She slept deeply and soundly, from just after sunset until well past midnight.
“Jessica.”
She came instantly awake, and found herself staring up at Hawk. He was sitting on the side of her bed. Moonlight poured in through the windows, shedding silver light on his pale skin and black hair.
Electricity sparked through her. She knew immediately that she wasn’t dreaming, that Hawk was really here. Somehow, some way, he’d found her. The fact that she was in another dimension hadn’t stopped him.
In the rush of feeling that overwhelmed her, she sat straight up and threw her arms around him. “I’m sorry,” she said into his shoulder. “I’m so sorry I disappeared like that. I should have told you what I was going to do, but I—”
His arms tightened around her as he buried his face in her hair.
“It’s all right, cariad,” he murmured, his voice muffled. “Everything’s all right now.”
Long before she was ready to let go of him, he detached himself from her gently.
“Are we safe here?” he asked, glancing around the room.
“Yes. For now. But how did you get here?” she asked, unable to take her eyes off his face.
He gave her a rueful grin that made something tingle just behind her breastbone.
“I went a little crazy after you left. Evan found me in the park howling like a lunatic, and dragged me back to Blood and Whiskey. I told them all what had happened, and they agreed to help me find a way into this dimension.”
He looked out the window. “It’s daytime on Earth. Does time flow differently here?”
“No, it’s more like a different time zone. It’s about twelve hours difference, I think.”
Hawk nodded. “I hooked Celia up with my black market contact. He’s a warlock, and he had access to some texts and scrolls that Celia was able to translate. Between the two of them, they found a spell to create a portal stone. The stones don’t retain their power for long—we’re not sure how many trips it will take to drain them. And to perform the spell, you need to be near a rift between the dimensions. A true portal. We figured our best bet for finding one of those was in your mother’s mansion.”
Jessica gasped. “My God. Did you see her?”
“No. We used charms, and slipped in when she was away. And she does have a portal in her room. It’s in the shape of a mirror. Celia cast the spell, and created two stones—one for me and one for Liz.”
He patted his front pocket, indicating where his stone was. “To travel away from your home portal, you visualize a person or place in the world you’re traveling to and touch the stone. To get back, you touch the stone and it returns you to your home portal. Liz is here somewhere, doing recon—learning everything she can about the Dark Fae and this fortress. And I…” his voice trailed off, and he took one of her hands in his.
“I tried to visualize Mary first. All I could think about was finding you, but I’ve been Mary’s big brother for a century and a half, and I told myself my first duty was to her. But the portal wouldn’t work. Then I visualized you instead, and here I am.”
A shadow crossed his face. “I assume that means Mary’s not here…if she ever was. Or that she’s dead.”
Jessica squeezed his hand. “She’s not dead. She’s here, and she’s okay. But she’s in a prison cell, and that part of the fortress is warded against portal travel. That’s why the stone wouldn’t work.”
Hawk closed his eyes in relief. “She’s here. She’s alive.”
“Yes.” Jessica hesitated. “She’s alive, but…”
Hawk’s eyes opened again. “But what?”
And so Jessica told him everything that had happened from the time she’d left him, omitting only the fact that she’d told his sister, her fiancé, and the Dark Fae queen that she was in love with him. Just a few hours before she’d wished for a chance to tell Hawk how she felt, but now that she actually had that chance, she found herself unable to say the words.
But that, she told herself, was because the two of them had more important things to worry about right now.
“Jesus,” Hawk said when she finished. “Your fiancé is in love with my sister?”
“And she’s in love with him. It’s all very Romeo and Juliet.”
“A tragedy waiting to happen? That’s encouraging.”
“You should see them together. They’re so…dramatic. Intense. All doomed love and forbidden passion.”
He studied her for a minute, and the moonlight seemed to strike sparks in his black eyes, like stars in the nighttime sky.
He’s going to say it again, she thought, a sudden shiver running up her spine. He’s going to tell me he loves me.
And when he did, she could say it back to him.
But he didn’t. He dragged a hand through his dark hair, and shook his head slowly. “So now we only have a few hours to figure out our strategy.”
“Strategy?”
“How we’re going to get Mary out of here. I’ll take you home now, and then—”
“Hawk.”
He didn’t seem to hear her. “Then I’ll teleport back to wherever Liz is. We’ll figure out a way to get down to the dungeon and—”
“Hawk!”
He heard her that time and stopped, cocking his head to the side as he waited for her to speak.
