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Jenna strolled into the living room where her son stood, vibrating with pent up fury. She swallowed and felt the sudden onset of pain at the back of her throat. She should’ve been more careful. In fact, she should have avoided this situation. Why did she listen to Lance? It had been foolish of her to assume that she would be able to control her emotions. Now she was stuck with a hurt child and she didn’t know how to reassure him. “Lis—Listen, baby.” She cleared her throat to prevent her voice from cracking up. “I—”
“Go away.”
“Please, listen to me, honey. I love you.”
He took a few steps back until he was pressed against the Christmas tree. “No, you don’t. It’s all about Lance, right now. He’s the one who matters.” He breathed heavily. “You don’t care about me anymore.”
“You’re my little man. There’s no one I love more than you.”
He flayed his arms, causing a few ornaments that hung on the tree to crash to the floor. One of them, a pretty, pink fairy, dropped on the floor and smashed. A few silver balls spun on the floor. But Jayden didn’t seem to notice. “I don’t believe you.”
She’d never seen him this angry before. Rage and pain burned in his eyes in equal measure. They shared a great, loving relationship and Jayden never reacted like this ever before. It became obvious this thing with Lance was affecting him even worse than she first thought. He trusted her and she broke his faith.
How was she supposed to convince her son that the kiss with Lance was nothing? And even if she told him that it didn’t mean anything, she would be lying. She’d never done that to him. “I know that you’re hurting right now, but please believe me when I tell you that no one would ever take your place in my heart. You’re my one and only.”
“And what about dad?” His eyes, swimming with tears, accused her. “What about him? You don’t love him anymore?” With those accusing questions, he ran upstairs.
Jenna ran a hand through her hair as she figured out what to say. She just needed a few moments to compose her thoughts before she saw him again. It was important to say the right things. But honestly, she didn’t have the answers. What the heck was she supposed to say to his accusations?
Did she still love Seth?
There would always be a part of her that would love him. The memory of him would live on. But he was just that...a memory. She needed someone solid and real and judging by the way she reacted to Lance, maybe now was the right time. But how could she explain this to a young child who worshiped his father?
Anything she said at this point would sound untrue. While she stood rooted to the spot, unsure and hesitant as to how best to approach him, the doorbell rang. It must be Lance. Damn it! Why couldn’t he understand that she was going through a crisis right now? Couldn’t he leave her alone? She shouldn’t have gotten involved with him in the first place. It was all her fault.
When she opened the door, he marched in before she could say anything. “I want to talk to Jayden.”
“Absolutely not.” The words tore out of her mouth before she had a chance to think about his request. “He’s vulnerable right now. Even I’m having trouble talking to him. I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
“Since you’re having trouble talking to him, I believe I’m the right person to do so,” he insisted. “With you he has a history and deep emotional feelings. I’m neutral.”
She let out a snort. “You’re not neutral. He’s pissed at you. You’re the guy who’s making a move on his mother. In fact, you’re the last person he might want to talk to.”
“I don’t think so.”
This was insane. Why was she even considering his statements? She shouldn’t have indulged herself with him when she knew fairly well how her son would react. It had been selfish of her. She should’ve considered his feelings, thought about his emotions and taken into account how Christmas was a delicate time for both of them... It was never a good time for her to be in a serious relationship.
Of course, she didn’t think of Lance as someone with whom she was passing time. From the first day he expressed his interest, she knew it would turn out to be something serious. And perhaps Jayden sensed it too. That’s probably why he reacted with such rage. He didn’t want to share his mother with anyone.
Maybe she should bid Lance goodbye. “Lance—” she began.
He placed a finger on her lips. “I know what you’re going to say and I don’t want to hear it. Not right now. We both know we’re meant to be together. Jayden would have realized it soon enough. But you need to allow me to establish an independent relationship with him.”
Meant to be together? Did he really think that way? Damn it, what the heck was she supposed to do regarding this declaration? “Look, Lance, I don’t want to hurt my son.”
“And you have to trust me enough to know that I wouldn’t ever intentionally hurt him.”
“But talking to him right now is not the best move.”
“And you know this without giving me a chance to do so?”
