We have already discussed the many visible and invisible faults of anger, but how can we stop wanting to retaliate when someone harms us? The best way to overcome our instinctive desire to retaliate is to combine patient acceptance with compassion. When someone harms us we should think not only, ‘He is hurting me only because he is deluded’, but also, ‘He is hurting himself, too.’ Through training our mind to see things in this way, compassion will spontaneously arise, and all impulses towards anger and retaliation will subside.
The ways in which people bring harm to themselves are numerous and varied. In their search for sexual partners, wealth, or social position, some people become so obsessed that they deprive themselves of food, almost starving themselves to death. Overcome by greed or anger, people even murder their parents, destroying any hope for a happy life for themselves in the process. When we look around us or read the newspapers, we can see innumerable examples of how, through their delusions, people inflict untold suffering upon themselves. Delusions are completely merciless and benefit no one, least of all the people who fall under their control. When we think of the immediate and future harm their delusions inflict upon these people, we can better understand why they often harm us as well. If we contemplate this deeply, not only shall we overcome the wish to retaliate, but we shall also be able to generate compassion for those who harm us.
Under the influence of anger, a person who normally cherishes himself more than anything else in the world is even capable of committing suicide. If the force of his delusions can drive him to such desperate measures, we can certainly see how it can cause him to inflict pain on others. Anger can so totally rob a person of his or her freedom of action that it is unreasonable for us to express hostility towards anyone under its sway. If we cannot generate compassion for such an unfortunate person, at the very least we should try to refrain from getting angry with him.
The capacity to remain completely unruffled in situations of great provocation, and to feel genuine compassion for those who are deliberately trying to harm us, is a sign of high spiritual realizations and the result of a great deal of mental preparation. It is unrealistic to expect that we can immediately be like this, but, if we use every opportunity that arises in our daily life to train our mind in the following methods for controlling our anger, our patience will gradually improve. Occasionally, of course, our old habits of anger will get the better of us, but we should not become discouraged by this. If we persevere, little by little we shall certainly gain control over our anger. Finally we shall reach the point where we no longer need to make an effort not to get angry – anger will simply no longer be a natural response to hardship or provocation.
The first thing we need to do is to remember at all times that anger is everyone’s principal enemy. Anger is the friend of no one. Our anger never helps us, and another person’s anger never helps them. All anger ever does is destroy our own and others’ virtues and bring nothing but unhappiness. One of the effects of acting out of anger is that in the future, whether we are reborn as a human being or otherwise, our body will be ugly. There are certain people and animals who instinctively arouse fear and loathing in others. Being reborn with such a repulsive form, as well as being disliked by others and having a temperament that is quick to anger, are all karmic results of an angry mind. On the other hand, an attractive body and a pleasing appearance are the karmic results of the practice of patience.
Having recognized anger as our main enemy, we should then make a strong decision not to allow it to arise. By remembering this decision in our daily life, we should stop ourself getting angry. This might sound easier said than done, but if we now make a firm decision not to get angry for the rest of the day, or at least until the next mealtime, the chances are that we shall succeed. Then, if we can succeed for one day, we can succeed for two days, then three days, then a week, and so on for the rest of our life. Abandoning all our anger is a big job, but if we take it one step at a time it is not so difficult, and gradually the tendencies of anger in our mind will become weaker and weaker.
When we are harmed by another person, we should examine whether it is his or her essential nature to be harmful or whether this is just a temporary fault. If it were true that being harmful was the very nature of this person, there really would be no reason to become angry with him. We do not blame fire when we are burned by it because we know that it is the very nature of fire to burn. In the same way, if it is this person’s very nature to be harmful, then there is nothing he can do about it and so there is no point in being angry with him.
On the other hand, if the harmfulness of our aggressor is only a temporary fault, arising in response to changing circumstances, there is also no reason for us to become angry with him. When too much rain falls from the sky, we do not become angry with the sky, because we realize that rain is not part of its essential nature. Rain falls from the sky only as the result of temporary circumstances such as temperature, humidity, and air pressure. Therefore, if the harmfulness of our aggressor is not part of his essential nature, whose fault is it that he harms us? It is the fault of his delusion.
Let us imagine that an angry man picks up a stick and hits us with it. Surely it is right to get angry with this man – after all, he has harmed us? Now suppose a friend tries to restrain us by saying: ‘Don’t get angry with the man, get angry with the stick! It’s the stick that was the immediate cause of your pain.’ It is unlikely that such an argument would convince us. We would almost certainly retort: ‘The stick didn’t hit me by itself. Without the man who wielded it, it would have had no power to hurt me. It’s the man I should be angry with.’