“I’m not going home. I’m fighting Edrik three hours after dawn.”
His jaw tightened. “No, you’re not. We’ll find another way to get Mary out of here before—”
“Hawk, you’re not listening to me. I’m going to fight Edrik. If I beat him, I’ll stay in this realm until Navril has honored her promise to send Mary back home—and you and Liz can get me out of here the second after that happens. If I don’t beat him…”
She paused. “I will beat him. But if I don’t, it would probably be a good thing for you and Liz to be somewhere nearby. You’ll have to try to sneak into the arena. Mary will be there, where the duel is happening, which means you’ll be able to use a portal stone—if you can get to her. But it would be you and Liz against dozens or even hundreds of Fae, so let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.”
He started to say something, and she held up her hand. “Please don’t waste time arguing with me. That’s the last thing I need right now. If you take a minute to think about it, you’ll know I’m right. Fighting this duel is the best chance we have of getting Mary out of here.”
For a few seconds he just stared at her, his jaw tight and his body tense. Then he stood up abruptly and began to pace back and forth across the floor.
Jessica didn’t say anything. She could sense the struggle going on inside him and there was nothing she could do but wait.
Finally he stopped pacing. He had his back to her, and for a moment he stood still, his shoulders hunched. Then he turned to face her again.
“Okay.”
Relief swept through her. “Really?”
“No,” he said, coming closer and looking down at her. “But I can fake it. Evan said something yesterday…”
“What?” Jessica asked after a pause.
Hawk shook his head. “Nothing.” He reached out a hand and brushed a strand of hair off her forehead. “You truly are a warrior,” he said softly. “And you’re risking your life for my sister. I…”
“What?” she asked again.
Now his fingers were threaded in her hair, making her scalp tingle. “You’re the most incredible woman I’ve ever met. And I can’t force you to be less than what you are, just because I…”
He stopped. His thumb brushed her cheek, and pleasure coiled in her stomach.
Just because he what? Loved her?
This was when he would say it. And then she could say it back.
But he didn’t. He pulled his hand away and sat down on the bed again, but this time he left a foot of space between them.
“You don’t need to hear all that now,” he said. “Tell me about this duel. Will you fight with swords?”
Trying to bite back her disappointment, Jessica shook her head. “No. Knives.”
He frowned. “His choice?”
“Yes. How did you know?”
“Because I would have made the same choice, if it were up to me—and if I were fighting you. Even if I didn’t know you, I’d assume that the bow and the sword are your preferred weapons.”
“But why?”
He hesitated. “The sword and the bow impose a certain distance in battle. A knife fight is much more intimate.”
Jessica felt herself flushing. “You’re saying I don’t do well in intimate situations?”
“No,” Hawk said. “I think you do incredibly well in intimate situations.” There was a flash of heat in his eyes, and her stomach muscles tightened. “But I think that intimacy is new to you. I think you’re still more comfortable with distance.”
She crossed her arms across her chest. “I’ve trained in hand-to-hand combat since I was twelve years old. My teachers always spoke well of my abilities. Isn’t that the most intimate kind of fighting?”
“I’ve been on the receiving end of those abilities,” he reminded her with a smile. “I can attest to the fact that there’s nothing wrong with your technique. But knife fights aren’t won by technique. The edge in a knife fight goes to the one who’s willing to get close, the one who can be reckless and controlled at the same time. The one who trusts their instincts and isn’t afraid to look their enemy—or death—straight in the eye.”
The last time she’d looked death in the eye was the night she’d met Hawk. “I never used to be afraid of death.”
He frowned. “But now you are?”
She looked away, fixing her gaze on the moon that shone through her window. “Now I have something to lose.”
The silence between them felt charged, and her heart pounded as she waited for him to speak.
And still Hawk didn’t say anything. Which must mean he didn’t want to say anything.
He leaned down and did something with his boots. When he straightened, he held two knives in his hand.
He rose to his feet and held one of them out to her. “Let’s fight a round or two now,” he said. “Show me what you’ve got.”
He was right. This was what they should be focused on. Mary’s life depended on how she fought tomorrow.
She accepted the knife and tested its weight in her hand. She’d trained and fought with knives before, but Hawk was right—it wasn’t her preferred weapon.
But she needed to fight like it was.
“You said there are guards outside,” Hawk said, glancing at the door. “Will they be able to hear us?”
