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The Dragon used to be a proper old spit-and-sawdust pub but now it was an upscale hipsterish sort of place, all zinc and reclaimed wood and Dublin sinks. It offered a massive range of craft and hand-pulled beers, a decent cocktail list and an overpriced pub food menu. And even now, before seven o’clock, it was mobbed.
The Dragon disdained the usual glitzy crimbo decorations. Instead, it had reindeer garlands made out of what looked sheet music swagging the walls and pine cones painted duck-egg blue hanging from the ceiling. The Killers’ “Christmas in L.A.” played as I walked in.
I cast my gaze around the main bar area. I didn’t recognise anyone standing around, so I headed off into the back in search of Ben and Freddy, wandering through the warren of nooks and alcoves.
I was just heading round a corner when I heard a loud, drunken voice exclaim, “Oh fuck, no! Not him! Please tell me you did not invite Quin fucking Flint tonight!”
When a wave of laughter greeted the mention of my name, my stomach twisted. I still moved closer though, carefully edging forward to peek into the alcove the voice had come from.
There were a dozen or so people grouped round a big table, but thanks to the high backs of the benches they were sitting on—reclaimed church pews?—no one seemed to notice me. I drew back, plastering myself against the wall next to the opening so that no one would catch a glimpse of me.
I should have walked away, of course, but I didn’t.
“Fuck off, Charlie, Quin’s all right!” a female voice insisted. Freddy. I swallowed.
“Oh, don’t panic,” another voice said. “He’s not actually going to come tonight. He never does.”
“Actually, Ben and I ran into him earlier and he said he was planning on coming.”
That unfamiliar voice had to be Leon. God, I hated him.
Ben laughed. “Nah, babe. Quin always says that, but he won’t actually come.” He paused, then added more loudly, as though he was speaking to someone further away. “Anyway, what’s Quin ever done to you, Charlie?”
Charlie snorted. “He’s a sarky bastard, and he doesn’t listen to a word you say when you’re talking to him. Always looks bored. Oh—and have you noticed he always asks everyone what they do? He’s totally obsessed with what people do for a living. When I told him I was a shop assistant he was all—” There was a pause as this Charlie, who I couldn’t fucking remember from Adam, presumably mimed something. Everyone laughed again.
“Oh, that’s not fair!” Ben said, but he was laughing too. “At least, he doesn’t mean to come across like that.”
“Ah, so you admit he does come across like that!”
Freddy piped up, “Quin’s just a bit—intense.”
“An intense dick,” Charlie said with feeling, and there was more laughter.
As the conversation went on, I felt worse and worse, my gut twisting up in knots. Ben and Freddy were sticking up for me but they were also acting like they understood why this guy I couldn’t even remember hated me so much. Was I that bad?
And just then, over the laughter, Ben said, in a more serious voice, “Come on, he’s not a dick. He’s okay.”
My heart lifted a little at Ben’s serious tone.
“You still carrying a torch, Benny?”
That snide voice again. I really didn’t like this Charlie dude.
“Of course not,” Ben replied, sounding embarrassed. He laughed awkwardly then added, “Jesus, have you met Leon?”
There was more laughter at that, then some whooping—Ben and Leon were kissing, I guessed.
“You’re better off without him, Ben,” Charlie said, when the noise had died down again. “You too, Freddy. How many times has Quin said he’ll come out and then never shown up? What kind of a friend lets you down over and over like that?”
I felt like I couldn’t breathe as I waited for Freddy’s answer.
“He doesn’t mean to let me down,” Freddy said at last. “And it’s not as if I’m waiting on my own for him”—she paused, then added—“I mean, I would never make plans just for the two of us—not these days.”
My stomach sank.
Freddy might not have entirely lost faith in me yet—but she was beginning to. I felt the horrible momentous truth of that like a shower of ice water.
My best friend...
Suddenly, I didn’t know what to do with myself. The only thing I did know was that I couldn’t face any of the people sitting round that table. More than anything in the world, I needed to leave.
Levering myself away from the wall, I hurried off, leaving Ben and Freddy and the rest of them behind as I blundered my way through the rabbit warren of rooms back to the main bar area.
What kind of a friend lets you down over and over like that?
Haven’t you noticed that no one comes to ask you for anything if they can possibly help it?
I shoved through the crowd, head down. I felt wrecked. It was crazy how torn apart I was. So what if some fucking retail worker thought I was dick? He was a dick, by the sound of him. So what if Ben wouldn’t have me back if I was covered in diamonds? So what if my best friend was spending her night out with a group of people who plainly regarded me with the same degree of enthusiasm most people reserved for dog excrement? I didn’t care. I didn’t. They could all fuck off, they could all fuck right off.
“Quin?”
The voice was very familiar, the hand that caught my upper arm as I went to barrel past, strong and firm. I turned my head.
Rob.
The last time I’d seen him he’d been furious with me. Now, he was looking at me with an expression of vague concern on his stupidly handsome face, brows furrowed and dark eyes soft.
“Are you okay, Quin?”
For a long moment, I just stared at him.
“I—”
I stopped. Swallowed. His frown deepened and he stepped a little closer. He loosened his grip on my arm but left his hand there.
“What’s wrong?” he said softly. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
I cleared my throat. “I was just leaving,” I said, and my voice cracked a little. “I have to get out of here.”
“You should sit down,” Rob said. “You look like you’re about to keel over.”
