Driving Like Crazy

CONTENTS

Acknowledgments

Introduction: The End of the American Car

1 How to Drive Fast on Drugs While Getting Your Wing-Wang Squeezed and Not Spill Your Drink

2 How to Drive Fast When the Drugs Are Mostly Lipitor, the Wing-Wang Needs More Squeezing Than It Used to Before It Gets the Idea, and Spilling Your Drink Is No Problem If You Keep the Sippy Cups from When Your Kids Were Toddlers and Leave the Baby Seat in the Back Seat so that When You Get Pulled Over You Look Like a Perfectly Innocent Grandparent

3 Sgt. Dynaflo’s Last Patrol

4 NASCAR Was Discovered By Me

5 The Rolling Organ Donors Motorcycle Club

6 “Come On Over to My House—We’re Gonna Jump Off the Roof!”

7 A Test of Men and Machines That We Flunked

8 A Better Land Than This

9 Getting Wrecked

10 Keep Your Eyes Off the Road

11 Comparative Jeepology 101

12 Taking My Baby for a Ride

13 ReinCARnation

14 The Geezers’ Grand Prix

15 Call for a New National Park

16 A Ride to the Funny Farm in a Special Needs Station Wagon Complete with Booby Hatch

18 The Other End of the American Car