There hadn’t been much time for Baxter to think with his mother beside him on the long trip to and from Rockhampton, and thinking was what he needed to do. There were aspects of his life that were far from satisfactory.
It wasn’t that he was unhappy: he lived in a great location, he had his own boat and the fishing was very good; he owned a great dog, he’d nearly finished his first novel and he was developing a network of fair dinkum friends. Best of all, he believed that Mr Garland would have been proud of the work he’d done to help Moondilla. But what he didn’t have was a wife or even a woman who could be described as a girlfriend.
Julie Rankin was unarguably a great friend. There was a degree of closeness between them that Baxter appreciated, but it was more like the closeness of brother and sister. It was a mateship that never expanded beyond a certain point, and he couldn’t help finding this disappointing. The fact was, he knew now that no other woman would fit into his life as Julie would. He wanted to have children with her and for their family to be the rock to which he could attach his life.
They’d long since got over any awkwardness about being together, whether in his house or on his boat, and he knew that Julie trusted him never to touch her. Tough, because she was very touchable—there was never a day when he didn’t want to touch her. But Julie seemed perfectly content with the status quo. It was a predicament to which he couldn’t supply an answer. The answer had to come from Julie, and she was no closer to supplying it than when he’d arrived back in Moondilla.
The situation was made even more trying because his mother had so much time for Julie and wanted her to be his wife. Frances imagined that he wasn’t trying hard enough to win Julie over, but he knew there wasn’t anything more he could do. He’d partly got his mother off his back about her desire for grandchildren, but despite her words of support, he knew she wanted him to raise kids in a conventional relationship.
He was now fairly certain that Liz’s one-night visit to him had been contrived partly in the hope that she would conceive a child. Julie hadn’t told him this straight out, but had gone into some detail about a woman’s peak period for conception, a subject with which he’d been totally unfamiliar. It wasn’t a one-off discussion, because Julie often, even while they were fishing together, veered into medical matters.
Julie had a gift for making such matters easily understandable, which convinced him that she’d make a great lecturer. Baxter never found her boring. She was a very intelligent woman, and he loved her. He’d never said this outright, but then it seemed Julie didn’t want to hear it: after all, she’d never displayed outright affection for him. She liked him as a mate and treated him as a mate and as someone she could relax with to a certain degree as a break away from medicine.
There was never a time when he could entirely forget that she was a doctor and surgeon. Baxter knew that some women around town called her ‘uppity’, or what passed for uppity—but people everywhere respected her. And she’d still sit with Baxter on his jetty or in his boat in old jeans and a man’s shirt and talk fishing. She’d read his fishing magazines from cover to cover and could discuss every article in them.
Julie Rankin was, in almost every aspect, a jewel of a woman. It seemed, though, that she’d always hold Baxter at arm’s length. He wondered if he could ever accept that this was the way things had to be.
•
Baxter had spent a night and a morning with his mother in Killara before leaving for Moondilla. He was looking forward to getting back to his writing and some fishing. And to seeing Julie.
He’d rung her from Sydney and told her when he’d be back, and she’d assured him that she’d watered everything and that the veggie garden hadn’t suffered from any lack of attention. Vegetables and fruit rated very highly with Julie—she was always stressing their value in a diet. He told himself to be grateful for her caring friendship, and said to her that he hoped she’d come to visit him as soon as she was able.
Between him making stops for Chief and investigating various roadside stalls, it was getting on for evening when Baxter arrived at the Riverview gate. For some reason, the big outside light was on—he thought Julie or one of the Lewises must have forgotten to switch it off. But then he noticed that the yellow insect light on the front verandah had been replaced by a green light, and this puzzled him.
Chief, pleased to be home, was out of the car in a flash when Baxter pulled up beside the house. And there was Julie, waiting at the bottom of the verandah steps to greet man and dog.
‘This is a nice surprise,’ Baxter said as he got out of the car.
‘What is?’ she asked.
‘You being here to greet me,’ he said, smiling.
