“SO LET ME get this straight. You’re in a cottage that he rented for you, in Chatham, and you’re going to do what? Follow his itinerary for the next few days? And your boss let you go?” Danica asked.
It was nine o’clock in the evening, and Lacy was sitting out on the deck of the cottage that Dane had rented for her, the sound of waves breaking and the cool air coming off the water, sending memories flittering through her mind.
She pressed her cell phone to her ear. “Yup,” she said. “He’s got really good taste, too. This place is amazing. There are two bedrooms, two bathrooms, and—”
“Lacy,” Danica interrupted.
“Yeah?”
“You left me a message like you were in real trouble. What am I missing?” Danica asked.
Lacy sighed. “I can’t decide if this is all crazy. I mean, am I ignoring all sorts of red flags? Who does this type of thing? Rents a house, arranges for a week or two away from the office—and pays for it—for someone they like?” She walked down the steps to the beach and ran her toes through the sand. “I can’t decide if this is incredibly romantic or insanely postal.”
Danica laughed. “If it were a guy from any other family, I might agree with you, but the Bradens tend to do things all the way. Remember my wedding? The spa morning? The island, for Pete’s sake?” Treat had arranged for Danica and Kaylie to have exclusive use of an island for their wedding.
“I guess. Yeah, you’re right.”
“Lacy, tell me what you’re thinking. This morning you wanted nothing to do with him, and now you’re down in Chatham. I know you had to go in order to save your promotion, but what does your heart tell you? What about the other women you were worried about?” Danica asked.
Lacy sat on the bottom step and buried her feet in the sand. She’d been thinking about that very same question all afternoon, and no matter how many times she put Dane’s face with another woman, it never stuck. It didn’t feel real. Sure, she felt a tiny pang of jealousy, and she’d love to know if he was with other women up until the day of the wedding, but in her heart she knew that even if he were, he’d made it clear that she was all he wanted now. She’d used the other women as an excuse, an easy way to end their relationship.
“I don’t know. I’ve been thinking about what you said. Everyone has a past,” Lacy said. “Am I being stupid? You can tell me if I am. I can take it. And I’m not saying that I want to jump into bed with him, either. I just feel like maybe…” Lacy didn’t know what followed maybe, but she felt something there, and it felt a lot like hope.
“What about your fear of sharks?” Danica asked.
Shootshootshoot. “Ugh. You’re right. There are too many obstacles. Signs. Whatever.” Lacy climbed the stairs back up to the deck and watched a man walking toward the water. She settled into a chair and kicked her feet up on the railing.
“That’s not what I’m saying. The therapist in me thinks you need to keep all of your worries in the forefront of your mind so you aren’t driven by your emotions and you can make a rational decision. The sister in me wants to jump up and down, hug you, and celebrate the intense romantic nature of the whole thing. I’m riding a fine line here, Lacy,” Danica said.
Her admission made Lacy smile. “That’s exactly what I’m feeling.”
“Listen. One thing you should think about is that phobias are usually irrational fears,” Danica said. “Your case is different, of course, after what happened when you were little, but you can still manage that fear. When you feel that prickling of anxiety, you can remind yourself that you’re fine and that you’re in control, assuming you’re in a safe place, of course, like on a boat. You have the power to control that anxiety. It might not feel like it right now, but you really do.”
“The thing is, I know all of that. I get it. But when that panic attack hit, there was no talking myself out of it,” Lacy said.
“I know, but you can still try. I also think you should take stock of your emotions. If you think about it, all those months of buildup leveled itself last weekend, and that, too, probably heightened your anxiety. Even if you don’t think it did, I’d put my money on it. And to some extent, the only way to overcome your fears is to face them.”
“Face my fears. Do you mean with sharks or with Dane?” Lacy asked.
“That’s for you to decide. My gut says both,” Danica answered.
“Maybe you’re right. I don’t know,” Lacy said.