If this line of reasoning keeps us from getting angry at the stick, we should apply it to the man as well. The man was manipulated by his anger in exactly the same way that the stick was manipulated by the man. With scarcely any control over his mind, he was at the mercy of his delusions. Therefore, if being harmed is going to provoke anger in us at all, we should direct our wrath against the actual cause of our pain – the delusion of anger itself. Wrath directed at a person’s delusions – once we have clearly differentiated the person from his or her delusions and recognized the person as a victim of his delusions – is not actual anger but a forceful form of compassion. Our wish is to protect the person from his inner enemy of anger, and we use whatever means available to us, whether gentle or forceful, to free him from this delusion.
It is important to understand that when we practise the patience of not retaliating we are mainly concerned with our own internal, mental reaction to experiences of pain and discomfort. No suggestion is being made that we should passively let ourself be beaten or harmed merely for the sake of practising patience. If there is a way for us to prevent someone from hurting both us and himself, then certainly we should do so. However, the question here is, ‘What should I do with my mind once I have already been harmed?’ The entire practice of patience, and indeed of Buddha’s teachings as a whole, is to provide protection for the mind. Ultimately it is our mind that determines whether we are happy or miserable.
Another powerful method for overcoming anger and the wish to retaliate is to see all undesirable situations as a reflection of our own faults and shortcomings. If someone insults us, for instance, we can remember the teachings on karma and think, ‘I would not be suffering this harm now if I had not insulted someone similarly in the past.’ We can use the same approach in regard to sickness, injury, or any other problem. Our ability to think in this way depends upon our understanding and familiarity with the teachings on the law of karma. Once we have firm conviction in karma and realize that we always reap the results of our own actions, receiving good for good and evil for evil, we shall be able to remain inwardly peaceful and calm even in the most adverse circumstances. We can view the harm we receive with a sense of relief, seeing our pain as the repayment of a long-standing debt. This is certainly preferable to becoming angry and upset, which only incurs the future debt of more pain and anguish.
Shantideva suggests that whenever someone harms us physically, we should remember that there are two immediate causes of the suffering we experience: the weapon used against us, and our own body. Since it is only when these two factors meet that suffering arises, at which should we direct our anger? If we direct it at our attacker or the weapon he or she uses, why do we not similarly direct it at our own body? On the other hand, if we never direct anger at our own body, why do we direct it at the attacker and his weapon?
To make sense of this argument, we need to understand why it is that we have a body that can so easily be harmed and is so prone to discomfort and pain. Our human body is described as a ‘contaminated body’ because it is the result of contaminated causes. In previous lives, lacking wisdom and driven by self-grasping ignorance and craving, we created the karma to take on the contaminated human body we now have. It is the nature of a contaminated body to give rise to suffering, just as it is the nature of an old car to go wrong. Once we take on a contaminated body, physical suffering is inevitable. If we wish to avoid physical suffering in the future, we need to create the karma to obtain a pure, uncontaminated body. Just as a contaminated body arises from impure karma created out of self-grasping ignorance, so an uncontaminated body arises from pure karma created within a direct realization of selflessness. Until we obtain an uncontaminated body, however, we need to accept that physical suffering is inevitable. Rather than blaming temporary conditions such as thorns or weapons for our pain, we should recognize that the basis of all our physical pain and discomfort is our contaminated body, which we have taken as a result of our own past actions.
We all wish for happiness and freedom from suffering, but, controlled by our delusions of attachment, anger, and so forth, we think nothing of creating the causes that lead to suffering. All the harm we receive is the result of the deluded actions that we ourself have created, and so it is completely inappropriate to blame this suffering on others. What reason, then, is there for us to become angry?
All the sufferings of samsara, even those of the deepest hell, are produced by our own actions. The torments of hell are not punishments imposed from outside by a god or a demon, but the creation of the severely disturbed minds of those who are suffering these torments. In the same way, the suffering we experience now is not imposed on us from outside but is solely the result of our own negative karma. Even when another person attacks us, it is our karma that impels him to behave in that way. The other person is merely the instrument of our karma, and if harm had not reached us through him, it would certainly reach us in some other way. Other people are not to blame for our suffering. The only things we can blame are our own delusions and negative actions. If we wish to avoid experiencing unbearable suffering, the only appropriate course of action is to abandon all our delusions and faults in this very life. Once we gain control over our mind in this way, there is nothing in samsara to fear.
We should be careful not to misunderstand this teaching on blaming our delusions. Our delusions and negative actions are to blame for everything that goes wrong in our lives, but this does not mean that we are to blame. We are the victim of our delusions, and it is unfair to blame a victim for the faults of his or her attacker. For example, if someone steals from us, this is the karmic result of an action of stealing we performed in a previous life and thus the fault of our delusions and deluded actions, but it is clearly not the fault of the person we are now. It is not even the fault of the person we were then, for this person was only acting under the control of his delusions. It makes no sense to blame ourself for the problems and suffering we now experience. Yet although it is not our fault that we experience suffering, it is nevertheless our responsibility to accept the disagreeable consequences of our previous negative actions and deal with them constructively.
