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Dean’s words made me shiver. How many times had I been in that exact same situation, where I sought a distraction for my pain? Until recently, mine came laced with alcohol or dope, loud music, and the press of bodies on a crowded dance floor. Now I self-medicated with yoga and walks on the beach.
I could help him, but should I?
For my own emotional wellbeing I needed to stay aloof and uninvolved, but this was Dean. He’d been achingly good to me.
“Of course,” I said, my decision made. “Let’s go and have some fun.” I held out a hand, and he squeezed my fingers, his jawline relaxing a fraction.
His gaze softened, but then he replaced his shades and I saw my reflection in the mirrored lenses. I longed to ask what the matter was, and what he was upset about, but at the same time I shied away from the idea. I’d paste on a smile and pretend I was happy.
At Dean’s request, I connected my phone to his car sound system and selected a playlist. I went for something lively and set it playing in the background. It was enough to fill the silence and remove the need for conversation, and I watched as he gradually relaxed into the journey.
“This is Villainy,” he said, when one of my much-played tracks came on. “They’re good. I saw them in Auckland last year.”
“I like them too, and I saw them a couple of years ago. They really pumped up the crowd. It was a great gig.”
Dean glanced at me, a hint of a smile on his face. “You know they’re an Auckland band, aye?”
“Yes.”
“My cousin was one of their roadies, when they started out. Before they went to Melbourne and became famous.”
I chuckled. “Is that your claim to fame, Dean Logan? Your cousin was a roadie?”
“Yep. What would yours be?”
Did I know any celebrities? “The guy who owns the local gym, Jasper, used to date a movie star. That was before she became famous, though. Does that count?”
“Hmm. I think my cousin trumps your guy. Unless she’s a major movie star, like a Hollywood legend or something.”
“Nah. Not yet, anyway.” I patted his thigh. “Although, when she’s counting her Oscar trophies and you come to me begging for an introduction, I might remind you of this conversation.”
“Begging, huh? Doesn’t sound like something I’d do.” He smirked.
My cheeks heated at the memory of last night, of me helpless and desperate for his touch. I pulled myself together and pointed out of the window. “We turn off soon. Look out for the junction.”
We left the highway behind and climbed up the hill, slow and steady. I’d only been here once before and knew the ascent required careful driving. It was narrow and steep in turn, with hairpin bends to add to the fun.
I stole glances at Dean’s profile while he focused on the road ahead. He was so ruggedly masculine, it felt weird to call him beautiful, but he was. Sharp cheekbones and a strong jawline gave his face shape, and his thick, dark hair was softer than it looked.
“How much farther?” he asked, as he guided us around another tight corner.
“Not far now.” It was somewhere around here that Jasper wrecked his car, but he’d been racing against another guy at the time. At night. The idea of navigating along here in pitch darkness made me nauseous. I was glad to see signs for the car park at the summit.
I expected it to be quiet up here on a Sunday afternoon. I was wrong. There were bicycles everywhere. Dozens of them. Lycra-clad figures strutted around, swigging from water bottles and snapping pictures on their phones.
“Bugger,” I said. “There must be a rally or something.”
“Yeah.” Dean nosed into one of the few remaining spaces, and then killed the engine.
“So much for our quiet drive,” I said and turned to face him. “You get some fantastic views from the edge, when you can get near it.”
We both looked at the fence and the ten riders currently linking arms for a picture.
“Maybe another day,” said Dean. “Between you and me, I’d like to get back down the hill before they all set off. I don’t fancy dodging around them.”
“Agreed.”
“So where to now?”
“There’s a park near here, where we can walk King.” I pulled up a map on my phone and checked the most direct route, before showing it to Dean.
“Sounds like a plan.” He started the car, and with care, manoeuvred out of his space and across the busy car park. “We’ll have to come back some time. When the Tour de Godzone isn’t in progress.”
I laughed at his joke, but hugged myself inside at his confident assertion we’d come back. Together. He was making it very difficult for me to keep my protective shell in place. I couldn’t risk falling for him.
Tucking that thought away, I directed us to the park and found it quiet. Dean parked in a shady spot, uncaring of the confetti of scarlet pohutakawa blossoms drifting to the ground, and we set off, King on his lead.
As soon as it was safe, I let my dog run free, and we played, throwing sticks and pretending to chase him, with King bounding around and loving every minute. I couldn’t remember the last time I had so much fun or laughed so much.
The sight of Dean clowning around was beyond unexpected. Such a change from how serious and lost in his thoughts he was when we set out. Unless he was a better actor than I imagined, he was enjoying himself too.
We bought ice creams and bottled water, and then claimed a patch of grass to cool off.
Dean lay back, one arm behind his head. “Do you bring him here all the time?”
“No. We usually go on the beach. My car’s a bit of a junker, and I don’t trust it any further than a short hop.”
“Does it overheat?”
“Sometimes.”
“I’m good with engines. Want me to take a look?”
Part of me wanted to leap on his suggestion, but the sensible part urged caution. “Thanks, but it’s okay. I don’t use it much, and I can’t afford to spend anything on it right now. My exhibition isn’t cheap to stage.”
He shrugged, the muscles rippling under his T-shirt. “If you change your mind, you know where to find me.”
I swigged some water, unable to take my gaze off him. Did he know how appealing he was? He must have women lined up to date him.
Was this the reason he only wanted one night? Because he had someone else? The water tasted sour.
“Dean, do you have a girlfriend? Back in Auckland?”
He turned his head to face me, his eyes hidden by his sunglasses. “Not really.”
That wasn’t a good answer. “Not really? Is that a yes or a no?”
“I don’t at the moment. We broke up.”
I didn’t like the edge in his voice. Was he lying?
“I’m sorry. Were you together long?”
“A year or so. What is this? Twenty questions?” There was no mistaking his irritation.
I wanted our easy mood back. “Sorry,” I murmured. “There’s a lovely walk we can take around the inlet, if you’d like? It’s not far from here.”
“Good idea.”
We stood and stretched. I lifted my bottle for another drink, just as King jumped up at me. He caught me off balance, and I staggered right into Dean.
“Whoa.” He grabbed my arms a second before I would have tumbled onto my butt. “I’ve got you.” His grip was tight, but a heartbeat later he released me. “The perils of having a big dog,” he said, but he didn’t move away. Instead, he ran his hands down my arms, as gentle as could be, and then tangled our fingers together. “Did I hurt you? I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. Thank you for catching me. It wouldn’t be the first time he’s knocked me over.” Dean’s proximity made me breathless. I wanted him to kiss me. I wanted to ask him to stay again tonight, even while I feared he might refuse.
“Why did you sneak off this morning?” I blurted the question.
He smiled. “I guess I promised you one night, and I haven’t delivered yet. Wanna stay at my place tonight?”
I couldn’t wait.