‘Hi, I’m Xavier, I’m new here, just started this week. Are you OK? You look bummed out.’
Scarlett had been sitting by herself under the big oak tree in the playground for most of break time clutching Bert, her beloved teddy bear, her mind replaying the hellish events of last night when Mummy had gone ballistic at her. At eleven, she knew she was probably a bit old to be carrying her teddy around, and it gave Jasmine and her nasty friends added cause to pick on her, but lately things had got so bad at home she felt safer with him in her arms. She loved Bert like a member of the family. Who was she kidding? He was more precious to her than any member of her family, having been by her side since the day she was born. He’d never abandoned her, never neglected her, not the way her parents did. She never went anywhere without Bert. Most importantly, he cuddled up in bed with her. That dark time when she was most scared, when she heard creepy noises when Daddy was away, and she needed him more than ever to keep the nightmares at bay. Even though Mummy said she was too fucking old for soft toys and needed to grow the fuck up! What did she know? She was hardly ever around, and when she was at home, she wasn’t really ‘there’ with her, didn’t spend any quality mummy-and-daughter time with her. She was either too busy on the phone talking to her annoying friends, or arguing with Daddy or kissing the babysitter behind Daddy’s back. Mummy had no idea she’d seen them kissing as she’d peered through the crack of the sitting room door. She’d seen him and Mummy do other stuff too. Disgusting things. Things that frightened her. Haunted her dreams. Mummy thought she was in bed, but she wasn’t. Because she never slept well these days. Mummy only cared about herself, about her happiness and not Scarlett’s. Whether it was her face, her figure, her friends, her parties. She was obsessed about her weight too. Daddy said so. He said she had starved herself when she was pregnant with Scarlett because she didn’t want to get fat. Which probably explained why Scarlett weighed less than six pounds at birth, despite being a week late. It was a marvel Scarlett had been born alive. She wondered why Mummy had a child in the first place if she was such a burden. But then Mummy told her she hadn’t wanted kids at all, and that Scarlett had, in fact, been an accident, a huge mistake, and that had made Scarlett feel really sad; more unwanted than ever. Scarlett preferred Daddy. He was kinder to her, less selfish, but he was always working, always so stressed with his job, and so never had time for Scarlett either. Scarlett badly wanted to tell him about everything that went on at home, the awful things she’d seen. But she was too afraid because she’d been warned that if she did, bad things would happen. To her and to Daddy. She also didn’t want to make Daddy more stressed. She heard that Betsy David’s daddy died of a heart attack because of stress and that was the last thing she wanted for her own daddy. She couldn’t bear the idea of it being just her and Mummy, who would no doubt take it out on her. And not just by shouting, but in other ways too. She had burn marks on her arms and thighs to prove it. Even worse, Mummy might get married again. To someone as horrid as her.
So thank goodness for Bert, who loved her unconditionally. Unlike the selfish grown-ups who should know better. He cheered her up when she felt blue, laughed with her when she felt happy. Although that was rare, it had to be said. Except when she played with Eve, who lived next door, and who she’d known since she was seven. The sister she’d always wanted, but never got because Mummy was too selfish to get fat again. Eve was kind, clever and pretty. Everything Mummy told Scarlett she wasn’t. Scarlett wished Eve went to the same school as her, but she didn’t; she attended some posh private school Mummy claimed would be wasted on Scarlett. Mummy didn’t care about Scarlett’s education, all she cared about was spending all the money Daddy earned on herself. On things like Botox and massages. And Brazilian waxes, whatever they were. Scarlett wanted to hate Eve because she was so perfect and had such a perfect life but mostly she was jealous of the loving relationship Eve had with her mummy. But Scarlett couldn’t hate her, because Eve was always there for her, and she would come round and play when Scarlett’s parents were out or too caught up in their own worlds to be bothered with her.
Startled by the voice, and having been dwelling on her miserable home life and how she wished she could run away with Bert (and possibly Eve although she knew Eve’s mummy would never allow it) and never come back, Scarlett looked up. And that’s when she saw him. Xavier. She’d never seen him before but he just said he was new to the school so that explained things. Unlike her tiny infant school, Holyfield Primary, where there was only one class of twenty-five per year group, Barrenclough Senior School was massive, with four forms of thirty per year group so it was no wonder she hadn’t noticed him.