The man who had been walking sat in the sand, looking out at the water. She went to the edge of the railing and looked more closely. Her pulse sped up. She sat back in the chair and whispered into the phone. “He’s here.”
“Who?” Danica whispered back.
“Dane. He’s here, on the beach. He’s sitting in front of the house.” Lacy peeked at him through the slats in the railing.
“Are you sure?” Danica asked.
“Totally sure. Creepy or romantic?” Lacy asked.
“I don’t know. Maybe he saw you on the phone and decided to wait until you were off. Where’d he come from?”
“I don’t know.” Lacy put her hand around her mouth to keep the sound from carrying. “Is he a stalker?” Yeah right. It’s my heart that I don’t trust.
“You’re so weird. No, Dane Braden is not a stalker.” Danica laughed. “Go out and say hello.”
“Okay, thanks, Danica. I’ll call you later.” Lacy held the phone by her side and walked tentatively down each step to the sand below, then approached him. Dane leaned back, supported by his palms, his feet outstretched before him, crossed at the ankles. Her hands sweat despite the cool breeze coming off the water.
“Hi, Lacy,” he said.
“Hi.” Goose bumps raced up her arms.
Dane cocked his chin to the side, and the sweet look in his eyes softened her nerves. “Want to sit down for a sec?” Dane asked.
Yes! Lacy contemplated Danica’s advice. Keep all of your worries in the forefront of your mind. She still felt pressured to be there, but as she looked back at the cottage and then at Dane, she couldn’t maintain her anger.
Dane stood. He was wearing jeans, a T-shirt, and a thick cardigan sweater. He reached for her, then pulled his hands back. “Lace,” he said. His eyes caressed her; his voice soothed her. “I’m sorry that I’ve upset you. I just couldn’t let us go that easily.”
Us.
“I’m not here tonight to pressure you any further. I tried to call you several times, and when you didn’t return my calls, I thought I’d just come over and make sure you got in okay.”
“I…I’ve been on with Danica for a while, and before that I was showering, getting groceries. Sorry I missed your call.” She chided herself for not checking her voicemail.
“No worries. Did you find the grocery store okay? Do you need anything?” he asked.
“I’m fine.” She looked away, trying to ignore the pull in her stomach that was drawing her toward him. He’d forced this situation on her, and she struggled to remember that, to use it as a crutch to lean on when she felt herself being wooed by him.
“I know you’re probably mad at me for pulling the whole thing with your boss, Lace, but I couldn’t think of any other way to get you to even talk to me. You ignored all of my attempts to reach you, and I don’t blame you. I mean, I know you’re worried about the panic attack, and I know you’re worried about what I said about other women.”
Lacy’s legs became weak. Fear crept up her limbs. “I don’t want to talk about them.”
“I know, but I do.”
No, no, no.
“Can we sit? Please?” Dane motioned to the sand.
Lacy’s heart was beating so fast that it stole her ability to think. She lowered herself to the sand and wrapped her arms around her legs.
“Lacy, if I were a woman and met a guy like me, I’d probably run the other way. I know I look like a player. Maybe I was one. I don’t know. But I never thought of myself that way. I’m a guy who couldn’t settle down. I’ve never had any interest in settling down. But things have been changing over the last few years. I’ve been changing. And when I met you, it was like I ran face-first into a brick wall. For the first time in my life, I stepped back and took a good look at my life. And I wanted to change, Lace. Because of you.”
“I don’t know what to say to that.” In an effort to keep herself from falling into his arms and kissing him until she couldn’t breathe, she said, “It seems rather convenient.”
“Convenient?” He laughed. “Nothing about our relationship has been convenient. Look, I guess you’ll either accept me for who I am…as a friend…or you won’t. I was that guy. The keyword being was,” Dane said.
“What does that even mean?” Lacy asked.