“No. The walls and door are solid. We shouldn’t scream or shout, but they won’t hear anything short of that.”
He nodded. “Do you know what kind of surface you’ll be on tomorrow?”
“No.”
“Have you thought about fighting in bare feet?”
“I never have before. But I know a few Green Fae who do, in one-on-one combat when they’re not sure of the terrain.”
“It’s your choice, of course. But a fighter is always more agile barefoot, because you feel more vulnerable. And the more vulnerable you feel, the quicker and more resourceful you’ll be. And that’s a good mindset to bring to a knife fight.”
They moved to the center of the room by unspoken accord. “Any more tips for me, sensei?”
He smiled. “Intimacy and vulnerability go hand and hand. When you embrace your vulnerability without fear, then you can approach your enemy like a lover. And if you do that, he won’t be able to throw you off-balance. Because you’ll be in his head and in his space already, throwing him off.”
He feinted at her without warning, almost catching her off guard. But every nerve in her body was aware of him and she reacted instinctively, dancing out of reach.
He grinned. “There, see? You’re in your opponent’s head. And that means you can let your instincts take over, because you’ll know what he’s going to do before he does.”
She lunged in quick attack, but he eluded her thrust easily. “What if my opponent is in my head, too?” she asked, as they circled each other slowly. “What if he can sense what I’m going to do?”
“Then take away his advantage by being unpredictable. Let your body act before your mind can direct it.”
They sparred for half an hour, talking less and fighting more as they continued, until in the last few minutes they were attacking and parrying with such blinding speed that an observer would have seen little more than a blur of movement.
Jessica felt an exhilaration like nothing she’d ever experienced. She and Hawk were well matched, and fighting him was such a rush that she almost laughed out loud.
Finally they separated, backing off a few feet and grinning at each other.
The moment went on a little too long—long enough for Jessica to see the flare of desire in Hawk’s eyes.
Then he looked away. “That’s enough,” he said. “You’re going to wipe up the floor with this wanker. You should get some rest now, while I—”
She attacked so fast that he was knocked off-balance for the first time. She pressed her advantage without mercy, lunging and thrusting in rapid-fire motion, backing him up slowly and steadily until he was trapped between the wall and the blade of her knife, held to his throat with a hair’s breadth of space between the edge and his jugular.
They stayed frozen like that for a long, sizzling moment. Then Hawk swallowed. The convulsive movement brought his throat into contact with the blade, and a faint line of red appeared on his pale skin. He shuddered, closing his eyes, and Jessica let the knife drop to the floor as she went up on her toes, licking the blood from his throat before she pressed her lips to his.
* * *
Hawk had never been closer to losing his sanity. He didn’t know what gave him the strength to keep from claiming her right then and there, but it wasn’t enough to keep him from kissing her—even though he knew she should be focused on her duel tomorrow and not on this.
The tang of his blood on her tongue called to the most savage instincts of his kind, the instinct to mark and claim and possess. He fought to hold those urges at bay, but he had to do something to assuage the demon inside him.
He put his hands on Jessica’s waist and spun them so their positions were reversed. With her back pressed against the wall he ground his cock against her as he fused their mouths together, tangling their tongues and swallowing her moans of desire as she melted into him.
He lifted her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist. The feel of her heat was almost too much. He tore his mouth from hers and used his human teeth to nip at her throat as he thrust against her again and again.
His demon wasn’t fooled. This wasn’t what he needed. He wanted to invade her, to take her hard and deep, staking his claim with every thrust. His fangs wanted to pierce that perfect throat until she screamed in ecstasy.
But she was a virgin, not to mention a warrior on the eve of battle. Was he a man or a monster? Did he have the strength to be what Jessica needed right now, or was he nothing more than a slave to his own lust?
He thrust her away from him as he stumbled back a few paces. Jessica was gasping, her lips swollen from his assault.
He couldn’t look at her. “I’m sorry,” he said, pressing the heels of his hands to his eyes.
“You’re sorry?” Her voice sounded bewildered. “But I’m the one who kissed you.”
His hands dropped to his sides as he forced himself to look at her again. With her cheeks flushed and her lips kiss-tinted and her cloud of silvery blonde hair loose around her shoulders, she was so beautiful it hurt.
“I had no business kissing you back. You should be sleeping, gathering your strength. This is the last thing you need right now.”
