Anger is one of the most common and destructive delusions, and it afflicts our mind almost every day. To solve the problem of anger, we first need to recognize the anger within our mind, acknowledge how it harms both ourself and others, and appreciate the benefits of being patient in the face of difficulties. We then need to apply practical methods in our daily life to reduce our anger and finally to prevent it from arising at all.
What is anger? Anger is a deluded mind that focuses on an animate or inanimate object, feels it to be unattractive, exaggerates its bad qualities, and wishes to harm it. For example, when we are angry with our partner, at that moment he or she appears to us as unattractive or unpleasant. We then exaggerate his bad qualities by focusing only on those aspects that irritate us and ignoring all his good qualities and kindness, until we have built up a mental image of an intrinsically faulty person. We then wish to harm him in some way, probably by criticizing or disparaging him. Because it is based on an exaggeration, anger is an unrealistic mind; the intrinsically faulty person or thing that it focuses on does not in fact exist. Moreover, as we shall see, anger is also an extremely destructive mind that serves no useful purpose whatsoever. Having understood the nature and disadvantages of anger, we then need to watch our mind carefully at all times in order to recognize it whenever it begins to arise.
There is nothing more destructive than anger. It destroys our peace and happiness in this life, and impels us to engage in negative actions that lead to untold suffering in future lives. It blocks our spiritual progress and prevents us from accomplishing any spiritual goals we have set ourself – from merely improving our mind, up to full enlightenment. The opponent to anger is patient acceptance, and, if we are seriously interested in progressing along the spiritual path, there is no practice more important than this.
In Guide to the Bodhisattva’s Way of Life, Shantideva says that all the merit, or good fortune, created in our mind through the virtuous actions we have performed over thousands of aeons can be destroyed in an instant by getting angry with a holy being such as a Bodhisattva. A Bodhisattva is someone who has bodhichitta, the spontaneous wish to attain enlightenment for the benefit of all living beings. Since bodhichitta is an internal quality, it is not easy to tell who is and who is not a Bodhisattva. It is very possible that a famous Spiritual Teacher is not a Bodhisattva whereas someone living simply and quietly among a group of needy people is, in fact, such a highly realized being. If, as Shantideva says, a moment of anger towards someone who has developed bodhichitta can destroy aeons of virtue, it is therefore advisable not to generate anger towards anyone.
Anger can arise towards many different objects, and if it is directed towards someone who has high spiritual realizations it can destroy the merit we have accumulated over thousands of lifetimes. Similarly, if we generate intense anger towards those from whom we have received great kindness, whether materially or spiritually, there will be no limit to the destruction of our merit or good fortune. Even anger directed towards someone who is our equal can destroy the good fortune collected over many previous lifetimes.
Suppose that one day we create a vast amount of merit by making extensive offerings to the Three Jewels – Buddha, Dharma, and Sangha, or by helping many people. If we remember to dedicate our merit to the attainment of enlightenment and the benefit of all sentient beings, this merit is safe and cannot be destroyed by anger. However, if this merit is not properly dedicated, and on the following day we get very angry with someone, the virtue accumulated from the previous day’s practice will become powerless. Even if we only get slightly angry, this can delay the ripening of our virtuous karma. Thus the delusion of anger harms us severely. An alcoholic drink has the potential to intoxicate us, but if it is boiled this potential is destroyed. In the same way, the practice of virtue creates in our mind the potential for us to experience happiness, but anger can destroy this potential completely.
The destruction of merit is one of the invisible faults of anger and therefore something we can only accept on faith. There are, however, many visible faults of this delusion, and the need to develop patience will become obvious once we look at these more manifest shortcomings.
Anger is by nature a painful state of mind. Whenever we develop anger, our inner peace immediately disappears and even our body becomes tense and uncomfortable. We are so restless that we find it nearly impossible to fall asleep, and whatever sleep we do manage to get is fitful and unrefreshing. It is impossible to enjoy ourself when we are angry, and even the food we eat seems unpalatable. Anger transforms even a normally attractive person into an ugly red-faced demon. We grow more and more miserable and, no matter how hard we try, we cannot control our emotions.
One of the most harmful effects of anger is that it robs us of our reason and good sense. Wishing to retaliate against those whom we think have harmed us, we expose ourself to great personal danger merely to exact petty revenge. To get our own back for perceived injustices or slights, we are prepared to jeopardize our job, our relationships, and even the well-being of our family and children. When we are angry we lose all freedom of choice, driven here and there by an uncontrollable rage. Sometimes this blind rage is even directed at our loved ones and benefactors. In a fit of anger, forgetting the immeasurable kindness we have received from our friends, family, or Spiritual Teachers, we might strike out against and even kill the ones we hold most dear. It is no wonder that an habitually angry person is soon avoided by all who know him. This unfortunate victim of his own temper is the despair of those who formerly loved him, and eventually finds himself abandoned by everyone.
Anger is particularly destructive in relationships. When we live in close contact with someone, our personalities, priorities, interests, and ways of doing things frequently clash. Since we spend so much time together, and since we know the other person’s shortcomings so well, it is very easy for us to become critical and short-tempered with our partner and to blame him or her for making our life uncomfortable. Unless we make a continuous effort to deal with this anger as it arises, our relationship will suffer. A couple may genuinely love one another, but, if they frequently get angry with each other, the times when they are happy together will become fewer and further between. Eventually there will come a point when before they have recovered from one row the next has already begun. Like a flower choked by weeds, love cannot survive in such circumstances.
