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Ella
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“What are you thinking right now?” I asked August as he stared at the poster on the wall.
“I'm actually thinking that there's no way whoever drew this giant vagina wasn't a virgin.” Crossing his arm over his chest, he rested his chin on his fist. “I mean look at it, someone had to actually stare at a vagina to get all these details perfect. Any man attempting to draw that shit would have tried to fuck it, and the owner of the vagina would have kicked him in the nuts. If it wasn't a virgin, then it had to be Georgia O'Keeffee. She's the one who paints all those vaginas, right?”
Laughing, I kicked my feet back and forth as I sat on the table. “It's a diagram, that's how students learn what's what. I highly doubt either of your thoughts are true.”
“Well, I know what's what, you can attest to that.”
“I know you know how to make me feel amazing, what buttons to push, how to touch me just right, but that doesn't mean you know what the hell you're looking at.”
“That's true, but I don't need to know the names of your lady parts, I just need to know which part makes you wet, and which part makes you scream.”
Crunching the paper gown against my skin, I adjusted the thin sheet hanging over my lap. “I hate these things, you'd think they'd have something better than rough paper.”
August started opening the cupboard doors and fumbling through small bins and glass containers. “Alright,” he said, turning around and holding a wooden tongue compressor stick and a tube of lube. “We're just going to get started, I need you to lay back for me and spread'em.”
Busting out laughing, I shook my head in disagreement. “I don't think so, you ain't coming anywhere near me with that.”
“I'm sorry, Miss, but I'm the doctor and you're the patient. You need to follow orders.” With smooth strides, August walked towards me with a smirk on his face as he bounced his brows high. “If you don't listen, I'll be forced to tie you up and spank you.”
Protecting myself with my hands, I swatted him off, tears filling my eyes from laughter. “You're not coming near me with that, get out of here.”
August hovered over me, his face twisting into something that reminded me of the cabbage patch doll I had as a kid. He looked crazed, his eyes all wild, tongue sticking out of the corner of this mouth as he tried to probe the inside of my mouth with his wooden stick. “You're being difficult, difficult patients get punished—”
“Ahem,” A voice chimed in, causing me to jump in surprise and August to drop the lube on the floor. The doctor smiled, closing the door behind him. “Hello, I'm Dr. Hall, and you're definitely not a doctor.”
Chuckling, August held out his hand. “I'm August Burke,” he said, shaking the doctor's hand.
Turning to me, Dr. Hall smiled. “You must Mrs. Burke.”
“Oh, no, we're not married. I'm Ella Day.”
“Sorry,” the doctor said, his smile thinning as he glanced between us. “I shouldn't assume anything nowadays.” Chuckling, he pulled the rolling chair out from under the small desk and sat down. “Families come in all different shapes and sizes. I need to just put my foot in my mouth sometimes. So, are we ready?”
“I think so.” My stomach began to rumble, buzzing like a swarm of locusts were let loose inside. “I'm a little nervous.” August was standing beside me, so he took my hand and brought it to his lips, kissing the back of my palm.
“That's totally normal, most new parents are nervous at first.” The doctor stood up and wheeled a small cart to my side. Taking out a long wand, he turned on the machine. “I'm going to need you to lay back for me.” Pulling out an attachment from beneath my legs, he helped me to adjust.
“What are you doing?” August asked, squeezing my hand tighter.
I could feel how nervous he was. His hand was clammy and warm, small beads of sweat were starting to form across his forehead. He didn't have that confident tone to his voice. There was so much unknown for him on a level he had never experienced before.
I wished I could comfort him, give him some advice so he didn't feel like he was randomly dropped on another planet. But we were both going to have to learn together.
“Well, we're going to see just how far along Ella is exactly, and hopefully send you home with a few good pictures.”
“Well, I'm pretty sure I'm over a month late for my period. Wouldn't that make me four weeks or so?”
“Not necessarily. If you aren't too sure when you had your period last, even if it was a month ago, some woman actually bleed during pregnancy. Some don't even know they're pregnant at all.”
“Like that show, Pregnant and Surprised?”
“Yeah, just like that.”
“Wait,” August held up his hand and furrowed his brows. “A woman can pregnant and not even know it, how the hell is that possible?”
Dr. Hall squeezed some clear jelly on the wand, pulling up my paper gown and setting the machine on my stomach. “There's several factors, uterine lining and how thick it is could be one reason, placement of the uterus and fetus is another.”