“It means just what you think it means. I was the guy who powered a boat into a new port, found a ready, willing, and able woman for a day or two, and then never looked back until the next trip. I can’t change what happened in my past. I can only try to be the person I want to be moving forward,” Dane said.
“I didn’t know you were like that when we were talking for all those months. I wondered, but I didn’t really know.” As much as she thought she was past being hurt by that, once again she felt sick just thinking about him and other women. What is wrong with me? Let it go! She didn’t want to have this conversation, and now she was stuck in it, and her frustration came out in her words. “That’s just gross. How could you be like that?” Lacy asked.
“I don’t know. I just was. But, Lacy, the last few months as we were getting closer, things changed,” he said. “I’m not proud of what I did, but if we’re going to move forward, even as friends, you have to accept all of me, the dirt along with the shine. I’m not that man anymore, Lacy, and had I met you ten years ago, I probably never would have been that man. You’re the only woman who has ever had this effect on me. But this is me, Lace.” He drew her chin up so she was looking into his eyes again. “The man who wants nothing more than to explore what’s between us—even if we’ve agreed not to fall in love. I’m still the guy you talked to all those months. I’m the one who sang to you in an off-key voice when you didn’t feel well and the guy who laughed with you while we watched Young Frankenstein on your television together on Skype.”
Lacy dropped her eyes. Everything he said made her want to embrace him. She needed to forget about those other women. She cared about what she and Dane had, and what they had was turning out to be too big for her to walk away from.
“Look at me, Lacy. Please.”
She met his gaze.
“It’s me, Lace. I’m the same guy.”
He was pouring out his heart and soul, and it dawned on Lacy that what he was doing wasn’t easy. He looked at her with tenderness, and all those months of falling for him, phone call after intimate phone call, came rushing back and gripped her heart.
THE LOOK ON Lacy’s face stopped Dane cold. She furrowed her brow, and her mouth was stuck in a half smile, half worried upturned line.
“That’s who I was, Lace. Then I met you, and then those other nights, well, they became few and far between,” Dane said.
“Okay. Can we change the subject?” Lacy asked.
“Yeah, I didn’t come here to make you feel uncomfortable. I can go.” He pushed to his feet again.
She looked up at him. “No, you don’t have to go. I just don’t want to talk about you and other women. Even if we’re agreeing not to fall in love with each other, I don’t want to be the friend that you tell about your…trysts.” The pain in her eyes was palpable, and she shivered against the cold.
He slipped off his sweater and draped it around her shoulders. “Fair enough,” Dane said. “I just want to be honest.”
“Thank you,” she said, pulling the sweater around her.
“Want to go inside to warm up?” he asked.
“Not really. I like it out here, but maybe we can move to the deck. A glass of wine might be nice. I bought some earlier,” Lacy said.
They made their way up the deck, where they filled their glasses and settled onto the deck chairs. Dane felt like he was doing a balancing act. He’d restrain his desires to hold her, to touch her hand, or stroke her face if that’s what it took to spend time with her, but there was no way he wouldn’t try to get her to look past who he had been and see him for the man he was now, or the man he intended to be in the future.
“You know, you made a big mistake bringing me here. I’m not going to watch you catch sharks,” Lacy said.
The defiance in her voice startled Dane, until he caught sight of the tease in her eyes.
“If you’d looked at the itinerary, you’d have seen that there is no shark catching on it. Tomorrow we’re going to the library,” he said.
Lacy finished her wine and Dane refilled her glass. “You’re not getting me drunk, either. At least not drunk enough to do anything I’ll regret tomorrow.”
Dane’s stomach sank. “You regret being with me?” he asked. He expected a lot of things, but regret for their evening together was not one of them. “Lacy, maybe I made a mistake bringing you here. I never imagined that you felt that way.”
She tucked her feet beneath her on the chair. “I don’t regret that evening,” she said. “I’m just not going to jump into bed with you again.”
“That’s fair. We’re not heading that way anyway. No falling in love, remember? And I don’t sleep around anymore, so…” Dane said with a smile.