In a close relationship, opportunities to get angry arise many times a day, so to prevent the build-up of bad feelings we need to deal with anger as soon as it begins to arise in our mind. We clear away the dishes after every meal rather than waiting until the end of the month, because we do not want to live in a dirty house nor be faced with a huge, unpleasant job. In the same way, we need to make the effort to clear away the mess in our mind as soon as it appears, for if we allow it to accumulate it will become more and more difficult to deal with, and will endanger our relationship. We should remember that every opportunity to develop anger is also an opportunity to develop patience. A relationship in which there is a lot of friction and conflict of interests is also an unrivalled opportunity to erode away our self-cherishing and self-grasping, which are the real sources of all our problems. By practising the instructions on patience explained in this book, we can transform our relationships into opportunities for spiritual growth.
It is through our anger and hatred that we transform people into enemies. We generally assume that anger arises when we encounter a disagreeable person, but actually it is the anger already within us that transforms the person we meet into our imagined foe. Someone controlled by their anger lives within a paranoid view of the world, surrounded by enemies of his or her own creation. The false belief that everyone hates him can become so overwhelming that he might even go insane, the victim of his own delusion.
It often happens that in a group there is one person who always blames the others for what goes wrong. Yet it is generally the person who complains who is responsible for whatever disharmony arises. The story is told of an old woman who used to argue and fight with everyone. She was so disagreeable that eventually she was expelled from her village. When she arrived at another village the people there asked her, ‘Why did you leave your home?’ She replied, ‘Oh, all the people in that village were wicked; I left in order to escape from them.’ The people thought it odd that a whole village should be so bad, and concluded that it was the old lady herself who was at fault. Fearing that she would cause them nothing but trouble, they threw her out of their village as well.
It is very important to identify the actual cause of whatever unhappiness we feel. If we are forever blaming our difficulties on others, this is a sure sign that there are still many problems and faults within our own mind. If we were truly peaceful inside and had our mind under control, difficult people or circumstances would not be able to disturb this peace, and so we would feel no compulsion to blame anyone or regard them as our enemy. To someone who has subdued his or her mind and eradicated the last trace of anger, all beings are friends. A Bodhisattva, for instance, whose sole motivation is to benefit others, has no enemies. Very few people wish to harm someone who is a friend of all the world, and, even if someone did harm him or her, the Bodhisattva would not view this person as an enemy. With his mind dwelling in patience, he would remain calm and untroubled, and his love and respect for his assailant would be undiminished. Such is the power of a well-controlled mind. Therefore, if we really want to be rid of all enemies, all we need to do is uproot our own anger.
We should not think that this is an impossible goal. By relying upon the appropriate methods, many people have been able to cure themselves completely of their physical illnesses. In the same way, it is certainly possible to eradicate the inner disease of anger, and many spiritual practitioners of the past have succeeded in doing so. Methods to gain release from this crippling delusion exist and have proved their effectiveness whenever people have sincerely put them into practice, and there is no reason why they cannot work for us as well. Imagine what the world would be like if we all conquered our anger! The danger of war would evaporate, armies would become unnecessary, and soldiers would have to look elsewhere for work. Machine guns, tanks, and nuclear weapons – instruments useful only to the angry mind – could be put away, as all conflicts, from wars between nations to quarrels between individuals, came to an end. Even if this universal peace and harmony seems too much to hope for, imagine the freedom and peace of mind each of us individually would enjoy if we managed to free ourself completely from the distorted and destructive mind of anger.
Having understood the many faults of anger, we should watch our mind closely at all times. As soon as we notice our mind starting to get agitated – for example when dwelling on someone’s faults and blaming them for the unpleasant feelings in our mind – we should immediately recall the faults of anger. Remembering that getting angry will solve nothing and only create more suffering for both ourself and others, we should then make the effort to channel our mind in a more constructive direction.
If we are able to recognize a negative train of thought before it develops into full-blown anger, it is not too hard to control. If we can do this, there is no danger of our anger being ‘bottled up’ and turning into resentment. Controlling anger and repressing anger are two very different things. Repression occurs when anger has developed fully in our mind but we fail to acknowledge its presence. We pretend to ourself and to others that we are not angry – we control the outward expression of anger but not the anger itself. This is very dangerous because the anger continues to seethe below the surface of our mind, gathering in strength until one day it inevitably explodes.
On the other hand, when we control anger, we see exactly what is going on in our mind. We acknowledge honestly the angry stirrings in our mind for what they are, realize that allowing them to grow will only result in suffering, and then make a free and conscious decision to respond more constructively. If we do this skilfully, anger does not get a chance to develop properly, and so there is nothing to repress. Once we learn to control and overcome our anger in this way, we shall always find happiness, both in this life and in our future lives. Those who truly wish to be happy, therefore, should make the effort to free their minds from the poison of anger.
To summarize, for as long as our mind is filled with anger we shall not find happiness either in this life or in lives to come. Anger is our real enemy, and until we evict it from our mind it will continue to cause us unimaginable suffering. Therefore, instead of blaming other people or circumstances and viewing these as our enemies, we should recognize that it is this anger within our mind that is the real source of our suffering. Then, through guarding our mind with continuous mindfulness and alertness, we should take every opportunity to free our mind from its destructive influence.