| |
Dating one of her husband’s oldest friends wasn’t a good idea.
It certainly hadn’t been pre-planned. She’d put Lance out of her mind after he left her apartment. Then she ran into him. Seeing the crestfallen look on his face and the bottle of beers in his basket pushed her over the edge. She felt sad for him. Yeah, that was the truth. Her offer for dinner was genuine. She wanted to make him feel good. But perhaps she should’ve backed off when he told her his wife wouldn’t be able to make it.
Then she saw the swirling clouds of anger and hurt in his eyes. She just couldn’t ignore him, not after all he’d done for her when she was suffering after Seth’s death. The man practically held her upright all by himself when she’d been down and under.
How could she desert him now?
It wasn’t far from her mind that Lance recently returned from war; he could be suffering from the stress of it, just like Seth did. Maybe he needed some help. Even though she might not be able to give him exactly what he needed under those circumstances, she could definitely guide him in the right direction.
Maybe it was her lot in life to support men who saw too much death and chaos.
Jenna observed her reflection in the mirror. The forget-me-not blue dress had certainly seen better days. It was a long time since she bought something as a pure indulgence for herself. Yet, she was happy enough to wear it. It hugged her curves in all the right places, made her look svelte and willowy...it brought back the confidence she thought she lost ages ago. When was the last time she went on a date, since Seth passed away? She couldn’t remember even going on one.
Right on cue, Jayden strode in. His eyebrows rose at the sight of her.
She could see the pout build on his lips. “Hey, baby!” she greeted before he could chime in.
“You’re going out?”
“With a friend.” Lie. Since when did I start lying to my son? No, this wasn’t a date, so technically, it wasn’t a lie. Perhaps she teetered on the edge a little, but she didn’t want him to get agitated. Feeling terrible, she pulled her gaze towards the mirror once more. “I’ve called Mrs. Molder to come and take care of you.”
He rolled his eyes and sat on the bed. “I’m not a baby, mom! You could leave me alone and it will be fine.”
She would never be at peace if she left him alone in the house. Not that she didn’t trust him. Jayden was a good kid. Despite the occasional trouble, he toed the line when it mattered and didn’t disappoint her. “You know your old mom would worry. You don’t have to sit with Mrs. Molder. She likes to watch TV and you can stay in your room.”
He sighed. “Fine. I’ll finish my homework and read a book.”
“Go to bed on time,” she couldn’t help reminding him. Feeling ready and slightly guilty, she bent to kiss him on the cheek. “My handsome dude!”
“Mom!” He pulled away, but then his arms snuck around her waist and he gave her a tight hug.
Once Mrs. Molder, their elderly next door neighbor, came in to watch her son, Jayden drove off. Why didn’t she tell Jayden she was going out with Lance? He was a friend and this certainly wasn’t a date. But Jayden acted over-possessive and didn’t like her meeting other men. But then he was still a child. Once he grew up, he would be more understanding and she would be able to do whatever she wanted. It’s not as if she’d been interested in dating. She didn’t have the time or the energy to devote to a guy who probably wouldn’t be able to handle the pressure of going out with a single, working mother.
Rather than worry about her white lie, she turned her thoughts to Jayden’s gift. Soon, she would be able to walk into that store and buy it for him. It would be a wonderful surprise to be able to give it to him for Christmas. The thought of the upcoming holiday gave her the jitters. Each year, she tried to make Christmas special and cheerful, but her efforts more or less...fell flat—because it was the anniversary of Seth’s death.
Somehow, they’d been unable to separate Christmas from it. Darn him for ruining this special day for her son. As soon as the thought crept into her head, she felt guilty. So selfish of her to think that way. If she’d been more careful, more supportive, Seth might still be alive. She needed to let go of this guilt somehow. Deep down, she knew it wasn’t her fault.
Anxiety and excitement twisted in her belly. Even though it wasn’t a date, she still wasn’t sure if it was such a brilliant idea to see Lance in a social setting. How could she ignore the fact she felt attracted to him? A good looking man and a kind, nice one too. Men like him were hard to come by. It would be silly for her to not acknowledge they both had a thing for each other. She never felt like this when Seth was alive, not even when he died, but since Lance’s last visit, she felt tingles in her stomach every time she talked to him or even thought about him.
