My two friends — Laura and Susan — and I went to the park on the way home from school. Laura has a little brother in the Residential School too. We see him sometimes on the way to school. He just waves at her. He runs off with the other boys every time she tries to talk to him. She says that the boys tease him if he’s caught talking to his sister.
There’s a guy at the park who has a little shed thing and he stands behind the counter and sells newspapers and candy. I had the five-dollar bill in my pocket and I bought a sponge toffee bar. Oh, it was good. I had to share it with my friends though. That was okay.
Susan told me to ignore the white girls at school who won’t talk to me. I didn’t even realize that they were deliberately ignoring me! I thought they were just being nice by not bothering me. I am dumb for sure, maybe. I’m just getting used to being in classrooms with white students. I never used to think about myself being Anishinabe, but now I’m always remembering who I am when they look at me like I’m not supposed to be there.
I feel like I am invading their space.
The Monkees were on the television this evening. Davy’s cute! I secretly think the show is kind of silly, but the other girls really like watching it. We got peanut-butter sandwiches with apple juice tonight. That was nice. I heard some girls saying that there’s nothing else for comfort here but food. Some of the older girls were saying that they get fat in the winter when they are here, but lose all that weight when they go home for the summer because there is always more work, and there’s not always food to eat back home. That’s one thing that I had never thought about. I was never hungry with Mother on the Reserve, or with Grandma. Though Mother sometimes talked about being hungry, or about the bad food, when she was at Residential School.
I didn’t know that I was a very lucky girl. There’s one thing I notice too. There’s always the smell of food cooking in here, and I do eat whatever is put in front of me because I know I’d get into trouble if I didn’t eat it. But then I haven’t tasted anything I didn’t like here yet.
I wrote to Mother this afternoon and gave the letter to Miss Tanner. I hope they send it to her.
If not, I can read this copy to her when I see her.
September 22, 1966
Dear Mother,
I’m doing fine and I like watching television. I had no idea there were so many things to watch on the television. I’m watching The Monkees, and Bonanza with Little Joe in it. The girls think he is cute! Then there is Walt Disney, which is a movie about stories of dogs, or children, or other animal stories. Then there is an Ed Sullivan Show where he brings people onto the stage. Sometimes there are people with tricks, animals that can do tricks, or people telling jokes, or most times, some famous bands and singers.
The food is good. I didn’t know there were so many kinds of food and I found a sponge toffee that I never tasted before and it’s really good.
Thank you for the money and I will make it last as long as I can. Give my love to my brother and sister. Say hello to Izzy for me. I hope I will see you all at Christmas. It is only September and all the girls are already talking about going home for Christmas.
I wrote a letter to Grandma and I hope I hear from her soon.
Your daughter,
Violet
I went for a walk after lunch to see the neighbourhood. I don’t know where the rest of the girls went, because I had a bath first. I went in the other direction this time and started looking around so that I didn’t get lost. I noticed a large red STOP sign at the end of the street. Well, I thought I couldn’t miss that. So I went down the street and walked up another street. There was a grocery store down another street. I could see the sign, so I went to check it out. It was a small grocery store at the corner and it sold all kinds of things. I bought another chocolate bar that I’d never seen before. It was coconut and covered with chocolate. It was too sweet. Didn’t like it much. I went back the way I came and was happy to see the STOP sign, but when I got there, it didn’t look anything like the street that had the STOP sign on it.
I turned around and went in another direction, and soon I spotted another STOP sign. I was so happy that I ran toward it, but when I got there, I had never seen this street before either! I had no idea there were so many STOP signs!!! I didn’t know what to do and I was getting scared, so I figured if the sun is to the west, then I should walk with it to my right. I came to a busy street and I saw a bus go by before I came to the corner and then I recognized the park across the street. I was so thirsty by that time, I ran all the way back to Residential School and I got in just in time because the girls were lining up for supper already!
We didn’t have to go to the Church through the bush today either — the one with the white people there, and the Minister. We just went to the Chapel at the far end of the school grounds. The Principal talked for a bit and we sang some songs. Then we came back and then it was lunchtime. Boring morning! I have to do my homework this afternoon. Yuck! I hate it! I hate it! I hate it!
I want to go home so badly! I still have not heard from Grandma.
Emma came to see me this afternoon. I had to meet her outside though. She didn’t want to come in. My friend Susan came and got me. They were all playing outside when Emma arrived. I ran downstairs, grabbed my jacket and there she was leaning against the building. We walked to the park. She says that she likes the house where she’s staying along with two other girls. She likes the high school she’s going to. She was asking me about how I like this place, but I didn’t want to talk about the Residential School. After walking around a bit, she left to catch the bus and I ran back. Just in time too! I didn’t know what time it was and I just barely got my jacket and boots off when the supper bell rang and all the girls trooped down the stairs and we all lined up. If you miss the lineup, you miss the meal.
I really liked the movie on Walt Disney last night. It was about a dog and he was really smart. I didn’t know what to write today. That movie gave me an idea and so I decided to write a story about Blackie, my friend from Flint Lake.
Title: BLACKIE OF FLINT LAKE by Violet Pesheens
Blackie lives in a place called Flint Lake.