She shook her head slowly. “You’re wrong. I slept for hours before you came, Hawk. I don’t need more sleep. I’ve never felt more awake in my life. What I need…” She took a deep breath. “What I need is you.”
A spasm of desire rocked him. Her words called to the demon in him…but they also called to the man.
There was no way he could resist her. But he wouldn’t claim her, and he wouldn’t take her virginity. There were other ways to give her pleasure. Things he’d been fantasizing about doing since the night he’d met her.
He came back towards her, slowly. Her cheeks turned redder and her breath came quicker. When he was less than a foot away he took the front of her night dress in both hands and ripped it from neck to hem in one long, deliberate tear. Then he tugged the torn material off and cast it aside.
“You didn’t have to do that,” she said breathlessly. “I would have taken it off.”
He brushed his thumbs over her nipples. “I’ve been wanting to rip your clothes off from the moment I met you.”
She moaned as he lowered his head to her breasts, and her hands slid into his hair as he licked and suckled.
But something else was calling to him. The scent of her arousal was like sweet perfume, and he needed to go to the source.
He knelt in front of her and lowered her panties to the ground. When she stepped out of them, he looked up at her.
Her hands were still in his hair.
“I’m naked,” she whispered.
Love and lust wrapped tendrils around his heart. “Yeah, you are.”
As he knelt at Jessica’s feet, looking up into her blue-green eyes, he trembled. He was in the grip of a sensation so new and so overpowering he could hardly form a thought.
It wasn’t happiness. The future was too uncertain for that, the possibility of losing Jessica too real.
This was something more primal.
Joy.
“What happens now?” Jessica whispered.
He let his hands settle on her hips. “Do you trust me?”
“With my life.”
Joy surged through him again. “Then let me give you pleasure.”
His hands gripped tighter when he felt her quiver. God, she was so responsive, like a harp in the wind. Jessica had so much power, so much strength—and yet beneath his hands she trembled like a leaf.
He closed his eyes and breathed in.
God, she was so hot, so wet for him already.
“Spread your legs wider for me.”
She did as he asked, a little shaky on her feet, but giving him all the access he needed.
For a minute he just drank in the sight of the woman he loved so open to his gaze, letting her scent wash over him until he felt dizzy. Almost reverently he used his thumbs to part her before he laid his tongue against the silk inside, shuddering at the sweet moisture he found.
Jessica cried out in shock and desire.
She tasted like wildness, like passion, like power. He explored her softly with his tongue, a little deeper each time, feeling Jessica’s pulse accelerate with each stroke. She made incoherent sounds, her hands in his hair, and when they fisted uncontrollably, pulling him closer, he plunged his tongue as deep inside her as it would go.
“Hawk!” she cried out, squirming to get away as if the sensations were too much, and he grabbed her hips to hold her against him. He intensified the movements of his tongue, moving upwards to the sensitive spot, smiling against her body when he felt her shudder. As he flicked his tongue over her swollen pearl he moved one hand so he could slide a finger inside her.
He gasped at the same time she did, the heat of her almost burning the flesh from his bones. He alternated the movements of his tongue with rough strokes of his thumb.
Jessica was shaking hard now, her walls tightening around him. Hawk slid a hand under her thigh, throwing her leg over his shoulder to bring her even closer. The next second she cried out wordlessly, her internal muscles fluttering as she climaxed, and Hawk slid his fingers out of her and laid his tongue against her once more, stroking her gently and more gently still as she came down, slowly, saying his name with a sweetness that rocked him as much as her orgasm had.
His hands went to her hips, whether to keep her or him from falling to the ground he had no idea. He looked up and saw her staring at him in amazement, her face flushed and her eyes hazy with sated desire.
“Jeepers,” was the first word she managed to say, her breath coming in little pants, and then suddenly she had her hands fisted in the front of his shirt and she was jerking him to his feet.
“What—”
“Shut up,” she said, and kissed him, her tongue tangling with his as her arms went around his neck.
Long before he was ready to, he broke the kiss.
“You should get some rest now,” he said softly, caressing the side of her face with one hand. Her cheeks were still flushed, blood heating her skin.
“But…aren’t we going to…”
“No. Not the night before a battle.”
She gripped his shirt again and pulled him closer. “You know there’s a chance I could lose this fight.”
Every muscle in his body tensed. “Don’t say that.”
“Hawk. You know that possibility is always there. You were an assassin. Don’t tell me you don’t know how to live with death breathing down your neck.”