Whoosh Whoosh
Whoosh lub-dub lub-dub lub-dub
“Is that?” I asked, looking at the doctor.
“It is.”
“It's what?” August asked, looking at the monitor and angling his head. “What is that? It sounds like when you have water in your ear and you're breathing really hard.”
“It's your baby's heartbeat, Mr. Burke.”
August's skin turned ghost white instantly as his eyes became glossy. “Are you serious?”
“Pretty cool, isn't it?”
August dropped his gaze onto mine, staring at me with tears sitting in his eyes. “Do you hear that? That's our baby.” Smiling, he took in a deep breath and cleared his throat. “That's incredible.” Wiping his eyes with the back of his wrist, he lifted his shoulders higher.
“Let's see if we can get a better picture.” Twisting the wand, Dr. Hall pushed it harder into my lower belly. “Oh, there we go, that's a nice image for you.” Hitting a button on the machine, he kept probing the surface of my stomach.
“Oh wow, I can see the baby wiggling around.” Teardrops began to fall one by one, following the curve of my jaw and dropping onto the paper. “This is incredible.”
The doctor hit the button on the keyboard a few more times, his hand moving and spinning in different directions. “It looks like you're actually ten weeks according to these measurements.” The machine began to print out a long strip of black and gray images. “Here you go, baby's first pictures.”
August kept staring at the pictures as we walked to the car, the smile on his face was broad, running ear to ear. Holding up the pictures, he touched the small blob in the center. “This is unreal, that's our baby—our baby, Ella.”
He looked so proud and happy, and it didn't look like it was a selfish happy. It wasn't an I got what I wanted happy or a middle finger to the sky happy; August looked genuinely thrilled about the baby and the fact that it was our baby.
“I can't believe that's growing inside me.” Resting my hand on my stomach, I touched my belly lightly. “It's so weird to think about it.”
“I want to surprise my mother with this tonight. Maybe we can invite her over for dinner? She hasn't been over since you moved in, I think it's time for her to get over herself.”
“Well, she hates me.” Looking down at the ground, a horrible thought crossed my mind. Snapping my head back up, I grabbed August's forearm and stopped him in the middle of the parking lot. “You don't think she'll hate the baby do you?”
“No, she won't hate the baby. I promise she's not that cruel.” Taking me in his arms, he held me firmly against his chest. “But I have no idea what type of grandmother she'll be. I know from experience that she doesn't know how to relate to children, but maybe she'll surprise me.”
“This should be interesting,” I said, slipping into the backseat of August's town car.
“Well? How was it?” Jerry asked, looking at us through the mirror.
August held the pictures over the center console, grabbing his shoulder and giving him a shake. “I'm going to be a dad, can you believe it?”
“You know what, I couldn't before, but since you met Ella, it's easy to see you as a father.” Jerry gave us a sincere smile through the mirror as he started to drive. “You two were lucky to find each other.”
Taking in a deep breath, his words left me unsettled. He was right, I felt lucky and happy and like everything was the way it was meant to be. But then I had to remind myself that we weren't true, we weren't in love, we weren't two people who owned each other's hearts. . . And yet, I had never been happier in my life.
Playing house is getting too real. I'm falling in love with this man and I shouldn't be.
August looked over at me and braided our fingers together. Smiling, he leaned in and kissed me. “I feel the same way, Jerry, I really do.”
Does he really mean that?
The look in his eyes was full of passion and emotion. And for the first time I felt like maybe everything else didn't matter. We could raise the baby together, we could build a life, a great life, and live in our own happily ever after.
But I wasn't sure that any of this would last if his mother didn't give us her blessing. Deep down I knew we needed his mother's approval. Even if August tried to play it off like he didn't give a shit about what his mother or anyone else thought; I knew his mother's opinion mattered.
He might not realize it himself, but August wanted his mother's approval. That was why he brought me there to begin with. That was why he felt the need to involve her in the pregnancy.
My mother had been the complete opposite. She was ecstatic, unable to contain her joy and excitement to be a grandmother. She loved August when we went to her house for a weekend, and so did my sister.
When we left to come back to New York, my mother had this sparkle in her eye, taking his hand and telling him that my father would be proud that he was the man his daughter had chosen.
That made me feel happy and guilty. Our fake relationship had gone from involving two people, into involving two families. That meant two set of feelings, two sets of people who were going to be hurt in the end if the truth came out.
And one innocent child that would never know a true family, one where their parents had natural feelings and full hearts. This was our secret, and it had to stay that way.
Feelings have no place here, they never did.