Stone is gone when I wake up, and Garnet’s on the monitor protesting about not getting fed yet. Maybe it was just the rum talking last night. Relief floods through me at that thought.
If it was just the rum, I don’t have to take his declaration seriously. Or think about how the part where someone says they love you comes right before they leave.
“We love you, but…” my parents had told me before announcing their decision to move back to Hispaniola.
“I just want to thank you for agreeing to raise this baby with me. Love you, bestie!” Amber had written just a few days before Luca crashed back into her life.
“I mean, I thought I loved you, but…” an uncharacteristically somber Rock had said while shuffling his feet.
Stone not really meaning what he said, means he’ll stay longer, keep pretending we’re a real family. I’m not sure when I went from reluctant bride to all in on this fairy tale, but somewhere between August and now I’m all in. And if there’s one thing I’m sure of, it’s that I don’t want it to end.
When I come into the kitchen with Garnet, after breastfeeding her, I find him at the table, hunched over his phone. Not the iPhone, but the Samsung burner he uses for “Ferraro shit.”
“Morning,” I say to him, Cami, and Talia.
“Morning,” the girls call back. But Stone just grunts.
Yeah, it was definitely the rum, I conclude, as I go to the side of the table where Garnet’s highchair sits.
But Garnet has other ideas. “Un-uh!” She makes insistent baby sounds and reaches her chubby little arms toward Stone.
“She’s upset because I missed our morning bottle meeting. Give her here,” Stone says, putting down his phone.
Garnet’s whole face lights up with gummy smile, when Stone stands up and takes her from me. Then she immediately grabs his tie and tries to put it in her mouth.
“How many times I gotta tell you, Prada ain’t for munching?” Stone says, pulling it away before she can.
Garnet lets out a baby squeal and gives him another gummy smile. “Dada!”
Stone goes still as a statue and my stomach drops.
“Did she just say…?” I start to ask.
“Dada,” Garnet says again before I can finish asking.
Then just in case, Stone’s not getting it, she smiles at him and all but sings, “Dada! Dada! Dada!”
Cami and Talia cheer and coo. While at the stove Aunt Mari proclaims, “Oh, angelita, you love your daddy don’t you?”
But Stone just stands there, his expression completely stunned. Then he says, “She’s never going to meet him. He’s gone. He’s fucking gone.”
“Who is he talking about?” Talia asks, her eyes going wide at the never-before-seen sight of Stone in clear distress.
“His brother,” I answer, my heart constricting for Stone, who I suspect hasn’t really let himself think about the twin brother he lost before this moment. “He died about a year and a half ago.”
“Yeah, he died. He…” Stone rolls his neck. Right, left, as if trying to fight off a demon.
But he can’t. The tears come squeezing out past the barrier of his eyelids. First dripping, then rolling as Stone’s shoulders shake. “He’s never going to meet her,” he says, hugging Garnet to his chest.
It’s like watching a mountain break down and cry. And we all seem to make the decision to rush to our most stalwart family member at the same time.
“It’s okay, Stone,” Cami says, patting his back. While Aunt Mari tuts in Spanish about how the Lord does everything for a reason, but that doesn’t make the reason hurt any less.
I just cup his face and look into his eyes over Garnet’s shoulder, while Talia pats his biceps and tells him, “Sometimes I cry, too. But usually when nobody’s looking.”
That makes all of us laugh. Including Stone.
And then it’s over.
At least I think it’s over.
After breakfast, he walks me to my car. “Have a good day, babe,” he says, opening my driver’s side door for me, and whoa, it doesn’t even sound sarcastic.
He pulls me in for a soft kiss just before I’m about to get in the car. Then he says, “Now I’m at sixty percent.”
I stare at him. Again, needing him not to mean that.
“But don’t worry,” he promises. “I’m not going to be a fuck nut about it.”