THROUGH TIME AND SPACE WITH FERDINAND FEGHOOT: 63, by Grendel Briarton

Taken from The Collected Feghoot (1992)

In 3945, Ferdinand Feghoot invented his Para-Time Travel ler, which enabled him to visit legendary and mythological figures in those eras when they might have existed.

He immediately sought out Paul Bunyan, whom he found in the middle para-1800s, busily logging off and draining the Great Dakota Swamp. “Say, am I glad to see you!” boomed Bunyan. “I got a problem, and I know you can help me. But first I’ll show you around.”

They spent the rest of the day inspecting the vast logging camp, and ended up at the gigan­tic combined bunkhouse and inn Paul had built at the edge of the marsh for his men and hordes of tourists who flooded there. Proudly, he displayed his ingenious system of conduits for pressurizing the upper stories, the mile-wide sheet of metal he used as a frying pan, and his gravy vats—each over a hundred yards in diameter.

“And right there’s my problem,” he announced gloomily, pointing at thousands of strange stick-like creatures flitting over the vats. “I had to figure out how to keep stirring the gravy so’s to keep it from burning, so I crossed canoe paddles with dragonflies and trained the young ’uns to fly like you see. Now everyone wants to know what I call ’em and I just can’t think of a name folks’ll remember. Feghoot, can you?”

“Marsh In Flying Sauce Oars,” said Ferdinand Feghoot.

With thanks to Richard Olcott.