‘Ah. I thought it would be much nicer to come home to an open house.’ There was a strange expression in her eyes, one he didn’t think he’d seen before. ‘Weary?’
‘Not too bad, but it was a long enough drive. Much better having Mum with me for most of the way there and back. She did some of the driving.’
‘How did the Great Woman take to the baby?’ Julie asked, as they walked into the house and Baxter set his haversack down by the door.
‘Shocked at first,’ he said, ‘because he was the last thing she expected—but thrilled too. Over the moon, really. It’s put a new interest in her life. She was very pally with Liz when we left. Mum says Gregory James is a lot like I was as a baby, which pleased Liz no end.’
‘It would, knowing what she thinks of you,’ Julie said, a little too brightly. ‘Well, I’ve got some fillet steak for dinner because it won’t take long to cook. We can have some veggies with it, and I found a rhubarb pie in your freezer.’
‘Sounds good. I could eat a horse,’ he said. They started preparing the food. ‘Any problems while I was away? How’s Ian?’
‘Still recovering,’ Julie said with a sigh. ‘The latest news is that he may be invalided out of the police force.’
After he’d been promoted to Inspector! Baxter was stunned. ‘What does he have to say about that?’
‘As you can expect, he’s not happy about the prospect. The force has been his life and he’s totally committed to stopping drug pushers.’ Baxter wondered if Julie knew about Latham’s older brother. ‘But I think he’s done enough,’ she said, ‘and it’s not that he wouldn’t have something to occupy him—he’s a very fine painter.’
‘Is he really? I wondered about that. I’m not a great judge of art by any stretch, but it seemed to me that he wasn’t putting much effort into his beachscapes.’
‘I thought the same thing, but he’s been painting in the hospital and one day he showed me a piece that surprised me. Streets ahead of anything else he’d done.’
‘Maybe he was simply putting in time while he kept an eye on the drug mob?’
Julie nodded. ‘I think he’s good enough to hold an exhibition, and maybe he will if he’s invalided out.’
‘Ian is one of the better men I’ve known,’ Baxter said.
‘I’ll second that.’
Baxter watched Julie as she moved about the kitchen. Something was puzzling him. Throughout the whole time he’d known her—even as a young woman—she had always been slightly aloof. Here, tonight, she was acting like a different person altogether. Gone was the superior air, replaced by a warm demeanour he’d never known in her. It was as if she was chatting to a husband or partner while preparing dinner and eating with him in her own home.
Moreover, when dinner was over, Julie exhibited no desire to leave. The washing-up done, she sat on a lounge and looked at him. He came to sit beside her.
‘Something troubling you, Julie?’ he asked.
She immediately seemed nervous, her eyes darting to the side. ‘Why? Do I appear as if I’m troubled?’
‘You appear a fair bit different to usual.’
‘What’s usual?’ she asked.
‘It’s as if you don’t want people to forget that you’re a doctor . . . a superior person. You were like that when you came to me as a young woman, and you’ve never changed. You’ve always stood apart from everyone else.’
She laughed softly. ‘I’d suppose I can’t argue the point with you on that score.’
‘So what’s going on tonight?’ he asked.
‘Well, while you were away . . . I’ve made some quite big decisions,’ she said. Her hands were clasped tightly on her lap, and she still wasn’t looking at him. ‘Prompted partly by a conversation I had with Ian in the hospital.’
Baxter sat up straighter, remembering what he’d told Latham: I’d like to have kids and I’d like to have them with Julie. It gets me down some days, but I don’t know what I can do to change her mind. Had his mate tried to meddle?
‘Don’t worry, Ian didn’t betray any confidences,’ said Julie. ‘He just talked about how you’re a remarkable fellow for wanting the police to take the credit for the Campanelli operation—that anyone else would have wanted to be a hero. And . . .’
‘And?’
‘I said it was in your nature—that you just wanted to focus on your book. I told him . . . I told him you were the best man I’d ever known, next to my late father. So then he asked when I was going to marry you!’ Colour had crept into her cheeks.