Another way to help us overcome our wish to retaliate is to investigate closely who actually suffers and who benefits when we receive harm from someone else. When someone becomes angry with us and causes us harm, we serve as the object provoking his or her anger. If we were not there, his anger would not have arisen. Why did he get angry with us? It is rare that people are angry with us totally out of the blue – there is almost always something we did to cause offence that served as an immediate condition to trigger their anger. But even if we did nothing, at a deeper level it was the ripening of our previous negative karma that created the situation in which it was natural for them to get angry with and harm us. The harm we receive is therefore the ripening of our own past actions, not the fault of the other person, and so we should accept it patiently. If we do this, not only shall we remain at peace now, but we shall also become free of that particular negative karma. The other person has actually helped us to purify our negative karma and to create the immensely positive karma of patient acceptance. Looked at in this way, the person who harmed us can be seen as the source of our happiness. If we step outside our narrow view and take a comprehensive look at what is actually happening, we shall understand that his harmful actions can in fact be a source of great benefit to us.
What does our attacker gain from getting angry and harming us? Because we provided an object for his anger, he will find unhappiness in this life and plant the seeds for a future lower rebirth. In fact, therefore, we have harmed him and he has benefited us! If this is so, why should we become angry with him? By harming us he has allowed us to practise patience – helping us to purify our past negativity and to create great merit. On the other hand, what have we done for him? By serving as his object of anger, we have allowed him to create much non-virtue, impelling him towards the lower realms. To become angry with such an unfortunate, ill-destined benefactor is surely the behaviour of a confused mind!
If our true goal in life is the everlasting peace and joy of liberation and full enlightenment, material wealth is of little consequence. Only the internal wealth of virtue is of real importance. The enemy who allows us to practise patience and thereby accumulate an inexhaustible wealth of virtue is a treasure trove of incalculable value. Without him, how could we develop the virtuous mind of patience? Whenever we are harmed, abused, criticized, and so forth, the opportunity arises to create immense inner wealth. The person who harms us, therefore, should be seen for what he really is – an ally and benefactor who fulfils all our wishes.
The practice of non-retaliation goes against our deeply ingrained habit patterns, so it is not surprising if our mind comes up with many objections to it. Shantideva anticipates and answers some of these objections as follows.
Even if I practise patience when someone harms me, won’t I be reborn in the lower realms for acting as his object of anger?
The answer to this is no. If we contemplate how an enemy is of benefit to us, and practise patience with the harm he or she causes, we shall not be accumulating any non-virtue. As we have not created a non-virtuous cause we shall not experience a suffering result.
In that case the person who harms me will also not receive suffering results from his action, since he created the beneficial circumstances for my practice of patience.
This is also not true. Karmic results are experienced only by the person who performed the action. There is no way for the person who harms us to receive the fruit of our virtuous practice of patience. Because his actions were not virtuous, how can he obtain a happy result from them?
Then perhaps if someone harms me the best thing I could do is retaliate, since I shall then be the object of his patience and therefore of benefit to him?
There are several reasons why this is a mistaken notion. First of all, if we retaliate to harm we shall be damaging our own spiritual development, weakening our bodhichitta, and causing our practice of patience to degenerate. Secondly, there is no certainty at all that if we retaliate to the harm we receive our adversary will practise patience. Since he is already in an angry frame of mind, it is far more likely that he will only react with more anger. Even if he did practise patience, this would not keep our own spiritual practice from degenerating.
There is a good reason for becoming angry and retaliating when someone harms my body. My body experiences suffering, and because my mind strongly holds onto this body as its own, it is therefore appropriate for my mind to become upset and wish to retaliate.
This line of reasoning is illogical. If it were true, then why do we get angry when someone speaks harshly to us? These unpleasant, empty words do not have the power from their own side to harm our body or our mind, so why do we wish to retaliate?
I should retaliate because other people hearing these harsh and slanderous words will dislike me.
Even if they do, the dislike they might feel towards us has absolutely no power to bring us harm either in this life or in future lives. So there is no reason to become upset.
If people dislike me and I receive a bad reputation, this will prevent me from obtaining a good position and wealth. To avoid this, I must retaliate to the harm I receive.
If we retaliate to harm and abandon the practice of patience, we shall create even greater obstacles to our pursuit of position and wealth. The practice of patience never hinders such attainments; in fact, it helps us to achieve them. If we do not retaliate to harm, we shall naturally receive a good reputation, a respected position, and wealth, either in this life or in future lives.
Furthermore, there is absolutely no purpose in generating anger in our pursuit of material gain because, no matter how much we might acquire, it will all be left behind when we die. All that will remain and travel with us into the future are the imprints of anger that we have placed upon our consciousness. It is far better to die today than to live a long life full of negative actions.