It occurred to me that he probably wasn’t alone and I glanced past him. Sure enough there were three other guys standing behind him, all holding beers. They were watching us curiously. One caught my eye, then quickly looked away.
I returned my gaze to Rob. “I’m okay.” I took a deep breath, then added, “I, um—I should really go.”
Did he look disappointed? If he did, it was just for a second.
“Okay,” he said, dropping his hand from my arm. “I suppose I’ll see you later.”
My feet wouldn’t move though. It felt wrong to go without saying something more. I tried to smile, though it felt like a pretty pathetic effort in all honesty.
“Listen, I’m, uh, sorry about earlier,” I mumbled. I cleared my throat, and added, “All of it, I mean. Not just today.”
Rob nodded, his expression grave. “Okay. Thanks.”
“Okay,” I echoed. “So I’ll just, um—” I gestured with my thumb over my shoulder, feeling like a giant idiot. Feeling colour flooding my cheeks.
Fuck.
I turned away, then stopped again and looked back.
“So, um, have a great Christmas,” I added.
He smiled wanly. “You too.”
He sounded sad somehow, and as I walked away, I couldn’t help thinking that his words were some kind of goodbye.
The doorman swung the front door open for me as I approached, and I nodded my thanks on my way out.
I paused for a second on the step. It was bloody freezing tonight. I hadn’t noticed earlier, when I’d been all fired up about getting here, but now, as I watched my breath unfurl from my mouth in a long white plume, I felt the deep chill of winter in my bones. Zipping up my thin bomber jacket, I huddled my shoulders against the biting cold and began to trudge down the street.
I’d only been walking for a couple of minutes, when I heard my name being called.
“Quin! Quin!”
Was that—Rob?
I turned, and yes—it was him. Jogging down the street towards me. God, he looked good. So vital. All that boundless energy—it just radiated out of him. I thought how nice it would be to spend time with him. To just plug in and soak all that warmth and vitality up.
When he reached me, he wasn’t even out of breath.
“Um—hi?” I said. I immediately wanted to slap my own forehead at the inanity of that but somehow managed to resist, burrowing my hands deeper into my pockets.
“Hi,” he said. We gazed at each other and I realised that something was happening here, even if I couldn’t immediately see what it was.
At last, Rob said. “You looked like you could use some company, but if I’m totally wrong, just tell me to fuck off.”
I gave a weak laugh. “You’re not wrong,” I admitted. “It’s been kind of a weird day.”
He gave me a half-smile. “Do you want to go somewhere else? Get a drink?”
The thought of another pub really wasn’t appealing and it must’ve showed on my face because Rob didn’t wait for me to reply. “Or maybe a cup of tea?” he suggested, quirking a brow. “You could come back to my place. I’ve got the car—I wasn’t planning on drinking tonight anyway.”
His place.
Was he...?
Again, my face must’ve given me away—clearly I shouldn’t be planning to enter a poker championship any time soon—because Rob chuckled and added. “Just to talk. I’m not planning a seduction. Even if I was, you’d be out of luck—my mum and brother are living with me just now.”
I flushed. Was that his way of letting me know he wasn’t interested in anything beyond friendship? This was, after all, exactly the sort of thing I’d expect Rob to do out of kindness—giving up his night out to listen to someone else’s problems. And why did that thought make me weirdly depressed?
“Tea sounds good actually,” I admitted.
“Come on then,” he said. “My car’s just down the road.”
Although Rob’s car was parked only a few minutes’ walk away, by the time we reached it I was freezing.
“I’ll get the heating going,” he said as he popped the locks and we both slid inside. Moments later, hot air was blasting over my feet and then Rob was reversing out of his space and smoothly joining the traffic. He flicked on the radio and someone started singing about Mommy kissing Santa Claus.
“So,” I said. “You said your mum and brother are living with you right now?”
Rob nodded. “My mum left my stepdad a few months ago. He’s a bit of a dick—refused to get out of the house and she couldn’t stand living there, so I said she could come to me till she and Tim get sorted out. Thank God, Ken’s finally agreed to sell the house and they’ve got a buyer lined up. Once the sale goes through, Mum’ll be able to look at buying a new place.” He paused, flicking on the indicator and executing a right turn. When we were moving again, he glanced at me and added, “It’s not been easy for Tim. He’s a great kid, but this whole thing’s taken him out of his routine. And now he needs me or Mum to drive him to work and to his support group, both of which used to be just round the corner. All that’s been hard for him.”
“He works?” I said, wincing when I heard the surprise in my own voice. Rob didn’t seem offended though. He glanced at me and smiled.
“Yeah. In the supermarket round the corner from their old place. He loves it.”
“I’m sorry,” I said “This is the sort of stuff I should know already. We’ve been working together for months.”
“Yup,” Rob agreed, then he shrugged. “But I said my piece on that earlier. It’s water under the bridge now.”
I turned my head to look at him. If he noticed, he gave no sign—he was looking out the front windscreen, seemingly absorbed in his driving.
Water under the bridge.
That was typical of him, that sentiment. Generous.
And the thing was, I knew he was telling the truth when he said he held no grudge about my shitty behaviour, because that was how Rob was. Open and warm and generous, so that just being near him right now made me feel better about everything.
He glanced at me, as though he’d finally detected my attention on him, and his mouth quirked in a smile, his eyes glinting in the darkness.
Fuck if he wasn’t easy on the eye too.