If she allowed these feelings to simmer, there could be something real and substantial. But he was Seth’s old friend and recently discharged from the army with plenty of baggage on his shoulders. He was married and....she had a son who would hate it if anything ever happened between them. All good reasons to keep their friendship purely platonic. She intended to do her best to keep it that way. In fact, once she saw him today, she would try to avoid him. His wife was around to take care of him. Whatever trouble they were having right now, would soon be sorted out and he would be happy with Lisa. Jenna certainly wasn’t a home-wrecker.
When she reached the restaurant, Lance was waiting for her. He cleaned up real good. Since she wasn’t dead, Jenna admired the way the light played on his hair and the way his eyes lit up when he saw her. Once more, she was struck by the vibrancy of his gaze. He looked slightly more at ease than when she last saw him at the supermarket.
He kissed her on the cheek. “I got us a corner table. You look amazing, by the way.”
Feeling a little self-conscious, she transferred her clutch from one hand to the other. “Thank you.”
They made their way to the table. He pulled out a chair and she sat.
“You look good and a little more relaxed.”
He nodded. “Yeah. It’s going to be hard to adjust to this new routine. I’m used to being told what time to get up, what time to report for duty and what to do all day long.”
She laughed. “Yeah, I can understand that. The sooner you get a job, the quicker it will be to settle into a new rhythm. It won’t be easy, but if there’s anyone up for the challenge, I’m sure it’s you. Do you have a plan for what you want to do?”
The waiter came to hand over the menus. They both ordered. Once the waiter left, Lance leaned back against the chair. “I have some ideas. In fact, I’ve got some offers on the table. There are a number of security companies who could use trained men and I’ve got two lucrative offers. I’m also in talks with another person. Let’s see what happens.”
She was impressed. He’d only been in town for a day, but his plan seemed ready. Seth was lost for months when he arrived. But Lance wasn’t the same as Seth. He was always more organized and controlled. He probably developed a strategy and began talking to people even before he submitted his resignation. “That’s great! I remember you were never without a plan.”
“Yeah.” His smile was quick and easy. “I like being organized. But Seth—he...” He paused. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up. This is a difficult time for you anyway, because of Christmas being right around the corner.”
“There’s no need to apologize.” Jenna sighed. “It’s been five years. And that’s a lifetime when you’re raising a young child. I do miss him every day. But he isn’t here—and even when he was...things weren’t easy. You know that. I don’t have to hide anything from you. Seth never adjusted to a normal, civilian life. He couldn’t...but I hope you can.”
“Yeah.” He glanced down and then swung his blue-eyed gaze to lock with hers. “I miss him, too. He was my best friend. And I want to be there for you guys.”
“You’ve already done more than enough for us, Lance. If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have made it in those initial weeks and months. It was a relief you were around and not posted abroad.”
“I took two months’ leave,” he admitted.
All of a sudden, her skin began to tingle. She’d assumed at the time, he’d been posted locally. He made it a point to stick around, but she didn’t know he actually took a leave to be with her and Jayden. “That was sweet—I don’t think I ever said thank you.” What he did was so incredibly unselfish and caring that she didn’t have the words to describe the gratitude that filled her heart. Without him, she might not have made it. Once more, jolts of awareness of this man careened through her veins. Such a special guy and any woman would be lucky to have him. She knew it might be indecent of her to think about a married man like this.
“There isn’t any need.” He broke into her thoughts. “I needed you guys just as much you needed me. His—death devastated me. And the guilt...” He shook his head. “It was tough. I wish I’d been around more when he was here. If I understood his pain, maybe I could have helped him in those crucial days.”
“Don’t blame yourself,” she said even though the same guilt was a constant part of her life. “You did so much.”
His expression clearly showed he didn’t agree with her last statement. But he used to spend time with Seth whenever he got the chance. “How is Jayden doing? Is he handling his dad’s absence well?”
The waiter brought their appetizers and their conversation paused for a moment.
Jenna spooned up some soup. “As well as a kid can, I suppose. It was hard initially. Even though Seth wasn’t around much when Jayden was growing up, he did feel bereft of whatever little time he used to get with his father. He saw a school psychologist for a few years. I wanted to get him into therapy—but money was tight. Still is.” She laughed even though there wasn’t anything remotely funny about being cash-strapped every darn day. Only another person who was in the same situation could understand the constant need to balance and weigh options. “And he goes for counseling sometimes, but overall, he’s doing much better.”
“I’m glad to hear it.” He didn’t make a comment on her troubles with money. “You always were a great mother. And he seems to be well-adjusted.”