‘Hi, I’m Scarlett,’ she said, wondering why he was being so friendly. What the catch was. She suspected it wasn’t normal to be so suspicious of people, but she couldn’t help it. It had become ingrained in her. ‘What form are you in?’
‘AF7. You?’
‘KT7,’ she replied. ‘I hear Mr Freeman can be strict. I’m glad I have Miss Truman.’
He sniggered. ‘Yeah, he can be, but I’ve figured out a way to get around him. The thing is, with grown-ups, they think they know it all, but they don’t. They can be pretty dumb, pretty blind actually.’
Scarlett was suddenly all ears. This boy interested her. He seemed smart, a bit too full of himself perhaps, plus there was something a bit sneaky about him, an almost devious look in his eyes. But he also amused her. Distracting her at this moment from her problems at home. And when she thought about it, she realised he was right: adults could be dumb. Take Mummy, for example. She was unbelievably dumb. Despite thinking she was so clever. While Daddy was blind. Blind to what was staring him in the face. The hideous things happening right under his nose. Things that made her shudder at the thought.
‘I think you’re probably right. Do you live with your parents?’
‘Just my dad. Mum died last year.’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘I’m not, she was mean to me, mean to Dad. I hated her if I’m being honest.’
Scarlett didn’t know what to say to this, but she felt an immediate empathy with the new boy. Like her own mummy, his mummy had treated him badly, and he no doubt knew exactly how she felt. The difference was, he seemed more resilient, accepting of the fate that had been handed to him. She wished she was more like that. Less emotional. She wished she didn’t take it so badly when Mummy constantly put her down. Forever dismissing or rejecting her feelings, making her feel that she was wrong to have feelings at all, that they were of no consequence. She didn’t want it to hurt, but it did. Badly. Made her feel worthless, unimportant. As did the constant eye-rolling whenever Scarlett tried to talk to Mummy about how she felt. Her mummy’s constant put-downs made Scarlett question whether she was right to feel the things she did, whether there was something wrong with her. And that in turn made her feel anxious. She wondered if this boy was autistic, just because he didn’t seem bothered by his own mummy’s neglect. There was a girl in her class who was on the spectrum. She didn’t show much emotion either. But then again, Xavier probably hadn’t had to deal with the other stuff Scarlett did.
‘Anyway, do you want to hang out?’ Xavier asked. ‘There are some right twats in my class, not my type at all. You seem OK, though, and you look like you could do with a friend. Other than your bear there.’
He smiled. She didn’t think he was being rude or making fun of her when he said this. He was trying to be funny, make her laugh, and it worked. Because she found herself giggling almost hysterically, something she hadn’t done in a long time. It was nice to have made another friend, besides Eve. As much as she loved Bert, the conversations were always so one-sided.
‘Sure,’ she said. ‘Maybe you can come over to my house one day.’ She thought how nice that would be. To have another friend over to play. Someone other than Eve. Who could be quite bossy, come to think of it. In the best kind of way. Maybe she could have her round at the same time, introduce them. Hopefully, Eve wouldn’t be jealous. They could be like the Three Musketeers.
‘Great, I’d love that. I’ve got Dad wrapped around my finger, so it won’t be a problem. How about today after school?’
Scarlett smiled. ‘Sure, that’d be great. Perhaps we can watch TV or do homework together?’
Xavier wrinkled his nose. ‘Homework? Pah, dull! TV sounds good, or something a bit more adventurous.’
Scarlett’s heart juddered. Both with fear and excitement. ‘How do you mean?’
Xavier grinned broadly. Had that same mischievous glint in his eye. ‘I’m not sure yet, but I’ll think of something. I’ll surprise you.’
Just then the bell rang, signalling the end of break time. ‘I’ll meet you at the gates after school then?’ Scarlett said. ‘It’s about a fifteen-minute walk to my house.’
‘Sure, sounds good.’
Scarlett watched her new friend run off, buoyed by the lighter feeling in her chest, last night’s horrific events for now put out of her mind.
Life was looking up. She only hoped she was right to place her trust in this boy. That there wasn’t something more sinister to that broad grin and cheeky face she found so instantly appealing. After all, appearances could be so deceptive. She knew that only too well.