No matter how long we live, it is certain that one day we shall all die. If one person dreams of enjoying one hundred years of happiness, and another dreams of enjoying one moment of happiness, when they wake up their dream experiences amount to the same thing – nothing is left of either. In a similar manner, whether we live a long and pleasant life or a short and difficult life, when we die it amounts to the same – the only thing that will help us is the strength of our virtuous actions. Even though we may live a long and full life, enjoying all the wealth and pleasures this world has to offer, when death comes it will be like being robbed by a thief. We shall go empty-handed and naked into the future.
Is it not important for me to acquire material wealth now so that I can support my life and thereby have the opportunity to purify my negativities and accumulate merit?
As stated before, if in our quest for material wealth we spend our life committing non-virtue and thereby allow our virtuous qualities to degenerate, there is no purpose at all in living for a long time.
Perhaps I should not retaliate if a person hinders me from accumulating material wealth, but if he or she damages my reputation I should certainly retaliate, or else those who have faith in me will lose it.
Yet if we retaliate when we ourself are verbally abused, why do we not retaliate when someone else is the object of verbal abuse, for does this not cause other people to lose faith in him as well? It makes no sense to be patient when someone else is abused, but impatient when we are the object of abuse. All abuse arises from mistaken conceptions and therefore there is no reason to respond to it with anger. Besides, do we really think that people’s faith in us will increase through seeing us retaliate?
Perhaps I can practise patience if I alone am the object of harm, but if someone abuses the Three Jewels, as a Buddhist I should certainly retaliate. Surely there can be no fault in this?
The Buddhas are completely beyond all harm, so it is inappropriate to generate anger towards someone even if he or she insults the Three Jewels, destroys holy images, or denigrates Dharma in any other way. It is clear that anyone committing such senseless actions must be completely under the power of his or her delusions. Such a powerless being should be the object not of our anger but of our compassion.
Even if those who are close to us, such as our Spiritual Guide, family, and friends, are harmed, we should still refrain from retaliating or becoming angry. We should realize that all such harm is the ripening of past deeds. Of course, if it is within our power we should certainly try to prevent others from causing harm, but we should do so out of love and compassion rather than out of anger. Practising patience does not mean that we should let others commit non-virtue without intervening – it only means that we should guard our own mind from the delusion of anger.
The harm we receive comes from two sources – animate and inanimate objects – so why is it that our anger is particularly generated towards animate objects? If we are patient with one type of harm, we can certainly learn to be patient with the other. Moreover, if one person out of ignorance harms someone else, and the latter out of ignorance becomes angry with him, who is at fault and who is without fault? Whether it is hurting someone out of anger or retaliating to the harm with anger, both actions arise from the confusion of ignorance. To respond to either with anger is therefore illogical.
Everything we experience is dependent upon causes and conditions. Both our antagonist and we ourself have created the karma to interact in the way we have done. It is not a case of a guilty aggressor harming an innocent victim, for aggressor and victim are both caught up in the same unfortunate karmic scenario. Therefore, there is never any reason for us to bear malice towards our enemies. Once we have seen the truth of this, we should work towards the happiness of everyone, and generate the wish that all living beings learn to live harmoniously, with love for one another.
Attachment to loved ones is a common cause of our anger, for we often retaliate on their behalf. If one house is on fire, the dry grass around it can easily spread the fire to other houses, which then consumes these houses and everything in them. In a similar fashion, when those we cling to are harmed, the dry grass of attachment carries their harm to us, igniting in us the fire of anger, which consumes our wealth of merit. To prevent this from happening, we should not create objects of attachment.
In samsara all meetings lead to partings, and everything that comes together is eventually torn apart. Whether we are attached to our family and friends or not, we shall eventually be separated from them, either before death or by death. Since separation is an inevitable part of a samsaric human rebirth, we should be prepared to accept it. In Guide to the Bodhisattva’s Way of Life Shantideva gives the example of a prisoner who is about to be executed but, due to the intervention of others, is pardoned and sentenced instead to having his hand cut off. Even though he has to experience the suffering of losing his hand, he will certainly rejoice and feel very fortunate that his life has been spared. In a similar way, a person experiencing the sufferings of the human realm, such as those of being separated from objects of attachment, should consider himself fortunate that he is spared the far worse miseries of lower realms.
Giving up objects of attachment means that we should give up the delusion of attachment we have in our mind towards our family and friends. It does not mean that we should give up our relationships with our loved ones or refuse to help them when they are in trouble. In general, it is important to maintain and improve our relationships with our close circle, but there is no point in getting angry on their behalf. When we are attached to someone, we need him to make us happy; but when he is in pain or difficulty he does not function properly to provide us with the happiness we want from him. This is why we get angry when he is harmed. Pure love unmixed with attachment, however, does not lead to anger. When someone we love, but for whom we have no attachment, is harmed, a powerful desire to protect and help him arises in our hearts; but we feel no anger towards his aggressor. We take whatever practical steps we can to defend our friend, but we have no desire at all to make the aggressor suffer. What we need to do, therefore, is give up our attachment for our loved ones, but never give up our love.