He had a point. Jenna chewed on her bottom lip as she considered. Jayden was in a terrible mood. He felt hurt and confused and she didn’t want to make the whole situation worse. How would Lance talk to him? They had nothing in common, except perhaps her. What if he said the wrong thing? Did he even know what Jayden wanted to hear?
She intended to say no when the decision was taken out of her hands.
Jayden strode down the stairs. “What do you want to talk about?” Obviously, he was eavesdropping on their conversation.
Under normal circumstances, she would have chided him for it, but right now, she just felt glad he seemed to be willing to talk. As soon as Lance disappeared, she would sit down and have a long conversation with him. “Lance was just about to leave,” she stated.
Lance crossed his arms over his chest. “No, I wasn’t.”
Did he have to choose this moment to throw his weight round? She turned towards him. “You—”
“I want to hear what he has to say,” Jayden preempted her.
She knew her mouth gaped wide as she glanced from her son to Lance. Finally, she rubbed her forehead to ease the headache making its presence felt and gestured for Lance to take the stage.
Lance walked over to the boy who still stood on the last stair.
Jayden’s chin lifted. His expression defiant, belligerent.
“I like your mother very much. She’s a talented, smart, independent and beautiful woman. I admire and respect her. And we’ve been friends for a long time...but now, I want to be more than friends.” Lance fixed an unblinking stare at the boy.
Jayden’s gaze traveled from him to her as if he questioned if she wanted the same.
Jenna resisted the urge to flee. This felt like one of the most awkward, difficult moments of her life.
“I don’t plan to take your father’s place. He was your dad and he would remain so. But maybe, I’m hoping that someday, you and I can be friends. And we can share our memories of him because I loved him a lot too.”
Jayden’s lips trembled.
She could see the sheen of tears in his dark eyes.
“If you loved him, you would have stayed away from my mom.”
Lance didn’t appear rattled. “It’s precisely because I love him that I can’t stay away. Back in the army...” He hesitated. “...Your dad saved my life once.”
“How?”
Jenna thought he wouldn’t want to give the details, but he continued, “We were in enemy territory in Afghanistan. There were twelve of us and we were trapped between two groups of rebels. I crawled out of the hiding place to scout the area but one of the men spotted me. He fired at me and I was hit on my arm, right here.” He ran a hand over his arm. “Your dad risked his life to come out of the safe hole. He dragged me back. It was a miracle that he wasn’t hit because we were bombarded by bullets. I was in the hospital for seven weeks and just before they took me there, I grabbed his collar and told him that if he ever needed something, he only had to ask. Do you know what he said?”
Jayden’s eyes were huge and his attention was riveted on Lance. “What?”
“He said that all he wanted was for me to look out for his family if anything happened to him. That’s the kind of man your dad was, Jayden. All he wanted was to take care of you guys, but he didn’t get enough time.”
“He committed suicide.”
Lance’s eyes flashed to hers for a second. “He did. But that’s because he was very sad. After seeing a lot of terrible things in those battle-ridden countries, he couldn’t recover even though he wanted to.”
Jayden scuffed his foot on the ledge of the stairs. “What if you decide to die? You were also in the war.”
Lance patted the boy’s cheeks. “I love my life too much to give it up too soon. And then, I have to fulfill that promise I made to your father, don’t I?”
Jayden cocked his head. It was obvious that he wasn’t ready to give up as yet. “What if I don’t want you in our lives?”
Lance didn’t pause to think. “Then I’m sure your mother would be too happy to kick me out of your life. She loves you the most. And there’s no one more important than you.”
“And you would be okay if she told you to leave?”
Lance shrugged. “I would most definitely not be okay. She is—very important to me and so are you. But yes, I would respect her wishes and do what she wanted me to. When we love someone, we allow them to make choices that are good for them. And if she doesn’t want me in her life, then I don’t have any right to force her to accept me.”
She could see that Jayden was swirling his words around and around in his head.
“So if I love her, I should allow her to make this choice?”
“That would be up to you. But of course, she would consider whatever you wanted very carefully.”
Jayden pouted.
Jenna could see the wheels on his mind working furiously as he considered Lance’s words.