He pressed his forehead to hers. “It’s your death I can’t live with,” he whispered. “Please, Jess…I’m hanging on by a thread. I’m fighting every urge I have to drag you back to Earth by force. Change the fucking subject.”
“I don’t want to die a virgin.”
He jerked his head back and stared at her. “Jess…”
“Just listen to me,” she said. “I never wanted to marry, or take a lover. I always wanted to be alone. Untouched. Belonging to no one but myself. I thought that would make me stronger, like Artemis. The virgin huntress.”
She swallowed. “But I don’t feel that way anymore. I want to give myself to you. I want you inside my body, because…” a tide of red swept into her cheeks. “Because you’re already in my heart,” she whispered. She looked down, and her next words were spoken so softly he could barely hear her. “Because I love you.”
He froze into stillness. He couldn’t have heard her right. Could he?
When she looked up again, her heart and soul were in her eyes. “I love you, Hawk.”
He started to shake and couldn’t stop. “I love you, too,” he managed, his voice ragged and broken. “Oh God, Jess.”
He kissed her again, and when she pressed her naked body against his he gave into the moment…and to her. For tonight, at least, they would belong to each other.
He started to lift her up, to carry her to the bed, but she pushed against his chest.
“No,” she panted. “Here. I want to do it standing up.”
Her eagerness was an aphrodisiac. “You do?”
She nodded, tracing the line of his mouth with her thumb. “When you were…doing those things to me. I thought that afterwards you’d take me right here, against the wall. Can we do it that way?”
The image her words generated sent all his blood south. He didn’t think he’d ever been this hard in his life.
“Yeah,” he managed. “We can do it that way. But, cariad—no matter how we do it, it’s going to hurt you. Not much, I hope…but it will.”
“Not doing it will hurt more,” she said simply. Her heart was in her eyes again, and he wondered if she knew he’d do anything she asked when she looked at him that way.
He didn’t say another word. He pulled his shirt over his head and shucked his boots and his jeans, and when he stood naked before her she reached out and wrapped her hand around his shaft.
“Christ,” he breathed as she began to stroke him. He endured the sweet torture as long as he could before grabbing her under the arms and lifting her up until she was right where he wanted her.
With her back against the wall she wrapped her legs around his waist, bringing them center to center, her soft heat to his hardness. He used his body to tease her, rubbing his erection against her until she was writhing and pleading.
And then, finally, he lifted her a little higher so he could bring her down onto the tip of his cock.
That first penetration almost brought him to his knees. She’d taken the head, and the tight fire of her body almost broke his restraint.
His eyes locked on hers as he lowered her with torturous slowness, every nerve in his body straining as he let gravity pull her millimeter by millimeter onto his aching erection.
Her lips were parted, her eyes wild. Her strong hands dug into his shoulders, hard enough to leave bruises. He wanted her to bruise him, to mark his body as she had marked his soul.
Deeper, and then deeper. She was incredibly tight, but desire had made her so wet that she made no sounds of pain, only those little moans of pleasure that made him harder than diamond inside her.
“Okay?” he growled, just to be sure.
She nodded. “More,” she panted, and he wanted to give her more. He wanted to give her everything he had, to bury himself so deep inside her that they’d be fused together forever.
With a groan he let her go, and she impaled herself on his cock with a gasp and a cry, her back arching as she flexed her hips, the motion making him so dizzy he had to lock his knees to keep from collapsing onto the floor.
But he stayed upright somehow. Her body cradled his like a burning rose. He wanted to stay still, to give her time to get used to him, but the urge to move was almost unbearable. He wanted her to feel the friction between their bodies as she took him to the hilt again and again.
When he couldn’t stand it anymore he lifted her up and let her come down, and when her body writhed in response he gripped her hips with both hands to guide her movements, making sure he hit her just right every time.
When her muscles began to tighten, he let out a low, savage growl. His fangs burst forth, and his eyes fixed on her throat, bared to him as she threw her head back. He was going to claim her. He couldn’t stop himself.
Except he had to stop himself. The pull of a claim was incredibly intense for the first few days, and he couldn’t do that to Jessica before her duel. A distraction like that could get her killed.
Her head came up again, and her eyes looked into his. And then her orgasm ripped through her, the spasms milking his cock as he came, too, with a force that shook him to the core.
He let his head fall onto her shoulder as he fought to keep from claiming her. He listened to the pounding of her heart, and as the aftershocks faded and her pulse and her breathing began to slow he let the rhythms of her body soothe him until he trusted himself again.