Even if I can learn to bear the suffering of separation, I cannot bear the pain of abuse and slander!
If we cannot bear this relatively slight suffering, how shall we ever be able to endure the unbearable sufferings of the lower realms? Yet if we cannot bear the sufferings of lower realms, why do we continue to become angry and thereby create the causes for such unfortunate rebirths? In the past, because of our confusion about the law of karma and because our mind was polluted by the poisons of anger and attachment, we experienced immense suffering in these realms, but none of this suffering brought us any benefit. Now that we have obtained this precious human life, however, we have the unique opportunity to make our suffering meaningful by transforming it into the spiritual path. By accepting the comparatively insignificant suffering we experience in the human realm, and using it to increase our renunciation, compassion, and other spiritual realizations, we can quickly attain the supreme happiness of full enlightenment and become of benefit to all living beings. Realizing this, we should willingly accept whatever hardships we may encounter with a happy and peaceful mind.
Anger is often related to jealousy and so we need to try to overcome both these delusions. When a rival is successful or praised, it is very easy to feel jealous, but why should someone else’s happiness make us unhappy? If we step out of our egocentric view for a moment and put ourself in the other person’s place, instead of feeling the pain of jealousy we can rejoice and share in his or her happiness.
When a jealous person sees signs of other people’s success and good fortune, his heart is pierced with envy; but one who has learnt to rejoice in the good fortune of others experiences only happiness. Seeing another person’s beautiful house or attractive partner immediately makes him happy; the fact that they are not his own is irrelevant. When he sees a colleague praised or promoted, or when he meets someone who is more intelligent, good-looking, or successful than him, instead of immediately being reminded of his own inadequacies he simply shares in the other person’s happiness.
Rejoicing in other people’s happiness or good qualities is one of the purest of all virtuous minds, for it is unstained by self-cherishing. When we practise giving, for example, it is possible that we might hope for something in return – for gratitude, to be liked, or to be thought of as a generous person – but when we rejoice in another’s good fortune we expect nothing back in return.
Rejoicing in the good fortune of others creates the cause for us to enjoy similar good fortune in the future, and rejoicing in the good qualities of others creates the cause for us to develop similar qualities. It is said that those who now appreciate and rejoice in the good qualities of spiritual practitioners and realized beings will become pure spiritual practitioners in their next life. Rejoicing is the easiest way to increase our merit, it delights all the Buddhas, and it is the supreme method for gathering a circle of friends.
If seeing others happy displeases us, it follows that we should not pay wages to those who work for us because this makes them happy. Yet we know full well that if we do not pay these wages, our employees will refuse to work and so our own present and future happiness will diminish. Rejoicing in the praise that others receive is similar to paying fair wages, for this is both pleasing to them and in our own best interest.
When someone praises us and talks about our good qualities, we become happy. Since everyone else also enjoys receiving such praise, we should be happy when this happens too. It is only our senseless jealousy that deprives us of feeling pleasure when others receive praise. It is particularly absurd for those who have generated bodhichitta to feel jealous. If we have the aspiration to benefit all living beings, why should we ever become unhappy when through their own efforts others find a small measure of happiness? Since we have promised to lead all living beings to the state of Buddhahood – a state in which they will receive worship and praise from countless beings – why do we begrudge them the temporary pleasures they find now? To become angry with them in this way is ridiculous!
Parents are responsible for the welfare of their children, but when the children are eventually able to look after themselves and earn their own living the parents are pleased. They are happy at their children’s accomplishment and feel no jealousy. In a similar way, if we wish to lead all living beings to fortunate states of existence, liberation, and enlightenment, there is no reason to become jealous and angry when they find a little happiness for themselves. If instead we do become jealous on such occasions, how can we claim to be practising the Bodhisattva’s way of life? As long as our mind is filled with jealousy, we shall never be able to develop the precious heart of bodhichitta. When jealousy, hatred, and the other delusions arise, our bodhichitta automatically degenerates. If we are truly interested in following a path that leads to enlightenment, we should do everything in our power to defeat these delusions quickly and completely.
Jealousy is one of the most senseless and purposeless of all the delusions. Nothing can be gained from being jealous of another’s good fortune, good job, reputation, or success. Suppose someone gives a rival some money. The jealousy and unhappiness we feel about this will do nothing to change the situation. Whether our rival is given money or not, there is no way in which we are going to receive that money ourself. So why should we be jealous? Furthermore, developing jealousy on the one hand yet wishing to obtain wealth and possessions on the other are contradictory states of mind. Why? The root cause of receiving wealth, possessions, and any other pleasurable things is our own accumulation of virtue, which is created by giving, rejoicing, appreciating and respecting others, and so forth. However, when due to our self-centred view of the world strong jealousy arises in our mind, the potentialities of these virtuous actions are damaged and so our chances to experience good fortune in the future are diminished or destroyed. Therefore, if we really wish to obtain good fortune, wealth, and so forth in the future, we should guard our mind well and, instead of allowing jealousy to arise towards others’ happiness, we should rejoice.