“My father was a great dad.”
“He was. And I was with him when you were born. He was very excited to hold you in his arms and kiss you. When we were stationed abroad, he used to keep your picture tagged to the wall in his room. He was very proud of you.”
Jayden nodded, even though she could see him struggle with tears. “It’s nice that you knew him so well. Maybe one day, you could tell me more stories about him?”
“Oh yes, I have lots to tell.” Lance rested his hand on Jayden’s shoulder and squeezed. “And I would be happy to share them with you.”
“That’s fine then.” Jayden nodded. “Good night.”
“Good night.”
Jenna wouldn’t be surprised if she looked wide-eyed like an owl at the moment. But the scene before her—Jayden shaking hands with Lance as if they just closed a deal—surprised her. Like she was observing a fairytale.
How easy it seemed for Lance to turn Jayden around. Of course, it was because his words rang true.
Jayden sensed it and he reacted to it with the innocence and generosity that only a child could manage. He sauntered over to hug her. “Good night, mom.”
“Good night, darling. I’ll come up in a while to tuck you in.” She dropped a kiss on his head. Her sweet, beautiful boy! Tears pricked at the back of her eyes. But she pushed them back. “I love you.”
“I love you too, mom.” He gave her a tentative smile. “Sorry, I broke the fairy. It was one of dad’s favorites. I know because you must have told me a million times.”
“It’s all right, darling. We have a lot of other stuff.”
He jogged back upstairs.
Jenna sat down slowly on the couch. The emotional upheavals drained her. But at the same time, she could feel the euphoria build in her heart. It was the first time Jayden ever interacted with another man in such a heartfelt manner. The way Lance talked to him, it became easy to tell he was honest and genuine about his affection for her son.
What more could a woman ask for?
He was a man after her own heart. If she hadn’t fallen half in love with him before, she did so now. Love? Such a big word. But for the first time since Lance re-entered her life, she actually felt like they might have a chance together. It wasn’t just because of Jayden’s tentative acceptance of him, but because she could feel stirrings in her heart that didn’t have anything to do with lust or desire, but with a warm, fuzzy feeling she thought she would never experience again. “That was...” She didn’t have the words to express what she witnessed. “...I don’t know how you did it, but that was the first time I saw him hug another man ever since Seth died.”
“I actually, genuinely like him, Jenna. I guess he sensed it, accepted it. It’s going to take time to build a relationship.” Lance walked towards her. “But it’s a great start.”
“Yeah, it is.” She cleared her throat and stood. “Thank you. I’m glad you insisted on talking to him.”
He grinned, looking a bit cocky and confident. “I do have my fine moments.”
“Yes, you sure do.”
His simmering blue gaze was so penetratingly alive, so vibrant, that her breath hitched in her throat.
“I believe it will take us some time to build trust in each other. It’s a rocky but potentially fruitful start.” He held her hands in his. “Jenna, I like you a lot. Actually, I think maybe, I might be in love with you.”
All the breath whooshed out of her lungs. Did he just say the big L word? She’d never thought she would hear someone say it to her again, because she didn’t give men a chance to get close to her. Life had been all about her son and work, but somehow Lance managed to wriggle his way into her heart and mind. Without her being fully aware that he was doing so. Yes, damn it; her feelings for him ran deep. “I’m—I’m afraid I feel pretty much the same way.”
“Afraid?” He caught on to the odd word in her sentence.
She could see the gleam of happiness that broke through his guarded expression when she announced her feelings.
“What are you afraid of?”
“Many things,” she admitted. “You’re still married.”
“In name only,” he assured her.
She could see that he was sincere.
“And I’m working on it. Lisa needs my help right now...and I just can’t walk away. But I’ll do it soon.”
“And I haven’t got much time to devote to us,” she added. It would be better to lay it all out rather than have a mess on her hands later. “My work is very demanding and Jayden is there...”
“And I expect nothing more than what you can freely and easily give me.” Taking her hand in his, he pressed it on his heart. “Love isn’t clingy or needy or obsessive. It’s warm, caring and giving. I don’t want you to exert yourself trying to fit into a mold that you think I want you to be in. You’re pretty damned perfect the way you are.”
