The first full-fledged family reunion

Was held at the seashore

With twelve pounds of sturgeon

Nine pounds of corned beef

One nephew who got the highest mark on an intelligence test ever recorded in Hillside, New Jersey

Four aunts in pain taking pills

One cousin in analysis taking notes

One sister-in-law who makes a cherry cheese cake a person would be happy to pay to eat

Five uncles to whom what happened in the stock market shouldn’t happen to their worst enemy

One niece who is running away from home the minute the orthodontist removes her braces

One cousin you wouldn’t believe it to look at him only likes fellows

One nephew involved with a person of a different racial persuasion which his parents are taking very well

One brother-in-law with a house so big you could get lost and carpeting so thick you could suffocate and a mortgage so high you could go bankrupt

One uncle whose wife is a saint to put up with him

One cousin who has made such a name for himself he was almost Barbra Streisand’s gynecologist

One cousin who has made such a name for himself he was almost Elizabeth Taylor’s CPA

One cousin don’t ask what he does for a living

One niece it wouldn’t surprise anyone if next year she’s playing at Carnegie Hall

One nephew it wouldn’t surprise anyone if next year he’s sentenced to Leavenworth

Two aunts who used to go to the same butcher as Philip Roth’s mother

And me wanting approval from all of them.