There is also no reason to be happy when our enemy meets with suffering, for how do such negative thoughts either hurt our enemy or benefit us? Even if we were to think, ‘How wonderful it would be if my rival were to suffer’, this would never harm him or her. And even if he were harmed, how would that ever bring us happiness?
But if my enemy suffers, I shall be satisfied.
Thoughts like this never bring us any happiness. On the contrary, nothing harms us more than indulging in such petty and vengeful thoughts, which do nothing but drag us down into the lower realms.
If I do not retaliate when others harm me, what will people think? Will my fame, reputation, and praise not decrease?
Although one of the main reasons we retaliate is to defend our reputation, in reality we can protect and enhance our reputation far more effectively by practising patience. When people see that we have the strength and stability of character to absorb criticism, slander, and abuse without losing our poise and good humour, their respect for us will increase. When a film star or politician takes offence at a petty criticism and immediately sues for libel, does our respect for them increase? Probably we would respect them more if they took themselves less seriously and could weather a little criticism without losing their dignity or peace of mind. Patience is a strength, not a weakness; and if by practising patience we stop retaliating to harm and criticism, people will gradually come to understand that our real nature is very special.
Praise and reputation are not worth getting angry and upset about. It is true that a good reputation, wealth, and a respected position in society are generally quite beneficial, and like all experiences of pleasure they are the result of our own skilful and virtuous actions of the past. Yet if our attachment to these fortunate conditions forces us to become angry when they are threatened, they cease to be beneficial and instead become just more causes of suffering. We should understand that it is not good external circumstances in themselves that make us happy, but the way our mind relates to them. Anyone who has even an inkling of how far the mind can be developed will never be satisfied with insubstantial attainments. Therefore, we should abandon attachment to these things and, having obtained this precious human form, practise the essence of Dharma and remove delusions from our mind. How can we allow our attachment to the insignificant pleasure a few words of praise can give us to get in the way of our finding the limitless bliss of enlightenment?
For the sake of fame and reputation some people sacrifice large amounts of money and even their life, but what is the value of sacrificing so much for a few dry, empty words? Who benefits if we die in the process of seeking fame and glory? Those who become elated when praised or miserable and angry when criticized were referred to by Buddha as ‘the childish’. Children at the beach love to make sandcastles, but when the surf eventually sweeps these piles of sand away, they cry with disappointment, ‘My castle is gone!’ Similarly, if we allow our mind to be swept here and there by the changing waves of praise and criticism, we are as foolish as these children.
Although there is no sense in becoming angry or upset when we are criticized or slandered, there are times when it may be necessary to defend our reputation by explaining the truth. Suppose a politician with a sincere wish to serve the people is falsely accused of faults and misdemeanours. If he or she does not take steps to defend himself, he may risk losing his position and with it the chance to help many people. Realizing this, there is no fault if, without anger or the wish to retaliate, he explains to the public that these accusations are completely unfounded.
When the mere sound of a few words of praise reaches our ears, why do we become so happy? After all, the sound itself has no mind, and no intention to praise us.
Since the person who praises me is happy to do so, I should also be happy.
But his pleasure is entirely in his own mind and benefits us neither now nor in the future.
Yet it is right to be pleased at another’s pleasure. You have just said that we should rejoice when others are happy.
This is very true, and we should familiarize our mind with this attitude until we can rejoice even upon seeing our rival’s happiness. It is senseless to have the falsely discriminating mind that is pleased when our friends are praised but jealous when our enemies are. Moreover, to savour the praise that we ourself receive is like the behaviour of a small child.
Although a good reputation, a high position, and wealth are generally considered beneficial, they can in fact hinder our attainment of enlightenment by distracting our untamed mind from the spiritual path. As a result of focusing on our reputation and the like, our renunciation can easily decline, and pride, competitiveness, and jealousy can arise. Such distractions cause our own virtues to decrease and interrupt our ability to help others. Through being attached to a good reputation and so forth, we shall descend to the lower realms and remain caught in the swamp of samsara.
A person who is trying to practise Dharma purely is better off without these obstacles and distractions. Who helps us break our attachment to them? It is the person who harms us. By preventing us from gaining a good reputation and other worldly attainments, he helps us to strengthen our desire to attain liberation and enlightenment. By forcing us to practise patience, he is our greatest teacher. He helps us to cut our attachment to reputation and fame, and to sever the rope that binds us to samsara. He prevents us from creating the causes to be reborn in this swamp of suffering and instead helps us to create the causes of full enlightenment. By seeing him as our Spiritual Guide who benefits us in so many ways, we should abandon all anger we might feel towards this best friend of ours.