She laughed. “You sure know the right things to say to a woman.”
He brushed his lips over hers in a soft, sweet gesture. “I only know the right things to say to you, because you’re all that matters.”
Jenna wanted to spear her fingers in his hair and crush her lips against his. She wanted to feel her hands over his hard, muscled body to take him to bed and make wild, passionate love. But for now, this would have to be enough. So, she contented herself with kissing him again. Her tongue dove inside to taste his mouth. He tasted sweet and potent, strong and masculine. Just the scent of him was enough to turn her insides into jelly. She let go of him, though. This wasn’t the time or place.
He appeared to have the same thoughts because he tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear and ran his fingers over her cheek in a loving gesture. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Surprised, she stared at him. “What are we doing tomorrow?”
“Nothing much. I just thought I would drop by to say hello.”
Right. That’s what people did when they were in love. They sought out opportunities to spend time with each other. Wow! Things are moving fast. Am I ready? “Sure.” She smiled.
This all felt strange and new. When Seth romanced her, she’d been young. Plus, they did it so casually she didn’t even realize they were in a long-term relationship until a few years passed by. Ever since his death, she didn’t date anyone for more than a few weeks. It never worked out. She was always too busy and the men too demanding. Or things just fell apart because the chemistry wasn’t there. With Lance, it all seemed too perfect. Still, she didn’t want anything to happen between them until he was separated from his wife. Even if the marriage was on paper only, she wanted him to be single when they officially got together.
Jenna knew it would be hard to contain herself for long. The mere thought of her own desperate arousal embarrassed her. She took a careful step back. “I’ll see you.”
As if understanding her thoughts, he didn’t say anything.
After he left, she locked the door and went upstairs to check on Jayden.
He was lying on the bed, his eyes still open.
“Hey, baby! You aren’t asleep yet?” She rubbed a hand down his arm.
“I was thinking about Lance.”
“What about him?”
Jayden raised himself on his elbow. “He’s a nice guy, isn’t he, mom?”
“Yes, of course. Your dad admired him a lot. And they were best buddies.”
“Do you like him in that way?”
Jayden’s question took her breath away. She’d never in her life envisioned having such a conversation with her son, but what the heck? This was real life and not a version of parenthood you saw on TV or movies. No one set a manual or an instruction booklet in her hand and guaranteed her that she would only get test questions out of it. “I do, yes.” Lying wasn’t even an option.
Lance made his intentions pretty clear and since she wanted the same thing, it would be best if Jayden was on board.
“Hmm...I suppose it would be okay if he was a part of our family,” he said it so simply, so easily, as if he was handing her an ice cream.
Touched as she was by his seal of approval, Jenna didn’t want him to get his hopes up too high. It was quite possible things wouldn’t work out between Lance and her. Yeah. Who am I kidding? If there were any more heat and yearning between them, she would burst into flames. Though hot chemistry didn’t necessarily guarantee a long relationship. Even if they officially started dating, they could break up. Things might not work out and Jayden should be prepared for all eventualities. “It means a lot to me that you like him, darling. But this is just the beginning of things. Anything could happen.”
“You mean it’s possible that you wouldn’t date him?”
“Yeah, of course. Nothing is decided as yet.”
Lying down, he pulled the covers up. “Okay, Mom.”
She kissed him on the cheek and left his room. When she entered her bedroom, Jenna felt mentally and physically drained from all that went on today. If it wasn’t enough to constantly have to worry about her time with Jayden and her jobs, now there was Lance who also needed her attention. Lance seemed very independent and non-demanding though. He certainly didn’t expect her to ditch her responsibilities. Maybe being with him might even ease her burden and if nothing else, it would be good for her soul.
Love?
Once more, the word popped into her mind. Jenna pushed it away. She wouldn’t think about it tonight. But yeah there was no avoiding this warm, delightful feeling coursing through her veins whenever she thought about what he said. He wanted to be in her life. He also liked Jayden enough to give the boy respect. As far as she was concerned, he was the perfect man for her. Now, things would definitely take a turn for the better. Everything would fall into place. She felt fairly confident of it.
Her life was just taking off, and she would be ready for the change.