He’s a big, bushy, black dog and he always barks at people when they walk by.
One day, the new girl walked by on her way to school. He used to see her with the old woman at the end of the path, but now she always walks by alone.
One day, he decided to bark at her to see what she would do. But she didn’t do anything and just ignored him. So he decided to bark louder and follow her, barking all the while.
Still she did not pay any attention to him. That made him mad so he barked some more and then she laughed at him. That made him angrier so he barked longer and more loudly. Still she went on walking.
I don’t think this is going to work. It is boring. Maybe I can add another dog.
One day, there was a new dog. It was a big, beige, male dog who always sat on the hill and watched the girl walk by.
Oh, the supper bell just rang. The girls are dropping what they are doing.
Time to line up.
I wrote to Grandma again and gave her the address to this place again. I hope they mail it. I’ll copy it out here too, so that I can read it to Grandma when I get home.
Sept. 27, Tuesday
Insy Pimash
Flint Lake, Ontario
Dear Grandma,
I’m doing well. I just wanted to make sure that you know the address to this place. I copied the address from Mother’s letter to me that was dated September 10th.
I’m learning new things at school. I didn’t know anything about Geography. I wonder why the teacher at Flint Lake didn’t tell us about that. I can do Math and English really well, so there’s no problem there. There’s also History that I find really interesting.
We have different teachers for the different subjects. They’re all very nice. The other students don’t bother me and they sure dress differently from us. The white girls have bright red painted toenails and some are still wearing sandals. They have fancy skirts and dresses. Their hair is always curled or in little bobs that look like caps on their heads. The boys still dress the same as all boys do.
Emma came to visit me on Sunday. She likes where she’s living. She lives with a family of four. The mother, father, a boy and a girl about her own age. They all go to the same high school. There are two other Anishinabe girls living there too.
I noticed that there are strange squirrels here. They are black and very big with big bushy tails! There are strange birds too. I don’t know what they are called. I have to look for pictures of them at the King George School library. That’s the city school we go to. There’s a calendar at the school that has all the holidays written on it. I never knew there were so many special days for stuff.
Please write to me when you have time. I love you and miss you very much.
Yours,
Violet (Pynut)
I had a cry by the window. I wonder why Grandma hasn’t written to me yet? I was looking out the window, watching the snow come down, and another girl came to stand beside me, and then she began to cry too when she saw me crying. Soon, there were four of us crying, when Miss Tanner saw us. She ordered us away from the window. She was very angry! Nasty crow! I don’t know why she works here if she’s not happy. I have yet to see her smile.
It was really cold going to school this morning. Freezing rain and very windy. We had snow a couple of times, but it didn’t stay on the ground.
I always feel this hopeless pain or longing in my chest — to go home — and I feel hopeless that I can’t and there’s nothing I can do about it.
I just finished a pencil drawing of Grandma’s cabin. I even put in her washtub that’s always hanging on the side of the cabin outside, her sawhorse and a pile of wood.
I’m sitting under the window. I can smell something delicious cooking from the kitchen downstairs. I might get tired of the breakfast food. It’s either salty porridge or cream of wheat with one piece of toast. But, I’m not complaining. At least I’m not hungry.
I don’t know where the girls are. I seem to be up here by myself. The younger girls are probably still running around outside. The older girls hang out in the bushes at the back of the building. I could see some boys out there too, when I looked out the back fire-escape window when I came in from school.
I got a string about 2 feet long from the Science room at King George yesterday. We were standing around by the windows, waiting for the supper bell to ring, when I remembered it. I tied the ends together and I began playing the string games that everybody knows back home. I saw a girl nearby and I stuck out the criss-crossed string to her, and without a word, she immediately turned it into another figure. Then another girl joined us and she turned it into another figure and then a Cree girl joined us and she knew the game too!
We were not speaking, but just smiling at each other, when one of the older girls walked by and she just reached out and grabbed the string and, glancing around, hissed, “Are you girls stupid?” stuck it into her apron pocket and ran down the stairs. I asked one of the girls, “What’s wrong?” She sighed and said, “We were playing our game — like our language, not allowed. I forgot too.”
I don’t understand. It was just a game. I hate this place!!
It snowed a bit. Seeing that made me very homesick. I remember the fun Grandma and I used to have hauling wood in the snow. I wish I was home with Grandma. I just want to go home!!!
We were really cold on the way to school. Freezing rain and strong winds!
We have to wear skirts. I wish they’d let us wear pants when it’s cold like this!
We were all in bed in the dark last night after the Supervisor shut off the lights.
There’s a girl two beds down from me. She was trying not to forget the Lord’s Prayer in Anishinabe and she said “shigag shigag” for “forever and ever.” That means “skunk skunk” in our language. The words for “forever and ever” should be “kagiga kagiga.” That was really funny! Although she was the only one speaking out loud, we were actually following along with her. That’s why we burst out loud laughing into our pillows when she said “skunk skunk.”
It was a good thing that the Supervisor did not hear us. I wonder how the girl would have explained that one. I know the Lord’s Prayer in our language because Grandma taught me. Her mother taught it to her. My mother doesn’t know it though.