“I have to admit, I did miss talking to you last night,” Lacy said. When she looked up at Dane, the moonlight caught her big baby blues.
“I did, too.” He needed a safer topic to talk about. Talking about missing each other and jumping in bed together made his body crave her. He needed to talk about something that didn’t make him think about what her lips tasted like or the way her eyes fluttered closed in the throes of passion. “Fred seems like he’s a pretty nice boss.”
“Yeah. He’s great.” Lacy laughed under her breath. “He’s so smart, but really nerdy in that endearing sort of way. I can’t believe you were able to rope him into sending me on a vacation.”
“Oh, is that what you think this is? A vacation? You, my dear, are mistaken. This trip is to immerse you in the life of a Brave Foundation employee. This trip is to show you what we do, so you can sell us to the world.” And hopefully you’ll find me irresistible along the way.
Lacy emptied the remaining wine into their glasses. “Really? I had you pegged all wrong,” she said with a smile.
“I doubt that. You probably had me pegged pretty close,” Dane said. Unfortunately.
Lacy rested her head back on her chair and closed her eyes. Dane had the urge to pick her up and carry her inside, tuck her into bed, and let her fall asleep in his arms, safe and warm. Instead he pushed to his feet.
“I think I’d better go,” he said.
Lacy sat up. “You don’t have to go.”
“I do. I promised you that I wouldn’t fall in love with you, and spending too much time with you isn’t going to help me keep that promise.” Dane took her hand and helped her to her feet. Her body swayed with fatigue, and when she settled herself on her legs, her lips were inches from his. Dane inhaled the clean, fresh scent of her shampoo. His hands ached to touch her hips and pull her close, to draw her chest against his, his mouth to her lips. She looked up at him with wanting eyes, a look that was seared into his memory from their night on the dunes.
“I have to go,” he whispered.
She licked her lower lip.
Dane stifled a groan. Walk away. “It was nice to”—Man, I want to kiss you—“see you.” He shoved his shaking hands into the pockets of his jeans and took a step back through the doors that led from the deck into the house. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Lacy.”
She arched a brow. “Tomorrow,” she said.
“Sleep tight.” He walked backward through the living room, knocking into a chair and stumbling over it. Lacy raced to his side, catching his arm. They stood at the same time, measured movements, each watching the other. Need flashed in her eyes. I’m not blowing this.
“Thank you,” he managed, then turned and headed for the door. “Tomorrow. Eight o’clock. See you then.”
THE SECOND THE door closed, Lacy groaned aloud, then threw herself onto the couch.
“Shoot. Shootshootshoot.” She rolled onto her stomach and buried her face in the pillow. What am I going to do? Go get him! She ran to the front door and peered out the sidelight window, but he was gone. She leaned her back against the door and sank down to her heels. She’d wanted to kiss him so badly that she could practically taste the sweet wine on his breath.
Her phone vibrated. She read the text from Dane. Good night, Lace.
He was doing exactly what he promised. No pressure. She wanted to tell him to come back, but she sat frozen, staring at the text. Should she tell him to come back? Tell him she didn’t want that promise?
After several painful minutes, she finally replied with a simple, Good night.
She stood in the center of the living room, waiting for another text. After ten silent minutes, she threw her phone on the couch. Then, spotting Dane’s sweater on the chair out on the deck, she went to retrieve it.
The cool breeze felt good against her skin, which had become far too warm in anticipation of his touch. She lay back on the lounge chair and brought his sweater to her nose, inhaling deeply. She moaned at the delicious reminder, then inhaled his scent again. She settled his sweater over her chest and spread it out so it covered her whole torso. He’s so big. The thought sent a shiver down low, and her mind conjured the image of him, his chest a wall of muscle as he lay perched above her. Naked. She lay there now, under the cover of the night, her mind playing with thoughts of the man she swore she’d never kiss again and wondering what tomorrow might bring.