Why should I think of those who harm me as my best friends? When someone harms me, he or she interrupts my Dharma practice, prevents me from accumulating merit, and hinders my practice of giving and the other virtues. This person is clearly not my friend at such times.
Again, this is wrong. The opportunity to practise patience – one of the most important elements of the spiritual path – arises solely due to the kindness of a person such as this. By giving us a chance to practise patience, this difficult person helps us create extensive merit; yet if we retaliate this opportunity is lost. With no one to test our patience, it will never improve; and without perfecting our patience we can never attain enlightenment. It is therefore mistaken to think that a difficult person can interrupt our Dharma practice. After all, a person in need is not an obstacle to someone who wishes to practise giving, nor an Abbot an obstacle to someone who wishes to take monastic ordination. Far from being obstacles, they are absolute necessities.
We underestimate the value of patience. It is possible that people might sometimes interrupt our meditation sessions or Dharma study, but they can never take away our opportunity to train in inner virtues such as patience. It is this mental training rather than outer virtuous activities that is the essence of Dharma practice. If we truly understand the value of patience, we shall never resent an opportunity to practise it. Even if we never found the opportunity to sit down to study and meditate throughout our entire life, but we truly learnt to practise patient acceptance every moment of the day, we would make vast progress on the path to enlightenment. On the other hand, if we spent our whole life studying and meditating, but we never practised patience, our spiritual practice would remain superficial and inauthentic.
In general, patience is a stronger virtue than giving because the object of patience is more difficult to find than the object of giving. There are many poor people we can give to, but how many people are actually trying to harm us and thereby giving us the opportunity to practise patience? We should think about the rarity of finding such an object of our patience, and recognize our enemy as a source of inexhaustible inner wealth, as well as a true teacher on our path towards the unsurpassable bliss of enlightenment. Instead of seeing the person who tests our patience as an obstacle to our spiritual practice, we should constantly remember his or her kindness and feel joy at having found such a person. It is he who has made our practice of patience possible, and whatever virtue or positive energy arises from this opportunity should be dedicated first to him.
But since my enemy has no intention to help me practise patience, I have no reason to respect him.
If this objection were valid, it would follow that we also have no reason to respect the sacred Dharma, for it too has no intention to help us.
This is not the same thing at all. My enemy harbours harmful thoughts against me, whereas the sacred Dharma does not.
But it is precisely because of the harmful intentions of our enemy that we have the opportunity to practise patience. If, like a doctor who only wishes to benefit his patient, our enemy only tried to do us good, we would never have the opportunity to train our mind in non-retaliation. Therefore, even though our enemy has no intention of helping us with our practice, he or she is still worthy to be an object of our veneration, like the sacred Dharma.
Buddha Shakyamuni said that there are two fields for cultivating the crops of virtue: the field of enlightened beings and the field of sentient beings. Through developing faith in the former and striving to benefit the latter, both our own and others’ purposes will be fulfilled. These two fields are similar in that both yield benefit and both are to be cultivated if we wish to attain enlightenment.
If the two Fields of Merit are equally valuable, why do we make prostrations and offerings to the Buddhas but not to sentient beings?
The point here is not that enlightened beings and ordinary beings share the same qualities – which they clearly do not – but that they are similar in both being causes of our enlightenment, and as such are equally worthy of our respect.
When we give material goods, love, protection, or spiritual teachings to sentient beings, we generally call this ‘the practice of giving’, whereas when we give to enlightened beings we call this ‘making offerings’. However, because a Bodhisattva regards all sentient beings as infinitely precious and is grateful for the benefit he receives from them, he naturally views his deeds of giving as offerings to them. He recognizes that by acting as the objects of his virtuous actions these beings allow him to reap the fruits of spiritual practice. Thus, along with the Three Jewels, they are his Field of Merit.
Buddha explained that there is immeasurable merit to be gained from respecting someone who has developed the mind of limitless love. Since such a person has in his heart the welfare of countless beings, any service we do for him indirectly serves all these beings. Just as helping the mother of many children indirectly helps all her children, so any service we do for such a great-hearted being indirectly serves all living beings. Since the mind of limitless love can only be developed in dependence upon its object – limitless living beings – all the merit we create through venerating someone who has the realization of universal love in reality arises due to the kindness of all living beings.
There is also infinite merit created through respecting and developing faith in the Buddhas, because a Buddha’s qualities are inconceivably vast and profound. Since being respectful to both Buddhas and sentient beings produces limitless merit and leads to the attainment of full enlightenment, from this point of view Buddhas and sentient beings are equal. However, since sentient beings do not possess infinite good qualities, in this respect they are not equal to the Buddhas.
The qualities of a Buddha are so extensive that any being who shares even a small fraction of them is worthy of great devotion. Even though the vast majority of sentient beings have none of the profound qualities of a Buddha, they are still worthy of our highest respect and devotion because they share in the role of being our Field of Merit. Since living beings are absolutely essential for both our day-to-day happiness and our attainment of full enlightenment, surely it is appropriate to respect them as we would a Buddha?