Delight coursed through her veins. In her world, where she constantly doubted her actions and thoughts, it was nice to be admired in such a matter-of-fact way. Darn, enough about her! She asked him out, so she could give him some support. It was obvious he needed it. But Jenna didn’t know how to turn the conversation around. She didn’t want to pry into his personal affairs.
The waiter chose that moment to bring their main course, and they both dug right in.
“Things have changed in the year that I was away. I spotted two new grocery stores and a couple of other restaurants,” he observed.
The opening was perfect. “Yeah, this neighborhood has seen a huge developmental uplift. In fact, I saw Lisa about six months ago at the opening of a new restaurant. Is she doing well?”
“Yeah, she is.” His eyes glazed over a bit. He definitely acted cagey about his home situation.
Short of asking prying and direct questions, it might be impossible to get any information out of him. And of course, she didn’t want to be too blunt. He deserved his privacy. It struck her suddenly; it could be he was having a hard time adjusting to civilian life. Most soldiers found the new pace strange and discomforting. “You know, Lance—I don’t know if I should say it, but given what I went through with Seth, I feel I need to say it. It might be a good idea for you to see a—counselor. The change to civilian life can be intense.”
His expression looked incredulous. “I’m not having any trouble with the adjustment process. It wasn’t a sudden decision. I thought about it hard enough.”
Although, she wasn’t a hundred percent convinced, she felt a little relieved. He sounded very confident and she hoped he remained like that in the weeks and months ahead.
“So, what about your new plans for the business?” he asked.
Jenna couldn’t help but cringe. She shouldn’t even talk to Lance about her problems. Obviously, he already seemed to be dealing with a lot of pressure from home. Despite this, words poured out of her mouth and she told him the tale of her rejected plans. “It’s not going to happen. I just have to accept it. Unless I have assets...which I don’t.” She shrugged. “I’m still lucky I can work and support myself and my son. That should be enough. Perhaps later when Jayden is away at college, I could—we will see.” Besides, she was doing fine. Her son was well-fed, went to a good school and didn’t lack for any basic amenities. For now, it was enough. She met Lance’s gaze.
A wealth of understanding reflected there in his deep, cobalt blue eyes.
It brought a lump to her throat, but Jenna swallowed it. Lance wasn’t the one for her and he never could be. Even though she wanted to support him in these trying times, she also felt determined to maintain a friendly distance. It wouldn’t pay to get emotionally involved in his issues. It wouldn’t help him and it wasn’t good for her. It seemed quite possible the trouble he faced didn’t have anything to do with Lisa. It could be a result of the fact that he left the army and turned his whole life around. He could have issues with the decision to leave his job.
They chatted a bit about old friends. Jenna checked her watch. It was time to go home. She didn’t want to leave Jayden with the babysitter for too long.
When the waiter brought over the check, Lance took it.
“Hey! I was the one who invited you.”
Ignoring her, he paid the bill. “Don’t be silly, Jenna. I’m just glad we got this time to catch up.”
She couldn’t help the smile that sprang to her lips. He really was the sweetest man alive. “Yeah, sure.” It was too bad she couldn’t get him to talk about his problems. Perhaps he didn’t have any and she just assumed far too much in his reticence. “Thank you.”
“The pleasure was all mine.”
As they walked out, he gripped her elbow. Need. Heat. Passion. Something roiled in her belly. She wanted this man but he was totally off-limits. Jenna tried to keep her expression neutral as she turned to face him at the exit. “Take care, Lance.”
His eyes glittered with emotions.
Is that longing in his eyes?
His eyes shuttered and she couldn’t read him anymore.
“You too, Jenna.” His head bent and he kissed her lightly on her lips.
Her heart pounded against her chest. She didn’t immediately pull away. The male scent of him, spicy and strong hit her nostrils. She sucked in a deep breath of air as his lips brushed over hers, soft and warm. It’d been so long since she felt these particular emotions. She didn’t quite know how to react. She wanted him to stop and yet, she didn’t.
He drew away.
A friendly kiss? Her feelings were certainly not platonic. The mere brush of his lips against hers sent sparks of raw need careening through her senses. She wanted him, in the worst way. Jenna became confounded by her own emotions. Words stuck in her throat. She wanted to say something chirpy or pleasant and make it seem as if it was a friendly gesture, but nothing made sense. Rather than say anything at all, she marched over to her car, started it and drove home.
She couldn’t read too much into their relationship. He wasn’t the one for her.
Not now!
Not ever!