Very gently he lifted her off his body, hooking an arm under her knees so he could cradle her against him.
She put her arms around his neck and smiled a slow, sweet smile that made his dead heart clench in his chest.
“Take me to the window,” she said softly. “I want to look at the moon.”
He carried her over and unhooked the latch, letting in the night air. It was wonderful to hold Jessica’s warm, soft body close while she snuggled against his chest, the cold breeze raising goose bumps on her skin. Together they looked up at the full moon, basking in its bright silver radiance.
“Do you think Artemis will still be my goddess? I’m not a virgin anymore.”
“I think every god in the pantheon would fight for the honor of watching over you.”
He closed the window again and carried her to the bed, laying her down gently.
She reached up to grip his arm. “You’re not leaving yet?”
He shook his head. “Dawn is still a few hours off.”
He stretched out next to her on the bed, his blood singing as she curled into him.
They lay in silence for a long time. Hawk ran his hand over her arm, her hip, her leg. He took his time, wanting to touch every part of her.
After a while Jessica reached out a hand and started touching him, too, trailing her fingers over his bare chest. Exquisite sensation surged through him as he breathed in her scent.
She was the first to break the silence. “Before…when things were getting intense and we were close to…you know. You had this look on your face like you were in pain, or like you were holding something back. Were you afraid of hurting me?”
He stroked her hair away from her face. “I was trying not to claim you.”
She stilled. “You don’t want to claim me?”
He couldn’t stand the sudden hurt in her eyes. He rolled them over so he lay on top of her. “I want that more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life. But I can’t do that to you now. You don’t need to be distracted right before your duel. The claim creates an intense bond, and in the beginning it’s hard to think about anything but your mate. You don’t need something pulling your focus like that.”
Jessica shifted her legs so she was cradling him between her thighs. He groaned, and let himself push against her just a little as he dropped his head down to her shoulder.
“What happens if your mate dies?”
It was his turn to go still. Then he pulled back so he could look into her eyes. “Why are you asking me that?”
She didn’t answer him directly. “It would be easier for you to move on if you don’t claim me, right? I mean…if I die. If you didn’t create that bond you’d be able to—”
He was gripping her shoulders now. Too hard, because she winced in pain.
“If you think anything could make it easier for me if you died…”
He took a deep breath and forced himself to let her go. “Why did you ask me that?” he asked again, his eyes searching hers.
“Because if the only reason you won’t claim me is that you’re afraid it wouldn’t be good for me…” She shook her head. “That’s my decision to make, not yours, and I wouldn’t accept that as a reason. But if there’s another reason, something that affects you, then…” She paused.
“Then what?” he prompted her.
“Then I’d let it go.”
They stared at each other in silence. Then Hawk rolled to his side and pulled Jessica against him, wrapping his arms around her.
“When I retired ten years ago, I found myself with a lot of time on my hands. Do you want to know what I did with that time?”
She nuzzled his bare chest. “Will this eventually tie into what we’re actually talking about?”
He smiled into her hair. “Yes.”
“Then tell me what you did with your time.”
“I studied. Languages, music, fighting techniques and weapons. I read anything and everything. And I traveled. One of the places I traveled to was Japan. Kyoto, to be exact.”
“I’ve been to Kyoto. It’s beautiful.”
Hawk nodded. “It is. I stayed there for a year and a half. I studied archery and sword-making and the art of meditation, among other things. And I read Japanese poetry. Some of it I understood—or I thought I did—and some I knew I wasn’t getting, even if I thought it was beautiful.”
“I sense a poem coming on. Are you going to quote poetry to me? That’s very romantic.”
He kissed the spot just below her ear, making her shiver. “Smartass,” he said softly. “And yes, I’m going to quote poetry. A haiku by Basho.”
He was quiet for a moment. Then,
“Even in Kyoto—
Hearing the cuckoo sing—
I long for Kyoto.”
Jessica looked at him. “I don’t think I get it,” she said finally. “What does it mean?”
“It didn’t mean anything to me when I first heard it. But it felt…important, somehow. Like it would mean something someday. But I forgot all about it until I talked with Evan the other night.”
“You mentioned Evan before. You said he said something to you.”