Baxter waited for her to say more, but she fell silent. ‘Well?’ he prompted.
‘I said I thought about it every day. I’ve come to realise that I’d like to have children and not be too old when I have them.’ There were tears in her voice, though not in her eyes. ‘But I explained that I doubt I could be the woman you’d expect me to be as your wife. Medicine is so important to me and I couldn’t give it up. I’m not like Liz—I could never stack up to her. I’d end up disappointing you.’
This was a revelation to Baxter. That Julie hadn’t thought he would want her, the way she really was, had never occurred to him.
She kept speaking, her eyes cast down. ‘Ian told me this didn’t sound like something I should be telling him, but rather something I should talk to you about. That I wasn’t being fair to you. And he was right. So I made the decision to have this talk.’
‘I’m stunned.’
‘Not too stunned, I hope. Look, Greg, the thing is, you’ve been a very distracting influence ever since I met you again here in Moondilla.’
He grinned. ‘I have?’
‘Yes, you have,’ she said firmly, finally meeting his gaze.
‘You could have fooled me,’ he said, his grin widening.
‘Do you think I’m made of marble? That I could fail to be affected by you?’
He sobered, not sure what to say, but he reckoned he should be honest. ‘To tell you the absolute truth, I thought maybe you didn’t have whatever it is that makes a girl or a woman want a man. Steve told me you never looked at a boy in school, and your sister says you’ve never had a male friend here, apart from me. Everything you said and did made me think you weren’t interested in a relationship with me.’
‘If I’d given you an inch I’d have been lost,’ she confessed. ‘I was so scared of letting you in and then being rejected. But the thing is, you’ve already become such an important part of my life. I missed you while you were in Queensland.’ She took a shaky breath. ‘I realise I haven’t played fair with you, as Ian said. It should have been me who’s had a baby with you. Greg, do you still want to be with me?’
‘I’d marry you like a shot,’ Baxter said quickly. ‘You know I’ve wanted you ever since you first came to my classes, and I’d just about given up on girls after I lost Elaine. I gave up on you too, after you went to England. I couldn’t believe my luck when I found you again here in Moondilla.’
‘I don’t claim I’d be an ideal wife—’
He shook his head at her. ‘What’s an “ideal wife”?’
Julie grinned, but then it faded. She seemed nervous again. ‘I just mean I might not be up to much after a day’s surgery, but I’ll do my best in the . . . well, in the nooky department. I know that’s an important part of any marriage.’
The thought of ‘nooky’ with Julie sent heat through Baxter. He recalled the secret Liz probably shouldn’t have told him—that Julie had never been with a man. It made sense that she was worried about her ability to do the deed. He just hoped he’d have a chance to put those fears to rest.
‘Whatever happens in that department is all right by me,’ he said.
He wasn’t sure if Julie fully believed him, but she nodded. ‘There’s one thing I can promise you,’ she said. ‘You won’t have to worry about money. But if we have children together—and I certainly hope to—you’ll have to take a fair bit of responsibility for looking after them while I’m at work.’ She lowered her eyes again. ‘You could get a lot more writing done with another woman. It just depends on how much you want me.’
Baxter gently tilted her chin so he could look right into her eyes. ‘For a long time I’ve dreamt about you being my girl. Well, dreams sometimes do come true. I dreamt about this river too. Now it seems I’ve got you and the river.’
She smiled. And for the first time he’d ever seen, there were tears in her eyes.
Then she pulled away and stood up, and his heart clenched in disappointment.
‘Are you going home now?’ he asked.
‘No.’ Her smile turned wicked. ‘I’m not going home tonight, Greg. That was another of the decisions I came to.’
He got to his feet and took her hand, lifting it and putting her palm against his cheek. She rested her head on his shoulder.
‘Did you notice my green light outside?’ she asked.
‘Yes, what’s that about?’
There was a note of mischief in her voice. ‘You once told me that you wouldn’t touch me unless I gave you the green light.’
‘Then green means go, doesn’t it?’ he asked.
‘It certainly does,’ she said, and kissed him.