Due to the kindness of the compassionate Buddhas who reveal the spiritual path, countless living beings have the opportunity to study these teachings and attain enlightenment. How can we repay this infinite kindness? The perfect way of repaying a Buddha, whose sole concern is for the welfare of all living beings, is for us to generate love and compassion for them as well. In his previous lives, while following the Bodhisattva path, Buddha Shakyamuni gave up his life many times for the benefit of living beings. How can we harm those for whom Buddha sacrificed his life? Even when they harm us, we should refrain from retaliating and try instead to respond by giving them as much respect, love, and help as we can. If we learn to do this, all the Buddhas will be delighted.
It was out of his infinite love and compassion for all sentient beings that Buddha Shakyamuni gave up everything to seek full enlightenment. Having attained enlightenment, he continues to look upon all sentient beings with boundless love, stronger even than the love of a mother for her dearest child. If all sentient beings are worthy of the love of one such as Buddha, then it goes without saying that ordinary beings like us should also respect them. How can we think of harming those who are the objects of all the Buddhas’ love and care? Since the Buddhas with their limitless wisdom, power, and good qualities have given their lives completely to the service of sentient beings, we should likewise consider it a privilege to serve sentient beings.
There is no sense in relying upon Buddha yet continuing to harm sentient beings. This is like acting kindly towards a mother but turning and striking her children. Just as we harm a mother by harming her children, so we displease the Buddhas by having negative intentions towards sentient beings. Making offerings to the Buddhas whilst harming sentient beings is like giving flowers to a mother after torturing her children.
In Guide to the Bodhisattva’s Way of Life Shantideva summarizes the conclusions we should draw from the above in the following heartfelt prayer:
Therefore, since I have caused harm to living beings,
Which has displeased the compassionate Buddhas,
Today I confess individually all these non-virtues –
Please, O Compassionate Ones, forgive me for offending you so.
From now on, to delight the Tathagatas,
I will definitely become like a servant to all living beings.
Even if people kick me and humiliate me,
I will please the Buddhas by not retaliating.
One of the most powerful techniques for developing and maintaining bodhichitta is the meditation known as ‘exchanging self with others’. There is no doubt that the Tathagatas – the compassionate Buddhas – have fully accomplished this exchange and, having abandoned all self-cherishing, cherish sentient beings more than themselves. Because all sentient beings are the object of Buddha’s cherishing, they are precious. If the Buddhas with their perfect wisdom have seen that sentient beings are worthy of their infinite love and respect, then they are worthy of our respect too.
Anyone who practises the patience of non-retaliation when harmed, and who respects all sentient beings as if they were enlightened beings, pleases all the Buddhas and dispels the misery of the universe by attaining full enlightenment. For this reason, we should always practise patience.
What does it mean to show the same respect to sentient beings as we do to a Buddha? Clearly it would not be appropriate to make full-length prostrations in front of every person we meet. However, we can always respect them mentally, remembering that they are the objects of the Buddhas’ love and the cause of our attainment of enlightenment, and we can try to love them and fulfil their wishes. Moreover, all sentient beings have been our mother many times and have shown us untold kindness. All are therefore deserving of our gratitude, love, and patience.
If we remember the kindness of all sentient beings and try to please them whenever we can, we shall find happiness even in this lifetime. Others will respect us, our fame will spread widely, and we shall find abundant wealth and possessions. Eventually as a result of our virtuous actions we shall attain the supreme bliss of Buddhahood. Even if we do not attain Buddhahood in this life, wherever we are reborn in samsara we shall reap the benefits of practising patience. We shall have a beautiful body and be surrounded by a circle of devoted friends and students. We shall also have good health and a long life.
In conclusion, whenever we experience hardship, disturbances, or sickness, we should reflect on the faults of not accepting these and the benefits of being patient with our suffering. Then we should apply the appropriate opponent force by meditating on the patience of voluntarily accepting suffering. To improve and finally perfect our patience, we should meditate on Buddha’s teachings on emptiness and the interdependence of all phenomena, and thus practise the patience of definitely thinking about Dharma. Whenever someone harms us, we should remember the many faults of anger and of displeasing sentient beings, and overcome these by relying upon the patience of not retaliating.
By sincerely practising these three types of patience, we shall extract the greatest possible meaning from our precious human rebirth and waste no more time binding ourself to samsara, the wheel of suffering and dissatisfaction. In these degenerate times, when the causes of suffering abound and it is rare for even a day to pass without our experiencing physical or mental problems, the practice of patience is of supreme importance. Through patiently accepting all difficulties and mistreatment, we shall quickly weaken our self-cherishing and self-grasping, thereby allowing the great heart of compassion and bodhichitta to grow. In the midst of this increasingly problematic world, all the qualities of enlightenment will awaken in our mind, and we shall truly be able to benefit others.