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I didn’t see Dean on Wednesday morning, but I helped out in the kitchen a lot of the time, so I probably missed him. He wasn’t far from my thoughts though.
I spent an unhealthy amount of time contemplating what quote to use tonight. Something else from Batman. I could decorate it with a bat symbol. If he was a fan, he’d recognise it.
It's not who I am underneath, but what I do, that defines me.
I marked it with my signature S, then sat back and admired it. The evening light was perfect too, especially with dark clouds looming on the horizon. The mood I was aiming for was dark but strong, and I knocked this one out of the park. I’d put this one on my Instagram feed, as a teaser for the exhibition.
No sign of Dean yet. Maybe he was working late? I could stay longer. It wasn’t as though I had anything to go home to. I tossed sticks for King, and then fed him my drinking water, cupped in one hand. I must have waited an hour before I gave up and dawdled back to my room.
In a long history of doing stupid things, crushing on Dean was my latest dumb move. The whole point of my being here was to sort out my shit. I longed to reinvent my life, to atone for my guilt over Marnie’s death, and to get my head into the right space. Mooning over a guy helped with none of that.
I threw myself into work on Thursday and Friday, covering extra shifts and running errands. Every hour worked put more dollars into my exhibition fund. I refused to consider what would happen if I couldn’t afford the printing and mounting bills. Asking my family for a loan was out of the question when I still owed them money. Requesting an advance on my wages didn’t seem like a good idea when I’d only worked here a couple of weeks. If all else failed, I’d sell my car. I should get two or even three hundred bucks for it.
When we closed on Friday, I was exhausted. I sat with King in the courtyard and downed a tall glass of water, fanning myself with a newspaper. Jacques, the owner, was running through his stock supplies, while Dave and Marty finished the cleaning. Lou came to join me, a plate of cake trimmings in her hand.
“Try this one.” She nudged a strip of chocolate slice with her finger. “It’s possibly the best thing Jacques has ever baked.”
It melted on my tongue in a swirl of decadent flavours. Chocolate jostled with salted caramel, while a tartness lurked at the back. “Orange?”
“Raspberry.” She ate another strip and sprawled back in her seat, kicking up her feet onto the nearest chair. “It’s almost better than sex.” She licked each finger in turn. “Mind you, I’ve forgotten what that’s like. This isn’t a dry spell I’m having; it’s the fucking Sahara.” She blew out a noisy breath. “My goal for tonight is to get laid. Since half of Peka Peka is going to this party, I should be able to find someone, right?”
I shrugged.
“I wish you’d change your mind and come with me. It’s gonna be completely cool. You’ve worked so hard. You deserve to let your hair down and have some fun.”
“Crowds aren’t really my thing.”
“Why not come for half an hour, see how you like it? Then if you hate it, you can go home. It’s only up the road, so you don’t need to drive.”
Was I tempted? No.
“Aww, come on, Steph. I’m looking forward to you meeting everyone.”
“Everyone like who?”
She rolled her eyes. “We’re old school here on the coast. Laid back could be our motto. When there’s a party, everyone is invited by default.” She sat up and dug into a pocket for her phone. “I’ll text you the address. Mind you, when you walk down the street, you’ll know Jasper’s house by all the people there.”
“Jasper?” Excitement sparked in my veins. “Jasper Clarke?” Jas was Holly’s brother, and Holly was Zack’s new girlfriend. If Jas was throwing a party, then Zack might be there. Maybe I wanted to go after all.
“You know him?” Lou grinned. “You have to come, then. His sister got engaged, and it’s going to be epic.”
His sister. Engaged.
Oh God. Zack was engaged.
I clamped a hand over my mouth. I was going to be sick. How could he?
He was in love with Holly. I’d seen the way his face lit up when he caught sight of her. The way he looked at her was how I wished he’d look at me.
He’d never do that now.
Lou frowned. “What’s up?”
Hold it together, Steph. Lou might be mistaken. “Is it Holly that’s engaged?”
“Yeah. You do know her. Her guy is so hot. Zack. He’s a soldier.” Her eyes brightened. “He’ll have his army buddies there. I might score a guy in uniform.”
I needed to go somewhere quiet. Someplace I could break down in private. The last thing I needed was Lou watching me come apart.
“I have to go. Have a good evening.” I pushed back my chair and called to King.
“If you change your mind, come on over. I’ve sent you Jasper’s address, so you can’t forget.”
I knew where he lived. Hell, I knew a lot about him. He co-owned the local gym, where I planned to go to yoga classes, and his girlfriend made and sold cupcakes. How many hours had I hung around at Jasper’s place, on the off chance of seeing Zack when I visited? Or hearing about him?
I was halfway upstairs to my room, when a thought side-swiped me.
I wasn’t invited.
Lou asked if I wanted to go with her, but Jasper wouldn’t know that.
He didn’t invite me. Was it any wonder, when I was obsessed with his sister’s boyfriend?
Tears pricked at my eyes. Not any more. I had to accept Zack would never be mine.
It hurt more than I wanted to admit.