“Several things, actually. All on the theme of what it means to love a Faery woman. Basically, he was trying to tell me that being with you…if I ever got that lucky…wouldn’t be anything like what I’d been imagining. You weren’t going to turn into a damsel in distress, letting me rescue you and protect you and take care of you. You were still going to be you. A warrior. And he was right—that wasn’t at all what I’d been imagining.”
“What did you imagine?”
“I imagined throwing you over my shoulder and carrying you to my cave. I wanted to own you, to mark you as mine for the world to see. Those are the words of the claiming ritual, you know. You’re mine. Vampire males are so fucking possessive…I never knew how much, until I fell in love.”
He pressed a kiss to her forehead. “The legend about our origin is that the first vampire gave up his soul for immortality. The thing is, when the certainty of death is no longer a certainty, it changes you. You begin to feel that you own the world. That you can possess anything you desire. You want everything to be permanent. You no longer embrace change, or mutability, or growth. You begin to feel you’re the center of the universe.”
“Some humans and Fae feel like that, too. Without the benefit of immortality.”
“Yeah, but it’s a vampire’s nature to feel that way. To feel that we’re entitled to anything we want. We have to make an effort to act against that nature. Like Jack and Evan, deciding to ally themselves with the Green Fae and protect humanity rather than simply pursue their own power and pleasure.”
“But Jack and Evan act on their instincts, too. They were drawn to their mates by instinct.”
“Some instinct is good. Evan said that for vampires, love is a balance between instinct and will. A very delicate balance.”
He bent his head to kiss her. “And now I finally understand what he meant—and what that poem means. Because even when I’m deep inside you, I long for you. I can never truly possess you. All I can do is love you.”
Jessica’s eyes were suddenly bright. “Is that why you don’t want to claim me? Because you think you’d be trying to possess me?”
“I do want to claim you. Because it’s not just an act of possession—it’s an act of love. The deepest promise a vampire can make. I’ve already made that promise to you in my heart, and I want to make it with my body, too. But not if it hurts you. If I claimed you for the wrong reasons, out of fear or greed or selfishness, then it wouldn’t be a bond of love. It would be a badge of ownership.”
“Then do it for the right reasons.”
“Jess…”
“Hawk, I love you. And because life can be short, even for us, I want to feel as connected to you as I can. I want to promise myself to you. You can’t own my heart, but I can give it to you freely. And that’s what I want to do. I want to claim you, and be claimed by you. I want us to belong to each other.”
He was shaken. “Jessica…God. I want that too. But…”
“More buts?” she chided.
“It’s just…I talked a good game, just now, about not possessing you. But I’m a vampire, and the truth is…I’ll probably never stop trying. And I can’t guarantee I’ll always listen to my better angels. There’s a demon inside me, too.”
“I can handle you, Hawk. And we’ll figure it out. Together.”
A slow tingle started behind his breastbone, spreading though his body. “Promise?”
“Promise.”
He rolled them over again, covering her body with his. The scent of her, the beat of her pulse, called to his demon until his fangs burst from his gums.
And still he hesitated. “You know I have to leave soon. You need rest before the battle, and I need to tell the others what’s happening. Liz and I have to find a way to be at the duel tomorrow—with some of the other Green Fae if Jack managed to convince any of them to join our side.”
Jessica shook her head. “They won’t go against my mother.”
“If not, then it’ll be just Liz and me—and maybe Jack and Evan, too. We’ll stay hidden unless we’re needed. If all goes well, you won’t see us. We’ll wait until Navril sends Mary home and then we’ll find a way to get to you. If anything goes wrong—”
He couldn’t go on. Jessica reached up both hands and framed his face. “We don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow, but we’ll deal with it when it comes. Right now, we have this moment…and each other.”
He turned his head into her palm and kissed it. Then he traced his fingers over her throat, causing her to sigh as she arched her head back.
Every cell in his body yearned for her. “You’re mine,” he whispered.
A tremor passed through her body. “You’re mine.”
When she spoke the words of the ritual he couldn’t hold back anymore. He pinned her arms to the bed and sank his teeth into her throat, and then he drank.
He grew hard instantly, and she wrapped her legs around him. She was so wet he slid inside with one push, and it only took a few strokes before she came, her body pulsing around his as he drank in her essence. And then he exploded inside her as he pressed his mouth to her throat, licking the marks he’d made until they closed.
When their bodies had stilled he rose up on his forearms. “We belong to each other now,” he told her.
She looked like an angel as she gazed up at him.
“Now and forever.”